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Sex before Marriage?
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Posted 11/28/12 , edited 11/28/12
I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.
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Posted 11/28/12

CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.

349 cr points
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Posted 11/28/12

miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.


Thanks for the well-wish. Sexually incompatible or not, I'm not looking to have sex before marriage - you can treat it as my own principle. At the same time, it cannot be said that having sex before marriage will promise failproof relationships. Relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons.

Yes, they do apply to only women, because from where I stand, I keep seeing teenage girls and young women getting pregnant and dumped by their boyfriends - I believe it takes two to tango, so the girl have the same word when agreeing to have sex. In order to get their boyfriends to return, they murder their own baby or throw them in drains or bury them alive - obviously thinking that if they deal with the baby, then everything will be like before and therefore there would be no reason for their boyfriends to leave them. It just annoys me because they should have been able to be sensible enough to take care of themselves: they can make a decision (I believe they are grown enough to be able to make decisions and thus evaluate their judgment at that age) between yes to sex or nay to sex - that fact is what annoys me. Of course, marriage never promises that. I'm not trying to seal off men from buggering off with marriage. If they choose to leave, they will, regardless of whether they are married or not.

Yes, I know. If only the world was that easy. That is precisely why I always think that those couples should THINK before even getting into the act. Think about the consequences - having sex, even with protection does not guarantee that the girl will not get pregnant. If there is a baby will you be able to raise/do something to solve the issue? Do you have the ka-ching to raise it? There is consequences for everything that you do.

In short, what I'm tyring to say is before you go "Yes, let's have sex", you can decide to have it or not - this is where my conditions comes in, where my opinion on sex before marriage stands. It's the same with making every other daily life decisions. Anyway, this is just my own two cents, lol. Everyone else is free to hold on to their opinions.
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Posted 11/28/12 , edited 11/28/12

CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.


Thanks for the well-wish. Sexually incompatible or not, I'm not looking to have sex before marriage - you can treat it as my own principle. At the same time, it cannot be said that having sex before marriage will promise failproof relationships. Relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons.

Yes, they do apply to only women, because from where I stand, I keep seeing teenage girls and young women getting pregnant and dumped by their boyfriends - I believe it takes two to tango, so the girl have the same word when agreeing to have sex. In order to get their boyfriends to return, they murder their own baby or throw them in drains or bury them alive - obviously thinking that if they deal with the baby, then everything will be like before and therefore there would be no reason for their boyfriends to leave them. It just annoys me because they should have been able to be sensible enough to take care of themselves: they can make a decision (I believe they are grown enough to be able to make decisions and thus evaluate their judgment at that age) between yes to sex or nay to sex - that fact is what annoys me. Of course, marriage never promises that. I'm not trying to seal off men from buggering off with marriage. If they choose to leave, they will, regardless of whether they are married or not.

Yes, I know. If only the world was that easy. That is precisely why I always think that those couples should THINK before even getting into the act. Think about the consequences - having sex, even with protection does not guarantee that the girl will not get pregnant. If there is a baby will you be able to raise/do something to solve the issue? Do you have the ka-ching to raise it? There is consequences for everything that you do.

In short, what I'm tyring to say is before you go "Yes, let's have sex", you can decide to have it or not - this is where my conditions comes in, where my opinion on sex before marriage stands. It's the same with making every other daily life decisions. Anyway, this is just my own two cents, lol. Everyone else is free to hold on to their opinions.


I'm aware of that of course, but it just seems quite a lot of people who insist on 'saving themselves for marriage' aren't aware that sex is a big part of a relationship and bad sex can be a big problem. Finding out you suffer from vagismus on your wedding night would be horrible (though if the couple really do love each other they will take all the necessary steps to help overcome the condition)

All the things you've said above seem very extreme. Especially if you happen to live in a country where abortion is an option.

I admire the fact that your strong enough to say no, but today there is a lot of pressure to have sex, whether your actually for it ready or not. It's all over the media.

Sorry if it seemed I was getting all thran at you in particular, but this 'save it for marriage' mentality was very prevalent in my country until about the 1990's and the punishments women(just the women, as per usual) were given were horrific. They were put into Magdalene laundries where they were basically slaves and faced physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, while never being allowed to see their families again. If they had babies they were taken off them and sent to America. Just for having sex before marriage, or for even looking like the type of girl who would.

