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What if women went up to guys they liked rather than waiting to get asked out?
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22 / M
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Posted 7/15/12
The world would implode
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35 / New York
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Posted 7/15/12

marcel20 wrote:


AshRandom wrote:


marcel20 wrote:

I find that women who are interested in guys just kinda flirt and wait for the guy to make the move, but what if women just once in a while took a chance at it. Getting the guy she want's with out missing a possible love interest and settling for another guy than the one she wants...just because he missed or had other things on his mind to see her very mild advances?


Simple. If the female makes a bold first move, she gets him. Seducing a man is easy.

But that doesn't get her what she really wants, which is proof that she is desired by him.

It can also be argued that it also creates a different relationship dynamic, one where the female is (or feels) less empowered.


LoL ash it's like you know me, but having the power is soo refreshing trust me I have actually been asked 4 or 5 times and only said yes to 2 of them and yes it kinda sucked for them to get rejected, but as a guy its just a required risk especially at 25 ya get used to it kinda-sorta. Also does she really have to know that he already desires her...I understand the mechanic's behind it, but in the end isn't it all just playing it a little too safe? I mean isn't finding the one worth the risk?


Know you? We're just stereotypical primates buddy, this isn't new.

To answer your question, no. They aren't playing it safe, they're playing a very specific game.

As for worth the risk, unequivocally no. A male who can't pick up on the less-than-subtle hints women use to give us the green light -- is guaranteed to be an inattentive partner. And a male who simply refuses to act on their non-verbal communications, equally so.

They aren't just looking to get laid, they're looking to get laid AND they're testing you. It's not intentionally manipulative though, so there's no need to disparage them for it. It's just part of a complex set of cognitive coding expressed instinctually. It's as much an inborn pattern of behavior for us, as the mating dance is to a bird of paradise.

However it should be noted that our primate females often mate with large, strong, healthy looking males (aka sexy stud muffin types) and then immediately seek out a smaller, weaker male they can build a nest with. Again, this is not intentional manipulation, and don't mistake it for some kind of conscious concoction. Their act of fraud is typical for any species with long gestation periods. When nature demands massive parental investments, animals develop some amazingly crafty strategies in response. Not quite as blunt as outright laying an egg in someone else's nest, but close.

See if you can apply this information to the situation. You should be able to understand why you get approached boldly once in a while, yeah? They wanted your seed. Even if on an intellectual level they just want a good time with a hot guy, their unconscious motivation to do so had primordial roots. And when they play the flirty mating dance, you should also now be able to understand exactly what they're signaling to you and why. They're asking a 450 million year old question: "wanna build a nest with me?"

Mind you, I can't stress enough that these are not actions or activities planned out with malice of forethought. This is simply how we behave. And we wouldn't have picked up these patterns if they didn't work for our ancestors, so don't go thinking this is some new mode of operation -- or construe it as some kind of attack on women. We're in the same boat as they are, and considering the alternative mammalian mating practices, at least our non-alpha males have a chance at procreation. It's much more fair to them than to be excluded utterly.
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Posted 7/15/12
Helpful guys are the best
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17 / F / Portland
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Posted 7/15/12

marcel20 wrote:

That maybe the case in a few of the comments one may never know, but that's not the reasoning behind the questioning.. just think of a guy you really really like, now picture him being quite dense when concerning women who are obviously flirting with him and you try to flirt with him , but he only thinks you are being friendly. Now another girl ask him out directly... and they hit it off and become boyfriend and girlfriend. Now since you are friends with him he mentioned that he use to have a crush on you ... how would you feel? A bit powerless or hurt? you see i'm just saying that letting your true feelings about some one is not wrong for male or fe-male. Granted the guy will mostly do the asking I fully understand that for most cases, but when you really are so infatuated, and in love with some one what will you risk to have them? possible rejection or embarrassment I know that I would what about you?


yeah i didn't think you were, i just meant the guys that were being sore about it lol. i ask guys out so i guess it's hard for me to really level with this question outside of the social stigma aspect of it
toxxin 
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21 / In my own little...
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Posted 7/15/12
You crazy humans and your mating rituals.
Posted 7/15/12
Then the world would have more relationships. Honestly, it shouldn't matter which gender and just go for it. I wouldn't call a guy a coward or unmanly for not asking first, it's because of this mindset people are not moving forward in life. You do know that guys can have insecurities as well, also maybe you never crossed their mind, or they just have a flirt personality ...cut them some slack. With that said just ask them out , if they say yes then good for you and if you get rejected at least your not wasting your time waiting to get asked out and move on with your life. People need to get back into reality , not everything is a fairy tale.

