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[For girls, written by a guy] On why guys are assholes
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12
oh yeah i forgot to say...



man up, and then maybe you'll get a girlfriend.
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Posted 3/5/12

ReaperEXE wrote:

You sound like a self-absorbed, borderline sociopathic, insecure douchebag, with some serious, serious daddy issues. You are most certainly not the "perfect nice guy", you are an asshole.

I hate it when guys complain about the friend-zone, it's their own damn fault their in it in the first place. You're in the friend-zone because you're not making your intentions clear soon enough, and it's very obvious that you do not respect women - they are not fragile! You can deny this all you want, but you're one of those jerks looking for a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. You don't get there by "doing all the right things", there's no formula to follow when it comes to relationships.

Your reasoning for breaking up with your high school girlfriend is a sick joke. Obviously you didn't care for her at all, let alone loved her. You didn't break up with her because you were taking her feelings into consideration, you broke up with her because you wanted to avoid conflict! The only thing I'm wondering is what kind of idiot would fall for your tricks?

My advice to you; drop the nice guy act. Not only does it not suit you, but clearly you're terrible at it. Just be yourself. If you want to get a girlfriend, you'll have to do a couple things. One, you're going to have to work on your communication skills; they are atrocious. Two, you're going to have to view women as equals, not "fragile". When you talk to a girl and you see that you have the right kind of chemistry, ask her out, you'd be surprised at how often that works. You don't need to play all these games to get the girl or to keep her, and if you think you do, either she's not worth it, or there's something fundamentally wrong with you. At this time, I'm certain that the latter is true.


Got any more fancy words you can use?

Did I say women ALL women were fragile ALL the time? No. Reading, learn how to do it. I said that some were, sometimes. It's true. Hell, most people are, sometimes, in some ways. And about my intentions - if girls can't tell I'm flirting with them, I make it more obvious. They get it. They just want to be friends. I respect that. As for "doing all the right things", and a "formula", you're right and you're wrong. You seem like to have a decent head on your shoulders, so you'd know that there isn't a formula but there are ways to act and there are ways not to act, and we have the choice, and often it takes a little adaptability on top of that.

Avoid conflict? Really? If I wanted to avoid conflict why would I post this thread? I KNEW I'd get flamed to high heaven by people exactly like you, with posts exactly like yours. And yet I posted it. Do you get it yet? Also, you must admit that I knew my girlfriend more than you. I had a fair idea of how she would respond to the choices I had. I wouldn't have experienced conflict with her, she wasn't like that. She wasn't a fighter, an arguer, etc. So it would have been EASIER to just dump her. I didn't. I'm not gonna get into specifics as it was merely an example to give evidence for a point.

Drop the nice guy act? First, it isn't an act. Second, it's being dropped. If you READ the POST you'd know that.

I'm not even gonna go into the rest of your damn post because you're so wrong its off the mark. Don't automatically assume you know me. You've fallen into the trap of assuming you know me based off stereotypes or people you know, whatever, I don't care. Don't.

I think you have the problem of assuming that a person like me can't exist. You can't accept it. So you'll do as you have and twist my words and try to make me out to be someone else. You'll try to use those cookie-cutter stereotypes to fit me into your structure of understanding the world, and if pieces don't fit you'll ignore them. Guess what bud, there are nice guys who violate the stereotypes, don't fall into the typical traps, and still lose. Why? Because life happens. A series of bad luck, going to the wrong parties, whatever, can lead to little results and building resentment, and turn a guy who's got both a spine and some kindness into a guy who just doesn't give a (unit-of-care). That's what I was trying to say in my post.


Anyways, it's late so I'll be taking my leave. Feel free to leave it at that, but I doubt you will.
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Posted 3/5/12

ReaperEXE wrote:

You sound like a self-absorbed, borderline sociopathic, insecure douchebag, with some serious, serious daddy issues. You are most certainly not the "perfect nice guy", you are an asshole.

I hate it when guys complain about the friend-zone, it's their own damn fault their in it in the first place. You're in the friend-zone because you're not making your intentions clear soon enough, and it's very obvious that you do not respect women - they are not fragile! You can deny this all you want, but you're one of those jerks looking for a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. You don't get there by "doing all the right things", there's no formula to follow when it comes to relationships.

Your reasoning for breaking up with your high school girlfriend is a sick joke. Obviously you didn't care for her at all, let alone loved her. You didn't break up with her because you were taking her feelings into consideration, you broke up with her because you wanted to avoid conflict! The only thing I'm wondering is what kind of idiot would fall for your tricks?

