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Anybody Dislike Dating?
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Posted 7/28/10

Feonalily wrote:




duuude that story was so crazy!! i am so sorry :tears:
i never knew people like that actually existed


Sure, they exist. You see them every day walking by on the street.

This may also solve a little mystery (do hate to ruin the fun ladies) with some men on why they will not commit. Something similar may have happened to them or they want to prevent it happening.

Let me give one last analogy on the subject, since the line "should reach their full potential" struck a nerve.

Anyone who's familiar with Maslow's theory on the hierarchy of needs will be able to see this instantly.

A roof is needed, a necessity. Shelter.

So, if you own one story three bedroom house in a nice suburban neighborhood, is that enough?

Is it reaching your full potential? Perhaps not.

How about the 300+ room mansion nestled in the foothills of the country club estates? Is that enough? Sure. Is it necessary / needed ? Perhaps not.

So the man who chooses to live in the one story three bedroom house in the nice suburban neighborhood and is happy and content with that... but has the potential for the 300+ room mansion in the country club estates... is he doing what he should be doing?

as opposed to the man who is unhappy with his one story three bedroom house and puts all of his being into realizing his potential and he gets the 300+ room mansion. Is he happy?

Perhaps.
Perhaps not.

Is that a 600+ room mansion he spies? Does he have the potential to achieve it? He most certainly does ! So he puts all of his being into realizing his potential further !


Now both men are old and on their death beds. Who is happy? Let's take a look.

The man who lived his life in the three bedroom house is content and prepared to go. He has had everything he had ever wanted and feels he has led a full life.

Over at the country club manor, in the 2000+ room mansion, the man is fighting at death's door. He is not content, he is not happy.

"Alas !" He cries. "If only I could have gotten that 4000+ room mansion, I could die a happy man !"


and they both pass away. Which one realized his full potential?
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Posted 7/28/10

MongHu wrote:
There is no perfect someone. There is only the level of man you are satisfied with.


I agree completely.There is no such thing as "perfect." There is however satisfaction that can be construed as perfection. It just means that you are willing to look past the others flaws. If you look for imperfections, you will always find them.

As for the whole dating thing, I hate it and I'll admit that it actually scares the crap out of me. I don't date but maybe once a year (five dates total 3 of which were blind-I can't stand it when people try and set me up) and i find that people are incredibly fake. It could be that i have never gotten past a first date, but i can never fully tell whether the girl I'm on a date with is being herself or pretending to be someone else and it usually tends to be the later of two. Maybe i over analyze things but this has just been the case. Who knows, maybe I'm the one that needs a shrink. All I know is that all my life I have been the "nice guy". The person that many women say they wish all guys were like. That actually has gotten me shot down by all of the women that i have actually wanted to date. Maybe it's true that women do like jerks but i won't be that guy. So for now I'm not even going to try and date. I'm just going to focus on my education and career.Still want it and looking forward to my first real relationship.

If it happens, It happens. If it doesn't, i guess i only have myself to blame.
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Posted 7/28/10

Yohannbear wrote:

Skip the dating and straight to the sex


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Posted 7/28/10

Hioketu wrote:


MongHu wrote:
There is no perfect someone. There is only the level of man you are satisfied with.


I agree completely.There is no such thing as "perfect." There is however satisfaction that can be construed as perfection. It just means that you are willing to look past the others flaws. If you look for imperfections, you will always find them.

As for the whole dating thing, I hate it and I'll admit that it actually scares the crap out of me. I don't date but maybe once a year (five dates total 3 of which were blind-I can't stand it when people try and set me up) and i find that people are incredibly fake. It could be that i have never gotten past a first date, but i can never fully tell whether the girl I'm on a date with is being herself or pretending to be someone else and it usually tends to be the later of two. Maybe i over analyze things but this has just been the case. Who knows, maybe I'm the one that needs a shrink. All I know is that all my life I have been the "nice guy". The person that many women say they wish all guys were like. That actually has gotten me shot down by all of the women that i have actually wanted to date. Maybe it's true that women do like jerks but i won't be that guy. So for now I'm not even going to try and date. I'm just going to focus on my education and career.Still want it and looking forward to my first real relationship.

