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[For girls, written by a guy] On why guys are assholes
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12
In this post I'lll explain why I think many guys are assholes. As a guy, especially as a nice guy, I have a unique viewpoint on things that I'd like to share with you girls.

First, as I can't explain things without letting you know a bit about me, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a very nice guy. However, I am not flawed like other nice guys in that I am needy, emotionally flawed, inconfident, or have a low sense of self worth. I am confident, have a sense of self-worth, yet am very nice, loyal, kind, and often selfless. I have a healthy social life, a healthy view of relationships, and am otherwise a normal person. In terms of my potential value as a guy you might be interested in, I'm better than the average dude in most ways (by my own effort). I have worked out, so I am very muscled. I am naturally tall and slim in a way many girls like. I have clear skin, and wear expensive, fashionable clothes (my daily wardrobe is ~$600 of designer clothes). I am richer than many, and I attend one of my country's most renowned and respected universities. I have a psychologist-confirmed IQ of 120 (20 points above average) yet I am not nerdy or geeky besides that I know more the average joe. I go out to social events and act respectably and quite friendly. Initially I can be a tad quiet, I think because I take stock of who I'm around so I can act appropriately, but I warm up very quickly and can talk more than the average joe when I'm having fun.

The emphasis here though is on the nice guy aspect. To give you girls an example of just how kind I am I'll tell you about my last girlfriend (broke up 8 months ago). Initially we fell in love, things went well etc etc, but for no particular reason I fell out of love with her in may of last year. This was both of our graduating years (high school), though I personally didn't value graduation as much. I knew that she did, however, and I knew she had been looking forward to grad night events for a while. So I bit the bullet. Even though i did not romantically love her as much anymore I chose not to break up with her so as to not mess her up emotionally and psychologically by dumping her in may, before grad. As I was her first real boyfriend, I knew that doing so could have some lasting psychological effects. Girls can be fragile, y'know, especially when they love a guy. So I stayed with her, acted like the perfect boyfriend. Took her out with friends, took her to grad night, everything. And a few weeks after grad, when things were stable, I broke up with her gracefully and in such a way that she would take it best. She still ended up hating me, but I knew at least she wouldn't end up damaged. I was happy for that, and I was happy I made the best of things, and that was that. That's what kind of guy I am.

So, you'd probably think "you've got a great girlfriend right?" Wrong. Despite all of this, despite me working to improve myself (for my self-satisfaction, not for others), I do not. I do all the right things, yet I get friendzoned. And yet, I see guys who are average or worse be total assholes to girls and score some amazing chicks. I know some assholes who almost never not score a girl. "This guy has to have an issue or something..." Nope. Asked a few of my female friends about it, and they can't really point out anything. They usually make comments about how I'm a really nice friend though.

So I've gotten to the point where I'm sick and fucking tired of not having a girlfriend, of not being noticed by girls, of just immediately being friendzoned in favor of some dumb asshole who obvious does not give a shit about treating girls with two ounces of respect or class. Recently I've been thinking more and more about this, about how they get the girl and I don't. I'm sick of being the "perfect nice guy" that ever girl says she wants but never goes for. This resent has been building for a while, and now I feel like its starting to change me. It started as asshole-esque thoughts, just some "fuck being nice" kind of thoughts, and now its just grown. I feel as though it will grow into being a possible personality, and I'll be so sick and tired of it all that I'll just say "why the fuck not, I'll be an asshole."

So, here is why I think nice guys are rare, and why girls make comments on guys being assholes. Because the nice guys got sick and tired of being ignored and unappreciated, said "fuck it", and turned into assholes. Maybe if girls shunned the assholes and went for the nice guys, guys wouldn't be assholes.
Posted 3/5/12
That huge wall of text and all... best anti-guy opening ever.
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12

Dan_Holmes wrote:
as a nice guy

I am a very nice guy

The emphasis here though is on the nice guy aspect.

I'm a really nice friend though.