My advice to you; drop the nice guy act. Not only does it not suit you, but clearly you're terrible at it. Just be yourself. If you want to get a girlfriend, you'll have to do a couple things. One, you're going to have to work on your communication skills; they are atrocious. Two, you're going to have to view women as equals, not "fragile". When you talk to a girl and you see that you have the right kind of chemistry, ask her out, you'd be surprised at how often that works. You don't need to play all these games to get the girl or to keep her, and if you think you do, either she's not worth it, or there's something fundamentally wrong with you. At this time, I'm certain that the latter is true.


I just have to say, this is beautiful, ReaperEXE! Best of all it's true! Bravo, sir. Bravo!

Topic starter is a pompous prick, and utterly shallow to boot. Ain't no decent woman gonna go for a piece of that.

Holmes, meet your hand. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful relationship together.


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Posted 3/5/12
lots of letters... my eyes hurt.
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25 / M / Canada
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Posted 3/5/12


You know what? Just, don't breed. My reading and comprehension skills are just fine, thank you. You're fake, plain and simple.

Bitch please, you're what? 18, 19 years old? I've met enough guys like you to know exactly what you are. You're simple to figure out, why do you think you keep getting stuck in the friend-zone? Women just happen to recognize what you're showing me right now. You can't get the girl, so you blame someone or something else. Don't believe me? Then read your first post. Heck, read what you've just posted; you're responding to me by attacking me, and avoiding the point rather than addressing it. Just because you claim it isn't an act, does not make it so. You just need to change and grow some more to understand that fact.

Clearly I've hit you a little too close to home and you're too stubborn to admit it. You couldn't be more wrong about my assertions. If anyone here is twisting words, it's you. You're changing your own argument and interpreting mine out of your own convenience. I never once said "people like you" don't exist. It's not that I don't think "people like you" don't exist, they do, I've met them. It's that I know that you are not "people like you" - you don't seem to realize how transparent you are. If you were capable of being even remotely subjective, and read carefully what you wrote, you'd find that you are the very asshole you created this thread to complain about. I'll put this into perspective for you: If I were to sell computers but not put them on the shelf for customers to see, and later complain about how I'm not getting any sales because the customers don't want my computers, that would be comparable to what you're doing now.

When I said "avoid conflict", I meant with your girlfriend. You're taking "avoiding conflict" as having to do with this thread, but that is (obviously) not my point, and I think you realize that. The fact that you went completely besides my point means that I was correct. Flirting won't get you marked as a potential romantic partner, that's just playing games and women will subconsciously avoid that. Tell a girl you like her, it's as simple as that, but obviously you don't get that. What are you afraid off, rejection? No. It sounds like you're more afraid that when they get to know the real you, they won't like what they see.

These are only a few of the things that show me how fake you are:


Dan_Holmes wrote:

As a guy, especially as a nice guy, I have a unique viewpoint on things that I'd like to share with you girls.

I am a very nice guy. However, I am not flawed like other nice guys in that I am needy, emotionally flawed, inconfident, or have a low sense of self worth. I am confident, have a sense of self-worth, yet am very nice, loyal, kind, and often selfless.

I have worked out, so I am very muscled. I am naturally tall and slim in a way many girls like. I have clear skin, and wear expensive, fashionable clothes

I am richer than many, and I attend one of my country's most renowned and respected universities. I have a psychologist-confirmed IQ of 120 (20 points above average) yet I am not nerdy or geeky besides that I know more the average joe.

Initially we fell in love, things went well etc etc, but for no particular reason I fell out of love with her in may of last year.

Girls can be fragile, y'know, especially when they love a guy.

So I stayed with her, acted like the perfect boyfriend.

And a few weeks after grad, when things were stable, I broke up with her gracefully and in such a way that she would take it best. She still ended up hating me...

I was happy for that, and I was happy I made the best of things, and that was that. That's what kind of guy I am.

So, you'd probably think "you've got a great girlfriend right?" Wrong. Despite all of this, despite me working to improve myself (for my self-satisfaction, not for others), I do not.

I do all the right things, yet I get friendzoned.

And yet, I see guys who are average or worse be total assholes to girls and score some amazing chicks.

"This guy has to have an issue or something..." Nope. Asked a few of my female friends about it, and they can't really point out anything.

I'm sick of being the "perfect nice guy" that ever girl says she wants but never goes for.

This resent has been building for a while, and now I feel like its starting to change me.



