Is there something wrong?
15956 cr points
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25 / M / Wilmington NC
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Posted 7/14/10
Is it wrong to be so rational? I always think with my mind and don't involve my emotions at all. Even when I am with my friends and I could spend the evening with a beautiful girl at a party I always say no because of disease, pregnancy, and other things. I always think in terms of the long run. I am a very stoic person. No matter what others say to me I never express how I feel. Well actually I am never even bothered by what ever they say. The only time I have felt anything is when my friend committed suicide, with Emily and when my step father would talk down to me.

For years i felt nothing, but hate and pain. No one matter to me and the world felt as if it were rotting around me. Now I just feel nothing and my friends and family see that. The only time I ever love or at least thought I did was when this girl Emily in my tenth grade year would always try to help me do things for no reason. She would always be there to study with me and read outside under the tree at school. She didnt get along with most either because she was a misfit like me. Then after I fell in love with her she went to california to visit her aunt and died in a car accident. That is the last time I have felt anything except when watching anime. No matter what I do I cant feel and bond with others. I really dont know what to do anymore and was wondering if anybody thought there was something was wrong with me and if yes what should I do to fix the thing that is wrong?
Posted 7/14/10
Some times it's hard for people to deal with things in there life and cope with the set problems that we do have at hand. I have a lot of things going on in my life to be honest with you, and i have just really let it get me down and drag me to a pit of despair. I even quit my job and front just don't care but that's what depression is all about. We have to learn how to cope with what decisions in life we decide to do. Every choice that we do have to make will have a good or bad out come of our decisions.
Posted 7/14/10
Your story sounds quite a bit similar to mine, only I've never known any genuine romantic love. The only love I've known has been purely platonic. The best thing that I can tell you is this; hang in there until you can find some way to make things better. Much of life is going to be this agonizing waiting game where we feel that there isn't going to be any hope for us.

In school, I was the class clown. Eventually, I became a very sad clown. Depression set in and my grades slipped dramatically. At a young age, I was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. That caused the other children to seem me as a freak and it impacted my self-esteem. The symptoms of depression are often mixed with learning disabilities, so at that time, they were on the whole ADHD trip and proscribed me medications to treat that. None of them helped me, they only made me more depressed and discouraged.

Since school, I have done a lot to keep my head above the water. I've fallen many times, but we fall so we can pick ourselves up again, an learn from our missteps and become stronger in return.
Posted 7/14/10
That 's not good at all, to think and feel that way. but for some reason, I slightly feel the same way (not feeling emotions) but for different notions. How to fix something like this, I dunno. I try to change my feelings and remind myself how compassionate and caring I was when I was younger. That's what I'm still doing today.
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24 / M / just over der
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Posted 7/14/10

Aztecnology wrote:

In school, I was the class clown. Eventually, I became a very sad clown. Depression set in and my grades slipped dramatically.


Hmm seems most class clowns end up in depression, i hear ya because that's what i was. Always making sick jokes and telling crazy stories until i realized that no one ever took me seriously and my grades ended up slipping as well. I could go up to a girl and call them a whore and they would laugh saying how funny i was. I guess we sow the seeds of destruction but meh life goes on as it always has.
Posted 7/14/10

healthguide wrote:


Aztecnology wrote:

In school, I was the class clown. Eventually, I became a very sad clown. Depression set in and my grades slipped dramatically.


Hmm seems most class clowns end up in depression, i hear ya because that's what i was. Always making sick jokes and telling crazy stories until i realized that no one ever took me seriously and my grades ended up slipping as well. I could go up to a girl and call them a whore and they would laugh saying how funny i was. I guess we sow the seeds of destruction but meh life goes on as it always has.


We turn into a bunch of sickos, and time doesn't wait up for us.

Wicked clowns never die.
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