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Father/daughter relationships related to the boys we like?
Posted 1/26/12 , edited 1/26/12
(Thread procedures go here)
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I don't want to open my mouth because I don't understand it. I've been seeing a counselor lately due to attachment issues I seem to have with men - I tend to get attached almost immediately, demand constant reassurance that they still feel the same, and am hurt later when I realize they don't like me as much in that moment. I hadn't thought the problem could have been with me - and he suggested that I think back to my relationship with my father. Though I don't remember most things from when I was little, I do remember:

-Crying over him a lot and thinking he didn't love me, because he only saw me once a year for my first 10 years (please don't start. Constructive criticism only, thank you.)
-Wanting to be around him, but despising him when I was.

We made a lot of "connections" to the way I think of men now, and the way I thought of my father. However, whether or not it's because I've suppressed memories, it doesn't FEEL like it has anything to do with him. I was wondering if any girls have had similar experiences and if anyone, boy or girl, could offer me and other girls in the same situation more info. Thanks.
Posted 1/26/12 , edited 1/26/12
Those are called daddy issues.
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Posted 1/26/12
attachment issues, purely in the head

perhaps you should take a break from relationships.
Posted 1/26/12

AnimeKami wrote:

attachment issues, purely in the head

perhaps you should take a break from relationships.


I am - a 6 month break. But "purely in the head" doesn't seem like very good reasoning, thanks.
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Posted 1/26/12
Seems like your councelor is really into Freud. Girls tend to get attached to guys more than guys to girls, that's just a general rule and I don't see how it has anything to do with parental issues. My friend has the same problem as you and her parents are together and have never been apart. My parents on the other hand got divorced when I was five or six, but I never felt the need to go see a councelor because of relationship issues. I'd say the best thing you can do is just keep in mind your behavior patterns and learn from your mistakes.
Posted 1/26/12
Know that romantic love plays a dangerous game with your brain's chemical structure. It produces a high similar to cocaine use, and dependency can only arise from this. When love is threatened, it makes people act like lunatics, possibly causing bodily harm to other people, even death.

And your issues with your father have caused you to seek compassion from other males so you can use that to mentally simulate love from your father. There is a void in your heart that can't be filled with temporaries.
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Posted 1/26/12
An important thing to keep in mind when trying to figure anything out, but especially something as complex as behavioral patterns, is that answers very seldom lie in the extremes of something always being something, or never. I would say that your early relationships and especially parental, or the lack thereof, play a strong role in how you view a normal or healthy relationship to play out. That isn't to say that it will define it solely, or that you can't learn what a healthy relationship actually is. A big part of healthy relationships is clearly defining realistic expectations and communicating instead of assuming.

I think everyone would benefit from therapy, good work taking initiative that's a big step.
Posted 1/27/12
Psychologist and Psychotherapists seem to love relating every possible problem back to the mother or father, and frankly, I think it's a load of rubbish. Well, maybe not a load of rubbish, but highly overrated. But I'm an underqualified noob that knows nothing of the subject, so who cares!
Posted 1/27/12
I don't trust psychologists.
Posted 1/27/12

underlock wrote:

I don't trust psychologists.


Only because if you ever saw one, they would immediatly declare you bat-shit insane and send you straight to the asylum.
Posted 1/27/12 , edited 1/27/12

haikinka wrote:

Only because if you ever saw one, they would immediatly declare you bat-shit insane and send you straight to the asylum.


If they try to do that I'll just spy their personal life and find a way to blackmail.

Or you know, just act naturally because I'm naturally normal.

What if they say I also have dad issues, and I tell them I was brought up by gorillas in a jungle? Then I jump around their chairs like Tarzan while shouting like a chimpanzee.

Then I'll try to remove his pants.


Alright then. What do I have to do to see a psychologist? GP first I assume? My GP doesn't like me, he thinks I'm nuts, always recommending me a psychologist. So, I'd rather go straight to a psychologist. And do what I just wrote.
Posted 1/27/12

underlock wrote:


haikinka wrote:

Only because if you ever saw one, they would immediatly declare you bat-shit insane and send you straight to the asylum.


If they try to do that I'll just spy their personal life and find a way to blackmail.

Or you know, just act naturally because I'm naturally normal.

What if they say I also have dad issues, and I tell them I was brought up by gorillas in a jungle? Then I jump around their chairs like Tarzan while shouting like a chimpanzee.

Then I'll try to remove his pants.


Alright then. What do I have to do to see a psychologist? GP first I assume? My GP doesn't like me, he thinks I'm nuts, always recommending me a psychologist. So, I'd rather go straight to a psychologist. And do what I just wrote.


Rofl, that would be fucking awesome! Do it! Do it now and tape the whole thing with a hidden camera!
Posted 1/27/12
No, I enjoy freedom.
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Posted 1/27/12
Because your father didn't give you the attention you deserved, you are looking for a man to complete that role in your life, You'd be surprised if you found the numbers pertaining to this. Most women in abusive relationships have suffered abusive homes as children. Its like and innate ability to pick something that reminds you of your childhood, good or bad. People don't like to change, even if its for the better, so they cling to what they know.

Just my opinion.
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Posted 1/27/12
Ask yourself if it happens to females as well, if not, then I cannot tell you anymore info. on what you are going through since I am not there to know you or even listen to what you have to say. All I can do is just sit here and think about what you are going through.
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