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Regaining Trust
Posted 5/23/11
Well ya see, I have this dilemma. I have this friend, who use to be all happy and giddy. He use to be the most fun anyone had seen in quite sometime. His sheer will was amazing, he was an amazing person, only second to me obviously.

Anyway. Here is something you heard plenty of times before happening too a human, but there's a little spin on this one.

This guy I mentioned above has had his heart shattered one too many times that I actually think he's on the brink of suicide, he had starting acting unlike himself, he hates being single, so he's usually in a relationship, cause he's weird and actually want's a girlfriend(Why would you want a liability?). Every time he'd get a girlfriend. He'd tell me stuff like.

"She's probably cheating right now, she has to be, if she ain't in front of the mirror, she's probably at another rodeo." And breaks up with her the FIRST thought he gets of her cheating. Generalizing so bad saying. "If all cheaters disappeared, females would be extinct." I have no reference to give him of a faithful girl. I had 5 girlfriends and sadly they ended the same way his did, only I never actually trust girls to begin with so it hardly matters, he's the retard who actually EXPECTS a girl to be faithful. He never really listens to me.

Me: "You'll never find a girl that won't cheat on you, stop looking, it's a waste of energy and time, do you actually think they want just ONE guy? They probably want as many guys as they need tampons, in other words... more then one."

Him: "You can't be serious... :(."

And he doesn't listen anyway.

Now I can't post the whole story because you already had a hard time reading up til this point.

THE REAL QUESTION HERE!

Can you regain trust? One girl I know is actually trying to regain his trust in love again, but he's too scared to trust her. Can you really believe in love again after 7 consecutive relationships ending because of cheating?

I really just wanna crush his hope of ever finding any (good)girl because It just can't happen...

But share your thoughts! :D(And experiences if needed). I'll say it again to clear up all the text.

How can you get someone to regain their trust in relationships?
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Posted 5/23/11

'Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection.


Posted 5/23/11

chrome_mist wrote:


'Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection.




You can fix it?! Can you elaborate on how before this guy commits suicide?! O.O!
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Posted 5/23/11

Aero-Mach wrote:



You can fix it?! Can you elaborate on how before this guy commits suicide?! O.O!


Umm no. I just answered your question Can you regain trust?. I mean you can't regain somebody's trust, it's close to impossible at least.

And this is why I should be reading the OP's post first before posting. Sorry bout not helping.
Posted 5/23/11

chrome_mist wrote:


Aero-Mach wrote:



You can fix it?! Can you elaborate on how before this guy commits suicide?! O.O!


Umm no. I just answered your question Can you regain trust?. I mean you can't regain somebody's trust, it's close to impossible at least.

And this is why I should be reading the OP's post first before posting. Sorry bout not helping.


Wait a second, you didn't answer much at all, cause you seemed to have missed this.
How can you get someone to regain their trust in relationships?
Never mind, thanks for your help.
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Posted 5/23/11
No offense, you can't generalize every girl that would cheat on her boyfriend. I only date once so far, and it went awful, because he kept accusing me of cheating. I did not cheat on him. I could not stand it, so I broke off with him. I did not have a boyfriend until I was 21, so why would I cheat. I turn down guys, because I just want to be ready found some that I want to be with. Well my first ex-bf, he is not want I want. I do regret dating him.

Anyways back to your topic. People need time and space to trust some one again. I know it sounds abstract, although this is how a person heals. They should be friends with the person first, and see how their personality is before getting into a relationship.
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Posted 5/23/11
i think it's different for each person whether they'd trust again, for me i don't trust anyone at all im extremly paranoid due to the way boys used to treat me, my boyfriend goes out and i assume he goes out looking for someone better which sounds stupid but i just cant help, other people must just be like it too whether youre mates like that i dont know, he might just need to find a girl had can understand what he gets like and not just leave because of it
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Posted 5/23/11
The only way a person can regain trust is by proving it. This will be the hard part for her, as your friend is paranoid about being cheated on, she'd either a) take him everywhere or b) not go anywhere

Now both of those options are highly unfair to her, but if she is serious about being with him, it should not be a big deal. Now, if he never trusts her even after that, there is no hope because to have a successful relationship there must be trust, since it is the foundation, if it breaks the whole thing falls down.
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Posted 5/23/11 , edited 5/23/11
Edit, Nvm
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Posted 5/23/11
OP, your friend needs to grow up.

The reason behind his constant paranoia about girl's cheating on him and shit is because of his lack of confidence. I can honestly say I'm confused with the entirety of the story or what's going on. But it's completely impossible for someone to regain full trust. It's like building a puzzle, and then losing a part of it along the way. You can never get that piece back, and the puzzle will forever be incomplete.

P.S.
You're far too biased towards women being 'unfaithful' because it goes both ways my friend. I know girls are just a lot better at hiding their ploys, while men are clumsy. But still, don't associate all women to that ignorant statement of being cheaters even though I understand where you're coming from.
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Posted 5/23/11
It's not entirely impossible but it is really difficult to regain it.

Most bonds are broken due to misunderstanding or due to dissenting opinion so the best way to make mends with your friend is to start an open dialogue. Both of you must accept the flaws that your friend point out and must strive to remedy those flaws. I cannot say the appropriate steps but always remember that the first step to fix any wounded friendship is a heart-to-heart talk.

If he does not accept this, then he's a fool that blinded by his own fears and narrow mindedness.



Posted 5/23/11
i wish i knew your friend so i could give him a hug, he seems like such a genuinely awesome person. I used to know someone like that too, a very trusting individual, very inspiring. but your friend's got to learn that the world isn't perfect, and not everybody is deserving of trust, although i hope he won't lose his faith in people because of these incidents. he should probably take a break from dating for the time being...
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Posted 5/23/11
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Posted 5/23/11
I think he really needs to just take a break from relationships for a while, or at least from serious ones. I'm sure it's not helping him to continually put himself in situations that open his old wounds, even if the cause is his own paranoia. Once he's taken some time to "heal" or whatever you want to call it, he'll have a much easier time not worrying about such things. (Though the fear may always be there in some form, it should at least get a bit weaker.)
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Posted 5/23/11 , edited 5/23/11
I don't blame him.
I've been cheated on, at one point you think it's your fault. There has to be a reason why you continue to get cheated on.
Even when meeting a guy you KNOW won't cheat on you, you still have that small fear at the back of your brain. To a point where you're scared that you might push them into cheating on you. It really is a huge blow. I can go on and tell you that not all women are like that, blah blah blah, but you'd probably not listen. Just as I wouldn't listen if a guy told me that all men aren't cheaters. Being cheated on does something to you. You either
A. become a cheater yourself, or
B. have a hard time trusting someone in a relationship.
People don't seem to understand what it's like to get crushed like that. Especially when you put in so much trust and time into the ones that cheated on you.

Let your friend work it out on his own. Don't direct him anywhere. He's clearly completely different than you and took being cheated on completely differently. Just leave it.
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