If it happens, It happens. If it doesn't, i guess i only have myself to blame.



There is no such thing as nice guy or jerk / bad boy.

There are men and then there are boys, same as there are girls and then there are women.

Boys and Girls need the sales pitch and the games. Men and Women do not, they sell themselves.


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Posted 7/28/10
That was completely unnecessary. She was just being sympathetic
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30 / M
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Posted 7/28/10

NoBreyner wrote:

That was completely unnecessary. She was just being sympathetic


It's not clear who you're addressing, but if it's me, there's nothing really to defend. I appreciate the sympathy but ...

It's usually not my nature to acknowledge it, just focused on the topic at hand. She said that she didn't know people like "that" were out there.

If she's referring to the big "ex" , what I said was pretty much the truth. There are plenty of people out there that put themselves, and only themselves first. They're the type that bring trouble on themselves and anyone involved with them.

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Posted 7/28/10
I have not dated anyone in a very long time. I would give anything to be able to date again, but I made a choice long ago not to try even if I wanted to. I fell in love, and I had to end the relationship due to something I did. I hurt the person I loved the most. Because of that, I ended it with her, and she was heartbroken, as was I. She begged me to reconsider, but at the time I felt I had no choice.

After that, I ended up in a lot of 1night stand situations to try and fill the gap in my heart. To find some pleasure that would take the pain away, or at least help to ease it. In the end I had to give up. Nothing helped me to feel better. In the end, I made a promise to myself, that I will never again try to pursue one night stands, or fall in love. Because in the end, I dont want to cause anyone else the same pain I caused her.
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Posted 7/28/10

coorta wrote:

I have not dated anyone in a very long time. I would give anything to be able to date again, but I made a choice long ago not to try even if I wanted to. I fell in love, and I had to end the relationship due to something I did. I hurt the person I loved the most. Because of that, I ended it with her, and she was heartbroken, as was I. She begged me to reconsider, but at the time I felt I had no choice.

After that, I ended up in a lot of 1night stand situations to try and fill the gap in my heart. To find some pleasure that would take the pain away, or at least help to ease it. In the end I had to give up. Nothing helped me to feel better. In the end, I made a promise to myself, that I will never again try to pursue one night stands, or fall in love. Because in the end, I dont want to cause anyone else the same pain I caused her.



*blink blink*

So don't do whatever it is that hurt whoever it was you cared about or may care about in the future. It's not a bloody soap opera or complicated.

You're scared ?
Fear?
Hurting someone?
Getting yourself hurt?

Listen to yourself. A man chooses the direction his life takes. His environment, other people, life experiences do NOT choose that for him.

You're making a choice, that's fine, but your reasons for that choice... are irresponsible.

This entire post doesn't sit right with me, it feels like something I'm more likely to read on the something awful forums. If not serious, this post can only be a troll.
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Posted 7/28/10

MongHu wrote:


coorta wrote:

I have not dated anyone in a very long time. I would give anything to be able to date again, but I made a choice long ago not to try even if I wanted to. I fell in love, and I had to end the relationship due to something I did. I hurt the person I loved the most. Because of that, I ended it with her, and she was heartbroken, as was I. She begged me to reconsider, but at the time I felt I had no choice.

After that, I ended up in a lot of 1night stand situations to try and fill the gap in my heart. To find some pleasure that would take the pain away, or at least help to ease it. In the end I had to give up. Nothing helped me to feel better. In the end, I made a promise to myself, that I will never again try to pursue one night stands, or fall in love. Because in the end, I dont want to cause anyone else the same pain I caused her.



*blink blink*

So don't do whatever it is that hurt whoever it was you cared about or may care about in the future. It's not a bloody soap opera or complicated.

You're scared ?
Fear?
Hurting someone?
Getting yourself hurt?

Listen to yourself. A man chooses the direction his life takes. His environment, other people, life experiences do NOT choose that for him.

You're making a choice, that's fine, but your reasons for that choice... are irresponsible.

This entire post doesn't sit right with me, it feels like something I'm more likely to read on the something awful forums. If not serious, this post can only be a troll.