I'm not saying you would condone anything like that of course, it's just an example of what can happen with this sort of thinking and why I feel kind of strongly about it. If you want to wait for marriage then good, just try not to look down on, judge or shame others who choose not to (which was the vibe I getting from your conditions)






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Posted 11/28/12

miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.


Thanks for the well-wish. Sexually incompatible or not, I'm not looking to have sex before marriage - you can treat it as my own principle. At the same time, it cannot be said that having sex before marriage will promise failproof relationships. Relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons.

Yes, they do apply to only women, because from where I stand, I keep seeing teenage girls and young women getting pregnant and dumped by their boyfriends - I believe it takes two to tango, so the girl have the same word when agreeing to have sex. In order to get their boyfriends to return, they murder their own baby or throw them in drains or bury them alive - obviously thinking that if they deal with the baby, then everything will be like before and therefore there would be no reason for their boyfriends to leave them. It just annoys me because they should have been able to be sensible enough to take care of themselves: they can make a decision (I believe they are grown enough to be able to make decisions and thus evaluate their judgment at that age) between yes to sex or nay to sex - that fact is what annoys me. Of course, marriage never promises that. I'm not trying to seal off men from buggering off with marriage. If they choose to leave, they will, regardless of whether they are married or not.

Yes, I know. If only the world was that easy. That is precisely why I always think that those couples should THINK before even getting into the act. Think about the consequences - having sex, even with protection does not guarantee that the girl will not get pregnant. If there is a baby will you be able to raise/do something to solve the issue? Do you have the ka-ching to raise it? There is consequences for everything that you do.

In short, what I'm tyring to say is before you go "Yes, let's have sex", you can decide to have it or not - this is where my conditions comes in, where my opinion on sex before marriage stands. It's the same with making every other daily life decisions. Anyway, this is just my own two cents, lol. Everyone else is free to hold on to their opinions.


I'm aware of that of course, but it just seems quite a lot of people who insist on 'saving themselves for marriage' aren't aware that sex is a big part of a relationship and bad sex can be a big problem. Finding out you suffer from vagismus on your wedding night would be horrible (though if the couple really do love each other they will take all the necessary steps to help overcome the condition)

All the things you've said above seem very extreme. Especially if you happen to live in a country where abortion is an option.

I admire the fact that your strong enough to say no, but today there is a lot of pressure to have sex, whether your actually for it ready or not. It's all over the media.

Sorry if it seemed I was getting all thran at you in particular, but this 'save it for marriage' mentality was very prevalent in my country until about the 1990's and the punishments women(just the women, as per usual) were given were horrific. They were put into Magdalene laundries where they were basically slaves and faced physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, while never being allowed to see their families again. If they had babies they were taken off them and sent to America. Just for having sex before marriage, or for even looking like the type of girl who would.

I'm not saying you would condone anything like that of course, it's just an example of what can happen with this sort of thinking and why I feel kind of strongly about it. If you want to wait for marriage then good, just try not to look down on, judge or shame others who choose not to (which was the vibe I getting from your conditions)










I think the problem of putting any stock in it or "conditions" about saving yourself before marriage is that it only furthers creates misogynistic views about what sex really is that creates this weird standard that really is only applied to girls. It causes horrific witch hunt type situations like the one described above. I think sex is overly pushed by the media but the response shouldn't be to taboo it because that elevates it to something more than it really is. I think if people just accept the fact that almost everyone has sex or will have sex at some point and it's just a natural thing like pooping or peeing it'll go further to lessening it's weird mystical influence and even more eliminate the weird double standard. Sex is just a thing, and people, especially girls aren't objects that need to be protected or kept "pure" from the horrors of "sex". Teach your kids about sex when they're ready but also while they're young and possibly haven't picked up on the cultural and media influence of it so it's just another act thing grown ups do so when they are conscious enough to take in the influence, they'd have at least have a more educated base point to draw their conclusions.

If you don't believe in sex before marriage, that's your belief, I'm not saying your points can be invalidated or validated, it's just what you believe. Just be weary of you're reasons, the idea of "purity" should come from more of doing good deeds, having the best intentions, and be concerning for others well beings rather than some thing about a penis and/or vagina and/or boobs and/or butts and what ever else people use now a days.
349 cr points
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Posted 11/28/12 , edited 11/28/12

miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.