That is only from one of your posts. One. And you're honestly trying to tell me that there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things? None of those things show any form of kindness or compassion. Whatever, just stop complaining about a problem that isn't really there.

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Posted 3/5/12


Lol whoa bro... don't be so harsh. Its one thing to criticize somebody for their inexperience, but don't be a complete dick about it...
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Posted 3/5/12
You're asking the age old question of: why do nice guys finish last? How does that ugly asshole always get the girl?
The problem with this question is that 1) it's predicated on a unproven assumption and 2) the definition of "nice" and "ugly asshole" is very much open to interpretation and 3) it neglects to take into account the girl's feelings, thoughts, history and personality.
Bottom line up front (BLUF): it's not a very good question to ask, but if it simply must be pondered, a very difficult one to answer.

Another problem I find with this post is the way you presented it. I have a tendency to believe what people say (with just a hint of healthy skepticism) until proven otherwise. I'm sure you are a genuinely nice guy with all the qualities that may make you a good candidate for a relationship, but the way you "market" yourself isn't very attractive. To put in perspective, ask yourself, why do so many people hate Tom Brady? I mean, he's a genuinely nice guy, star quarterback for a very successful NFL team (at least until they got to the Superbowl), is very rich and has a really hot wife? ... ... Ah, that's why! ... see what I did there .

My advice, which you can take or ignore as you wish, is to stop dwelling on bad questions that really have no answers. People are complicated and relationships between people, as a result, are complicated. Based on your rather lengthy personal bio, I venture to guess you're about 19 or 20, sophomore or junior in college (possibly even a freshman)? You still have a long ways ahead of you, and if you're going to a top university, I'm not surprised you don't get the time of day, I've been there before, but I wasn't a nice, smart, good looking and classy guy, I was more of the superficial, awkward and self absorbed type, so maybe our situations are a bit different. Just wait it out, let time and experience give you a better perspective and you'll be better for it, besides I'm sure you wouldn't like to be in a relationship with those girls stupid enough to fall for some asshole, right? Just stick to your values and opportunities will present themselves. Just don't be so blinded with frustration and impatience that you fail to see them when they come.
Posted 3/5/12
Am I the only guy here who thinks the OP is a troll?
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Posted 3/5/12

Dan_Holmes wrote:

In this post I'lll explain why I think many guys are assholes. As a guy, especially as a nice guy, I have a unique viewpoint on things that I'd like to share with you girls.

First, as I can't explain things without letting you know a bit about me, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a very nice guy. However, I am not flawed like other nice guys in that I am needy, emotionally flawed, inconfident, or have a low sense of self worth. I am confident, have a sense of self-worth, yet am very nice, loyal, kind, and often selfless. I have a healthy social life, a healthy view of relationships, and am otherwise a normal person. In terms of my potential value as a guy you might be interested in, I'm better than the average dude in most ways (by my own effort). I have worked out, so I am very muscled. I am naturally tall and slim in a way many girls like. I have clear skin, and wear expensive, fashionable clothes (my daily wardrobe is ~$600 of designer clothes). I am richer than many, and I attend one of my country's most renowned and respected universities. I have a psychologist-confirmed IQ of 120 (20 points above average) yet I am not nerdy or geeky besides that I know more the average joe. I go out to social events and act respectably and quite friendly. Initially I can be a tad quiet, I think because I take stock of who I'm around so I can act appropriately, but I warm up very quickly and can talk more than the average joe when I'm having fun.

The emphasis here though is on the nice guy aspect. To give you girls an example of just how kind I am I'll tell you about my last girlfriend (broke up 8 months ago). Initially we fell in love, things went well etc etc, but for no particular reason I fell out of love with her in may of last year. This was both of our graduating years (high school), though I personally didn't value graduation as much. I knew that she did, however, and I knew she had been looking forward to grad night events for a while. So I bit the bullet. Even though i did not romantically love her as much anymore I chose not to break up with her so as to not mess her up emotionally and psychologically by dumping her in may, before grad. As I was her first real boyfriend, I knew that doing so could have some lasting psychological effects. Girls can be fragile, y'know, especially when they love a guy. So I stayed with her, acted like the perfect boyfriend. Took her out with friends, took her to grad night, everything. And a few weeks after grad, when things were stable, I broke up with her gracefully and in such a way that she would take it best. She still ended up hating me, but I knew at least she wouldn't end up damaged. I was happy for that, and I was happy I made the best of things, and that was that. That's what kind of guy I am.