I would not post if I was not serious. As for not doing what it was I did to someone else, well yeah it is easy for you to say that. But you have no idea what I did, or what I am capable of doing if put into a similair situation. I do NOT want to hurt anyone. And I think if I pursued a relationship with someone, that in itself would be irresponsible. Even one night stands are irresponsible.
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Posted 7/28/10 , edited 7/28/10

coorta wrote:


MongHu wrote:


coorta wrote:

I have not dated anyone in a very long time. I would give anything to be able to date again, but I made a choice long ago not to try even if I wanted to. I fell in love, and I had to end the relationship due to something I did. I hurt the person I loved the most. Because of that, I ended it with her, and she was heartbroken, as was I. She begged me to reconsider, but at the time I felt I had no choice.

After that, I ended up in a lot of 1night stand situations to try and fill the gap in my heart. To find some pleasure that would take the pain away, or at least help to ease it. In the end I had to give up. Nothing helped me to feel better. In the end, I made a promise to myself, that I will never again try to pursue one night stands, or fall in love. Because in the end, I dont want to cause anyone else the same pain I caused her.



*blink blink*

So don't do whatever it is that hurt whoever it was you cared about or may care about in the future. It's not a bloody soap opera or complicated.

You're scared ?
Fear?
Hurting someone?
Getting yourself hurt?

Listen to yourself. A man chooses the direction his life takes. His environment, other people, life experiences do NOT choose that for him.

You're making a choice, that's fine, but your reasons for that choice... are irresponsible.

This entire post doesn't sit right with me, it feels like something I'm more likely to read on the something awful forums. If not serious, this post can only be a troll.


I would not post if I was not serious. As for not doing what it was I did to someone else, well yeah it is easy for you to say that. But you have no idea what I did, or what I am capable of doing if put into a similair situation. I do NOT want to hurt anyone. And I think if I pursued a relationship with someone, that in itself would be irresponsible. Even one night stands are irresponsible.


Yeah, it's easy for me to say that because I've already dived into formal logic a while back. It's also easy for me to say that because I was taught the concept of personal power, where the only thing I have 100% control over is myself. I have no control over my environment nor people around me. I have SOME influence on my situations, but even given that some unexpected ones come up, I do have control over how I deal with them.

It's also easy for me to say because I used to tell myself that line in high school. The whole song and dance you're doing now, it's a familiar tune that I used to dance to and that I've seen a few of my own friends dance to. It always ends up with the same old tragedy, the same old predictable results. You quit, you have a 100% chance of losing whatever it is you're quitting on.

The same applies to anyone else. If you're afraid of hurting someone, don't do the thing that might hurt them. If you decide to do the thing that might hurt them, you're making a choice. You're choosing that thing over them.

" He made me mad !"
" He made me hit him !"
"It's her fault ! The ***** was asking for it !"
" I can't stop smoking ! I neeeeed the nicotine to get through my day !"

Play a little mad libs with what you posted and you get a fallacy that can be used in almost any situation. Lets try and replace the variables here, shall we?

" I don't want to drive a car because I might hurt someone."
" I don't want to give my point of view because I might hurt someone's feelings."
" I don't want to improve my strength because I might hurt someone with it. It's better for me to keep being a weakling."

Are you starting to see what I'm getting at here?

You have self control, complete control. You are choosing not to use it and acting like you don't have a choice in the matter.

The way I see it is that you made a choice to keep doing whatever it was that caused hurt to that lady. Key words: You made a choice. It's not luck, it's not fate, it's not anything that you do not have control over.

We love our habits, flaws, beliefs, because they define who we are, I understand that. However, if you want your situation to change, you have to change something with yourself in order to make it happen, because hey, that's all you have control over.

Responsibility. Take the reins.

Edit: After re reading your posts I came up with a few possibilities that aren't pleasant. In which case, it sounds like you ARE making a good decision. However, it's just a shame that there's nothing that can be done to solve it. Nothing. It's impossible. You're doomed.


P.S. I'm not trying to be harsh or mean here, It's just not a habit of mine to beat around the bush. Getting straight to the point, cutting to the chase, cut the BS deal. I hope you can appreciate it and thanks for your patience.

