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21 / Hogwarts
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Posted 1/1/12 , edited 3/6/12
Hi everyone,
Please write a scene with a conversation and a fight scene, in third person. Current members of CAS will critique and decide on acceptance or rejection, depending on your writing. Don't worry though; we're not that strict. All we ask is that's it's interesting and understandable (in both spelling - don't worry about a few mistakes - and punctuation - paragraphs included). Write at least two paragraphs.

What we look for are writers who can: create interesting, vibrant stories; work well in teams, and are active; since our stories are heavily interlinked and in case a writer disappears mid plot, it leaves us all hanging.

Good luck.
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Posted 1/1/12 , edited 1/1/12
Diana looked at Bellona as she sat under a tree. “Why are we doing this again?” asked Diana. Bellona who was leaning against a tree from across her smiled and said “Because I want some fun is why”. Diana shook her head and thought why did I even agree to tag along with her. Bellona laughed and pushed off against the tree and reached her hand out to Diana. Diana took it as she was pulled up by Bellona and they began to walk down the path again, holding hands. “You know you shouldn’t be so scared of doing things” said Bellona as she walked beside Diana. Diana looked over at her and sighed and said “like that is comforting coming from you”. Bellona laughed and shook her head. Diana wondered if she should stop Bellona but knew it wouldn’t be possible when she set her mind to do something. As they walk it grew dark and they stopped to make camp for the night. Bellona went to get the fire wood as Diana set up there sleeping bags. They soon had a fire going and sat down around they fire.

Diana had fallen asleep as Bellona sat under a tree. She stayed up to make sure nothing would happen while they were asleep. Soon there was a noise coming from some bushes to her left. She stood up and narrowed her eyes at the spot. “Who’s there” said Bellona. A figure come out of the bushes and smiled at her. Bellona pulled out her sword and pointed it at him. The figure took out his sword and rushed at her. Bellona brought up her sword and blocked it with her own and then pushed him back with her sword. Diana was a few feet away a sleep and Bellona moved towards her and hissed “wake up”. Diana shot up and stared wide eyed as she saw Bellona with her sword drawn and a figure standing a few feet away from them. She got up quickly and drew her bow and arrows and took aim at him. The figure laughed and charged at them. Bellona brought her sword down at him as she had raised her sword. It cut into his shoulder and he yelled out and backed away. “Now!!!” yelled Bellona too Diana. Diana nodded and shot her arrow into the man’s chest. He fell over as it pierced his heart. Bellona and Diana looked at each other and then at the man. They quickly began to put up their sleeping bags and fled from the secene.
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Posted 1/2/12

ai-kurosaki wrote:

Diana looked at Bellona as she sat under a tree. “Why are we doing this again?” asked Diana. Bellona who was leaning against a tree from across her smiled and said “Because I want some fun is why”. Diana shook her head and thought why did I even agree to tag along with her. Bellona laughed and pushed off against the tree and reached her hand out to Diana. Diana took it as she was pulled up by Bellona and they began to walk down the path again, holding hands. “You know you shouldn’t be so scared of doing things” said Bellona as she walked beside Diana. Diana looked over at her and sighed and said “like that is comforting coming from you”. Bellona laughed and shook her head. Diana wondered if she should stop Bellona but knew it wouldn’t be possible when she set her mind to do something. As they walk it grew dark and they stopped to make camp for the night. Bellona went to get the fire wood as Diana set up there sleeping bags. They soon had a fire going and sat down around they fire.

