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how to convience parents ... general advice for me please :3
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30 / M / London, England
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Posted 4/16/12

yoshi3782 wrote:

I will be 21 this year, i will be a senior in college and i would like to visit my boyfriend overseas in Egypt. He is planning to stay over there till the summer (he is there now) and he invited me to visit him and his family. We have been together for 3 years he is 26yrs old. I'm not going to get into detail but my parents don't really fancy him much.(for reasons that aren't valid ) They are overly protective. Its not a money issue i can afford it, but i know this will be hard because i will travel by myself for the first time especially since its overseas. Im Greek/Iranian . My boyfriend wants me to stay as a guest in his home with his parents of course and after that we will go places and take a tour around. I would like to convince my father but i dont know how. I really do want to go and i know im responsible i never smoked once, or drank with friends,(boyfriend is the same we dont take interest in it) Oh and i never been to a club with friends Im not interested in those things im always back home at 12am latest was 1am. But im still daddy's little girl.

Egypt is an Islamic country and if i want to get a hotel room it just has to be me only females and it cant be an Egyptian man unless we are married and show proof ...so this can put at ease with my father if he thinks things will happen. (Which is ridiculous because ive been with him for so long if we wanted to do something we can do it anytime we are together) My mom will defiantly say No right away my father is more lenient . He tells me all the time that i should go and enjoy my age and life , and this is something i really want to do... I want to make great memories and have a fun summer for once in my life. how can go about it? Also as a family we might go to Iran (for first time) since my father is from there if we do i want to say if i can stop by for a week or so in Egypt. I don't want my dad to say there is to much trouble in Egypt with the government right now because its the same for Iran.


I think this is a very difficult situation to be honest, Where you live and where he is from is a very worrying cultural difference. Asking for advice from what seems to be a mostly western user base is going to be rather inexperienced. however you say your father is from Egypt so you would think he would be more understanding.

You are an adult and will have to make your own decisions, but you need to be very careful in a place you don't fully know or understand, things that may seem perfectly acceptable and even innocent, can land you in jail in places like that. I can fully understand why your father is scared, you are young, you may or may not entirely know of all the things that can and probably will go wrong in a situation like this. I'm not saying you or your boyfriend are not right for each other, but even the most perfect for each other couple can be destroyed simply by life running it's course away from each other. Your father knows this, and is worried about the pain that may be in store if things go badly. In essence he probably feels (and honestly I wouldn't disagree) that in order for your relationship to truly work, you would need to drop your life,and or him his life, and stay together, work out your lives not as individuals but as a couple.

That is a defining point in any serious relationship and if neither of you are capable of doing that, things don't look very good =(. Sorry if all that sounds negative, just being a realist. I have some faith that things may be just fine, and hopefully I am just over thinking things.
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32 / F / USA
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Posted 4/16/12
I'd say the best way to convince them is to do it through logic and research. Fish for facts on the internet. Egypt has for many years greatly relied on tourism. It's a big part of their economy. So no matter what government is in place I don't think they will risk losing that by putting tourists in danger or any kind of political trouble. Although it is certainly not the safest place on earth at the moment, it is worth visiting, and accidents can happen anywhere. New York is not a very safe city to visit either, if you go into the wrong neighborhoods. Try to find a reliable website, or a tourist agency page that would have information on crime rates, tourist visit rates, and any kind of articles that would give a positive image of the country. Think of yourself as a travel agent. You have to "sell" the place to your parents by advertising it in the best way possible.
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33 / M / South Saskatchewan
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Posted 4/16/12
Most if not all parents are the same about when they "let" there children leave the country.

There is no way to convince them to let you go. They have to convince themselves that you have done your homework, that you will be well cared for and that you will have a way to get home should something happen.

