Post Reply Cheating Lover (Poem) ~Review Everyone
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25 / F / Where My Heart Lives
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Posted 3/31/10 , edited 3/31/10
This poem I wrote almost 5 months ago but i didn't think it was ready to be posted until recently when I went back and did some rewording and rearranging of sentence. And finally here is another piece that not as emotional but is one my best works. I don't need to explain what the poem is about because it's quite obvious once you read it. So, enjoy and shove the reviews in my face LOL =D

Cheating Lover

Why can't I forget?
Why can't I regret?
These feelings that just won't fit
Because this isn't freaking it
And then you kiss another for the third time
I begin to realize, this is not fine
And you were never mine

How can we ever base it on lies?
With no tries
As I feel this numbness in my thighs
I fall on my knees for I can never comply
Because you always rely on this intoxicating reply
Saying you are mine
And I would just cry and cry
Until my tears dry

If only this wasn't real
Then I wouldn't need to heal
And my fate would be sealed
But as this unfaithful use begins
This emotional abuse sinks in
And I know I hated you then
Even though you are my best friend
This is where it must end

I know this is not a forever
But a god damn never
Knowing now you are a taker
And not a giver
So walk over there
As I will watch from here
Knowing my heart can't bare
The thought that you're gone somewhere
But I must let go
Even though, it hurts me so
I look you in the face and say my nos
As I remember you playing with my toes

Now I'll forget
And always regret
These feelings I still don't get
Today I let you go
But I still love you though
But my cheating lover you must go
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Posted 3/31/10
Wow! I think what I liked best was how you channeled a physical presence into your poem. The girl realizes her lover is cheating on her and what is the second and potent thing you introduce into the poem? Her physical reaction to the cheating. I think this makes for an excellent poem. Being physical in your writing makes it all the more real.
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Posted 3/31/10
Analysis of poem

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Posted 3/31/10
Oops, thank Sakura. That was what i was about to mention. Consistency still remains, which is quite good so far.Continue keep up the good work. XD
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25 / F / Where My Heart Lives
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Posted 4/1/10

SakuraSenin wrote:

Wow! I think what I liked best was how you channeled a physical presence into your poem. The girl realizes her lover is cheating on her and what is the second and potent thing you introduce into the poem? Her physical reaction to the cheating. I think this makes for an excellent poem. Being physical in your writing makes it all the more real.


Thank you for the feedback. for this poem, i poured all the feelings i felt when i through heartbreaks and rejections when i was in elementary & high school. But I only used the most painful feelings i ever felt. So, in the end i guess i created something full of sorrow. Thanks for the comment but i didn't get ur name lol
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Posted 4/1/10

ligersay wrote:

Oops, thank Sakura. That was what i was about to mention. Consistency still remains, which is quite good so far.Continue keep up the good work. XD


Thanks Liger, i will keep posting more seeing as people enjoy reading them as u do too. But stayed tuned bc i got more where that came from. thanks for commenting
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Posted 4/1/10
Hey Ray.This poem of yours is what every young girls experience as you've said (in elementary & high school) where the first brush of intense adoration/love is exhibited. From the perspective of one falling in love with her/his bestfriend but in the end, it's not reciprocated. The flow of words are well executed. As I have said in my other comments, I'll definitely follow your posted poems
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Posted 4/2/10

madetcolorcloud wrote:

Hey Ray.This poem of yours is what every young girls experience as you've said (in elementary & high school) where the first brush of intense adoration/love is exhibited. From the perspective of one falling in love with her/his bestfriend but in the end, it's not reciprocated. The flow of words are well executed. As I have said in my other comments, I'll definitely follow your posted poems


Thanks Marie sweetie, -hugs- well, i never really dated in high school. but recently, i started dating. so it's a big step for me. it feels a little strange in way to have a guy calling u everynite but i'm getting used to it. lol
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Posted 4/2/10

asianangel122890 wrote:


madetcolorcloud wrote:

Hey Ray.This poem of yours is what every young girls experience as you've said (in elementary & high school) where the first brush of intense adoration/love is exhibited. From the perspective of one falling in love with her/his bestfriend but in the end, it's not reciprocated. The flow of words are well executed. As I have said in my other comments, I'll definitely follow your posted poems


Thanks Marie sweetie, -hugs- well, i never really dated in high school. but recently, i started dating. so it's a big step for me. it feels a little strange in way to have a guy calling u everynite but i'm getting used to it. lol


That's great Ray. You'll be more inspired in making poems now. lol. Keep up the good work & I'm excited to see the next set of new poems you'll post here
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Posted 6/15/10
A very very well written poem indeed. ;D I love how you use common words in it but the poem doesn't come out to be a common creation. Another thing I liked about this poem is you start where the girl is in her scrambled thoughts, then goes to all the events she remembers about the guy and then you end back where you started where the girl is back to her thoughts but she finally figures out what to do. Great piece of tragic poem there! I bet many people will be able to relate to this. x]
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