Diana had fallen asleep as Bellona sat under a tree. She stayed up to make sure nothing would happen while they were asleep. Soon there was a noise coming from some bushes to her left. She stood up and narrowed her eyes at the spot. “Who’s there” said Bellona. A figure come out of the bushes and smiled at her. Bellona pulled out her sword and pointed it at him. The figure took out his sword and rushed at her. Bellona brought up her sword and blocked it with her own and then pushed him back with her sword. Diana was a few feet away a sleep and Bellona moved towards her and hissed “wake up”. Diana shot up and stared wide eyed as she saw Bellona with her sword drawn and a figure standing a few feet away from them. She got up quickly and drew her bow and arrows and took aim at him. The figure laughed and charged at them. Bellona brought her sword down at him as she had raised her sword. It cut into his shoulder and he yelled out and backed away. “Now!!!” yelled Bellona too Diana. Diana nodded and shot her arrow into the man’s chest. He fell over as it pierced his heart. Bellona and Diana looked at each other and then at the man. They quickly began to put up their sleeping bags and fled from the secene.


I like it =) approved.
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Posted 1/2/12

syphl wrote:
e]

I like it =) approved.


thanks,just thought that up,lol,wasn't sure if it was good,lol
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21 / Hogwarts
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Posted 1/3/12 , edited 1/3/12

ai-kurosaki wrote:

Diana looked at Bellona as she sat under a tree. “Why are we doing this again?” asked Diana. Bellona who was leaning against a tree from across her smiled and said “Because I want some fun is why”. Diana shook her head and thought why did I even agree to tag along with her. Bellona laughed and pushed off against the tree and reached her hand out to Diana. Diana took it as she was pulled up by Bellona and they began to walk down the path again, holding hands. “You know you shouldn’t be so scared of doing things” said Bellona as she walked beside Diana. Diana looked over at her and sighed and said “like that is comforting coming from you”. Bellona laughed and shook her head. Diana wondered if she should stop Bellona but knew it wouldn’t be possible when she set her mind to do something. As they walk it grew dark and they stopped to make camp for the night. Bellona went to get the fire wood as Diana set up there sleeping bags. They soon had a fire going and sat down around they fire.

Diana had fallen asleep as Bellona sat under a tree. She stayed up to make sure nothing would happen while they were asleep. Soon there was a noise coming from some bushes to her left. She stood up and narrowed her eyes at the spot. “Who’s there” said Bellona. A figure come out of the bushes and smiled at her. Bellona pulled out her sword and pointed it at him. The figure took out his sword and rushed at her. Bellona brought up her sword and blocked it with her own and then pushed him back with her sword. Diana was a few feet away a sleep and Bellona moved towards her and hissed “wake up”. Diana shot up and stared wide eyed as she saw Bellona with her sword drawn and a figure standing a few feet away from them. She got up quickly and drew her bow and arrows and took aim at him. The figure laughed and charged at them. Bellona brought her sword down at him as she had raised her sword. It cut into his shoulder and he yelled out and backed away. “Now!!!” yelled Bellona too Diana. Diana nodded and shot her arrow into the man’s chest. He fell over as it pierced his heart. Bellona and Diana looked at each other and then at the man. They quickly began to put up their sleeping bags and fled from the secene.


Your sentences could do with some variation in type, and the 'there sleeping bags' ought to be 'their sleeping bags' as it's a possessive, but not bad. I approve.
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Posted 1/3/12

ShadowInTheNight wrote:

Your sentences could do with some variation in type, and the 'there sleeping bags' ought to be 'their sleeping bags' as it's a possessive, not bad. I approve.


okay,will try too do that
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100 / M / The world inside...
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Posted 1/3/12

ai-kurosaki wrote:

Diana looked at Bellona as she sat under a tree. “Why are we doing this again?” asked Diana. Bellona who was leaning against a tree from across her smiled and said “Because I want some fun is why”. Diana shook her head and thought why did I even agree to tag along with her. Bellona laughed and pushed off against the tree and reached her hand out to Diana. Diana took it as she was pulled up by Bellona and they began to walk down the path again, holding hands. “You know you shouldn’t be so scared of doing things” said Bellona as she walked beside Diana. Diana looked over at her and sighed and said “like that is comforting coming from you”. Bellona laughed and shook her head. Diana wondered if she should stop Bellona but knew it wouldn’t be possible when she set her mind to do something. As they walk it grew dark and they stopped to make camp for the night. Bellona went to get the fire wood as Diana set up there sleeping bags. They soon had a fire going and sat down around they fire.

