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Girls what to you think of your bf adding random girls on facebook?
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23 / M / New York City
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Posted 6/1/12
I don't really see the point in adding random people on facebook anymore. I've done that for years, and now I regret it. I'm still cleaning out my friends list, but there is just no end to the random people I have added! Dx

But yeah, trust is key. You shouldn't feel jealous that your boyfriend is adding random girls on facebook if you trust him. I pretty much agree with what @Winterfells said.
Lexxuk 
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38 / M / United Kingdom
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Posted 6/1/12

lifeincircuit . Maybe I just feel this way because I'm old and not really of the age to add random people on FB to begin with.


You're not exactly old, wee youngster.

People add people to facebook who they don't know, it's pretty daft "yay I have 1000 friends now!"... nope! The only people on my facebook are friends who I actually know and family, well okay, two people I know from online (we played games together, not involving sausages or the hiding of said sausages) so I don't really see the fascination with having several hundred friends who you have no real interest in.
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27 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 6/1/12

lifeincircuit wrote:

Maybe I just feel this way because I'm old and not really of the age to add random people on FB to begin with. I am not the jealous type, but I would be bothered if my significant other was doing that.


30 is old?! Well even if it is, you sure don't look it, you're pretty hot if I do say so myself.

Sure, a guy in a relationship surrounding himself with women who A) is not family and are not actual friends is pretty disrespectful of his gf, that I can agree with. It shows a lack of commitment and discipline.

But being a guy, I can understand that once a guy settles down into a relationship, he still has all these hormones and libido raging, and even if he wants to stay loyal to a girl it's easier said than done. Rather that go out and commit a full-on affair, sometimes dudes just want to keep their pick-up skills honed by harmlessly flirting with other girls. It doesn't go anywhere, but it makes a guy feel good about himself that he still "has what it takes" to pick up women.

If you're in a relationship for too long, and you don't have to "work hard" for it anymore, people tend to become complacent and let themselves go.
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32 / F / USA
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Posted 6/1/12

Winterfells wrote:


lifeincircuit wrote:

Maybe I just feel this way because I'm old and not really of the age to add random people on FB to begin with. I am not the jealous type, but I would be bothered if my significant other was doing that.



But being a guy, I can understand that once a guy settles down into a relationship, he still has all these hormones and libido raging, and even if he wants to stay loyal to a girl it's easier said than done. Rather that go out and commit a full-on affair, sometimes dudes just want to keep their pick-up skills honed by harmlessly flirting with other girls. It doesn't go anywhere, but it makes a guy feel good about himself that he still "has what it takes" to pick up women.

If you're in a relationship for too long, and you don't have to "work hard" for it anymore, people tend to become complacent and let themselves go.



Everyone flirts. Men and women. We all have urges and it would be ridiculous to ask that someone never desires anyone else while in a committed relationship. Everyone wants to be reminded that they're desirable. These things should be done in private though. It's only courteous. Suggesting that men somehow have more desire than women and should be given a pass is simply not true, biologically speaking.

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27 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 6/1/12

lifeincircuit wrote:


Winterfells wrote:


lifeincircuit wrote:

Maybe I just feel this way because I'm old and not really of the age to add random people on FB to begin with. I am not the jealous type, but I would be bothered if my significant other was doing that.



But being a guy, I can understand that once a guy settles down into a relationship, he still has all these hormones and libido raging, and even if he wants to stay loyal to a girl it's easier said than done. Rather that go out and commit a full-on affair, sometimes dudes just want to keep their pick-up skills honed by harmlessly flirting with other girls. It doesn't go anywhere, but it makes a guy feel good about himself that he still "has what it takes" to pick up women.

If you're in a relationship for too long, and you don't have to "work hard" for it anymore, people tend to become complacent and let themselves go.



Everyone flirts. Men and women. We all have urges and it would be ridiculous to ask that someone never desires anyone else while in a committed relationship. Everyone wants to be reminded that they're desirable. These things should be done in private though. It's only courteous. Suggesting that men somehow have more desire than women and should be given a pass is simply not true, biologically speaking.



It's a double-edged sword though. If a guy in a committed relationship hides and discretely flirts with other women, although he isn't openly offending his girlfriend she'll still be hurt by the fact he's keeping it a secret from her and feel betrayed. On the other hand if he does do it openly in front of his girlfriend, say on facebook, he's being upfront and honest with her but still hurting her by exposing her to his actions.

I'm not saying men should be given a pass, but being a man myself I just wanted to shed some light on what goes on in a guy's head when he's flirting with all these different women when he already has A woman.

I'm also not saying ALL men have more sexual desire, or libido, than women, but on average I would say yes, men do have more sexual desire than women. Not only in magnitude, but also in duration. Biologically, as a species, we've evolved towards that particular niche. Studies show that as men age comparatively to women they stay fertile longer, keep their sex drives longer.
Posted 6/1/12

lifeincircuit wrote:

Suggesting that men somehow have more desire than women and should be given a pass is simply not true, biologically speaking.



Biologically speaking men do want more partners.
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32 / F / USA
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Posted 6/1/12

Winterfells wrote:


lifeincircuit wrote:


Winterfells wrote:


lifeincircuit wrote:

Maybe I just feel this way because I'm old and not really of the age to add random people on FB to begin with. I am not the jealous type, but I would be bothered if my significant other was doing that.



But being a guy, I can understand that once a guy settles down into a relationship, he still has all these hormones and libido raging, and even if he wants to stay loyal to a girl it's easier said than done. Rather that go out and commit a full-on affair, sometimes dudes just want to keep their pick-up skills honed by harmlessly flirting with other girls. It doesn't go anywhere, but it makes a guy feel good about himself that he still "has what it takes" to pick up women.