Thanks for the well-wish. Sexually incompatible or not, I'm not looking to have sex before marriage - you can treat it as my own principle. At the same time, it cannot be said that having sex before marriage will promise failproof relationships. Relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons.

Yes, they do apply to only women, because from where I stand, I keep seeing teenage girls and young women getting pregnant and dumped by their boyfriends - I believe it takes two to tango, so the girl have the same word when agreeing to have sex. In order to get their boyfriends to return, they murder their own baby or throw them in drains or bury them alive - obviously thinking that if they deal with the baby, then everything will be like before and therefore there would be no reason for their boyfriends to leave them. It just annoys me because they should have been able to be sensible enough to take care of themselves: they can make a decision (I believe they are grown enough to be able to make decisions and thus evaluate their judgment at that age) between yes to sex or nay to sex - that fact is what annoys me. Of course, marriage never promises that. I'm not trying to seal off men from buggering off with marriage. If they choose to leave, they will, regardless of whether they are married or not.

Yes, I know. If only the world was that easy. That is precisely why I always think that those couples should THINK before even getting into the act. Think about the consequences - having sex, even with protection does not guarantee that the girl will not get pregnant. If there is a baby will you be able to raise/do something to solve the issue? Do you have the ka-ching to raise it? There is consequences for everything that you do.

In short, what I'm tyring to say is before you go "Yes, let's have sex", you can decide to have it or not - this is where my conditions comes in, where my opinion on sex before marriage stands. It's the same with making every other daily life decisions. Anyway, this is just my own two cents, lol. Everyone else is free to hold on to their opinions.


I'm aware of that of course, but it just seems quite a lot of people who insist on 'saving themselves for marriage' aren't aware that sex is a big part of a relationship and bad sex can be a big problem. Finding out you suffer from vagismus on your wedding night would be horrible (though if the couple really do love each other they will take all the necessary steps to help overcome the condition)

All the things you've said above seem very extreme. Especially if you happen to live in a country where abortion is an option.

I admire the fact that your strong enough to say no, but today there is a lot of pressure to have sex, whether your actually for it ready or not. It's all over the media.

Sorry if it seemed I was getting all thran at you in particular, but this 'save it for marriage' mentality was very prevalent in my country until about the 1990's and the punishments women(just the women, as per usual) were given were horrific. They were put into Magdalene laundries where they were basically slaves and faced physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, while never being allowed to see their families again. If they had babies they were taken off them and sent to America. Just for having sex before marriage, or for even looking like the type of girl who would.

I'm not saying you would condone anything like that of course, it's just an example of what can happen with this sort of thinking and why I feel kind of strongly about it. If you want to wait for marriage then good, just try not to look down on, judge or shame others who choose not to (which was the vibe I getting from your conditions)

I understand your concern and where you're coming from, but I think that is one of the aspect or risk that people who are "saving themselves for marriage" will have to deal with when the time comes. Although, it would hurt really bad and of course may lead to some unpleasant sex which may of course, contribute to problems in relationships/marriages...but hey, if that's the price to pay for waiting than I obviously will need to do something if that happens to me. (In truth I had to google that term first before replying to your post again, but thank you for the pointer as I now have learned something new and useful. XD)

Unfortunately, those extreme examples really did happen from where I come from. I'm not entirely sure whether there are rules made against abortion, but even if there are, those rules may not be put into practice enough, or the penalties may be less damaging than actually committing the act of abortion itself. (A lot of abortions are made by teenage girls, so I'm thinking the penalty might have weighted a lot less heavier than aborting itself)

That, I agree. The media is a powerful tool, and it seems like a lot of things that are "supported" by the media are gaining strong influential power - even something like "extreme diet". In this case, I think it boils down to one's own personal uh...determination? Sorry for the lack of a word there...this is the second reply I'm writing since my first one got erased...had to turn off my laptop in a hurry since it was raining cats and dogs and thunder and lightning boomed everywhere last night.

No, it's okay (although I was getting some really serious vibes there). I'm guessing my choice of wording might have been responsible for starting you off too, so I apologize if I seem to appear to look down, judge or shame others who chose to have sex before marriage - because that was not my intention. I understand everyone have their own principles, preferences or ideals about a lot of things - including this subject, and that human emotions can be overpowering, and that those same emotions may render people's judgment in making decisions (to agree or not agree to have sex before marriage). So it's fine with me if they choose to go with sex first, but what they do to any baby that comes up afterwards is not. The thing that sets me off are what those girls did to those babies, more than anything else. Those babies did nothing wrong. And with that sort of history, I can understand why you feel so strongly on this subject. I think both of us have formed our personal opinions based on some extremes, thus the reason why we give off those vibes.