The Homework: get a travelers insurance policy quote, Having more than enough emergency insurance for medical or compensation(should you be deported for any reason, and they dont alwasy deport you to your home counrty) is a must!
The laws and customs vary from country to country and even from city state to city state, having a good working knowledge of these laws and customs can go a long way to proove you know what your getting yourself into.
Emergency funds: you need at least seven days worth of lodging expenses plus the cost of a plane ticket home all in reserve of what you want to have for spending, this prooves you can be self-sufficient.
Comunication!: your parents have met, talked and seen your boyfriend (unless he has proposed and an agreement has been reached for your marrage) They have not how ever even talked to his parents, they have no clue who they are, what they do, how they can protect you under the laws they live under. Ask yourself this: would you let your daughter travel to india to meet the parents of her boyfriend without you at least talking to his parents at length first?
Know how and where to get help: is there an embassy in that city?, in the quarter? will the police help you reach one if you need to? does your country have reciprocy with any other country so you can use their embassy. In Canada we have reciprocy with Britian, Austrailia, USA and France so we have options when traveling, you may not.

Care:
Skype is a wonderful tool, set up a video chat to his parents with your father (he seems to be the more accepting parent) Start as a group chat with you and your father talking to your boyfriend and his parents. At some point in the conversation excuse yourself for a bit and let them continue the conversation. Your father will carry his concerns forward and his parrents (not him!!!) will have to answer.

Posted 4/16/12

yoshi3782 wrote:


DeusExMachine wrote:


yoshi3782 wrote:


DeusExMachine wrote:

You may have to bargain a little, even though they are being a bit too controlling for your age.


i know i plan on doing that lol they are very controlling :(


REBEL! Experiment! Go all out exhibitionist! Smoke a fatty and drink some krunk juice! Be all you can be in the Early Twenties Army!


hahaha i know im kinda strange for my age in this generation! lol it should be expected of us teens to do that but nahhh not my thing to experiment like that but hellll yeahhh! i am rebelling against them everyday because of there stupid over protectiveness somtimes i feel its not fair because i have followed what i should do and still i dont get any space to breathe


All you need to do is what you think is right based on questioning all information.
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23 / M / Missouri
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Posted 4/16/12
Im still reeling over the fact she has no sister.

those are THE PERFECT qualities


LIFE AINT FAIR MAYNE.


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33 / F / New York
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Posted 4/16/12
I feel the need to chime in. Your parents think they are acting in your best interest. You never said what your parents said, therefore I can't say that their argument is invalid.

I don't think that there is anything that you can do in this situation. It comes down to either disobeying your parents or continue to live by their rules. Be aware that you run the risk of alienating yourself from your family should you choose to go.

Trust me, I grew up with very strict parents, and a no is always a no.
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/16/12

theYchromosome wrote:

Normally, I can ignore something like this, but too many people have said this too many times, and I am just past my grammar nazi tolerances. The word is "definitely," not "defiantly."

Now that the hard part is over, I will answer the question. Trying to convince someone that I don't know, to do something I really don't know too much about, is extraordinarily difficult. My first thought was that you don't need to convince them at all if you are an adult. Of course, without knowing if you are an adult, I can't really comment. The truth is, I can't really relate to your situation, because my parents very much trust my judgement, and I don't really rely on them for much. If going against your parent's judgement, however, means that you won't receive funding from them, or will be "exiled from the family," I can't really help you, because I don't know how that type of family structure works.

Finally, this may seem irrelevant at first, but I will try and explain myself later, so just hang with me for a bit. It's fine if you aren't really interested in drinking, but it may reflect on a lack of self-control if you don't think you can handle yourself when you are drinking. Being mature with alcohol doesn't mean not getting drunk, it means being able to get drunk and still handle yourself like a respectable human being. Being drunk isn't about letting go of you core qualities and morals, if anything, it strips away everything but your core morals. A lot of people try to use alcohol as an excuse to do generally unacceptable things, but in my experience it was that the person doing the things would normally want to do the things, but didn't have a way to do them without looking bad. I'm not sure anyone really knows themselves unless they've cut past their own bullshit and seen "good or bad," what their actual desires are. You can do that without drinking, but it is sometimes very difficult to locate the bullshit in your head when it's your own bullshit.

