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how to convience parents ... general advice for me please :3
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/15/12

DeusExMachine wrote:

You may have to bargain a little, even though they are being a bit too controlling for your age.


i know i plan on doing that lol they are very controlling
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/15/12

Chr1sten wrote:

It's your life, your parents love you ( I assume anyway), do whatever you want, parents will just get over it.


of course they do..just they so controlling its suffocating
Posted 4/15/12

yoshi3782 wrote:


DeusExMachine wrote:

You may have to bargain a little, even though they are being a bit too controlling for your age.


i know i plan on doing that lol they are very controlling :(


REBEL! Experiment! Go all out exhibitionist! Smoke a fatty and drink some krunk juice! Be all you can be in the Early Twenties Army!
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Posted 4/15/12

gevurahgirl wrote:

I'm a parent myself so I can kinda understand a little of how your parents may feel. If my little boy ("they'll always be your little ones") ever came up to me and said, "Hey mom. I'm going to Egypt and Iran on vacation!" I would hear, "Hey mom. I'm going to a war-torn country to have a little fun!" Omg I would die! (It's not that bad right?! Yeah, I don't watch the news.) But you say he and his parents/family are over there. When it comes to getting a parent to relax a little, parent to parent communication is big. Maybe get his parents to talk to yours about what can be expected during your trip--where you'll be staying, safety, etc. It will show that you respect your parents opinions and that you respect his parents, as well. It's just one idea. I honestly think it would be a great experience if it's planned out carefully--with all the laws/customs you'll need to know, insurances (health & travel) in place, etc. If you approach them having "done your homework" for such a big trip it will also show initiative and responsibilty. Hope this helps even a little. Best of luck! :D


Of course i agree with you thats a good idea i will bring it up to my father.. Im half Iranian we plan to go maybe this year the news says alot of things that arent true I havent been there even if im from there but im excited to go.. i just dont want my father to be biased and say oh look at Egypt now and hes preventing me of going when we will go to Iran you know? yes i think it would be a great learning experiance also i would love to check out those pyramids my boyfriend is not the only reason i wish to go
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/15/12

DeusExMachine wrote:


yoshi3782 wrote:


DeusExMachine wrote:

You may have to bargain a little, even though they are being a bit too controlling for your age.


i know i plan on doing that lol they are very controlling :(


REBEL! Experiment! Go all out exhibitionist! Smoke a fatty and drink some krunk juice! Be all you can be in the Early Twenties Army!


hahaha i know im kinda strange for my age in this generation! lol it should be expected of us teens to do that but nahhh not my thing to experiment like that but hellll yeahhh! i am rebelling against them everyday because of there stupid over protectiveness somtimes i feel its not fair because i have followed what i should do and still i dont get any space to breathe
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Posted 4/15/12
Happy Easter indeed. If your family is half as orthodox as mine is I think you could relate to that if you go behind their back or "disobey them" ,emphasizing quotation, that would cause quite trouble in the dynamics and trust in the family. You can either go to Egypt to see your beloved and hopefully regain some sort of trust back, or, if of course you already haven't explained to your boyfriend the situation your in, which if you haven't i would defiantly do. Trust me in saying if you guys have been together for this long he will most defiantly understand. I very highly doubt he will think any less of you. I just think family is very important, and if you hope to some day creating one with him you defiantly are going to have to be careful on how you approach this situation, because i think you would want him and your mother and father to all have a healthy relationship including the family on your boyfriend side.
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69 / M / Columbia, MO
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Posted 4/15/12
A situation similar to yours came up recently on a TV discussion group similar to Dr. Phil. The jest of it was or is in your case would your bf's parents be willing to take care of you and be responsible for your well-being should something out of the ordinary happen to you be it hospitalization, representation and release from custom detention, return airfare home if 1 of the home countries erupts and enters into a civil war with citizenry outside of your, your bf's, his friends or relatives local control. If the answer is yes to all of these then that will be a positive reinforcer for you to pursue as a bargaining chip to get your parents' blessing whereas if your bf and his parents cannot be 100% prepared to protect you then you might have to consider waiting until you are 21, self-sufficient...whichever comes first. Good luck!