Thing is, whether I condone it or not, everyone have their own ideals on a lot of things, including this particular subject. Again, I'm sorry if I seem to appear to judge those who chose not to wait, because that was not my intention. My "conditions" are more like guidelines or pointers that I wish girls can consider (because in the end, the outcomes of sex are almost always pinned on the girls, which coincide with your own extreme example). I might be weird, but since I'm the type that prefers to not create troubles for myself, I have that mindset of "If you don't do it, then it (the baby) won't happen" - but again, human emotions don't always recognize logic, so.
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Posted 11/28/12

CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.


Thanks for the well-wish. Sexually incompatible or not, I'm not looking to have sex before marriage - you can treat it as my own principle. At the same time, it cannot be said that having sex before marriage will promise failproof relationships. Relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons.

Yes, they do apply to only women, because from where I stand, I keep seeing teenage girls and young women getting pregnant and dumped by their boyfriends - I believe it takes two to tango, so the girl have the same word when agreeing to have sex. In order to get their boyfriends to return, they murder their own baby or throw them in drains or bury them alive - obviously thinking that if they deal with the baby, then everything will be like before and therefore there would be no reason for their boyfriends to leave them. It just annoys me because they should have been able to be sensible enough to take care of themselves: they can make a decision (I believe they are grown enough to be able to make decisions and thus evaluate their judgment at that age) between yes to sex or nay to sex - that fact is what annoys me. Of course, marriage never promises that. I'm not trying to seal off men from buggering off with marriage. If they choose to leave, they will, regardless of whether they are married or not.

Yes, I know. If only the world was that easy. That is precisely why I always think that those couples should THINK before even getting into the act. Think about the consequences - having sex, even with protection does not guarantee that the girl will not get pregnant. If there is a baby will you be able to raise/do something to solve the issue? Do you have the ka-ching to raise it? There is consequences for everything that you do.

In short, what I'm tyring to say is before you go "Yes, let's have sex", you can decide to have it or not - this is where my conditions comes in, where my opinion on sex before marriage stands. It's the same with making every other daily life decisions. Anyway, this is just my own two cents, lol. Everyone else is free to hold on to their opinions.


I'm aware of that of course, but it just seems quite a lot of people who insist on 'saving themselves for marriage' aren't aware that sex is a big part of a relationship and bad sex can be a big problem. Finding out you suffer from vagismus on your wedding night would be horrible (though if the couple really do love each other they will take all the necessary steps to help overcome the condition)

All the things you've said above seem very extreme. Especially if you happen to live in a country where abortion is an option.

I admire the fact that your strong enough to say no, but today there is a lot of pressure to have sex, whether your actually for it ready or not. It's all over the media.

Sorry if it seemed I was getting all thran at you in particular, but this 'save it for marriage' mentality was very prevalent in my country until about the 1990's and the punishments women(just the women, as per usual) were given were horrific. They were put into Magdalene laundries where they were basically slaves and faced physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, while never being allowed to see their families again. If they had babies they were taken off them and sent to America. Just for having sex before marriage, or for even looking like the type of girl who would.

I'm not saying you would condone anything like that of course, it's just an example of what can happen with this sort of thinking and why I feel kind of strongly about it. If you want to wait for marriage then good, just try not to look down on, judge or shame others who choose not to (which was the vibe I getting from your conditions)

I understand your concern and where you're coming from, but I think that is one of the aspect or risk that people who are "saving themselves for marriage" will have to deal with when the time comes. Although, it would hurt really bad and of course may lead to some unpleasant sex which may of course, contribute to problems in relationships/marriages...but hey, if that's the price to pay for waiting than I obviously will need to do something if that happens to me. (In truth I had to google that term first before replying to your post again, but thank you for the pointer as I now have learned something new and useful. XD)

Unfortunately, those extreme examples really did happen from where I come from. I'm not entirely sure whether there are rules made against abortion, but even if there are, those rules may not be put into practice enough, or the penalties may be less damaging than actually committing the act of abortion itself. (A lot of abortions are made by teenage girls, so I'm thinking the penalty might have weighted a lot less heavier than aborting itself)

That, I agree. The media is a powerful tool, and it seems like a lot of things that are "supported" by the media are gaining strong influential power - even something like "extreme diet". In this case, I think it boils down to one's own personal uh...determination? Sorry for the lack of a word there...this is the second reply I'm writing since my first one got erased...had to turn off my laptop in a hurry since it was raining cats and dogs and thunder and lightning boomed everywhere last night.