Diana had fallen asleep as Bellona sat under a tree. She stayed up to make sure nothing would happen while they were asleep. Soon there was a noise coming from some bushes to her left. She stood up and narrowed her eyes at the spot. “Who’s there” said Bellona. A figure come out of the bushes and smiled at her. Bellona pulled out her sword and pointed it at him. The figure took out his sword and rushed at her. Bellona brought up her sword and blocked it with her own and then pushed him back with her sword. Diana was a few feet away a sleep and Bellona moved towards her and hissed “wake up”. Diana shot up and stared wide eyed as she saw Bellona with her sword drawn and a figure standing a few feet away from them. She got up quickly and drew her bow and arrows and took aim at him. The figure laughed and charged at them. Bellona brought her sword down at him as she had raised her sword. It cut into his shoulder and he yelled out and backed away. “Now!!!” yelled Bellona too Diana. Diana nodded and shot her arrow into the man’s chest. He fell over as it pierced his heart. Bellona and Diana looked at each other and then at the man. They quickly began to put up their sleeping bags and fled from the secene.


Its good, ill approve too.
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28 / M / Secret ^^
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Posted 2/16/12
Embraced by the cold crystal, her body remained in slumber for all those years. Cast away from the touch of passing time. Even so: the proper day came. With an uneasy beginning the crystal started to crumble. She felt as the could air began to touch her skin. Once her prison shattered entirely she fell onto the floor. The whole chamber enlightened with the orbs of blue flames as soon as she opened her eyes. The tall figure opened the massive doors and walked in. “Milady, You called?” - The man said while bowing slightly before her. ”The time had came Alair. We need to get going.” - she said with a certain seriousness in her voice. Soon enough after Guinevere picked up some clothes they were walking down the hallway of the mansion. “It is not my thing but are you sure Milady? Going out right after your awakening might be not the best idea considering your enemies.” Guinevere laughed slightly in her dominant way as soon as she heard those words. “Ever since I did awaken each single particle of my body is just itching to meet them. And aren’t You the one responsible for my safety Alair? If so, then why should I be worried?”. He smirked slightly and took a cigarette out of his pocket. Once it was between his lips Alair simply snapped his fingers and tip of cigarette lit up with a deep azure flame. “As always you would like to make it hard on me Milady”. Suddenly he felt an unimaginable killing intent. As he turned up his sight towards Guinevere he saw that her bicolored eyes were piercing him. He knew that the slight but wicked smile over her face was in fact sign of incredible anger. “Well then..” she started with a really sneaky tone “…tell me: since when did you grew enough guts to smoke those awful things in my presence?”. She walked up right in front of him and grabbed his cigarette. After she clenched it her fist nothing more than a little bit of ashes was left. Keeping up her smile she strew those ashes over his head and whispered right into his ear: “Do it once more and I’ll ensure that you will never forget the consequences”. Little while passed before Alair was able to follow his ‘Milady’. In fact he nearly forgot how scary she can be.

