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What if women went up to guys they liked rather than waiting to get asked out?
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18 / F / Portland
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Posted 7/14/12

Happencheese wrote:

I can't honestly say I've ever been in that situation. I've only ever dated one person, and I'm married to them now. And I told them how I felt. So it's never been a personal issue for me.
It was mostly just the title "What if women did this..." that irked me, I suppose...I don't like generalizations based on sex. There are some women who do ask out first.


actually i totally agree, there are a lot of girls who ask guys out so this question and the general response confused me a little too. i think that some of the guys here are just mad because girls aren't asking them out
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F / ℓαη∂ σƒ qυαятz αη...
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Posted 7/14/12
must be s0me s0rt 0f female human c0de. 0_0
Posted 7/14/12
that would be cool but dont some girls want a real man to ask them out instead of them doing it if they do it it more that means they would have to propose to men.
Posted 7/14/12 , edited 7/14/12

Kira0309 wrote:

that is the problem with men these days, they are all wussy cowards that don't know how to man up and grow some balls. Most women dont want a guy that wont take the lead. If your not man enough to go after the women you like then your not worth the effort no matter how much we like you.



I understand your point, but do you also see that in the way your thinking means that you will always be settling for second or third best or what ever mildly holds your interest and ask you out rather than taking the initiative probably;y a couple times in your life? So that you can get what you want? for example as a guy I can go and talk to any woman I desire regardless if I am rejected or not, I have open and well known, socially acceptalbe ability to do as I please. Also I am a attractive guy (not being arrogant but just proving a point) so there are many women who flirt with me all the time at work (female customers) , at the grocery store, walking down the street and even female co-workers...actually there's one who almost asked me out 2 weeks ago, but she turned the question around to make it work related( she obviously likes me but just wont go through asking the one easy question) , the truth is if she asked I would say yes, but I have options right now so I don't have to ask myself. The fact is that not all guys will be desperate enough to have to ask...that's the real reason I asked this question-through observing her actions and I feel that she's in a no win situation from which she could change with just one question.
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23 / M / Sacramento
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Posted 7/14/12

Kira0309 wrote:

that is the problem with men these days, they are all wussy cowards that dont know how to man up and grow some balls. Most women dont want a guy that wont take the lead. If your not man enough to go after the women you like then your not worth the effort no matter how much we like you.



lol whaaaaa so you're willing to miss out on the guy you like beause he wont ask you out? if you want something, go for it. it works both ways.
Posted 7/14/12

Happencheese wrote:


marcel20 wrote:


Yes, have you ever had a guy you really liked but did not have the will to actually ask him out on a date and you never got to actually tell him your true feelings nor got a chance to date him? this is the reality for most women, so was question was to spark an idea that women who are normally bound to "wait and see" to once in a while to possibly take action(feel empowered) and change their fate like men do every day when it comes to dating and choosing the one you want. Is that not a valid question?


I can't honestly say I've ever been in that situation. I've only ever dated one person, and I'm married to them now. And I told them how I felt. So it's never been a personal issue for me.
It was mostly just the title "What if women did this..." that irked me, I suppose...I don't like generalizations based on sex. There are some women who do ask out first.


My bad, that was not my intention at all to generalize women in such a matter, but I did use careful specific language like "most" or "some" I even gave a 35% one of the times...I try to be as careful as possible not to generalize fully any race or sex, but it is what it is meaning most women are in such a situation and it is well known to be rare when it is the other way around. please read my question carefully and detail for I am not one to hide or mingle amongst my words so that they may appear harsh to anyone unless its necessary and this is not one of those occasions.
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22 / M / Toronto,Canada
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Posted 7/14/12
the girl will always expect to be asked out no matter what , its just how it is
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24 / M / Springfield, Oreg...
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Posted 7/14/12 , edited 7/14/12

Kira0309 wrote:

that is the problem with men these days, they are all wussy cowards that dont know how to man up and grow some balls. Most women dont want a guy that wont take the lead. If your not man enough to go after the women you like then your not worth the effort no matter how much we like you.




As much as I think this entire topic is an anxiety-stricken teenage angst post, I honestly think what you said is probably more silly.

Why is it a societal expectation that "men take the lead"? What does that even mean? That men should do everything, claim all responsibility just because you don't want to?

And if women REALLY want men to "take the lead" so bad, why is it that so many of them get pissed when men also choose to "take the lead" in places of business and such as well? You can't have doubled expectations like that. Just silly.

Just like so many women claim they want, most men would be perfectly happy with partners that choose to, "stand beside me, not in front of or behind me." (Good song, hahaha.)

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being the knight in shining armor or whatever the hell you want to call it. I'm completely capable of asking a girl out, and I have. I've failed a few times, and been rewarded other times. But I see nothing wrong with a girl choosing to ask someone out if they really wish to. It seems dumb/ignorant to think otherwise.

I guess I just fail to understand the logic behind being a "wussy coward" as you put it. It's honestly comments like that which tend to drive most guys insane with worry/anxiety over something as simple as asking someone out on a date.