No, it's okay (although I was getting some really serious vibes there). I'm guessing my choice of wording might have been responsible for starting you off too, so I apologize if I seem to appear to look down, judge or shame others who chose to have sex before marriage - because that was not my intention. I understand everyone have their own principles, preferences or ideals about a lot of things - including this subject, and that human emotions can be overpowering, and that those same emotions may render people's judgment in making decisions (to agree or not agree to have sex before marriage). So it's fine with me if they choose to go with sex first, but what they do to any baby that comes up afterwards is not. The thing that sets me off are what those girls did to those babies, more than anything else. Those babies did nothing wrong. And with that sort of history, I can understand why you feel so strongly on this subject. I think both of us have formed our personal opinions based on some extremes, thus the reason why we give off those vibes.

Thing is, whether I condone it or not, everyone have their own ideals on a lot of things, including this particular subject. Again, I'm sorry if I seem to appear to judge those who chose not to wait, because that was not my intention. My "conditions" are more like guidelines or pointers that I wish girls can consider (because in the end, the outcomes of sex are almost always pinned on the girls, which coincide with your own extreme example). I might be weird, but since I'm the type that prefers to not create troubles for myself, I have that mindset of "If you don't do it, then it (the baby) won't happen" - but again, human emotions don't always recognize logic, so.


Thanks for the calm and level-headed responses.

Some people can be like brick walls when the subject comes up. Hysterical, repetitive, irritating brick walls, and I guess it has tainted my view somewhat whenever I read about 'saving it for marriage' because unlike you, they are very much into shaming others and can be quite vicious about it. Online and in real life.

Sorry if I came across as overly stern and angry sounding in the last post, I was trying not to be but I see how it could of come across that way. The conditions thing did rub me up the wrong way, though now I kind of see what you were trying to get at.













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Posted 11/28/12

miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:


miserykitsune wrote:


CooWings wrote:

I have no problems if other people want to have sex before their marriage, but I am obviously waiting for mine after a marriage.

However, I have some conditions for those who enjoy having sex before marriage. One, if you get a baby be absolutely sure and firm that you can handle EVERYTHING that comes after; two, if you get dumped by your dear boyfriend once he learns you're pregnant than do NOT make a drama out of it, because YOU have consented to sex before marriage, and three, don't be a jackass and throw the baby wherever you want JUST because you're not ready to be a parent/can't afford to raise one.

Seriously, when any of the above scenario happens it pisses me off. I always think they should THINK ahead before getting laid, although doing the former might be hard when sex is all you have in your head.


Then I certainly hope you don't end up marrying a person your sexually incompatible with. That causes a lot more relationships to fail then you would think it does.

And all your 'conditions' for other people having sex outside of marriage only seem to be for women. Marriage doesn't stop men from buggering off either so don't think your totally safe

If you can't afford to raise a child you can't exactly 'magic up' anymore money then you already make.


Thanks for the well-wish. Sexually incompatible or not, I'm not looking to have sex before marriage - you can treat it as my own principle. At the same time, it cannot be said that having sex before marriage will promise failproof relationships. Relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons.

Yes, they do apply to only women, because from where I stand, I keep seeing teenage girls and young women getting pregnant and dumped by their boyfriends - I believe it takes two to tango, so the girl have the same word when agreeing to have sex. In order to get their boyfriends to return, they murder their own baby or throw them in drains or bury them alive - obviously thinking that if they deal with the baby, then everything will be like before and therefore there would be no reason for their boyfriends to leave them. It just annoys me because they should have been able to be sensible enough to take care of themselves: they can make a decision (I believe they are grown enough to be able to make decisions and thus evaluate their judgment at that age) between yes to sex or nay to sex - that fact is what annoys me. Of course, marriage never promises that. I'm not trying to seal off men from buggering off with marriage. If they choose to leave, they will, regardless of whether they are married or not.

