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Arranged Marriage
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68 / M / Columbia, MO
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Posted 11/26/10
There was a time in history when women were thought of and treated as chattel. This may have been a practical idea then when a civilization had no easy access to medical miracles, a better standard of living, or freedom of choice. Judging from the first post, this practice must still be applicable in some cultures.

It would be interesting to see data between age cohorts listing marital success via the methodology of pre-arrangement, instant chemistry, internet dating, or friendship first though it may be difficult to prove the specific reasons whether couples stay together or not because of other variables about the subjects being studied. The divorce rate in America among first marriages is high, 2nd time around even higher. Is there a better alternative than pre-arrangement achieving a successful marriage the first time? Ummm, post this query again when we become a totalitarian regime with no freedoms or choices at all.
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30 / M / New York City
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Posted 11/26/10
if he doesn't want to he shouldn't...but then again I wonder whats their reason for calling him a screw up...maybe they have their reason so i can't say the parents are wrong either...
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23 / Rainbow Factory
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Posted 11/26/10
I think the main obstacle would probably be the language issue from what I'm understanding. Culture differences would probably also be up there high on the list. But as long as both people involved are willing to at least try to make it work then they should do a decent job. ANd hopefully not end in divorce.
Posted 11/26/10
Well there's always concubines
Posted 11/26/10
I just got word that he's accepted defeat and will be marrying the girl so all I can say is good luck and supposed congratulations.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
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21 / F / dubai
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Posted 11/26/10
I would never agree in arrange marriage -_-''' i dont like that..:(((( ~ rrrrrrrrrr . i wanna marry the one i LOVEEEE
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33 / M / So Cali, OC
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Posted 11/26/10
as long as the girl is rich and pretty why not
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39 / M
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Posted 11/27/10
Thanks tinnic for that very informative response. I always wondered why so many arranged marriages seem to last longer than those free of arrangement. It makes alot of sense for people to do things like this in order to preserve the family bloodline from extinction. Note that this is arranged marriage not arranged dating. This would be for people who both want long term relationships. If they had luck from dating before, I'm sure those people would've married in a different fashion.
In the case of said friend, I assume dating didn't work out for him. His parents became involved by either his own request or because they offered to help. Either way, I'm sure there are good intentions to make life for said friend much happier. I'm sure we might figure that with such strong differences between the couple that the marriage won't last, but who are we to say when we don't know for sure. Obviously, the groom overlooked these differences for some reason and decided to follow through with the arrangement. I remember watching Parental Control on MTV where the parents would each choose a date for their son/daughter because they felt the person he/she was dating were losers. Most times the parents had great matches for their children and were better than the person that their child was already with.
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26 / F / anime.4tv.
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Posted 11/27/10
its fine by me cause i dont have to choose anymore...choosing is such a bother and if the guys hot----i wouldnt mind at all...id even thank my parents for it rofl
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F / In Wonderland wit...
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Posted 12/11/10
Aren't are all marriages arranged when someone first bows down on their knees and asks for their hand in marriage, and said YES?
Just saying.
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F / Wishing for Jeju...
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Posted 12/11/10 , edited 12/11/10
Great post, tinnic! I do know of an arranged marriage that failed and was very sad, but like in the OP's scenario the bride and groom were raised in very different countries.

I don't see it as right or wrong~just different from what I'm used to. It is something I personally won't be doing as a parent, but I have Christian friends who are planning to do this. My aim is to raise adults who make good decisions~only time will tell! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
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26 / F / Canada
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Posted 12/11/10 , edited 12/11/10




Like everyone's been saying, nice post Tinnic! You said everything I would've. =P

Arranged marriage is cool but I don't think people should be forced. There should definitely be consent, some form of physical attraction and chemistry, as well as compatibility. And yes. Although many of us are reluctant to believe it or admit it, our parents often know us very well. Therefore, I think an arranged marriage can be a really interesting thing. As for the whole "love" thing, at least this love isn't as blind. Love isn't only a feeling, but an action and one of commitment as well. =] Plus, it develops. Nothing is better than a whole family accepting of two youths getting married. =3 Yey for family~! (And yes, nothing worse than a whole family hating on your spouse and you, lol). I'd rather have an arranged marriage than be 30 and unhappy, lol.

As for your Punjabi friend Pendragonous, he chose to respect his parents (not that it would be considered as "voluntary respect" in a way since it's by force). Hopefully this will bring him good in life.

Peace! ^^
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22 / M
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Posted 12/11/10
well after i watched east is east, only real option is run.

but seriously if I was in that situation I would run away from home, no way in hell would I ever want to marry some one I don't know or I don't actually like. i say let his parents disown him, if they cant accept his own choice they not good parents.
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22 / F / My own manifestat...
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Posted 12/11/10
Depends. For me personally - no.

However, if the arranged marriage had a much bigger part than joining the couple together and they actually learn to accept each other its not too bad.
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Florida, US
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Posted 12/11/10
yeaahhh...


nah, i'm good thanks.
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