I think nice guys are rare


http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

*tips hat and waits for chrome_mist to reply*

lol wow cr seriously doesn't autolinkify things? orz
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12
Okay...I promise to post a very sensible comment to contribute to discussion but all I have to say first is..WOW ..I'd marry you xD


I'm going to go and read up on this, but I also want to add-Perhaps you're not being completely honest? I don't mean by lying. I mean it was commendable for you to stay with her so she wouldn't be damaged emotionally, but are you constantly doing things that are beyond necessary? Are you trying to be the "Perfect Boyfriend?" Nothing wrong with being your nice self, you sound pretty awesome, but if you seem too perfect maybe girls don't feel like they can be on your level.

Edit: Basically, are you being genuine?
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Posted 3/5/12

CaptainMurasa wrote:


Dan_Holmes wrote:
as a nice guy

I am a very nice guy

The emphasis here though is on the nice guy aspect.

I'm a really nice friend though.

I think nice guys are rare


http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

*tips hat and waits for chrome_mist to reply*

lol wow cr seriously doesn't autolinkify things? orz


Skimmed that shit. I'm not anything like that. I have a spine, self-respect, and am secure in myself. I mentioned that in my post.
Posted 3/5/12
Did you ever notice that you're fake and cocky?
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12

underlock wrote:

Did you ever notice that you're fake and cocky?


What do you base that on?

If you're basing it simply on the tone of my post, you are probably picking up on my resentment of my situation rather than who I actually am. I'm certain that if you talked with me you wouldn't say that. Also, I think that you say that I'm fake perhaps because I mentioned alot of things someone who is fake might state - material things, superficial things, etc. However, I have all those things because I work to better myself for my own self-satisfaction (its fun seeing results after working hard for them! Like working out and seeing a six pack, its a great feeling). I also am rather well off and my step fathers family is kind of superficial so I have to have nice clothes otherwise they'll think bad of me. My parents give me nice stuff so I will fit in with my step-family.

As for being cocky, no I'm not. That's not who I have been. I am however, starting to turn in that direction, and it worries me. That's the point I was trying to get across in my post - even the truly nice guys, who aren't flawed by the nice-guy-flaws, can turn into assholes after being friendzoned so much in favor of assholes. I'm trying to avoid it though, I hate assholes.
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Posted 3/5/12
generalizations............... generalizations EVERYWHERE
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12
No offence, but you kind of crapped on too much about yourself. That's your problem. Does it really matter if you get friendzoned anyway? If you want companionship, just deal with being a supportive friend! If you just have physical desires, solicit prosititutes or view pornography.
Posted 3/5/12
I won't get into the cocky aspect because that's all over the place, but you can't get tired of who you are.


I'm sick of being the "perfect nice guy" that ever girl says she wants but never goes for.
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Posted 3/5/12

Maiden_aya wrote:

Okay...I promise to post a very sensible comment to contribute to discussion but all I have to say first is..WOW ..I'd marry you xD


I'm going to go and read up on this, but I also want to add-Perhaps you're not being completely honest? I don't mean by lying. I mean it was commendable for you to stay with her so she wouldn't be damaged emotionally, but are you constantly doing things that are beyond necessary? Are you trying to be the "Perfect Boyfriend?" Nothing wrong with being your nice self, you sound pretty awesome, but if you seem too perfect maybe girls don't feel like they can be on your level.

Edit: Basically, are you being genuine?


Thanks!

What do you mean by read up on this? And no I don't try to be excessively nice or similar, or to go too above and beyond whats expected. At that time, I saw that I had two choices: break up or stay. I saw the results of those two options and, as a kind guy, I chose what I chose. Do I try to be the perfect boyfriend, generally? No. What I meant by that was that - looking back on it - I acted much like I think a respectable guy should act. And I've never thought about that - that some girls might not feel as though they were on my level. I guess I'm too humble to think like that.

And what do you mean by genuine? As in, am I being myself? Yes. I am myself and I don't change for anyone but myself (if that makes sense). :)

Oh and a side note - I mean this in a nice way but I'm not asking for advice here. This isn't a "poor me" post. I wrote it as a "here some information" kind of post for girls to see a guys point of view. Hopefully its useful in some way, had a night off and figured I'd write my situation somewhere.
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Posted 3/5/12
You sound like a self-absorbed, borderline sociopathic, insecure douchebag, with some serious, serious daddy issues. You are most certainly not the "perfect nice guy", you are an asshole.