Yes, I know. If only the world was that easy. That is precisely why I always think that those couples should THINK before even getting into the act. Think about the consequences - having sex, even with protection does not guarantee that the girl will not get pregnant. If there is a baby will you be able to raise/do something to solve the issue? Do you have the ka-ching to raise it? There is consequences for everything that you do.

In short, what I'm tyring to say is before you go "Yes, let's have sex", you can decide to have it or not - this is where my conditions comes in, where my opinion on sex before marriage stands. It's the same with making every other daily life decisions. Anyway, this is just my own two cents, lol. Everyone else is free to hold on to their opinions.


I'm aware of that of course, but it just seems quite a lot of people who insist on 'saving themselves for marriage' aren't aware that sex is a big part of a relationship and bad sex can be a big problem. Finding out you suffer from vagismus on your wedding night would be horrible (though if the couple really do love each other they will take all the necessary steps to help overcome the condition)

All the things you've said above seem very extreme. Especially if you happen to live in a country where abortion is an option.

I admire the fact that your strong enough to say no, but today there is a lot of pressure to have sex, whether your actually for it ready or not. It's all over the media.

Sorry if it seemed I was getting all thran at you in particular, but this 'save it for marriage' mentality was very prevalent in my country until about the 1990's and the punishments women(just the women, as per usual) were given were horrific. They were put into Magdalene laundries where they were basically slaves and faced physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, while never being allowed to see their families again. If they had babies they were taken off them and sent to America. Just for having sex before marriage, or for even looking like the type of girl who would.

I'm not saying you would condone anything like that of course, it's just an example of what can happen with this sort of thinking and why I feel kind of strongly about it. If you want to wait for marriage then good, just try not to look down on, judge or shame others who choose not to (which was the vibe I getting from your conditions)

I understand your concern and where you're coming from, but I think that is one of the aspect or risk that people who are "saving themselves for marriage" will have to deal with when the time comes. Although, it would hurt really bad and of course may lead to some unpleasant sex which may of course, contribute to problems in relationships/marriages...but hey, if that's the price to pay for waiting than I obviously will need to do something if that happens to me. (In truth I had to google that term first before replying to your post again, but thank you for the pointer as I now have learned something new and useful. XD)

Unfortunately, those extreme examples really did happen from where I come from. I'm not entirely sure whether there are rules made against abortion, but even if there are, those rules may not be put into practice enough, or the penalties may be less damaging than actually committing the act of abortion itself. (A lot of abortions are made by teenage girls, so I'm thinking the penalty might have weighted a lot less heavier than aborting itself)

That, I agree. The media is a powerful tool, and it seems like a lot of things that are "supported" by the media are gaining strong influential power - even something like "extreme diet". In this case, I think it boils down to one's own personal uh...determination? Sorry for the lack of a word there...this is the second reply I'm writing since my first one got erased...had to turn off my laptop in a hurry since it was raining cats and dogs and thunder and lightning boomed everywhere last night.

No, it's okay (although I was getting some really serious vibes there). I'm guessing my choice of wording might have been responsible for starting you off too, so I apologize if I seem to appear to look down, judge or shame others who chose to have sex before marriage - because that was not my intention. I understand everyone have their own principles, preferences or ideals about a lot of things - including this subject, and that human emotions can be overpowering, and that those same emotions may render people's judgment in making decisions (to agree or not agree to have sex before marriage). So it's fine with me if they choose to go with sex first, but what they do to any baby that comes up afterwards is not. The thing that sets me off are what those girls did to those babies, more than anything else. Those babies did nothing wrong. And with that sort of history, I can understand why you feel so strongly on this subject. I think both of us have formed our personal opinions based on some extremes, thus the reason why we give off those vibes.

Thing is, whether I condone it or not, everyone have their own ideals on a lot of things, including this particular subject. Again, I'm sorry if I seem to appear to judge those who chose not to wait, because that was not my intention. My "conditions" are more like guidelines or pointers that I wish girls can consider (because in the end, the outcomes of sex are almost always pinned on the girls, which coincide with your own extreme example). I might be weird, but since I'm the type that prefers to not create troubles for myself, I have that mindset of "If you don't do it, then it (the baby) won't happen" - but again, human emotions don't always recognize logic, so.


Thanks for the calm and level-headed responses.

Some people can be like brick walls when the subject comes up. Hysterical, repetitive, irritating brick walls, and I guess it has tainted my view somewhat whenever I read about 'saving it for marriage' because unlike you, they are very much into shaming others and can be quite vicious about it. Online and in real life.