Disclaimer: I have never, ever been a parent but at my age I know what feeling loss of loved ones from circumstances beyond their immediate control is like.
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20 / M / Stoke, England
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Posted 4/15/12
The personal advice thread is crying. Don't worry, I still love you...*strokes it*.
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23 / F / Wales, UK
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Posted 4/15/12 , edited 4/15/12
to be honest my father never new i was getting my nose periced, i went behind there back on my 18th birthday...

*i come home*
me: hi
mum: hi how was your...
me: what?
mum: your nose!!!!
me: yee i had it perced
mum......
mum: you know it looks quite good actually
me: 0_0 wht?
mum: yee but your father will go nuts!!!

dad: 0____0 GABRIELA!!!!!
me: pfft i wanted it i'm 18 i'm an adult
dad: *glare and silence*

morel of the story they got over it ~ now to just get more stuff done... XD

do what you like its you life ~ go for your dreams ~ if you make mistakes learn from them, but
take every oppertuinity open to you ~ and don't give a damm what other people think ;)
thats how i live my life xxx
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/15/12

EvilProphecy wrote:

Happy Easter indeed. If your family is half as orthodox as mine is I think you could relate to that if you go behind their back or "disobey them" ,emphasizing quotation, that would cause quite trouble in the dynamics and trust in the family. You can either go to Egypt to see your beloved and hopefully regain some sort of trust back, or, if of course you already haven't explained to your boyfriend the situation your in, which if you haven't i would defiantly do. Trust me in saying if you guys have been together for this long he will most defiantly understand. I very highly doubt he will think any less of you. I just think family is very important, and if you hope to some day creating one with him you defiantly are going to have to be careful on how you approach this situation, because i think you would want him and your mother and father to all have a healthy relationship including the family on your boyfriend side.


I know our Greek culture has to much tradition and its hard on the girls especially! I already caused trouble with my mother by dating someone out of the religion. Even though my fathers side is muslim. My boyfriend knows very well whats going on between my parents but he will be greatly disappointed this time around if i back out of the vacation because his family is very much looking forward to meeting me and 3 years together and 20 years old should be able to live life a little. i am serious about him I'll be 21 in November after the summer! That sucks very much!! because im practically 21 u can say. Our relationship only problem is my mom over protectiveness and control..and its not normal its very controlling to the extreme.. I think family is very important too but i really dislike my parents/mom reasoning they arent valid at all. she goes to the extent to say "we dont want him" There is no "We" in my relationship its just me and my boyfriend who is this "we" is she the voice of every family member ?? lol .....because she doesnt like him and he is a very good guy. .. Thats why father is more better to talk to lol There is so much more complications but i just want to go to egypt and forget about it!! lol
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/15/12

bemused_Bohemian wrote:

A situation similar to yours came up recently on a TV discussion group similar to Dr. Phil. The jest of it was or is in your case would your bf's parents be willing to take care of you and be responsible for your well-being should something out of the ordinary happen to you be it hospitalization, representation and release from custom detention, return airfare home if 1 of the home countries erupts and enters into a civil war with citizenry outside of your, your bf's, his friends or relatives local control. If the answer is yes to all of these then that will be a positive reinforcer for you to pursue as a bargaining chip to get your parents' blessing whereas if your bf and his parents cannot be 100% prepared to protect you then you might have to consider waiting until you are 21, self-sufficient...whichever comes first. Good luck!

Disclaimer: I have never, ever been a parent but at my age I know what feeling loss of loved ones from circumstances beyond their immediate control is like.


i would love to see that video!.. his parents really do want to meet him and have me over they keep on asking and asking about me and ive known him for 3 years been with him for 3 years and i trust him very much i just need to tell my father that but its hard my words get mixed up and miss a few words and i get nervous when talking to him about my boyfriend. That would be a bummer to wait cuz i will turn 21 after the summer and just 7 months for what i dont think i would be any different as i am today.. u know what i mean? i dont think 20 or 21 would be an issue to my father but i have to convince him in a good way
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Posted 4/15/12

CarboKill wrote:

The personal advice thread is crying. Don't worry, I still love you...*strokes it*.


lol
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/15/12

gabsgobygab wrote:

to be honest my father never new i was getting my nose periced, i went behind there back on my 18th birthday...

