The Day Hell Froze Over
Posted 9/22/11
It was a windy morning, and by windy I mean I woke up from the smell of my fart.
I get up, throw on my slippers and head for the breakfast table...
Guess what? There's no breakfast on the table.
I call my wife who is sitting on the sofa watching TV
I yell at her to make me a fucking sandwitch.
She tells me that she's busy
Well looks like I have to put some elbowgrease in.
I pick up my nutrigrain box and open the fridge
I take out the milk
I fetch a large bowl

I pour the cereal
I pour the milk
I pour the bowl..... into my mouth.

I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips
I pick up some bacon strips

I toss the bacon strips into cup
Why? cos bitches like my wife cant do crazy sht like this.

I take my cup of bacon strips to the microwave
I microwave the baconstrip'd cup.
The microwave blows up
Theres blown up clay on my bacon strips
I eat the fucking bacon strips.
I eat the fucking clay.

Theres one bacon strip left
I pick it up and throw it at the bitch laying on the couch
scratching her non-existant ballsack.
The bitch yells and says fuck you, why the fuck does the bacon hurt?
Cos its fucking baked with clay, thats why.

So the muppet gets up and cleans herself off.
I go to the shower and I clean off the aids I got from the bitch last night.
Bitch comes into the shower
asks me if i want to get down with her in the shower
Bitch probz dunno she gotz da aids.
And I tell u this bitch has more aids than all sick kids in third world countries put together.

I go to my room, I jump into my Giorgo Armani suit, Why you ask?
I'd rather get laid by bitches at work.
I get into my car, its not fancy but it does the job.
Its a heavily-paint-chipped fastback

I get stuck in traffic
bad enough, being late after having to mak your own fucking breakfast

A mate from work pulls up in his merc benz.
He waves at me along with a fake smile from the surgeon
who fixed my punch out of his face last week

I put my my windows and blast the radio.
Justin Beiber's baby comes on
I make myself throw up in the car
While the mate from work is singing along to the gay fag anthem
as he can hear it through the glass.

I call my boss and tell him I'm stuck in traffic
And hes not in a terrific mood, he fires me

Here I am, stuck in the middle of traffic, with justin beiber
With the dickhead on the next lane lipsyncing and laughing at me
While im stuck with no firearms, no caffeine, no more bacon strips.
In the freeway, having to turn around and come back to a woman
that spends the day picking lice out of her facial pubes.

^--- tragic story bro. a bit funny but yh, tragic.
Posted 9/22/11


This is the best thing I have ever read. I'm in tears right now you have no idea. Please write more!
Posted 9/23/11
I shud turn it into a fucking book. I'd call it "Fuck civilization nowadays" Chapter 1 "The Day Hell Froze Over"
Moon Princess Moderator
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Posted 9/24/12
OP nuked.

Feel free to recreate.

~Locked
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