If you're in a relationship for too long, and you don't have to "work hard" for it anymore, people tend to become complacent and let themselves go.



Everyone flirts. Men and women. We all have urges and it would be ridiculous to ask that someone never desires anyone else while in a committed relationship. Everyone wants to be reminded that they're desirable. These things should be done in private though. It's only courteous. Suggesting that men somehow have more desire than women and should be given a pass is simply not true, biologically speaking.



It's a double-edged sword though. If a guy in a committed relationship hides and discretely flirts with other women, although he isn't openly offending his girlfriend she'll still be hurt by the fact he's keeping it a secret from her and feel betrayed. On the other hand if he does do it openly in front of his girlfriend, say on facebook, he's being upfront and honest with her but still hurting her by exposing her to his actions.

.


If it's just innocent flirting, then it's not as if you're hiding anything. I'm not suggesting people keep a stockpile of random people to flirt with. It's something you do casually. At the store, with coworkers, with acquaintances. If it's going to a place that anyone would be terribly hurt about if they found it, it's going too far(and really, no one WOULD find out about it if it is not, because no one will be taking it as anything serious). Few people want to see the person their partner is flirting with, and I think that's fair. Most men wouldn't appreciate it very much if the woman they were with was doing the same thing.

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32 / F / USA
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Posted 6/1/12

underlock wrote:


lifeincircuit wrote:

Suggesting that men somehow have more desire than women and should be given a pass is simply not true, biologically speaking.



Biologically speaking men do want more partners.



That is not entirely accurate. Human beings evolved to be inclined to form largely monogamous bonds. This is because a strong family was important in order to support and protect our young, as they have an excessively long period in which they're helpless compared to most animals. Even if it WERE true, it's really no excuse to openly disrespect your partner. We have many biologically programmed desires which we've learned to ignore or suppress. It's simply because we live in a patriarchal society that the idea that men should be given a pass is still treated as valid.
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27 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 6/1/12

lifeincircuit wrote:

If it's just innocent flirting, then it's not as if you're hiding anything. I'm not suggesting people keep a stockpile of random people to flirt with. It's something you do casually. At the store, with coworkers, with acquaintances. If it's going to a place that anyone would be terribly hurt about if they found it, it's going too far(and really, no one WOULD find out about it if it is not, because no one will be taking it as anything serious). Few people want to see the person their partner is flirting with, and I think that's fair. Most men wouldn't appreciate it very much if the woman they were with was doing the same thing.



I think I see what you mean - I suppose if it does get to the point where it's hurting someone then it would be going too far. I do harmless flirting all the time, at work, at the mall, everywhere really. I guess it's a part of who I am, haha.

And no, I wouldn't like it much if the girl I was with was flirting with every guy around, but I guess it's natural to have double standards. I don't make for a very good boyfriend.
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Posted 6/1/12
How would said girlfriend know he is secretly flirting with other girls if its a secret. The nature of a secret is that it is kept hidden... unknown, clandestine, secluded, shadowed... you know, SECRET. lol

What LIF said in her first post is entirely true... sometimes. Random girls added by guys especially if they are hot, are usually added to be flirted with. Girls will do the same thing. 90% of the 34 or so people I have on FB are girls. I know every single one of them though. And I flirt with about five of them. lol the rest are friends from college.

Girls shouldnt be worrying aboutt guys adding girls to FB, or guys getting bent out of shape if their gf does it with guys. Flirting can be harmless as long as it stays at just flirting there is no harm done.
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(UTC-05:00) Easte...
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Posted 6/1/12
I honestly wouldn't care. I'd like to think that if I were in a relationship, I could trust him enough to have friends. So he wants to talk to a few girls? Why should I stop him? It's not like he's making out with them, he just added them to a list on a website. Why would anyone be jealous over that? o.o Completely ridiculous topic, imo.
Posted 6/1/12

lifeincircuit wrote:

We have many biologically programmed desires which we've learned to ignore or suppress. It's simply because we live in a patriarchal society that the idea that men should be given a pass is still treated as valid.


What exactly in entirely true when it comes to our human knowledge? Agreed, male or not, there's no excuse to forgive either side, since a relationship should always mean 50/50 in a general sense.

However, you underestimate the meaning of trust. Or to be more specific, expand it over unknown territories. Trust isn't some god blessed state of mind that forgives everything. I would like to be specific, but there are too many things that come to mind. Although I'll just ask you if you always know if the other person is really trustful or just ignorant of the results.
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Posted 6/1/12
ugh, I've encountered these types before, add a whole bunch of asian middle and high school girls. It's kinda sick and creepy....my friend actually meant him in person -_-
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Posted 6/1/12
i wouldn't care.
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Posted 6/1/12

underlock wrote:


lifeincircuit wrote:

We have many biologically programmed desires which we've learned to ignore or suppress. It's simply because we live in a patriarchal society that the idea that men should be given a pass is still treated as valid.


What exactly in entirely true when it comes to our human knowledge? Agreed, male or not, there's no excuse to forgive either side, since a relationship should always mean 50/50 in a general sense.

However, you underestimate the meaning of trust. Or to be more specific, expand it over unknown territories. Trust isn't some god blessed state of mind that forgives everything. I would like to be specific, but there are too many things that come to mind. Although I'll just ask you if you always know if the other person is really trustful or just ignorant of the results.
aww underlock has emotions

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