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Anti jokes and non jokes
17562 cr points
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20 / F / Los Angeles
Posted 11/28/11

frank5448 wrote:

Good jokes guys lets keep it going : )

But they're not jokes xD
2479 cr points
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38 / M / CT
Posted 3/2/12
This one is better than anything that has been posted thus far:

and THIS ONE is even BETTER than THAT ONE:

Posted 3/2/12
744 cr points
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Posted 3/4/12
I don't get it LOL...
4455 cr points
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24 / Rainbow Factory
Posted 3/4/12 , edited 3/4/12
Two men walk into a bar and the third one ducks.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
Get in the van.

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

What's sad about four black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends.

Your friend is so gay he has consensual sex with other men and enjoys it.

A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck.

How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the Christian says, "If you don't believe in God you're going to hell." the atheist replies, "If there was a benevolent supreme being, logic dictates that there would be proof of his existence other than a 2,000 year old book." They agree to set aside their petty differences and get on with their lives.

How do you get a clown off of a swing? You hit him with an axe.

How do you kill a blonde? Well there are many ways but all of them are wrong since murder is illegal.

A platypus walks into a bar. They are the only mammals with the ability to lay eggs.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.

A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling.
"I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said.
So he found some berries, but spit them out.
"These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said.
He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees.
"That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said.
He then stumbled upon a cabin.
"I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered.
The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

If Chuck Norris has $5 dollars and you have $5 dollars, you both have the same amount of money.

Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a firefighter.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, he was an electrician.

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I'll stop here because my post will end up being five pages long. I got all of my stuff from here

I lied. Here's one more.

Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the sahara dessert
Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse
Answer: Purple, because ice cream has no bones
49230 cr points
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F / Somewhere in the...
Posted 3/4/12

kenkorrupt wrote:

This one is better than anything that has been posted thus far:

and THIS ONE is even BETTER than THAT ONE:

I've been had....again.

This spam was in my email this weekend:

"From: Modern Sexuality; Subject: Kamasutra - very interesting, we investigate...."

Why yes, we do.
17710 cr points
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Posted 6/7/12
Why is the purple teletubby gay? Because he's homosexual
41103 cr points
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49 / M / Baltimore, Md
Posted 7/4/12
Pong, Enough said no Atari anything
52119 cr points
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22 / M / Tiphares
Posted 7/4/12
What was the question again?
Posted 7/4/12
What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? One is a person of Jewish decent and the other is a device for traversing waterways.

Why can't Michael Jackson play table tennis? Because he's dead.

What's green and invisible? The cabbage to your left.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco? He was buried under 6 feet of solid earth.
Posted 7/4/12
I got this in my Dad celphOne

Priest: You seem so depress son!
Man: I know.
Priest: You just pray and lift in all to the Lord
Man: yeah like how you lift the nun skirt up and the nun said: Oh Lord!

A man with a dog walked inside a bar.
Bartender: Sir, No dogs allowed.
Man: His my eye seeing dog.
Bartender: your not blind
Man: you will be...
1021 cr points
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21 / M / Canada
Posted 7/4/12
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

She had no arms

Knock, knock.
Who's there?

Not Sarah
875 cr points
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24 / F / Σ( ̄ロ ̄ll)
Posted 7/29/12
How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator?
~Open the fridge, take the elephant, put it inside, close the door of the fridge.
4328 cr points
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22 / F / HK
Posted 7/30/12
oh god, there were guys at my camp that told these... they were funny,... until the 20th one...
11840 cr points
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27 / F / San Jose, California
Posted 7/30/12
I have a feeling Akira Yamada supports this thread...
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