It was night already. Unable to reach the town in time Sigelie decided to make a camp in the forest. Warm breeze from the fire was embracing her face as she was looking at it. Sudden howl broke the silence of this night . Grabbing her staff Sigelie got up quickly. One, two… she started to count the wolfs as they were surrounding her. She managed to locate four of them once from the blind spot behind one of the wolves jumped at her. Driven by the instinct she swung around her staff. Her weapon hit the side of the wolf in midair before his teeth could reach her. He crucshed soundly onto a nearby tree still rather enraged than seriously wounded. Making a full turnaround Sigelie quickly created some distance from the other wolves which already tried to get her. Still all of them surrounded her in a very short distance. It was hard to keep her mind cool in this situation. Each side waited for a move. When the pack leader jumped forward right at her. using her reflex she hit him from above with her staff. After crushing him into the ground Sigelie jumped over the rest of the wolves using her staff. She stabbed a nearby rag and once tip of her staff was wrapped in it she put it into flames. Burning staff once again put the wolfs at by. “Hah, I hope they will give up” she said. Pack leader of the wolves managed to get up though . Probably enraged with the resistance of their prey he gave a sign to the other beasts . All at once rushed at Sigelie. Clenching up her staff she hit the closest target. Smashed from the side wolf’s skull cracked . She dodged the next two wolves rotating low over her left leg and used created momentum to once again hit the fourth wolf. With a broken spine he fell onto the ground. Two remaining beasts didn’t manage to turn back before her so she could send one of them flying quite easily. The last wolf ran away leaving his pack leader alone. Sigelie turned up to the old wounded wolf. Growling with rage he kept looking at her with hatred. She prepared for his attack. Despite his broken bones he rushed with an immense strength. Outsmarting him Sigelie dodged to the side. Knowing the wolf’s supposed position she turned around with a full speed and used her staff like a spear. Opened mouth was not an easy target but she managed to stab tip of her staff into it. Impaled like that her last remaining enemy died. Worn out Sigelie sat down onto the ground and sighed deeply.

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21 / Hogwarts
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Posted 2/16/12 , edited 2/16/12

Dandare wrote:

Embraced by the cold crystal, her body remained in slumber for all those years. Cast away from the touch of passing time. Even so: the proper day came. With an uneasy beginning the crystal started to crumble. She felt as the could air began to touch her skin. Once her prison shattered entirely she fell onto the floor. The whole chamber enlightened with the orbs of blue flames as soon as she opened her eyes. The tall figure opened the massive doors and walked in. “Milady, You called?” - The man said while bowing slightly before her. ”The time had came Alair. We need to get going.” - she said with a certain seriousness in her voice. Soon enough after Guinevere picked up some clothes they were walking down the hallway of the mansion. “It is not my thing but are you sure Milady? Going out right after your awakening might be not the best idea considering your enemies.” Guinevere laughed slightly in her dominant way as soon as she heard those words. “Ever since I did awaken each single particle of my body is just itching to meet them. And aren’t You the one responsible for my safety Alair? If so, then why should I be worried?”. He smirked slightly and took a cigarette out of his pocket. Once it was between his lips Alair simply snapped his fingers and tip of cigarette lit up with a deep azure flame. “As always you would like to make it hard on me Milady”. Suddenly he felt an unimaginable killing intent. As he turned up his sight towards Guinevere he saw that her bicolored eyes were piercing him. He knew that the slight but wicked smile over her face was in fact sign of incredible anger. “Well then..” she started with a really sneaky tone “…tell me: since when did you grew enough guts to smoke those awful things in my presence?”. She walked up right in front of him and grabbed his cigarette. After she clenched it her fist nothing more than a little bit of ashes was left. Keeping up her smile she strew those ashes over his head and whispered right into his ear: “Do it once more and I’ll ensure that you will never forget the consequences”. Little while passed before Alair was able to follow his ‘Milady’. In fact he nearly forgot how scary she can be.

