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What if women went up to guys they liked rather than waiting to get asked out?
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24 / M / Phoenix, Arizona
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Posted 8/29/12
Personally speaking, I like the idea. I don't have a whole lot of self-esteem and my life can pretty much be summarized by the term "friend zone." I'm sure there are others like me out there. We try our best to be gentlemen, respect women, show genuine interest in their feelings, and even express our own to the ones we like. Unfortunately, every time we do this, instead of winning the girl over by being the nice guy (who really cares for them) we become the "gay best friend" (the proverbial shoulder to cry on) and are friend zoned for life. This next part may be my own opinion but experiences like these definitely crush self-esteem. Girls asking guys out would be a strong remedy for this. It would definitely boost confidence in guys who may have already given up. Nice guys who give out love want only one thing in return and that's someone who does the same to them. To give my heart to someone and know they want to give me theirs, that's all i want.......

I'm pretty I strayed off topic somewhere in that little dialogue of mine, sorry about that. To get back to my original point, I think it would be a nice change of pace for women to approach men first.
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19 / F / behind you
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Posted 8/29/12
I asked my boyfriend to go out with me. And it was a good choice too because he wanted to wait FOUR more fucking years before asking me out. I laughed at him cause PSH YEAH RIGHT like he'd still be single in four years -.- .
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29 / F
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Posted 8/29/12
I don't think it's a big deal if the woman asks the guy out first, so what? It can and should go either way. I was the first to ask my fiance out on the first date, and we've been together since. No biggie . If you want something, go for it!
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27 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 8/29/12


Just out of curiosity, how do you picture the girl that you'll end up dating? Describe the whole deal - physical, mental, personality, lifestyle, etc.

The reason I ask is I want to see whether you just might have really high standards (nothing wrong with this) and whether this might contribute to your difficulty snagging a girl. Because honestly, I've talked to a lot of wholesome, nice guys out there, and they always tell me they want a cute/pretty girl who's in decently good shape, intelligent, graduated college, has a sweet personality, etc. etc. There's not many of those girls who are above average in all the desirable traits not to mention the competition you'd have to beat to get to her.

Lastly, have any girls shown interest in you in the past, but you just ignored it or declined her token of affection because you felt you could, for lack of better words, "do better?" Maybe there have been girls who were willing to give out love to you, it's just that you weren't interested in them.
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22 / M / 3D world
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Posted 8/29/12
Confessing to someone is tough when you really like someone and is afraid of rejection (Experience) regardless of gender but i don't know if you ladies know this but most of us guys dont find it bad when someone tells us they like us. Its not bad but regardless of whether we answer yes or no just remember that never knowing will hurt more in the long run. I told a girl i liked her and got rejected but even though i got rejected i feel strangely refreshed like a burdens been lifted off my shoulder. I have never been told "i like you" from a girl but if someone did i would be happy and if i reject her i sure as hell won't think any less about her.
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24 / M / Lubbock
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Posted 8/29/12
Personally, I like girls that take the initiative and are blunt. I'm freaking oblivious to hints girls give me.
Posted 8/29/12

Winterfells wrote:

Because honestly, I've talked to a lot of wholesome, nice guys out there, and they always tell me they want a cute/pretty girl who's in decently good shape, intelligent, graduated college, has a sweet personality, etc. etc. There's not many of those girls who are above average in all the desirable traits not to mention the competition you'd have to beat to get to her.


That is a damn good point man. Women that meet the total package are prime candidates for every other interested guy out there. Not to mention they are just that awesome to be around they make most nice guys who have been holding out for too long just melt and become useless in conversation or a bit too eager to the point where it freaks those kinds of chicks out.
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27 / M / The darkest timel...
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Posted 8/29/12

DangerousYams


That is a damn good point man. Women that meet the total package are prime candidates for every other interested guy out there. Not to mention they are just that awesome to be around they make most nice guys who have been holding out for too long just melt and become useless in conversation or a bit too eager to the point where it freaks those kinds of chicks out.


Son of a... I'm guilty of that.
Posted 8/29/12

KazeNiNare wrote:


DangerousYams


That is a damn good point man. Women that meet the total package are prime candidates for every other interested guy out there. Not to mention they are just that awesome to be around they make most nice guys who have been holding out for too long just melt and become useless in conversation or a bit too eager to the point where it freaks those kinds of chicks out.


Son of a... I'm guilty of that.


A lot of nice guys in general are guilty of that. Don't feel bad. The trick isn't to stop being nice, it's simply to date around more so that when the awesome chick everyone is after returns your smile it's easy to just talk like a normal person and not obsess over how amazing she is because you've had plenty of practice.
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27 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 8/29/12

DangerousYams wrote:

That is a damn good point man. Women that meet the total package are prime candidates for every other interested guy out there. Not to mention they are just that awesome to be around they make most nice guys who have been holding out for too long just melt and become useless in conversation or a bit too eager to the point where it freaks those kinds of chicks out.


Yeah, there are so many variables that we look for when we try to find a romantic partner.

