Post Reply Devils Dancing
Posted 7/23/10 , edited 7/26/10
So... I tried to write on the sad lives of people in the form of super natural beings, their struggles of love, and their meanings in life. I based this story on a true story of my friend who is currently getting over the traumas of abuse from his own family members. I honestly have never known what to do about it since he just seems to be getting farther and farther away from me, and he seems to be getting much more solitary at school. I seem to have brought out all my frustration and hopes into this story hoping that maybe I can express what my friend is going through, and show that the scars of the past never go away, and someone is always needed to soothe them whenever they open up again. Honestly... I don't know what the heck I am doing writing this, but I just felt like expressing my feelings about his life.

(The first few chapters are just like introductions of what's going on. As the story goes on, the plot will develop much more. Probably isn't too good since Im bad at writing. But hope you enjoy anyways.)


Devils Dancing

Chp 1:



Chp 1 Part 2:


Posted 7/23/10
srry about the format and paragraphing. I did it on a document but when i transferred it onto cr, it turned kinda weird
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Posted 7/24/10 , edited 7/25/10
You definitely have potential. Tell you what, you were better than I was back then. I wrote too much dialogue, I had no stable plot-line whatsoever in my stories and I didn't have enough descriptions. As for paragraph placing and punctuation. . . . those are some of your biggest faults at the moment.

You need to work on those. Try to separate every single one of your paragraph and dialogue by pressing the 'return' button as you write. Your vocabulary and grammar are acceptable in my opinion but everyone needs to work on that, don't they?

If you truly believe you aren't that good of a writer (I think you're quite decent) try writing fanfictions on FanFiction.net (unless you already have an account) to improve. I used to suck super bad and then I got an account on FanFiction and I gradually got better over time and then I returned to Crunchyroll to write on the Blue Rose Story Circle. That's my suggestion.
Posted 7/24/10

SakuraSenin wrote:

You definitely have potential. :d Tell you what, you were better than I was back then. I wrote too much dialogue, I had no stable plot-line whatsoever in my stories and I didn't have enough descriptions. As for paragraph placing and punctuation. . . . those are some of your biggest faults at the moment.

You need to work on those. Try to separate every single one of your paragraph and dialogue by pressing the 'return' button as you write. Your vocabulary and grammar are acceptable in my opinion but everyone needs to work on that, don't they?

If you truly believe you aren't that good of a writer (I think you're quite decent) try writing fanfictions on FanFiction.net (unless you already have an account) to improve. I used to suck super bad and then I got an account on FanFiction and I gradually got better over time and then I returned to Crunchyroll to write on the Blue Rose Story Circle. That's my suggestion.


Thanks. I'll try it out.
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Posted 7/24/10
Another Fantasy themed story & I love it. The wordings or grammar are well executed. I have read a lot of stories even at other sites where the aforementioned grammar is not this good & I also have read a lot of books/novels so I can safely say that for a beginner, you are already quite a pro. Most writers tend to incorporate a part of the real life experiences they or someone they knew had & you have done it especially on depicting the emotions of the main character. The plot is great and I shall definitely wait for the next chapter that you’ll post here.

I want to know how Acaeus shall deal with the current “problem” they have & maybe a little more descriptive words about his appearance & the other important characters that shall soon appear eventually in your story. A few sentences that can make the readers imagine what each character looks like would suffice. Some writers have the tendency to “describe” in “detail “ which makes the story quite tedious to read.

Hope you'll kindly continue posting the next chapters of your story here. Thanks~
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Posted 11/25/10
I'm really late on this one.^-^' But, I did read it! ;D So far... it's pretty good!! ;] I like how this is fiction and it sounds very anime-ish to me. xD The things I like is: it has a nice plot, nice descriptive words, nice flow of events, and only a few grammar mistakes. I would like to see more details in some parts though like what the characters look like (basically same with what madetcolorcloud said), and vocab (which can be improved overtime and also what sakura said).

What I'm looking forward to find out in the plot was the 6 thousand years part. At first when you mentioned it, I thought it was an exageraiton of the main character's pain but you repeated those words a few times.. so I think he actually lived that long? o; Also, you're such a nice friend to dedicate this to your friend! ;D Hopefully you friend's suffering will stop and you guys will get back closer to each other. :]
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