The reason I think this is relevant to the post is that if you've cultivated a sort of "good girl" image, your parents may think that you, as a "good girl," wouldn't know how to act when placed in a situation where it is easy to do something "bad." If you've only been in positions where it is easy to do the "good" thing, even if it's just the way they see you, they may see you as inexperienced in the way of the world, and therefore, likely to do the "bad" thing when placed in an unknown situation. Whereas if they know that you go to parties, get drunk, go to clubs, and still act respectably, they can have faith in you knowing that even when placed in those situations, you still act well. I don't mean to insult you or make false assumptions about you, but your post gives me the impression that you may be sort of sheltered, in which case a good argument might be that going on the trip is a chance to learn about what it means to be an adult and act independently. Finally, please consider that perhaps your parents are right, and you should not -- or are not ready to -- go on this trip. Just a thought. Of course, without knowing you, all of this might be irrelevant anyway. Plus, I'm only 20 as well, so maybe I'm completely wrong and inexperienced. However, seeing as I have a healthy, adult relationship with my parents, and they don't really tell me how to live my life or how I should act -- despite caring for me -- I feel like I've done something right in earning their trust in my decisions. Take that as you will.



To my parents when im 25 plus years old i will still be the baby.. my life is like my big fat greek wedding everybody in your business especially my mother. Its ok if you cant relate but let me tell you your very lucky that your parents arent as strict. Maybe because you are male... I have a brother just one year older than me... He really does get to do many things which i can not. No im not really in to the alcohol/partying hard im against it, i am for the healthy life style been in martial arts for 11 years plus and i dont need any junk in my body. No offense to anyone but i feel its disgusting My parents know me yet they are still protective because im a girl. Ive been in situations who hasnt? but i turn them down all the time,.. honestly me and my boyfriend dont believe in that. . I mean i did not ask them yet im still planning on how to go about it the best way. But all i can say is they should trust me because i never once stepped out of bound. Of course people say im almost 21 do what you want but i want to respect both sides and not start a even bigger war. I really cant explain my mother in words... she didnt even let me drive my car till recently with out her commenting and being afraid if something bad will happen she would even say let me drive you etc...and i had my license since i was 16 .. its sick in some sense. when i got my first real job my mother didnt even want me to work and i was like 18 i had to fight for things when they should be natural in this life! , thats the only way i would get what i want. Im not lieng she is a very very good mother i love her and she has great morals but doesnt know when to "let go" If they say no im going to push it this time i want to experience new things. The only way i would move out is to get married .. NO JOKE
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/16/12

momokoseiya wrote:

I feel the need to chime in. Your parents think they are acting in your best interest. You never said what your parents said, therefore I can't say that their argument is invalid.

I don't think that there is anything that you can do in this situation. It comes down to either disobeying your parents or continue to live by their rules. Be aware that you run the risk of alienating yourself from your family should you choose to go.

Trust me, I grew up with very strict parents, and a no is always a no.


I didnt ask them yet, thats why im looking for some advice before i do, of course i know parents always have the best interest in heart i just really want to go this summer i dont want to be always denied of everything since im the girl in the family im fed up. Girls are responsible just as boys. even more.. No my parents would never alienate me but id get a huge spanking haha lol
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/16/12

DeusExMachine wrote:


yoshi3782 wrote:


DeusExMachine wrote:


yoshi3782 wrote:


DeusExMachine wrote:

You may have to bargain a little, even though they are being a bit too controlling for your age.


i know i plan on doing that lol they are very controlling :(


REBEL! Experiment! Go all out exhibitionist! Smoke a fatty and drink some krunk juice! Be all you can be in the Early Twenties Army!


hahaha i know im kinda strange for my age in this generation! lol it should be expected of us teens to do that but nahhh not my thing to experiment like that but hellll yeahhh! i am rebelling against them everyday because of there stupid over protectiveness somtimes i feel its not fair because i have followed what i should do and still i dont get any space to breathe


All you need to do is what you think is right based on questioning all information.