Physical
- Face
- Body
- Dressing style/fashion
- a bunch more

Mental
- Education achieved
- IQ
- Literacy
- Common sense
- Wisdom
- Experience
- a bunch more

Personality
- Friendliness
- Loyalty
- Honesty
- Motivated
- Funny
- a bunch more

Spiritual
- Religious beliefs
- Political beliefs
- Moral beliefs
- etc.

Lifestyle
- So many

It's asinine to expect our partner to be above the mean when it comes to all of these categories. And if you're waiting for "perfection" to come along, think about how long you'll have to wait to find a partner like this? Chances are they come around every once a generation. And even if they're there, obviously you'll be competing against hordes of other people interested in him/her.

Not to mention, it's not fair to expect to find a person who's great in all these categories, when you don't hold yourself to the same standard. Is it reasonable to expect to hook up with an insanely awesome person and expect them to settle? Hell no.
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33 / M
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Posted 8/29/12
i think it's not a bad idea.
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M / Nestled between E...
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Posted 8/29/12
I think both males and females need to drop the bashful act a little and just say what they mean.
We live in society where nowadays more people say or think they will do something versus doing it.

Bring back the initiative, people! You've got to stand up and go straight for the things you want.
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24 / M / Phoenix, Arizona
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Posted 8/30/12

Winterfells wrote:



Just out of curiosity, how do you picture the girl that you'll end up dating? Describe the whole deal - physical, mental, personality, lifestyle, etc.

The reason I ask is I want to see whether you just might have really high standards (nothing wrong with this) and whether this might contribute to your difficulty snagging a girl. Because honestly, I've talked to a lot of wholesome, nice guys out there, and they always tell me they want a cute/pretty girl who's in decently good shape, intelligent, graduated college, has a sweet personality, etc. etc. There's not many of those girls who are above average in all the desirable traits not to mention the competition you'd have to beat to get to her.

Lastly, have any girls shown interest in you in the past, but you just ignored it or declined her token of affection because you felt you could, for lack of better words, "do better?" Maybe there have been girls who were willing to give out love to you, it's just that you weren't interested in them.


I read your question and I started thinking about it, and to be honest, I couldn't do it. Yes, I do have some expectations when it comes to things like personality traits and stuff, everyone does. I would like a girl who can carry a conversation, likes my brand of humor and thinks it's actually funny, is mentally stable (if you knew my past gfs you'd understand the importance of this), and is honest. That's my big thing, honesty. Honesty with me and more importantly honesty with herself. Sure, there are other things i could nitpick about but what would be the point? It sounds like I was able to picture it, huh? Here's where i couldn't, what she looks like. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't picture how I wanted her to look. I've always been so preoccupied with how i wanted her to be in terms of personality that I've never once thought about how she would look. It never mattered to me. I've dated skinny girls, curvy girls, and everything inbetween. Short hair, long hair, black hair, even blue hair I've dated. Looks have never mattered to me. If she felt comfortable in her own skin, that was enough for me.

To answer your second question, I've never declined a girl's affection that she has openly admitted. I grew up on the premise that you should never take anything for granted. I would never dream of turning away someone's heart when that is the very thing I want. In regards to whether or not i have ignored someone, that I can't be too sure of. I was careful in pointing out that the girl admitted her feelings. I'm ashamed to say that I am pretty dense when it comes to picking up signals from women. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have no game myself that I can sometimes (most times) be oblivious to when a girl is flirting.
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24 / M / Phoenix, Arizona
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Posted 8/30/12

Winterfells wrote:


DangerousYams wrote:

That is a damn good point man. Women that meet the total package are prime candidates for every other interested guy out there. Not to mention they are just that awesome to be around they make most nice guys who have been holding out for too long just melt and become useless in conversation or a bit too eager to the point where it freaks those kinds of chicks out.


Yeah, there are so many variables that we look for when we try to find a romantic partner.

Physical
- Face
- Body
- Dressing style/fashion
- a bunch more

Mental
- Education achieved
- IQ
- Literacy
- Common sense
- Wisdom
- Experience
- a bunch more

Personality
- Friendliness
- Loyalty
- Honesty
- Motivated
- Funny
- a bunch more

Spiritual
- Religious beliefs
- Political beliefs
- Moral beliefs
- etc.

Lifestyle
- So many

It's asinine to expect our partner to be above the mean when it comes to all of these categories. And if you're waiting for "perfection" to come along, think about how long you'll have to wait to find a partner like this? Chances are they come around every once a generation. And even if they're there, obviously you'll be competing against hordes of other people interested in him/her.

Not to mention, it's not fair to expect to find a person who's great in all these categories, when you don't hold yourself to the same standard. Is it reasonable to expect to hook up with an insanely awesome person and expect them to settle? Hell no.


That is an excellent point that really should be stressed more. I even know a few guys who actually think they deserve more than what they give. It's not enough for the girl to be everything you want her to be. You need to make an effort to do the same for her. She deserves just as much.
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28 / M / Seattle
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Posted 8/30/12
then you would be in a harem and you should call for help from your best friend who happens to be another girl
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