*i come home*
me: hi
mum: hi how was your...
me: what?
mum: your nose!!!!
me: yee i had it perced
mum......
mum: you know it looks quite good actually
me: 0_0 wht?
mum: yee but your father will go nuts!!!

dad: 0____0 GABRIELA!!!!!
me: pfft i wanted it i'm 18 i'm an adult
dad: *glare and silence*

morel of the story they got over it ~ now to just get more stuff done... XD

do what you like its you life ~ go for your dreams ~ if you make mistakes learn from them, but
take every oppertuinity open to you ~ and don't give a damm what other people think ;)
thats how i live my life xxx


i know i tottaly agree with you and by the way i got my nose pierced too recently haha and i had a crazy story at that when i came home

i come home

me : hi mom ( im trying to cover my nose)
mom: hey how was ur day
me: yeah it was good... guess what?
mom: what?
me: i show her my nose..
mom: starts flipping out and chases me to my room and i lock the door lucky me i had to wait till she was calm!! lol

it was hell for a few days she kept calling me names like only sluts do that etc ppl will look at you bad etc take it off now im going to call ur father now

in the end my father saw it he disliked it said to remove it but i didnt and then they just got used to it... i dont wear it all the time but now it doesnt bother them when i do lol but still i hear one or 2 comments from my mom slip but oh well... i did give a damn i wish this situation would be easier though
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Posted 4/16/12
Normally, I can ignore something like this, but too many people have said this too many times, and I am just past my grammar nazi tolerances. The word is "definitely," not "defiantly."

Now that the hard part is over, I will answer the question. Trying to convince someone that I don't know, to do something I really don't know too much about, is extraordinarily difficult. My first thought was that you don't need to convince them at all if you are an adult. Of course, without knowing if you are an adult, I can't really comment. The truth is, I can't really relate to your situation, because my parents very much trust my judgement, and I don't really rely on them for much. If going against your parent's judgement, however, means that you won't receive funding from them, or will be "exiled from the family," I can't really help you, because I don't know how that type of family structure works.

Finally, this may seem irrelevant at first, but I will try and explain myself later, so just hang with me for a bit. It's fine if you aren't really interested in drinking, but it may reflect on a lack of self-control if you don't think you can handle yourself when you are drinking. Being mature with alcohol doesn't mean not getting drunk, it means being able to get drunk and still handle yourself like a respectable human being. Being drunk isn't about letting go of you core qualities and morals, if anything, it strips away everything but your core morals. A lot of people try to use alcohol as an excuse to do generally unacceptable things, but in my experience it was that the person doing the things would normally want to do the things, but didn't have a way to do them without looking bad. I'm not sure anyone really knows themselves unless they've cut past their own bullshit and seen "good or bad," what their actual desires are. You can do that without drinking, but it is sometimes very difficult to locate the bullshit in your head when it's your own bullshit.

The reason I think this is relevant to the post is that if you've cultivated a sort of "good girl" image, your parents may think that you, as a "good girl," wouldn't know how to act when placed in a situation where it is easy to do something "bad." If you've only been in positions where it is easy to do the "good" thing, even if it's just the way they see you, they may see you as inexperienced in the way of the world, and therefore, likely to do the "bad" thing when placed in an unknown situation. Whereas if they know that you go to parties, get drunk, go to clubs, and still act respectably, they can have faith in you knowing that even when placed in those situations, you still act well. I don't mean to insult you or make false assumptions about you, but your post gives me the impression that you may be sort of sheltered, in which case a good argument might be that going on the trip is a chance to learn about what it means to be an adult and act independently. Finally, please consider that perhaps your parents are right, and you should not -- or are not ready to -- go on this trip. Just a thought. Of course, without knowing you, all of this might be irrelevant anyway. Plus, I'm only 20 as well, so maybe I'm completely wrong and inexperienced. However, seeing as I have a healthy, adult relationship with my parents, and they don't really tell me how to live my life or how I should act -- despite caring for me -- I feel like I've done something right in earning their trust in my decisions. Take that as you will.
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20 / M / Cloud Nine
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Posted 4/16/12
Your parents have obviously raised you well and you have strong morals and ethics and they may be in a state were after taking care of you for so long they are afraid that something could happen to you once you leave. To them you are everything and they are simply showing their love for you in an overprotective manner which you have to break out of, kindly. Also you are almost 21 and you are now independent and your life is yours so go live it out in the way you want. Don't stay and regret it later because you only live once and these trips are moments you remember for a lifetime. Ask your parents: what they would do if they were in your shoes?

Hell my parents would encourage me to go just to get outside! My dad actually wants be to travel and see the world once I leave school but traveling isn't really my thing :S
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