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No holding hands law
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44 / M / Calgary
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Posted 6/24/12
Western Taliban strikes again.
Posted 6/24/12 , edited 6/24/12
Because everyone knows holding hands leads to teen pregnancy.

As the past as taught us, sex ed programs don’t seem to be working. The teen pregnancy rate is still high and teens are still having sex.
Why is sex such a taboo subject for us when it’s a perfectly natural experience? When I was younger, my mother told me everything I need to know about the birds and the bees. Till this day we are completely comfortable with talking about pretty much anything. No topic is off limits. This pretty much helped me in the long run. Parents need to be more involved with their children when it comes to these topics. Sit down with your kids and listen what they have to say. Don't worry about being graphic or too detailed because these are the things that they need to know.

Maybe then we wouldn’t need the fucking government having to intervene with our children if parents would just act like parents.
Posted 6/24/12
What's next banning eye contact?
Posted 6/24/12

LosingOrbit wrote:

Because everyone knows holding hands leads to teen pregnancy.


Of course it does!

You see, when the male wanks off and washes it, not all of the excess "goods" are removed. The hand is forever stained. Now, it will spread onto the item touched by the said hand.. and when it reaches the female hand. Oh boy, an unexpected pregnancy happens. The female will satisfied themselves and the "good" will travel into the the area ready to be fertilized.

In 9 months, the offspring is released if it is ready to venture the world outside the womb.
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26 / M / Tampa, Florida
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Posted 6/24/12 , edited 6/25/12
Did anyone hear about the "no public cursing" law?

I forget where I heard it so it might just be a rumor but I think it's a one of the middle US states.

Edit: Also this law is in violation of 1st Amendment. I don't see how this will can be legalized.

Double edit:As it turns out, this law does not violate the 1st Amendment. But it's still stupid.
Posted 6/24/12

AsuraCryin wrote:


LosingOrbit wrote:

Because everyone knows holding hands leads to teen pregnancy.


Of course it does!

You see, when the male wanks off and washes it, not all of the excess "goods" are removed. The hand is forever stained. Now, it will spread onto the item touched by the said hand.. and when it reaches the female hand. Oh boy, an unexpected pregnancy happens. The female will satisfied themselves and the "good" will travel into the the area ready to be fertilized.

In 9 months, the offspring is released if it is ready to venture the world outside the womb.


So the pores in your hand absorb the sperm and somehow travels to the womb.
That makes perfect sense!
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M / Cali
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Posted 6/24/12
These laws are getting ridiculous. Next thing, we can't have any physical contact with another.
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26 / M / Tampa, Florida
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Posted 6/24/12

Havoc_360 wrote:

These laws are getting ridiculous. Next thing, we can't have any physical contact with another.


Remember the "No sex" law from the movie "Demolition Man"?
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Posted 6/24/12
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21 / M / Tiphares
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Posted 6/24/12
Next up is a no staring law
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22 / M
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Posted 6/24/12
Can you guys just read the article and realize that the bill is actually against sexual contact such as groping or fondling, and not about prohibiting people from holding hands? Don't assume something just from the title, it's meant to get that type of reaction. Read it in-depth and maybe you'll learn something.
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27 / M / Manhattan, NY, USA
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Posted 6/24/12 , edited 6/24/12
They teach us in the north that Tennessee and these other southern states are full of inbreds.. Glad to see it's clearly turned opposite.
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29 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 6/24/12
I'd say this law isn't taking it far enough. They should pass legislation that requires anyone under 18 to have their hands bound and cuffed 24/7.

I mean, without hand-holding, teenage limbs are going to lose out on one extra activity with which to occupy themselves with.

I know if I was a teenager again and my fingers weren't locked with the fingers of my girl, it'd probably end up cupping a boob, flicking a clit, or poking a butthole.
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 6/24/12

Phsyco_1 wrote:

Did anyone hear about the "no public cursing" law?


Yes, I believe that was enacted in New Jersey or some other New England state. And the courts let it slide. For now.

Tennessee had a similar uproar a while back, maybe two years, when some schools started banning physical contact (hugs and the like). Nothing new; schools have been doing this for a while now. My bro's middle school had a similar statute until the parents shot it dead. Really, where are these schools getting this ridiculousness from?
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27 / M
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Posted 6/25/12

LosingOrbit wrote:


AsuraCryin wrote:


LosingOrbit wrote:

Because everyone knows holding hands leads to teen pregnancy.


Of course it does!

You see, when the male wanks off and washes it, not all of the excess "goods" are removed. The hand is forever stained. Now, it will spread onto the item touched by the said hand.. and when it reaches the female hand. Oh boy, an unexpected pregnancy happens. The female will satisfied themselves and the "good" will travel into the the area ready to be fertilized.

In 9 months, the offspring is released if it is ready to venture the world outside the womb.


So the pores in your hand absorb the sperm and somehow travels to the womb.
That makes perfect sense!


I think this means that, assuming that both the guy and the girl don't wash their hands and she happens to touch herself before his stuff goes bad, she can get pregnant. It's possible, but not likely. Even then, using this as a reason to ban holding hands would be a better reason than the one they are giving.
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