Post Reply Order of Faeries
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Posted 7/21/10
Yeah...I know...
Writing thriller/suspense stories are hard, especially when you don't have the elements of environment, sound, lighting, and surprise. You can only rely on your words, which make them very hard to write.
So...just think of it as a mystery with scary moments.
Ah, I'm also not going to reveal anything in the story. It'd just spoil the surprise.
I will keep a log in the 2nd post so you can see who's been introduced...but it's mostly for me, so I don't forget the characters...
Note on the title: Originally, I can't come up with a good title until I come to a certain point in the story, and then I realized that I'm a mod and have mod powers. So I can change my title later.

THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS, SOME THINGS MAY BE CHANGED TO BETTER FIT THE STORY...!!!
Disclaimer: "This is a work of fiction, any relation to anything real, dead, or already created is entirely coincidental."
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Posted 7/22/10
-Place Holder-

This is where I'll put characters in the story, so I don't forget them later.

I figure there'd be a lot of characters, and things I need to keep track of in a story like this.
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Posted 8/18/10 , edited 8/18/10
Prologue

“Please, please, oh dear god, somebody help me…!” He pleaded with an invisible god, no one would answer. There he was…a grown man, crying and whimpering like a little girl. No one would come to his aid, it was just him…
Trapped in the dark and dank back alleys. No one would come to rescue him, no one would even know of his fate.
He just kept running, praying that he’d find the exit to this maze quicker than whatever was chasing him caught up to him. He heard the sounds of trash cans being toppled behind him, and the rattling of the chain links fence, the lights were being broken one by one behind him. He was on the verge of crying, pleading for anything to come save him.
And his prayers were answered. There was an opening up ahead, he could hear the sounds of cars, of people, of civilization! He was almost home free, a feeling of relief swelled up inside him as he made a mad dash towards the opening. But as cruel as fate was, he ended up tripping over a slippery puddle, he fell on his arm in a bad way, and probably sprained his ankle.
“Oh, no…no, no…!” Just around the corner, whatever was chasing him was coming closer. “No, it’s not over yet!” He got to his feet as quickly as he could, limping his way down the alley…towards civilization.
If only he’d looked where he was going…he would’ve seen the chain link fence between him and freedom.
“Oh god no!” He could hear it’s footsteps, and it’s menacing shadow creeping around the corner. “PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!!!” He screamed to the passing people, at one point, he saw a police officer pass by, just eating a donut nonchalantly. While he tried climbing over the fence, he noticed someone looking back at him from civilization. It was a young girl with big, bright blue eyes.
“Yes, please, notice me! Call for help, do something!” He called to them, he was just over the fence when something grabbed at his leg. “No, no, please! I’m almost there!” He reached out to the kid, “Come on, help me!!!” He pleaded desperately.

“Maria…? Where are you?” The girl’s mother came from civilization, taking her daughter’s hand and leading her away from the desperate man. “I told you never to wander off, if you’re not careful, you’ll be spirited away.”
“But mommy, I hear something over there.” She pointed to where the man was clinging desperately to the fence.
“Oh don’t be ridiculous dear, it’s probably just a cat. Now lets go, you’ll make Daddy sad if you’re not there.”

As his only chance for rescue was taken away from him, he watched as the woman and her daughter disappeared into the crowd of people.
“No...I was so close…” He said sadly as he was torn away from the fence and dragged into the darkness. What followed next was too horrible for words, the only sounds that filled the alleyway was the screams of a man in unbearable pain…
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Posted 8/28/10
A suspense/thriller story indeed. Brilliantly executed. No typographical error & very well written. As you've mentioned on your first post, you'll not be revealing anything & it's a mark of a true suspense writer. I'll definitely want to read the next ones you'll post. My curiosity is piqued on "what" is the "horrible thing" that caught up it's prey.
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Posted 9/1/10

OH MY GOD, SOMEONE ACTUALLY LIKED IT...!!!

I think this is all the motivation I need to revise the original part I had planned make it even MORE "unknown".
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Posted 9/1/10
Chapter 1: “Homecoming”


The gray mist stretched out over the neighborhood, obscuring everything except a little white Victorian era house. Dark clouds gathered overhead, time and civilization didn’t seem to exist here. It felt almost unreal.
What drove him to stand in front of this house…? Probably the same thing which told him to “Enter”. As if he was guided by some unseen force, he walked through the front door.
The house’s interior was much too large for the outside. A long hallway stretched deep into the darkness, several rooms were on each side, all with locked doors but each room had a very distinct sound coming from behind it, which varied from laughs of joy, to screams of terror, to cries of sorrow, and even to sounds he wasn’t familiar with. The floor creaked with each step, and he had the strangest feeling he was being watched…
He slowly turned around…the door had vanished, replaced with a figure standing in the hall. It’s body was veiled and hooded, in it’s hands was a menacing scythe.
“….” It showed no signs of movement, it just watched him from the distance.
He backed away, nice and slow…as to not provoke the figure in any way. He felt something touch his back, a wall…? No, a door…he slowly felt for the knob.
He took a deep breath…counting to 5 in his head…
1...
2...
3...
4.…….
5! He went through the door and shut it as quickly as he could. He backed away from the door now, on the other side he heard the sounds of scraping metal against the walls. The sound stops…and now, all he can hear is a piano playing in the same room.
He turned around quickly, seeing nothing but darkness. A spotlight came from above, illuminating a grand piano and a girl playing a beautiful melody…yet, there was a certain sadness behind it that he couldn’t put his finger on.
He could only see the female player’s back, in her strapless blue dress, her long black hair reaching the floor. He slowly moved around her.
“Excuse me…ma’am…do you…know where I am…?” He asked cautiously, keeping his distance while trying to look at her face.
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Posted 11/25/10
OMG!!! This is the most fantastic suspense/mystery story I've read so far. I love your writing style!! YOU MUST CONTINUE!! I bet once she turns around her face is either gonna be scary or have no eyes, mouth, and nose xP
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