:) thank you for the advice
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25 / M / Canada
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Posted 4/16/12
If your parents haven't met your boyfriend yet (or worse, are unaware of him), good luck. I say go, and worry about the consequences afterwards. Obviously you'd regret not going, more than you would regret going and getting punished later. Just make sure you have all of your bases covered, like travel insurance, emergency funds, etc.
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/16/12

FacelessRed wrote:


yoshi3782 wrote:

I will be 21 this year, i will be a senior in college and i would like to visit my boyfriend overseas in Egypt. He is planning to stay over there till the summer (he is there now) and he invited me to visit him and his family. We have been together for 3 years he is 26yrs old. I'm not going to get into detail but my parents don't really fancy him much.(for reasons that aren't valid ) They are overly protective. Its not a money issue i can afford it, but i know this will be hard because i will travel by myself for the first time especially since its overseas. Im Greek/Iranian . My boyfriend wants me to stay as a guest in his home with his parents of course and after that we will go places and take a tour around. I would like to convince my father but i dont know how. I really do want to go and i know im responsible i never smoked once, or drank with friends,(boyfriend is the same we dont take interest in it) Oh and i never been to a club with friends Im not interested in those things im always back home at 12am latest was 1am. But im still daddy's little girl.

Egypt is an Islamic country and if i want to get a hotel room it just has to be me only females and it cant be an Egyptian man unless we are married and show proof ...so this can put at ease with my father if he thinks things will happen. (Which is ridiculous because ive been with him for so long if we wanted to do something we can do it anytime we are together) My mom will defiantly say No right away my father is more lenient . He tells me all the time that i should go and enjoy my age and life , and this is something i really want to do... I want to make great memories and have a fun summer for once in my life. how can go about it? Also as a family we might go to Iran (for first time) since my father is from there if we do i want to say if i can stop by for a week or so in Egypt. I don't want my dad to say there is to much trouble in Egypt with the government right now because its the same for Iran.


I think this is a very difficult situation to be honest, Where you live and where he is from is a very worrying cultural difference. Asking for advice from what seems to be a mostly western user base is going to be rather inexperienced. however you say your father is from Egypt so you would think he would be more understanding.

You are an adult and will have to make your own decisions, but you need to be very careful in a place you don't fully know or understand, things that may seem perfectly acceptable and even innocent, can land you in jail in places like that. I can fully understand why your father is scared, you are young, you may or may not entirely know of all the things that can and probably will go wrong in a situation like this. I'm not saying you or your boyfriend are not right for each other, but even the most perfect for each other couple can be destroyed simply by life running it's course away from each other. Your father knows this, and is worried about the pain that may be in store if things go badly. In essence he probably feels (and honestly I wouldn't disagree) that in order for your relationship to truly work, you would need to drop your life,and or him his life, and stay together, work out your lives not as individuals but as a couple.

That is a defining point in any serious relationship and if neither of you are capable of doing that, things don't look very good =(. Sorry if all that sounds negative, just being a realist. I have some faith that things may be just fine, and hopefully I am just over thinking things.


My father is from Iran not Egypt so I would be the first one to go.. IF i go this summer. I mean he would be familiar with the Islamic culture so maybe he will be understanding ... That i know ..i know what is allowed and what is not.. Egypt is not like Iran, Iran is more strict.. Egypt is a great tourist spot and im getting excited thinking out it I didnt ask my father yet so he doesn't know anything. My boyfriend is born in Egypt but he has been living in NY for 3years. The only reason i really want to go this summer and cant wait because my boyfriend will not travel back to Egypt again for a few years, and his family invited to see me, and i did make some Egyptian friends which i know live there and i dont want to miss my chance to go see a beautiful country i know have a zero chance of going there if i KNEW nobody would be there for me, but i got a chance now since He is in Egypt. Its okay thank you for the advice no your not being negative i need to hear all the bad and the good.
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Posted 4/16/12