Posted 7/28/10
I love to get the touches and hugs from someone I know but I hate one on one dating with someone I don't know well... it is just so awkward . I usually go for the group date thing it's much more fun and much less pressure.
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Posted 7/28/10

MongHu wrote:


NoBreyner wrote:

That was completely unnecessary. She was just being sympathetic


It's not clear who you're addressing, but if it's me, there's nothing really to defend. I appreciate the sympathy but ...

It's usually not my nature to acknowledge it, just focused on the topic at hand. She said that she didn't know people like "that" were out there.

If she's referring to the big "ex" , what I said was pretty much the truth. There are plenty of people out there that put themselves, and only themselves first. They're the type that bring trouble on themselves and anyone involved with them.



I was adding a post through a phone, so it didn't turn out exactly as intended. I was referring to zombehs post on page 3 calling some one naive in a way that was insulting. On another note, I reread the first paragraph of your first post on this topic three times to let what happened to you fully sink in. That was extremely harsh what she did to you. I read your posts and took what I can from them as informative. Sorry for the confusion.

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Posted 7/28/10
Ahhh, I understand now. Thanks for touching base and clarifying !

Yeah, I have no stake in here, just sharing my 2 cents for that purpose, information, hope nobody takes it the wrong way.

Yeah, it was harsh, but that story is a long one that I don't care to share on the net. I didn't do a spectacular job on preventing it or dealing with it. It was just a huge wake up call and hard knock for me as far as relationships go, changed my perspective on everything. Believe me, after that, I started paying attention to what the older folks were saying. I can't even tell you how many people said "I told you so !" after it was all over. Love is truly blind AND deaf.

Never again. Besides, bachelor life is pretty nice. You don't truly appreciate it until after you lose it for awhile.
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Posted 7/28/10
I've never dated before. I have someone I like and I'd like to try.

Though I just wonder how I'll be able to convince my mom and dad to let me have one.
I don't like hiding things from my parents. I suffer from guilt.
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Posted 7/28/10

MongHu wrote:


Hioketu wrote:


MongHu wrote:
There is no perfect someone. There is only the level of man you are satisfied with.


I agree completely.There is no such thing as "perfect." There is however satisfaction that can be construed as perfection. It just means that you are willing to look past the others flaws. If you look for imperfections, you will always find them.

As for the whole dating thing, I hate it and I'll admit that it actually scares the crap out of me. I don't date but maybe once a year (five dates total 3 of which were blind-I can't stand it when people try and set me up) and i find that people are incredibly fake. It could be that i have never gotten past a first date, but i can never fully tell whether the girl I'm on a date with is being herself or pretending to be someone else and it usually tends to be the later of two. Maybe i over analyze things but this has just been the case. Who knows, maybe I'm the one that needs a shrink. All I know is that all my life I have been the "nice guy". The person that many women say they wish all guys were like. That actually has gotten me shot down by all of the women that i have actually wanted to date. Maybe it's true that women do like jerks but i won't be that guy. So for now I'm not even going to try and date. I'm just going to focus on my education and career.Still want it and looking forward to my first real relationship.

If it happens, It happens. If it doesn't, i guess i only have myself to blame.



There is no such thing as nice guy or jerk / bad boy.

There are men and then there are boys, same as there are girls and then there are women.

Boys and Girls need the sales pitch and the games. Men and Women do not, they sell themselves.




There IS such thing as a nice guy and a jerk. They are both boys, they are boys on the opposite sides of the spectrum, one has taken the path of submission, the other has taken the path of rebellion. Neither are close to being real men.

Nice guys are boring instead of exciting, followers instead of leaders, weak instead of strong, lacking purpose instead of being on their path, and so on. There is nothing for a girl or woman to hold onto, they are lost little boys. The only thing they can do is a make a decent provider. With a lack of real men, women often settle for a nice guy after their quarter century crisis.

Women don't want a nice guy. They don't want jerk either, but they would more commonly choose the jerk over the nice guy. They feel more with him and it's better than not feeling anything at all. Don't listen to what women say...it's bullshit most of the time. Observe what they DO, this is where more of the truth is hidden.

Real men and women are self made. They are the ones that have all areas of their lives well developed, Financial Wealth, Dating and Relationship, Health and Wellness...and discovered their own path in life, working towards giving their greatest gift. These people don't sell themselves, they hide most of them times. Other people flock and fight over being with them.
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