Dial S for Superman
Location: The Quest for Peace Center
Superman: Hello, this is Superman calling from the Quest for Peace Center. How may I help you?
Customer: yeah, I need your help.
Superman: ok, that’s what I’m here for. What’s the problem?
Customer: My computer is smashed into bits. That supervillian of yours, Brainiac smashed it.
Superman: ok, I’ll take care of Brainiac.
Customer: No, I want you to take care of my computer. It’s been broken. I need it fixed.
Superman: Sir, it’s just your computer. There’s nothing I can do to fix your computer.
Customer: What? But you’re Superman.
Superman: Sir, I help people not fix things. You should be calling hardware technicians instead. They know what to do.
Customer: But I need it fixed now.
Superman: Sorry, but I can take care of Brainiac for you. Thank you for calling The Quest for Peace Center, have a nice day.
It’s a Bird
Kid 1: Look up in the sky, it’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s.......
Kid 2: It’s only a freakin bird, dude.
The Kryptonite Effect
College student: Hey, Superman. Are you actually the man of steel?
Superman: yeah, nothing can stop me. Not even a bullet.
College student: I see. Well, I would like to test an experiment, if you don’t mind.
Superman: Sure. No problem.
College student: ok
Superman: uhhhhh. What? Is that kryptonite?
College student: yeah. Besides, you’re not the man of steel now. Who says nothing can stop you?
The Saving Decision
Location: Somewhere in Metropolis
Lois: Superman. Help me. I’m in trouble.
Location: Somewhere in Smallville
Lana: Superman. Help me. I’m in trouble.
Lex: So Superman, who would it be? Lois or Lana?
Superman: Lex, don’t do this.
Lex: You see if you save Lois, Lana will die. Or if you save Lana, Lois will die. What is your decision?
Superman: Hmmmm, this is harder than I thought. Wait, I’ll come. I have somewhere to go to.
Location: Psychiatric Center
Superman: Look, I have a hard time trying to decide to whom I should save.
Psychiatrist: ok, But you’re Superman, you can move faster than the speed of light. You can save them both.
Superman: No, it’s not about that.
Psychiatrist: Then what is it?
Superman: I’m trying to decide whom I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
Trees Don't Talk
Buddy 1: Hmmmm, I wonder if these trees could talk. Besides they are living, isn't it?
Buddy 2: yeah, but doesn't mean these trees can talk.
Buddy 1; yeah, I guess trees don't talk after all.
Buddy 2: yeah, you didn't use to talk at all after I met you for the first time.
Buddy 1: ok, what does that make me?
Buddy 2: A tree.
Sexy Dark Knight
Journalist 1: Hey, ever wonder why Batman only appears in the night?
Journalist 2: well, maybe he's the bat. Bats don't come out in the day.
Journalist 1: True, but you really want to know why he only appears in the night?
Journalist 2: ok, spill it.
Journalist 1: I heard that he's been screwing around with women while they were sleeping.
Here's One Of My Jokes:
Anime Character 1: " Hey, what's long, scaly, and has razor-sharp teeth?"
Anime Character 2: "Um...Uh...I'm stumped, what is it?"
Anime character 1: "I dunno, but it's hanging aroung your neck!"
-Character 1 runs away scrreaming-
Anime Character1: Gets em' every time...
Fanged Creature: " I consider that an insult!"
-Anime character 1 runs screaming-
-Fanged Creature srugs and slithers away-
Wow, haven't been on in over a year xD
Moon Princess Moderator
Feel free to recreate!