Post Reply There is hope
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21 / F / Walking through W...
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Posted 11/19/11 , edited 11/19/11
Post themed stories for There is hope here~

There are NO language/length restrictions!
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There is hope in this life;
there is fear in these eyes.
I believe we can fly,
Through the hole in the sky

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18 / F / Tokyo
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Posted 11/26/11 , edited 11/28/11
(Given up on it - rewriting)
Creator
10267 cr points
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21 / F / Walking through W...
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Posted 11/26/11
You're getting better! A couple suggestions though: I think you should go into a bit more detail, example: '-dressed in a clock wearing a mask and mad hatter hat without the tag-' Describe what the mask and hat looks like, because I don't think anyone knows what kind of hat your talking about, theres so many different versions. And is he wearing a death mask? Or a zoro mask, etc? Its the little things that make the characters tangible and the story so much more interesting.

Also, you should go more into the story line on whats going on, because you like to start right off in the middle of the action, and theres nothing wrong with that; just a suggestion to make your characters motive, what they're aiming for, or whats happening exactly a little more clear :)

The last thing is the spelling and grammar... I noticed a lot of typos and was wondering if you would want me to proof read it for you and send you back the edited version? Very good altogether, it fits the theme perfectly ^_^ good job.
90274 cr points
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18 / F / Tokyo
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Posted 11/27/11
Its still under co so i will be following your advace
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