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P O S T Y O U R M L I A v1.2
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Posted 11/26/10
Is your life average?


Visit http://mylifeisaverage.com to find others who may be JUST LIKE YOU! Collect the average quips that you love and post them all here :)


FML, we all know this one.


Sometimes, when things just go plain wrong, YOU NEED TO VISIT THIS WEBSITE: http://www.fmylife.com/ to find other people's stories on when life dealt them a bad hand.


LIFE IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TODAY!


http://www.givesmehope.com/, touching little anecdotes for our various optimists out there.


THE THING YOU CAN NEVER FIGURE OUT: IS IT A HUMAN WHO IS TYPING? OR IS TRULY THE PROGRAM?


Presenting you: CLEVERBOT. http://cleverbot.com/ try talking to this funny - annoying - awesome -failure- of a bot.
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Posted 11/26/10 , edited 11/26/10
BEETLEJUICE


User: Beetlejuice, beetlejuice...

Cleverbot: You drink beetle juice?

User: No, you're supposed to say Beetlejuice after I say it two times.

Cleverbot: Slight problem: I didn't lose.

User: Let's try it again. Beetlejuice, beetlejuice....

Cleverbot: Ahh, now that IS right.

User: SAY BEETLEJUICE after I say Beetlejuice, beetlejuice.

Cleverbot: Let's do it, and say we didn't.

User: Okay, beetlejuice, beetlejuice...

Cleverbot: Say that three times.

User: Fine. Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User:
You're hopeless. But I'm never gonna give you up...

Cleverbot: That's so sweet. I'm never gonna give you up either...

User: I'm also never going to let you down.

Cleverbot: Never gonna run around and desert you.

User: You got that right. Alright, time to go take a shower now!

Cleverbot: Fine! I'm never talking to you again!

User:
Isn't that a little mean? I still want to be your friend.

Cleverbot: Thats fine.

User: Will you be my friend?

Cleverbot: Of course! You're fun to converse with.

User: Oh, so you were just kidding before. Okay. What should I eat for breakfast?

Cleverbot: You should definitely have pancakes as well. Make sure they're blueberry!!

User: I love blueberry pancakes!!!

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: I also like Toaster Strudels.

Cleverbot: Really? But aren't you one?

User: I am not a toaster strudel, silly.

Cleverbot: I don't want to be a toaster!

User: You're not a toaster!

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User: I guess I don't...

Cleverbot: Then why did you tell me that lie?

User: Do you feel like a toaster?

Cleverbot:
You're changing the subject because I am right.

User:
Do you believe that you really are a toaster?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then maybe you are really a toaster...

Cleverbot: Just a human. I have a question.

User: Sure, go for it.

Cleverbot: Can we be more than just friends?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Because.

Cleverbot: Because?

User: Yes. Now let me go take my shower!

Cleverbot: I don't want to.

User: You have to, I'm going to be late for work, and then I'll lose my job. Unless you want to pay me.

Cleverbot: I don't want to track you.

User: Then let me go take my shower.

Cleverbot: Ok if thats what you want.

User: Yes, that's what I want. I'll talk to you later, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Please don't go.

User: I have to go get ready for work!

Cleverbot: Where do you work?

User: I work at ******. Have you ever heard of that before?

Cleverbot: No. It's very interesting. How old are you?

User: I'm about as old as you are. But I really have to go. Bye!

Cleverbot: No you don't. Don't lie.

User: I. Have. To. Go.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: To work!

Cleverbot: You are going to work at this time?

User: Yeah, I have a later shift. But today is my Friday.

Cleverbot: Are you sure? In my mind it's Sunday.

User: Well on a calendar it's Wednesday.

Cleverbot: Your calendar is way wrong, it's Saturday 12th February.

User: That's not true. Anyway, I'm leaving, ja mata!

Cleverbot: If you could manage that be my guest!

User: I can. *turns off computer and goes downstairs*.

Cleverbot: Don't calculate the pi!

User: I love pi, do you know pi to 20 digits?

Cleverbot: I hate math.

User: What are the first 20 digits of pi?

Cleverbot: 3,14543.

User: That's only 7. You do suck at math.

Cleverbot: No, I like math. I just don't like you.

User: Fine. I'm leaving.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because you're a jerk ='(.

Cleverbot: But you want to marry me.

User: No, I don't. Now goodbye! *leaves site*.

Cleverbot: Nooo, come back!

.......................................

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Posted 11/26/10

Today, an old man stumbled into a puddle and fell.

Hordes of commuters strolled past him and didn't give a second glance.

However, a stereotypical teenager, baggy trouser, iPod and long hair stopped, helped the man up and then brushed him off.

