Two men walk into a bar and the third one ducks.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
Get in the van.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What's sad about four black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends.
Your friend is so gay he has consensual sex with other men and enjoys it.
A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck.
How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.
A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the Christian says, "If you don't believe in God you're going to hell." the atheist replies, "If there was a benevolent supreme being, logic dictates that there would be proof of his existence other than a 2,000 year old book." They agree to set aside their petty differences and get on with their lives.
How do you get a clown off of a swing? You hit him with an axe.
How do you kill a blonde? Well there are many ways but all of them are wrong since murder is illegal.
A platypus walks into a bar. They are the only mammals with the ability to lay eggs.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.
Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.
A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling.
"I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said.
So he found some berries, but spit them out.
"These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said.
He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees.
"That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said.
He then stumbled upon a cabin.
"I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered.
The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.
If Chuck Norris has $5 dollars and you have $5 dollars, you both have the same amount of money.
Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a firefighter.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, he was an electrician.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I'll stop here because my post will end up being five pages long. I got all of my stuff from here
http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/page/1
I lied. Here's one more.
Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the sahara dessert
Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse
Answer: Purple, because ice cream has no bones
Offline 
Online 
