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Posted 4/26/10
Have you ever had a rather influential event/person that entered/happened in your life that fundamentally changed or molded your idea of love? If so, please recount it here ^_^

I'll go first I suppose. This is a piece I wrote last Valentinestag.

Reflections [written Feb. 14, 2010]
I was around six when the events led me that day. Walking in the apartment complex, alone and a tad bored, I was exploring. A girl was practicing cheer-leading. I looked at her, reciting her cheers and was for some reason drawn to it. I befriended her, finding that she was ten or so. Her current passion was cheer-leading, and I became a part of it. I joined her team, and we had mild competitions every now and then. I felt a bit out of place, but it was nothing significant.

One day, while cheering, I was introduced to her sister. This girl was absolutely beautiful. Dirty-blond hair fell about her shoulders and a lovely smile seemed omnipresent on her face. Slim arms and legs with an athletic build, and an utterly spicy personality. She was seven.
[Thinking about it now, I have no ability to see children as I did at that time. My ability for appreciating them has faded with age. It's sad, thinking that they have so many qualities I am incapable of noticing now.]

We were inseparable from then on. We saw each other every day (excluding holidays) until I was 8. Then, I moved. Despite moving to a completely different place, we were still in the same state. She came over and spent the night every weekend. As we got older, it changed to every other week, but we never stopped being close. We called each other all the time, and knew everything about the other. And never, ever has it to this day been a question of whom the other's best friend is.

When she was 13-14, she developed an interest in me and claimed she was bisexual. She became sexually active at that age, but truly only for other females. Her interest in myself was a bit unsettling, since I was 11-12. I tolerated her hitting on me, since I loved her, she was and is my most precious friend after all. I never was enough though. I should have protected her more than I did. I should have shielded her better from the world, until I had the experience she so readily needed to thrive on.

When she was 15 she lost her virginity to an utter asshole. There was no pleasure, only pain. There was no love, only lust. And I couldn't stop it, since I wasn't there. She didn't tell me she had been planning it. She didn't tell me what happened until a month later. And even more so, she wouldn't tell me who. By the time I found out who had done it, he'd already moved away. I was not pleased. She begged me to let it go. It was statutory rape, but I didn't much care about that. More so on the fact that he wasn't worth her. That the asshole wasn't worth anything and had slept with her and left. She always did have terrible taste in men. The only approvable people she ever liked would have to be her first girlfriend Angel.

When she was 15 she told me she was in love. Her older sister was engaged. No, she wasn't in love with him though. She was in love with his older brother. His older brother was 38. [I hadn't learned of this until 4 months after she developed a relationship with him. I am a terrible protector and I will never forgive myself for such.] He had left his wife and filed for a divorce with her. For my friend. My young, sweet, glorious angelic friend. I was pissed. I was beyond any sort of convincing my friend tried. They had already had sexual intercourse as well. I was enraged by this 38 year old man who had slept with my dearest and most precious treasure. It wasn't hard. I got his name and his place of work, and I entered. He owned a small fast food restaurant.

I walked in, asked for their manager/storeowner, and when I saw him, my emotions went dark. I walked right up to him and grabbed his tie, yanking his face to mine. [I was 13 hey, not as tall as a grown man] Something along the lines of threatening to bash his head in with a wrench and ripping out his internal organs left my lips. I said them quietly and quickly, and left. He never touched my friend again. If he had, there . . . there would not have been much of him left. Still, the fact remained that I couldn't protect her before hand, and the guilt still drives me into a wall today.

When she was 16, she got gang-raped by 3 guys. All were early to late twenties. They got mild-prison sentences, with most getting only a year. One got off with only a few months and a restraining order. My friend was a mess afterward. She barely talked, barely ate. Her mental health was fucked worse than you could think. I was useless. A useless helpless piece of shit. She went to regular therapy sessions and such, and was a lot more regulated after about a year had passed. When I turned 13, I had realized that I loved this girl. Then she got raped, and the guilt pretty much killed it. I wasn't worthy enough to tell her that I love her. Not after letting her experiencing such. The most I was worthy of was to be there for her, as a foundation of support, but nothing as selfish as imposing my feelings on her fragile heart.

