Jokes
Posted 4/30/10 , edited 4/30/10
Dial S for Superman

Location: The Quest for Peace Center

Superman: Hello, this is Superman calling from the Quest for Peace Center. How may I help you?

Customer: yeah, I need your help.

Superman: ok, that’s what I’m here for. What’s the problem?

Customer: My computer is smashed into bits. That supervillian of yours, Brainiac smashed it.

Superman: ok, I’ll take care of Brainiac.

Customer: No, I want you to take care of my computer. It’s been broken. I need it fixed.

Superman: Sir, it’s just your computer. There’s nothing I can do to fix your computer.

Customer: What? But you’re Superman.

Superman: Sir, I help people not fix things. You should be calling hardware technicians instead. They know what to do.

Customer: But I need it fixed now.

Superman: Sorry, but I can take care of Brainiac for you. Thank you for calling The Quest for Peace Center, have a nice day.


It’s a Bird

Kid 1: Look up in the sky, it’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s.......

Kid 2: It’s only a freakin bird, dude.


The Kryptonite Effect

College student: Hey, Superman. Are you actually the man of steel?

Superman: yeah, nothing can stop me. Not even a bullet.

College student: I see. Well, I would like to test an experiment, if you don’t mind.

Superman: Sure. No problem.

College student: ok

Superman: uhhhhh. What? Is that kryptonite?

College student: yeah. Besides, you’re not the man of steel now. Who says nothing can stop you?


The Saving Decision

Location: Somewhere in Metropolis

Lois: Superman. Help me. I’m in trouble.

Location: Somewhere in Smallville

Lana: Superman. Help me. I’m in trouble.

Location: LuthorCorp

Lex: So Superman, who would it be? Lois or Lana?

Superman: Lex, don’t do this.

Lex: You see if you save Lois, Lana will die. Or if you save Lana, Lois will die. What is your decision?

Superman: Hmmmm, this is harder than I thought. Wait, I’ll come. I have somewhere to go to.

Location: Psychiatric Center

Superman: Look, I have a hard time trying to decide to whom I should save.

Psychiatrist: ok, But you’re Superman, you can move faster than the speed of light. You can save them both.

Superman: No, it’s not about that.

Psychiatrist: Then what is it?

Superman: I’m trying to decide whom I am going to spend the rest of my life with.


Trees Don't Talk

Buddy 1: Hmmmm, I wonder if these trees could talk. Besides they are living, isn't it?

Buddy 2: yeah, but doesn't mean these trees can talk.

Buddy 1; yeah, I guess trees don't talk after all.

Buddy 2: yeah, you didn't use to talk at all after I met you for the first time.

Buddy 1: ok, what does that make me?

Buddy 2: A tree.


Sexy Dark Knight

Journalist 1: Hey, ever wonder why Batman only appears in the night?

Journalist 2: well, maybe he's the bat. Bats don't come out in the day.

Journalist 1: True, but you really want to know why he only appears in the night?

Journalist 2: ok, spill it.

Journalist 1: I heard that he's been screwing around with women while they were sleeping.
Posted 5/23/10
Here's One Of My Jokes:

Anime Character 1: " Hey, what's long, scaly, and has razor-sharp teeth?"
Anime Character 2: "Um...Uh...I'm stumped, what is it?"
Anime character 1: "I dunno, but it's hanging aroung your neck!"
-Character 1 runs away scrreaming-
Anime Character1: Gets em' every time...
Fanged Creature: " I consider that an insult!"
-Anime character 1 runs screaming-
-Fanged Creature srugs and slithers away-
Moon Princess Moderator
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Posted 9/25/12
OP nuked.

Feel free to recreate!

~Locked
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