So, you'd probably think "you've got a great girlfriend right?" Wrong. Despite all of this, despite me working to improve myself (for my self-satisfaction, not for others), I do not. I do all the right things, yet I get friendzoned. And yet, I see guys who are average or worse be total assholes to girls and score some amazing chicks. I know some assholes who almost never not score a girl. "This guy has to have an issue or something..." Nope. Asked a few of my female friends about it, and they can't really point out anything. They usually make comments about how I'm a really nice friend though.

So I've gotten to the point where I'm sick and fucking tired of not having a girlfriend, of not being noticed by girls, of just immediately being friendzoned in favor of some dumb asshole who obvious does not give a shit about treating girls with two ounces of respect or class. Recently I've been thinking more and more about this, about how they get the girl and I don't. I'm sick of being the "perfect nice guy" that ever girl says she wants but never goes for. This resent has been building for a while, and now I feel like its starting to change me. It started as asshole-esque thoughts, just some "fuck being nice" kind of thoughts, and now its just grown. I feel as though it will grow into being a possible personality, and I'll be so sick and tired of it all that I'll just say "why the fuck not, I'll be an asshole."

So, here is why I think nice guys are rare, and why girls make comments on guys being assholes. Because the nice guys got sick and tired of being ignored and unappreciated, said "fuck it", and turned into assholes. Maybe if girls shunned the assholes and went for the nice guys, guys wouldn't be assholes.


Well said. My favorite part was the opening paragraph. I love reading about how rich, stylish, and successful others are.
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12

Teung wrote:

Am I the only guy here who thinks the OP is a troll?


i see you didn't read through all the comments.

i'm as nice as it gets, but im no where near that.

anywho if your looking for a girl, you don't just befriend her. her gatta show that you are interested.

plus your a guy, make the move, your saying it as if your waiting for her to ask you out. as a nice guy, you make the move

what part of your pride if any is left would talk about this on a forum.

the thing, is we humans are social creatures. you develop pride that rules against societies view.

theres a general line between nice and cowardice.

true breaking up with the girl before her dream graduation could be considered as an asshole, but think about her dream that she waiting for when you are in the picture with her but soon to be broken up. your not doing anyone a favor doing that.

congrats your iq is 20 points higher than your average dumbass.

the thing that makes guys assholes is that you view them as assholes. perceptive thinking. girls don't always make the first move, and hence you staying away will draw her to accept the guy that gets closer to her. your general assholes are people who just goes for the sex or the idea of possession. thats who they are and will always be. if guys are truly nice, then they wouldn't become assholes.

Posted 3/5/12
My friend once told me this:
nice guy > nice girl > bad boy .

It means. Nice guy goes for the nice girl.. But the nice girl goes for the bad boy.

I didn't get it till I read your post and maybe it is true... And maybe not.
I don't think I'm attracted to assholes. I think those girls who do like assholes are just wanting some source of fun and wildness that they think that another guy can't give them? They want to feel cool. (Personally, I don't think it makes them look cool. They look like idiots. But w/e.)

And hey.... Don't lose hope!!! You just need to wait till the right chicka comes to you XD (Y)

Ever tried waiting?

And also.. if you don't mind me asking, did you try asking a girl that you likes and got tread on because she only treats you as a friend and went for the jerks?

... Then that girl isn't for you, hun =]
Posted 3/5/12
i am an asshole
Posted 3/5/12
Ohh Ohh I've always wanted to say this "Yo Holmes lay off the crack pipe."
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Posted 3/5/12 , edited 3/5/12

gaara579 wrote:

i am an asshole


I'm a nice "asshole".

People like the OP use that term in jealousy(?) to describe those other guys who aren't scared to actually introduce themselves and talk to girls. I remember that stage when i was like 13...

pretty much, (I won't be a dick in this post), he seems like he really lacks confidence since he talks so highly of himself despite his obvious problem. <-- It's a psychological defense mechanism. He then blames girls for preferring "asshole" guys... Those guys who actually have the confidence to express their feelings for the girls.

*bakka slaps the OP*
Posted 3/5/12

Mangasurf wrote:


gaara579 wrote:

i am an asshole


I'm a nice "asshole".

People like the OP use that term in jealousy(?) to describe those other guys who aren't scared to actually introduce themselves and talk to girls. I remember that stage when i was like 13...

pretty much, (I won't be a dick in this post), he seems like he really lacks confidence since he talks so highly of himself despite his obvious problem. <-- It's a psychological defense mechanism. He then blames girls for preferring "asshole" guys... Those guys who actually have the confidence to express their feelings for the girls.

*bakka slaps the OP*


Um ok?
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