After enough self pity and self hatred, I finally told her how I felt. It was awkward. I missed my chance when I was twelve, when she had an interest in me. She was heterosexual. I couldn't process how or why she still liked men, after what she had been through, but she did. She didn't let her past experiences with them jade her mindset towards the whole sex. She had to turn me down. Nothing changed about our relationship though. I was her best friend, and still am today, but every time I look at her, I just want to hold her in my arms and stroke her cheek, protecting her from the world.

Since I was 13 and realized the depth of my feelings for her, to now, I have never stopped loving her. She is engaged, happily and has a fiance that has a steady job and is in college. While not the most mature individual, he is a good person, that can keep up with all the drama she has because of such. But every time I see her, and am in the presence of the both of them, I cannot help but feel the utter lonely, disparaging and heart-wrenching pain of an unrequited love. But, her most precious friendship is enough for me.
Posted 4/27/10
Oh wow what a heartfelt story. This isn't based on a true story is it?
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Posted 4/27/10
yup i have and most ppl that really know me know about this-

I had many bf and crushes all of most of my life and never really feel the real meaning of love. My 1st bf i was in jr high/middle school and dated for about 4 years and once he left i was not really that sad i move on. Same with all my bfs i never felt that much as i thought i did for them when i was dating i thought i love them but once the brake up happened i was ok and could move on easy. Same with most of my crush that i had back in HS. Once i new they had a gf I back off and move on and did not really care as much as I thought I did. Then 1 day back in 2004 I met this guy *most of you know who he is its Jess* as time goes on and I start to hangout with him and get to know him slowly I start to get feeling for him. Nothing to big like a really small crush. As more years go by I could tell he like me as well even that he never really said anything both of us ended being shy about are feeling for each other. Well about after 4 years goes by and we are best friends and I really get to know him around the end of 2008 in December my crush for him get really big and I start realize what love might really be. As the year 2009 went on that when I really new that I had more then a crush that I was for the 1st time in real love with someone. I never felt this way about anyone or went this far for anyone. I even gave him a deep love letter in Feb of 2010 to show how much I care for him and I can tell he still like me as well but as for now we are still best friends. Most of you know why and what going on with me and Jess and why he has not move on yet. I just hope everything I done and all my feeling for him wont end in vine and one day we do end together. I really care and love him. He my biggest crush I ever had. As for now all thing between me and Jess are fine and we hangout and stuff I just wish I new if him and me will one day be bf/gf and maybe even get married. Jess was the real 1st guy to show me what it like to feel love I think its the kind of guy he is. He nothing like any other guy i dated or had crush on. He everything I been looking for in a guy. He kind with a big heart, funny and even that he acts all tough deep down he a kind carrying person. To me he is cute guy even if other ppl dont think so I do and its how he is and acts that attracts me to him even if he was not cute i would not care I like him for him. I would not change anything about him in any way.
Posted 4/28/10
that story about your friend and what she went thorugh reminds me of my friend story but i cant say her name because she would kill me and she had the same things happen to her but she is not engaged to anyone
Posted 4/28/10
I have yet to find someone like that. Not friends nor a "love interest". Associates have been through in & out my life, that gave me a picometer of hope in finding a friend, which is all I really want more than a life companion. Since I don't think I'll ever have one. Being in a relationship may not be meant for me. So a lifelong friend is what I really need. Just haven't really found him/her.
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Posted 4/29/10

mystic17 wrote:

Oh wow what a heartfelt story. This isn't based on a true story is it?


Of course it's a true story. :3


irishdoom wrote:

that story about your friend and what she went thorugh reminds me of my friend story but i cant say her name because she would kill me and she had the same things happen to her but she is not engaged to anyone


It all depends on the individual I suppose. To be truthfully honest, I wish she weren't, but I'm moving on. Even if it is alone.
Posted 5/12/10
your being strong and i wish my friend did not have a bf so i could be with her but she does so im doing the same thing as you
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