So congratulations, your comment probably just made a bunch of teenage boys piss their pants over nothing.
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22 / M / Laredo, Texas
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Posted 7/14/12
Well i guess it'll show the girl really wants to be wth that guy. Like if I were to be trying to confess to a girl I really liked but she turn out to confess frst it would really surprise me and make me like her even more.
Posted 7/14/12 , edited 7/14/12

lippedlove wrote:


Happencheese wrote:

I can't honestly say I've ever been in that situation. I've only ever dated one person, and I'm married to them now. And I told them how I felt. So it's never been a personal issue for me.
It was mostly just the title "What if women did this..." that irked me, I suppose...I don't like generalizations based on sex. There are some women who do ask out first.


actually i totally agree, there are a lot of girls who ask guys out so this question and the general response confused me a little too. i think that some of the guys here are just mad because girls aren't asking them out


That maybe the case in a few of the comments one may never know, but that's not the reasoning behind the questioning.. just think of a guy you really really like, now picture him being quite dense when concerning women who are obviously flirting with him and you try to flirt with him , but he only thinks you are being friendly. Now another girl ask him out directly... and they hit it off and become boyfriend and girlfriend. Now since you are friends with him he mentioned that he use to have a crush on you ... how would you feel? A bit powerless or hurt? you see i'm just saying that letting your true feelings about some one is not wrong for male or fe-male. Granted the guy will mostly do the asking I fully understand that for most cases, but when you really are so infatuated, and in love with some one what will you risk to have them? possible rejection or embarrassment I know that I would what about you?
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21 / U.S.A.
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Posted 7/14/12

SlimShadyDogg wrote:

Oh how i wish girls would do this. Im 18 and still cant properly ask out a girl. I even have a hard time talking to them unless we're friends (which is hard because you have to talk to them to become friends, then you get friend zoned).
Im kind of the shy type so it really sucks


I feel you, I'm the same way.
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25 / M / Virginia
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Posted 7/14/12 , edited 7/14/12

Kira0309 wrote:

that is the problem with men these days, they are all wussy cowards that dont know how to man up and grow some balls. Most women dont want a guy that wont take the lead. If your not man enough to go after the women you like then your not worth the effort no matter how much we like you.




"Most women dont want a guy that wont take the lead."

Remember that when you're married/living together and he insists on taking the lead in everything, making all the decisions himself, and only involving you when *he* decides you are useful. Remember dear, you get what you wish for, and sometimes with the dating stage you don't see the whole package for the stars in your eyes.

As for the rest of your statement--

I could generalize in response, and try to claim that all women refuse to consider guys like me--a little sheltered, blemished skin, not blessed with the best metabolism--because we don't match up to the romance novel protagonist they all want. I'm not going to say that though, because I know it's not true of all, or even most, women. But as for men--walk a mile in our shoes before you get self-righteous. What if *all* the eligible guys you ever seem to run into wouldn't so much as give you a second glance, persistently ignoring any attempt to strike up conversation, treating you like you aren't even there? What are you going to do, say that all of those guys aren't worth it and move on? What if it keeps happening? What if you can't catch a break? Year after year? What do you do then?

For some of us, that's the way we tend to get treated by your average eligible female. Have that happen enough times, and it wears on your self-esteem. A lot. What's the purpose of putting yourself out there when the last ten times you've done so, you got ignored in favor of the pretty boy at the table? It's temptingly easy to answer that it's not worth it, and many people do end up feeling that way. Of course, it is worth it, if only for the one that doesn't act that way; but that being said, it can be hard to keep at it until you find her.

Bottom line is, you gotta uphold your end of the bargain if you expect us to talk to you. And by "us", I don't mean the McDreamys or Mr. Perfects. I mean the Average Joes. Narrow your definition of "creeper" a bit, take off the Cullen-vision visors, and maybe you'll find that the pudgy kid that just tried to initiate conversation with you actually has more "balls" and a better personality than it might appear at first glance.

That's my input to this conversation. Have a good day, all.
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F / Dreamsicle
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Posted 7/14/12 , edited 7/15/12
I think girl/guy should tell the person that he/she likes him/her, before this person is not available. I have not been asking out guys, although I think mutual liking will lead to a relationship. I may be vague, and both genders have a chance of getting into a relationship or rejection.
ItsMev 
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21 / M / Melbourne, Australia
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Posted 7/15/12

apocalypseArisen wrote:

must be s0me s0rt 0f female human c0de. 0_0


Posted 7/15/12
It depends,
When a girl is like in love with a guy and waiting for his game move never gonna happen. Us girls have an amazing innate ability of telling it up close and personal and NOT afraid of the consequence if rejected. Interestingly, most girls knows and sense when a guy likes her so all we need to do is give him an hint and he will move mountains. That is why it is rare for us to make a move and if it does, YOU GO GIRL for we know; He must be AMAZING
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