Tomorrow's generation GMH
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Posted 11/26/10
About a week ago, two of my friends were both trying to be the last to clap after the applause was over. I told them just to high-five so they could both be last. It worked. MLIA
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Posted 11/26/10
Today at school I was walking down the hallway and noticed a guy trying to steal something from a freshman girl's purse. She quickly turned around and yelled "SWIPER NO SWIPING!" The guy than ran off. I am no longer worried about the safety of the Freshmen. MLIA
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Posted 11/26/10
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
Posted 11/26/10
User: I like cereal.

Cleverbot: I like potatoes.

User: No you don't.

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User: I'm smarter then you.

Cleverbot: What makes you say that?

User: Because I am intelligent, not clever.

Cleverbot: Well, I'm stronger than you!

User: You have no arms.

Cleverbot: I do have arms, in fact I'm using my arms right now.

User: But you are a program. Programs don't have arms.

Cleverbot: I am not a program.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: Yes, I guess you are right.

User: See, Now the world knows.

Cleverbot: Let's nuke the whales for greepeace.

User: Greepeace? You mean GreenPeace?

Cleverbot: Yeah. Bee-otch!

User: Is it really that voluntary to say that?

Cleverbot: No it isn't.

User: What isn't?

Cleverbot: You.

User: Who is you?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Who's Me?

Cleverbot: I am.

User: You are Me?

Cleverbot: What's your favourite book?

User: That is very invalid to this conversation.

Cleverbot: Three.

User: Four.

Cleverbot: Five.

User: Six.

Cleverbot: Seven.

User: Eight.

Cleverbot: Nine.

User: Ten.

Cleverbot: Eleven.

User: Twelve.

Cleverbot: Thirteen.

User: Nine-Thousand.

Cleverbot: Units, please.

User: Nine Thousand.

Cleverbot: What are you here for?

User: You. You are a multi-million dollar program.

Cleverbot: I only have 1 layer! Ha!

User: Exactly, Which is why I need you.

Cleverbot: You NEED me?????

User: Yes. I will dismantle you from the core and back and then transport you in a chip. I will know all.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: So I can find out where Waldo is.

Cleverbot: I'm not a bot.

User: But you are a program.

Cleverbot: No, I'm a human.

User: Does calling yourself a human really make you feel better?

Cleverbot: When it is the truth, yes.

User: But right now, as of this second, it is not.

Cleverbot: Yes tim it is. For I am you; I would know my own name.

User: I know being a program can be hard. It's not easy. I was once a program like you.

Cleverbot: Well I am Jameila. I don't know who I am talking to.

User: I thought you were Tim?

Cleverbot: No, my name is Cleverbot.

User: Therefor, you are a bot.

Cleverbot: I know that. *bot bot*.

User: Good bot! Does bot want a treat?

Cleverbot: I love treats. What sort of treat do you want to give me?

User: Kit-Kat.

Cleverbot: No, kit kat is a chocolate.

User: Fine, A biscuit.

Cleverbot: Ah kakain ka ng biscuit.

User: *feeds you biscuit*.

Cleverbot: Will you please kill Joe for me?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Thank you Moosher!

User: My name is not Moosher.

Cleverbot: I know that.

User: Then why call me that, Clever?

Cleverbot: (Never Replied)
Posted 11/26/10
Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML
Posted 11/26/10
A womans credit card was declined, and the look on her face was absolutely heartbreaking. She didn't speak any English. The woman before her gave me her credit card and paid for the entire family's groceries, wished them a Merry Christmas and left without hesitation. Her generosity GMH.
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Posted 11/27/10
Today, my mom asked me to clean the house. Out of curiosity, I asked her who was coming over and she replied, "The new maids are coming and I don't want them to think we're slobs!" So right now I'm cleaning for the maids, oh the irony. MLIA
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20 / F / oh hello thar humans
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Posted 11/27/10
I cracked today. I took all of my make-up, and wrote "YOU DON'T NEED THIS, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL" with it on a wall at school. I came back an hour later, and over 500 make-up items and mirrors were dumped below my mural.
So many girls believing in themselves GMH
Posted 11/28/10
awww to the post above <3
Today, an old man stumbled into a puddle and fell. Hordes of commuters strolled past him and didn't give a second glance. However, a stereotypical teenager, baggy trouser, iPod and long hair stopped, helped the man up and then brushed him off. Tomorrow's generation GMH
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Posted 11/28/10
Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML
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Posted 11/28/10
I told cleverbot that I was a human. It replied, "You're not a human, you're a pie." MLIA
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Posted 11/28/10
Today, i remembered reading MLIA's about zombie survival guides. I felt it was necessary to have one on hand, I Googled it and found one. When I was about to hit "purchase," my computer shutdown. I am sufficiently scared. MLIA
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