ReaperEXE wrote:

If your parents haven't met your boyfriend yet (or worse, are unaware of him), good luck. I say go, and worry about the consequences afterwards. Obviously you'd regret not going, more than you would regret going and getting punished later. Just make sure you have all of your bases covered, like travel insurance, emergency funds, etc.


of course they know him,, i have been with him for 3 years thanks for the advice i know having regret is the worst thing in life. you wish you did things but you didnt.
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Posted 4/16/12
Here's my advice, book your own trip and buy your own ticket.

Daddy can't interfere.
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/16/12

kailani_ivo wrote:

I'd say the best way to convince them is to do it through logic and research. Fish for facts on the internet. Egypt has for many years greatly relied on tourism. It's a big part of their economy. So no matter what government is in place I don't think they will risk losing that by putting tourists in danger or any kind of political trouble. Although it is certainly not the safest place on earth at the moment, it is worth visiting, and accidents can happen anywhere. New York is not a very safe city to visit either, if you go into the wrong neighborhoods. Try to find a reliable website, or a tourist agency page that would have information on crime rates, tourist visit rates, and any kind of articles that would give a positive image of the country. Think of yourself as a travel agent. You have to "sell" the place to your parents by advertising it in the best way possible.


I think you are absolutely right I will do just that and when i have everything i will sell it to my father thats a great idea. Yes i was saying before whats the difference every country has there own problems especially NY its not like NY is a saint.
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25 / F / were you least ex...
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Posted 4/16/12

shiori-kun wrote:

Most if not all parents are the same about when they "let" there children leave the country.

There is no way to convince them to let you go. They have to convince themselves that you have done your homework, that you will be well cared for and that you will have a way to get home should something happen.

The Homework: get a travelers insurance policy quote, Having more than enough emergency insurance for medical or compensation(should you be deported for any reason, and they dont alwasy deport you to your home counrty) is a must!
The laws and customs vary from country to country and even from city state to city state, having a good working knowledge of these laws and customs can go a long way to proove you know what your getting yourself into.
Emergency funds: you need at least seven days worth of lodging expenses plus the cost of a plane ticket home all in reserve of what you want to have for spending, this prooves you can be self-sufficient.
Comunication!: your parents have met, talked and seen your boyfriend (unless he has proposed and an agreement has been reached for your marrage) They have not how ever even talked to his parents, they have no clue who they are, what they do, how they can protect you under the laws they live under. Ask yourself this: would you let your daughter travel to india to meet the parents of her boyfriend without you at least talking to his parents at length first?
Know how and where to get help: is there an embassy in that city?, in the quarter? will the police help you reach one if you need to? does your country have reciprocy with any other country so you can use their embassy. In Canada we have reciprocy with Britian, Austrailia, USA and France so we have options when traveling, you may not.

Care:
Skype is a wonderful tool, set up a video chat to his parents with your father (he seems to be the more accepting parent) Start as a group chat with you and your father talking to your boyfriend and his parents. At some point in the conversation excuse yourself for a bit and let them continue the conversation. Your father will carry his concerns forward and his parrents (not him!!!) will have to answer.



I know i would like to be allowed to go.. even if i can cover it financially i don't want to sneak to the airport and off to the plane with out my parents knowledge thats not right.. That i know i will do some research of course but i will just be there to visit his family and the tourist attractions. I am well behaved and i have not done bad . The bad thing is no my father never talked to his parents they always have been in Egypt.. he knows my boyfriend of course.. yes my boyfriend is familiar with the embassy over there i do know nothing will happen but i know you cant ever say that things happen. We skype all the time so that is a good idea for me. if my father doesn't allow me i can get him to know the parents better at least and from there is can move on ... thank you
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