It was night already. Unable to reach the town in time Sigelie decided to make a camp in the forest. Warm breeze from the fire was embracing her face as she was looking at it. Sudden howl broke the silence of this night . Grabbing her staff Sigelie got up quickly. One, two… she started to count the wolfs as they were surrounding her. She managed to locate four of them once from the blind spot behind one of the wolves jumped at her. Driven by the instinct she swung around her staff. Her weapon hit the side of the wolf in midair before his teeth could reach her. He crucshed soundly onto a nearby tree still rather enraged than seriously wounded. Making a full turnaround Sigelie quickly created some distance from the other wolves which already tried to get her. Still all of them surrounded her in a very short distance. It was hard to keep her mind cool in this situation. Each side waited for a move. When the pack leader jumped forward right at her. using her reflex she hit him from above with her staff. After crushing him into the ground Sigelie jumped over the rest of the wolves using her staff. She stabbed a nearby rag and once tip of her staff was wrapped in it she put it into flames. Burning staff once again put the wolfs at by. “Hah, I hope they will give up” she said. Pack leader of the wolves managed to get up though . Probably enraged with the resistance of their prey he gave a sign to the other beasts . All at once rushed at Sigelie. Clenching up her staff she hit the closest target. Smashed from the side wolf’s skull cracked . She dodged the next two wolves rotating low over her left leg and used created momentum to once again hit the fourth wolf. With a broken spine he fell onto the ground. Two remaining beasts didn’t manage to turn back before her so she could send one of them flying quite easily. The last wolf ran away leaving his pack leader alone. Sigelie turned up to the old wounded wolf. Growling with rage he kept looking at her with hatred. She prepared for his attack. Despite his broken bones he rushed with an immense strength. Outsmarting him Sigelie dodged to the side. Knowing the wolf’s supposed position she turned around with a full speed and used her staff like a spear. Opened mouth was not an easy target but she managed to stab tip of her staff into it. Impaled like that her last remaining enemy died. Worn out Sigelie sat down onto the ground and sighed deeply.



That's pretty good. I have a couple of suggestions which will make reading easier, and they are to put each person's speech on a different line so no one has to read a daunting block of text, and to use a few more paragraphs and commas instead of quite so many full stops, but this is a fairly good piece of writing.

I approve. Now we need a couple more mods to do so, and you'll get an invite.
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Posted 2/17/12 , edited 2/17/12
Very, very good.
Approved

Welcome to the group, Dandare (officially) =)

I look forward to writing with you ^-^
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Posted 2/17/12

I also find it quite good . Like Shadow I have a few things which can be changed like the full stop-thing but the contain of the posts are nice XD....

Hope you will post soon Dandare-chan
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Posted 2/17/12
Not that surprised, figured you would get in
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24 / F
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Posted 3/6/12 , edited 3/6/12
Akuma had been told that she would not be able to become a full vampire until she had to go to a certain human to eat. The human's name is Kuroi and the thing is Kuroi liked Akuma. Akuma also had to fight but she really didn't want to do that. But her father, Ikkakuro would not allow that to happen. All of a sudden her powers had awakened and Akuma could not control herself. She then attacked with a army of at least 10000 or more so she had to attack with all she had. :sweatingbullets:

All of a sudden Kuroi had turned against her when she had awakened because he really did love her but she was a monster according to what the humans had said. Akuma was to wed a man named Guroshu when the time came for it to happen. Kuroi was ready for battle. The thing is though Kuroi was a werewolf but the humans did not know that since Kuroi stayed calm more than anyone, also Kuroi was the prince of the werewolves.

The battle lasted for years and Kuroi and Akuma had been alive now for 3000 years but they did hate each other after a long time. The war did not end like most people thought most wars would. Now it is the year 4201 and nothing has changed. The humans hate vampires.... the vampires hate the werewolves... and the werewolves hate all mankind except for Kuroi who still liked Akuma but would not admit any more.

The story of them will last a life time since they can live forever and no one knows exactly where they live now.... but the thing that can be told is that everyone knows where the battle took place. Most of us humans know that they died.... but their races know that they didn't but they can not find where they had went.

Ikkakuro wondered where his daughter, Akuma, had went because he thinks the king of the werewolves had took her.... and the king of the werewolves thought the same thing about his son, Kuroi.



TO BE CONTINUED.....
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Posted 3/6/12


Um Kona....if thats your application then it doesn't meet the requirements of the application we asked for. We need an introduction and a fight scene.

If you intend to continue it then put a (to be continued) sign or something

If this IS your application, then Im afraid I have to reject you. We base our rping on a story format and your style doesn't fit our group.
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21 / Hogwarts
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Posted 3/9/12


Adding to the previous post, we also ask for a conversation and we expect both the conversation and the fight scene to be more descriptive than factual.
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