I hate it when guys complain about the friend-zone, it's their own damn fault their in it in the first place. You're in the friend-zone because you're not making your intentions clear soon enough, and it's very obvious that you do not respect women - they are not fragile! You can deny this all you want, but you're one of those jerks looking for a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. You don't get there by "doing all the right things", there's no formula to follow when it comes to relationships.

Your reasoning for breaking up with your high school girlfriend is a sick joke. Obviously you didn't care for her at all, let alone loved her. You didn't break up with her because you were taking her feelings into consideration, you broke up with her because you wanted to avoid conflict! The only thing I'm wondering is what kind of idiot would fall for your tricks?

My advice to you; drop the nice guy act. Not only does it not suit you, but clearly you're terrible at it. Just be yourself. If you want to get a girlfriend, you'll have to do a couple things. One, you're going to have to work on your communication skills; they are atrocious. Two, you're going to have to view women as equals, not "fragile". When you talk to a girl and you see that you have the right kind of chemistry, ask her out, you'd be surprised at how often that works. You don't need to play all these games to get the girl or to keep her, and if you think you do, either she's not worth it, or there's something fundamentally wrong with you. At this time, I'm certain that the latter is true.
Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12
To be honest, your post does come off as pompous and reeking with a slight scent of “unwarranted self-importance.” Tell me, do we really need to know about your physical build, your clear complexion and your $600 designer clothes? That you’re richer than most and attend one of your country’s most renowned and respectful universities? To be quite frank, no one really cares about such things.

Another thing that rubbed me the wrong way was this particular paragraph in your post:


Even though i did not romantically love her as much anymore I chose not to break up with her so as to not mess her up emotionally and psychologically by dumping her in may, before grad. As I was her first real boyfriend, I knew that doing so could have some lasting psychological effects. Girls can be fragile, y'know, especially when they love a guy. So I stayed with her, acted like the perfect boyfriend. Took her out with friends, took her to grad night, everything. And a few weeks after grad, when things were stable, I broke up with her gracefully and in such a way that she would take it best. She still ended up hating me, but I knew at least she wouldn't end up damaged. I was happy for that, and I was happy I made the best of things, and that was that. That's what kind of guy I am.


What I got from it:

“I’m a pretty big deal to this girl. Such a big deal that I’m sure she’ll break down and become clinically depressed if I leave her, you know, because that’s how girls are. So for the sake of her stability, I'll play a front because that's the type of guy I am."

I'm starting to believe that this isn't just you having a "nice guy" problem.

Of course she would have been pissed. You basically lead her on, with no intentions of continuing the relationship. I would find it more respectful if a guy would just tell me from the get go that he's no longer interested instead of trying to "not hurt my feelings." Sure I would be hurt, but at least he had the decency of admitting his feelings. Break ups are usually never graceful. Millions of girls have gone through heartbreak at least one or more times in their lives and the majority of them have gotten over it. We aren't as fragile as you think, my dear.


You're in the friend-zone because you're not making your intentions clear soon enough.


I would have to agree. The problem with nice guys is that they don't attempt to go after what they want. They instead wait in the background, submissive and timid, hoping that the girl will finally notice their subtle come ons. Only to become confused when they're put in the friend zone. You want the girl? Then take the initiative and go after her. You can be a gentleman, nothing wrong with that, yet there's a huge difference between being aggressive and going after what you want than being just a plain asshole.
Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12
So you think that by sitting their and playing the "Nice Guy" you get the girl LOL good luck with that this is real life not Hollywood romantic comedy bullshit. And another thing with your 120 IQ level have you ever tried the direct approach instead of beating around the bush? Are you afraid of being rejected and ridiculed? Are you sure your previous girlfriend isn't damaged? Because to be quite honest I can't take your word for it and seriously you should have broken up with her sooner instead of playing with her feelings like that. Do you realize that she could develop a distrust for men because of that?

And when the nice guy role doesn't work for you, you just point fingers at the girls for liking assholes(making the assumption they're assholes). Okay IMO you are self centered but hey who isn't(to some extent), good luck with getting a new girlfriend it takes time.
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12


Trying to get pussy on CR...

I applaud your effort
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