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Post Your Favourite Jokes
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21 / M / In Rainbows
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Posted 7/11/12 , edited 7/11/12
Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"
________________________________________________________________________________________
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Shelly. Shelly was very girly and liked wearing pretty skirts. She wore skirts every day.

One day at school, a young boy named Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym. So Shelly did.

When Shelly got home, she told her mom about her day, and included the part about the jungle gym.

"Shelly, don't do that. He might just be trying to look at your underwear." said her mother.

What the big deal was, Shelly didn't understand.

The next day Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym again. So she did.

Shelly again told her mother about her day, including the jungle gym moment.

"Didn't I tell you, young lady?" fumed her mother. "He just wants to see your underwear!"

"But Mommy, I tricked him," said Shelly. "Today I didn't wear any underwear!"

______________________________________________________________________________________

It's a slow day in the small town of Rainbows and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt,
and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the
motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
(Stay with this.....and pay attention)

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard
times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel Owner.
(Almost done...keep reading)

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee.
______________________________________________________________________________________


Posted 7/11/12
Last one doesn't sound like a joke, and the other two are derived.
vinr 
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25 / M / Chicago
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Posted 7/11/12
How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?








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M
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Posted 7/11/12
Ooh this one is awful, but I chuckled.

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Australia
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Posted 7/11/12

KiteCross wrote:

Ooh this one is awful, but I chuckled.



Heard that one from a mate recently... its just too sickening. I gaped at her in disgust.


Why did Anna fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms...


Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Not Anna.
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24 / M / Atlanta
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Posted 7/11/12
currently, i find how kevin hart's bank account is set-up hilarious


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JTQg7elW6I
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21 / M / Toronto,Canada
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Posted 7/11/12
whats the difference between and black guy and a bench??


a bench can actually support a family
Posted 7/21/12
Your mother is so fat that even a picture of her weighs 35 stones.
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M / i'm there. you kn...
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Posted 8/5/12
what do you have to do in order to have a galaxy party?
planet.
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17 / F / Portland
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Posted 8/5/12
this thread!

oh man am i a comedian or what
Posted 8/5/12
What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.
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40 / Tyrell HQ
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Posted 8/5/12 , edited 8/5/12
i love rodney dangerfield one liners~

I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get


or steven wright has some good one liners~

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo
cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of
the afternoon's appointments

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died
Posted 8/5/12
How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
Just Juan.
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25 / F / Georgia
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Posted 8/5/12
Mankind is a joke itself.

but anyway lets see, your mom smells so bad, even her shadow is holding its nose.
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21 / M
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Posted 8/5/12

gaara579 wrote:

How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
Just Juan.


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101 / F / USA
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Posted 8/5/12 , edited 8/5/12
1. What did the sign on the whorehouse door say?
.

2. What's worse than having a dead skunk on your piano?


3. What can a bird do that a man can't?
.

4.1/2 Sisters
On Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad, Mom! I have
some great news for you. I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in the
world. She lives only a street away and her name is Susan Hoffman."

After dinner, George's dad took him aside and said, "Son, I have to talk to you.
Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years she is
wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I use to fool around a lot with woman. Susan Hoffman is actually your
half sister, so I'm afraid you can't marry her."

George was heartbroken, After eight months he started dating girls again. A
year later he came home and very proudly annouced, "Diane said yes! We're
getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the news:
"Diane, is your half sister too, George. I am awfully sorry about all this."

George was livid! He finally decided to share this with his mother. "Dad has
done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," He complained.
Everytime I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Ha!" his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to
what he says. He's not really your father."
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