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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10

ShadowInTheNight wrote:



Are you using the Strigoi from Vampire Academy here? And the guardians? And the Moroi? And the silver stakes? Can we have SOME originality? This isn't a fanfiction site.


what in the world is vampire academy?
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Posted 6/4/10

Leinya wrote:


ShadowInTheNight wrote:



Are you using the Strigoi from Vampire Academy here? And the guardians? And the Moroi? And the silver stakes? Can we have SOME originality? This isn't a fanfiction site.


what in the world is vampire academy?


If you don't know it, why are you using so much terminology from it? It's a book series. And I find it hard to believe you don't know it.
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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10

ShadowInTheNight wrote:


Leinya wrote:


ShadowInTheNight wrote:



Are you using the Strigoi from Vampire Academy here? And the guardians? And the Moroi? And the silver stakes? Can we have SOME originality? This isn't a fanfiction site.


what in the world is vampire academy?


If you don't know it, why are you using so much terminology from it? It's a book series. And I find it hard to believe you don't know it.


cuz my sister was sitting here with me at 2:10 this morning telling me i should put those things instead of the demon things i had originally. no wonder she was coming up with them things fast. hmm ima go yell at her. one sec. she knows i hate doing copy write crap. ill post a completely different thing after i yell at her. one sec.
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Posted 6/4/10

Leinya wrote:


ShadowInTheNight wrote:


Leinya wrote:


ShadowInTheNight wrote:



Are you using the Strigoi from Vampire Academy here? And the guardians? And the Moroi? And the silver stakes? Can we have SOME originality? This isn't a fanfiction site.


what in the world is vampire academy?


If you don't know it, why are you using so much terminology from it? It's a book series. And I find it hard to believe you don't know it.


cuz my sister was sitting here with me at 2:10 this morning telling me i should put those things instead of the demon things i had originally. no wonder she was coming up with them things fast. hmm ima go yell at her. one sec. she knows i hate doing copy write crap. ill post a completely different thing after i yell at her. one sec.


Okay, that makes sense. Write your new thing after the old one, or we'll have a load of things quoting what's not there, okay?
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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10

ShadowInTheNight wrote:


Leinya wrote:


ShadowInTheNight wrote:


Leinya wrote:


ShadowInTheNight wrote:



Are you using the Strigoi from Vampire Academy here? And the guardians? And the Moroi? And the silver stakes? Can we have SOME originality? This isn't a fanfiction site.


what in the world is vampire academy?


If you don't know it, why are you using so much terminology from it? It's a book series. And I find it hard to believe you don't know it.


cuz my sister was sitting here with me at 2:10 this morning telling me i should put those things instead of the demon things i had originally. no wonder she was coming up with them things fast. hmm ima go yell at her. one sec. she knows i hate doing copy write crap. ill post a completely different thing after i yell at her. one sec.


Okay, that makes sense. Write your new thing after the old one, or we'll have a load of things quoting what's not there, okay?


mhmm. its completely different promise. and no help from my sister. soo no copy writes either. ill post it after i proof read it and tweak things.
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21 / Hogwarts
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Posted 6/4/10


Thanks.
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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10

ShadowInTheNight wrote:



Thanks.


im really sorry too. :/
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Posted 6/4/10


its ok it happens
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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10

BlitzScythe wrote:



its ok it happens


meh. i hate my sister. o well i already wrote a different one. its not as long but its got more details i hope and i dont have time to perfect it. ive gotta get my paper work done soo i can get paid. i have bills to pay and stuff. soo ill go post it now.
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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10
(okay completely redone. sorry i know its missing alot. but my boss is gonna fire me if i dont get to doing more work. ill read your comments on it when i find free time. thank you!)

Aritzki looked up at the black night sky through the thick trees. The bright moon was full and the air was still. There were no sounds coming from animals or crickets. She was on her way back from the meeting on the unknown robberies that were happening in town. She was wearing clothing that would seem out of place for the kind of weather that had been going on but the fluctuating temperatures never bothered her. Aritzki had decided to take the short path and cut through the woods that led to her house on top of the hill. She stopped walking when she heard the sound of cracking dead branches close by.

(Who’s there?) Aritzki called into the night air looking around at the trees towering over her.

Four huge men stepped out of the trees surrounding her. She studied them and then realized these were the men who had been robbing people. The men pulled their guns on her hoping she would be scared because they were armed.

(Give us everything you have and you might walk away from this unharmed.)

Aritzki laughed at the men and crossed her arms.

(And what makes you think you can hurt me?)

Aritzki took a step towards the man who was standing directly in front of her. One of the other large men to his right shot his gun and the bullet flew directly past Aritzki’s face and into the tree behind her. Aritzki looked over at the man and smiled.

(That was all I needed.)

Aritzki leapt up into the air using the trees tall trunk to build momentum before she made her next move. The men fired their guns at her, always hitting right below her feet. She sprang off the tree into the air and flipped over the men and landed directly behind them. She wasted no time in attacking them and grabbed the closest man to her. She slammed his face into a tree, punched him in the gut and then kicked him sending him flying into another tree and collapsing to the ground. Aritzki headed off for the remaining three and they tried to attack her at the same time. She duck and swept her leg across the ground under them. Causing them all to fall she sprang on the guy next to her and placed her hands on his head and twisted it until his neck snapped. One of the remaining men grabbed her around her neck from behind and started to squeeze the air from her lungs. While she dug her nails into the guy’s arms trying to claw them off of her the other man pointed a gun at her ready to shoot. Before he could pull the trigger Aritzki had wrapped her legs around a tree and swung her whole body slamming the man holding her into the tree next to her. The man crumbled to the ground obviously not being able to walk.

(Humph. Only one left.)

The last man standing was bulkier than the rest had been. His black shoulder length hair was falling in his face and he was breathing hard. Aritzki picked up one of the dead guys guns and pointed it at the guy. He was about to pull the trigger when her gun let out a loud cracking noise and blood started running down his face from the middle of his forehead. He fell to the ground eyes still open and full of shock.

(Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

She walked off heading back up the trail towards home with not a single on her.
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25 / M / Camping, you'll n...
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Posted 6/4/10

Oh the novel fetishes, it's like a plaque =P
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25 / M / U.S.A.
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Posted 6/4/10


looks good oh and sorry did i say parentheses? i meant quotation marks XD sorry
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F / Murfreesboro, Ten...
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Posted 6/4/10

BlitzScythe wrote:



looks good oh and sorry did i say parentheses? i meant quotation marks XD sorry


its fine. everyone will know thats the people talking. i dont have time to change it right now.
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Posted 6/4/10

CodemanAlpha wrote:


Oh the novel fetishes, it's like a plaque =P


im a perfectionist.
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21 / Hogwarts
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Posted 6/4/10

Leinya wrote:


CodemanAlpha wrote:


Oh the novel fetishes, it's like a plaque =P


im a perfectionist.


Sorry, but you are clearly not. You have missed out a capital letter and an apostrophe. But yeah, this one's better.
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