So asking a person out shouldn't be determined by gender.
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25 / M
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Posted 7/15/12
I think it's easier when you're young- no responsibilities or any hindrances that stop you.

When you get older, it's all about where you are in life; still in college, or working, then that's a factor that you've got to think about when you want to date someone.

I do miss the naive times when all you had was thinking about this person. As you get older, a lot more priorities come out and love just seems to be there.

Crushes and liking someone is ok.
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19 / F / Washington
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Posted 7/15/12
I know I'm going to get all biblical here but it's a tradition that has been around for a long time. Back when most people believed in the bible, the bible says that the man needs to be the protester of his family. When he was trialed by God, the fate of the family was in the mans hands, so as you are getting the idea that the guy is in charge (not in a bossy way but a leader). He does when he asks a girls hands in marriage. Back a long time ago there was no dating but the guy would just ask the girl to marry him. Over time it people began to date before they got married so the same rules apply. The man asks the girl out and that's how its been. That's the reason why it's like that, it has nothing to do with society.

PS. Please do not get angry or shoot me down for what I said. =_= I am not disagreeing with anyone, I'm just stating facts.
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35 / New York
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Posted 7/15/12

toxxin wrote:

You crazy humans and your mating rituals.


high-five!

verbatim, that's exactly how I phrased it in my own mind
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16 / M / USA
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Posted 7/15/12
I had that done to me once. She kinda forced me to ask her out.
Word of advice: NEVER do anything that can be used as blackmail.
Posted 7/15/12

Dropplet wrote:

I know I'm going to get all biblical here but it's a tradition that has been around for a long time. Back when most people believed in the bible, the bible says that the man needs to be the protester of his family. When he was trialed by God, the fate of the family was in the mans hands, so as you are getting the idea that the guy is in charge (not in a bossy way but a leader). He does when he asks a girls hands in marriage. Back a long time ago there was no dating but the guy would just ask the girl to marry him. Over time it people began to date before they got married so the same rules apply. The man asks the girl out and that's how its been. That's the reason why it's like that, it has nothing to do with society.

PS. Please do not get angry or shoot me down for what I said. =_= I am not disagreeing with anyone, I'm just stating facts.


Nothing wrong with that, trust me when I say that I know that science doesn't really have all the answers for everything, so thanks for your input. It would be wise to hear out many perspectives on a subject...at least that's what I believe. oh and I know where your coming because I'm Christian
Posted 7/15/12

LiveLifeAndLoveIt wrote:

Then the world would have more relationships. Honestly, it shouldn't matter which gender and just go for it. I wouldn't call a guy a coward or unmanly for not asking first, it's because of this mindset people are not moving forward in life. You do know that guys can have insecurities as well, also maybe you never crossed their mind, or they just have a flirt personality ...cut them some slack. With that said just ask them out , if they say yes then good for you and if you get rejected at least your not wasting your time waiting to get asked out and move on with your life. People need to get back into reality , not everything is a fairy tale.

So asking a person out shouldn't be determined by gender.


Ah a realist like myself..thanks for the reply.
Posted 7/15/12

toxxin wrote:

You crazy humans and your mating rituals.


lol
Posted 7/15/12

animeFTWin wrote:

I had that done to me once. She kinda forced me to ask her out.
Word of advice: NEVER do anything that can be used as blackmail.


hehe wouldn't want to meet her...hope she lets you from her grips.
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45 / M
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Posted 7/15/12
...over the years I have been approached far more often than I have asked anyone out...
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