Sorry if I came across as overly stern and angry sounding in the last post, I was trying not to be but I see how it could of come across that way. The conditions thing did rub me up the wrong way, though now I kind of see what you were trying to get at.

No problem at all. You are most welcome. I actually rather enjoy our discussion, because like I said, you mentioned something that serves as an eye-opener (about that vagismus condition) so thank you. I always appreciate more knowledge.

I understand what you mean...I have my own experience from those kind of people in the past. I'm a firm believer that as much as one believes in something, they cannot force their own beliefs on others - others are living their own lives after all. More importantly, I really prefer not to create unnecessary virtual enemies or drama just because other people have their own stand in something.

Yeah, it's fine, I am sorry as well for making you feel that way. I admit I was a little careless in my wording back then. Didn't think anyone would pay attention to what I posted (I will need to fix that carelessness). Seems like I will have to be more careful when I'm posting in this section of the forum in the future.

Thanks again and I wish you a good day.
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Posted 11/28/12
Sex is not equal to love.

If you are having sex with someone it is because you want to have sex. It is nothing more, nothing less. Just satisfying an urge marriage has nothing to do with sex.
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Posted 11/29/12
I believe in that sex before marriage is not something to be viewed as right or wrong by the people around you, society. This passionate act of intimacy is as natural as breathing. The fault with viewing sex though is that religion and strict ideals take it upon themselves to create some ideals that set for ideal people. And there's nothing wrong with that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with following a religious ideal or a strict one from the family and such. The problem is when you take those self ideals and force your voice, whether through action or just pointing out and publicly executing, on someone who doesn't follow your ideals

I could care less is Johnny is sleepy with Sally. For all I know they could be in a serious relationship and want to intimately show their mutual affection, that is something I respect and aim for. But for johnny to do something like raping someone is too much. A rape is too serious to overlook because the fact is that Johnny forced himself on her. He ignored her ideals and perspective and violated her. This is the suppression of a person and abuse which is wrong as it affects the community in that you one-sideingly created a disturbance for an individual. Whether it be a group or a person, that invasion is against the standards of the community. Mine being that of the laws that govern the United States, namely Utah.

If Johnny has a harem in where the girls long for him or love him I don't care, as long as it's not a rape or blackmail. Again I say there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage so long as it is not done on such dark premises. That being said, one should prepare for the consequences of it. Whether it be suffering an STD, acknowledging and acting upon a pregnancy or the emotional/mental/psychological weight it carries, one cannot get into something they're not ready for. If one side is not willing, then that's that. Same goes for if they're both willing. How someone carries about their sexual business is no one but their own and we have no say on that. They are free to express themselves in anyway they want so long as it is within limit. Even if it is something like intimate feelings that are shared through sex.
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Posted 12/11/12
It is wrong before marriage .
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Posted 12/11/12

OK girl with commitment issues says:

"How about sex after divorce? No one ever talks about this. I mean you always hear that about 50% of marriages end in divorce and you know that's a good thing because that means than only about 50% of marriages end in death, but then if you're lucky enough to get divorced should you stop having sex? Do you have to wait until the next husband\wife or does it not matter anymore?
Or maybe people should just live miserable lives together having terrible sex and slowly accompany each other to the grave?"
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Posted 12/16/12

kwl583 wrote:

It is wrong before marriage .


You mean to say that YOU think its wrong before marriage. I happen to think its right before marriage. That along with living with your significant other before marriage. Sex is very different with different people and if youve never had sex, I dont know how a person could have such a strong moral stance on something they have never experienced or have a very limited education on.

I think it is very scary how people demonize and demoralize sex when it is the very reason we all are sitting here today.
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Posted 12/17/12
another day more virgins attacking people for making with somebody they love
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26 / F / England
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Posted 12/22/12
I don't see anything wrong with having sex before marriage. Maybe the fact I'm not religious comes into but I think if you are with someone that you love and trust then there isn't anything wrong with it.

I am currently engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years and even though we aren't married yet we decided not to wait...however I did wait till we were both in love and in a long term relationship before we got serious like that...trust is an important issue to me even when it comes to sex.

I think if you want to wait till you get married to have sex then great! Also same goes for if you want to have pre-marital sex...just do what is best for you and what make you happy. Nothing wrong with either decision in my eyes.
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