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Post Reply are you religious? if so, why?
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Posted 9/7/13 , edited 9/7/13

EmeraldMercy wrote:


minatothegreatjiraiya wrote:


Sadly, what it mean is that "If you spare the rod, then you spoil the child."


I don't see why this is in itself sad.


You're right, it isn't except to those who perceive it as being sad.

Blue may be my favorite color, but to another, it may be a great tear...

My grandparents would approve of spanking, whipping, kicking, and beating kids to discipline them, but my parents would go not so far, as they used to spank me for discipline, until I became older and disciplined myself.

This teaching in the bible is subject to the perception of the reader. If your parents used this as an excuse to vent hatred, anger, despair... etc on you even if for no good reason, then you will blame them.

Technically, they were justified in their actions, because they perceived themselves to be righteous to punish you, putting them in a mental picture above you. They see it as a good, but for you it is an evil. The perception of any action is based off of the beholder of that action.



Sakiri128:

im not very religious. i was born into a jewish family, and i did consider myself to be jewish for quite a long time. the thing was that the religion and i never got along....sorta. I went to hebrew school for 2 years. The kids there made a game out of running away from me during break. Apparently i would cry when i waited for my parents to come pick me up, which isnt all that hard to believe since i did really hate going there. I think the final straw for me was when my parents cared more about Rosh Hashanah then my birthday. those 2 events just happened to be on the same day last year. So now i consider myself to be an atheist....cause there really isnt anything that i truly believe in.


For this, you do have a belief, for everything outside of your own existence is an assumption, even though most of it is to a minor degree. You may be atheist and not believe in a God or creator, but you can believe that you, yourself, can perceive and understand the world based off of what you see, touch, hear, smell, and taste. That, in the most part are your limitations as a human to perceive the world. Depending on how you look at it, you can really be of any belief system... or several combined.

In any case, I wish you the best of luck in life... I know how it is when people cause you unnecessary harm. Just know they went through something in their life that caused that to happen... and once you do, you can better stand on your own, and picture the world better around you.

Take care, friend...

Thinking of you,

-Emerald Mercy


Personally, I made it very important to listen to my parents, though I am unsure why. I listened to them very well, though I was never really punished for going against them, mostly because I didn't. The only times I would is if they're logic was faulty, in which case I would try to calmly tell them why, and let them see why the way proposed by me is better, in a logical and more purposeful way.
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minatothegreatjiraiya

Personally, I made it very important to listen to my parents, though I am unsure why. I listened to them very well, though I was never really punished for going against them, mostly because I didn't. The only times I would is if they're logic was faulty, in which case I would try to calmly tell them why, and let them see why the way proposed by me is better, in a logical and more purposeful way.


Yes, I also never really rebelled from my parents. They did everything right as parents. I was spanked for what was horrible and very much against the rules in my home, like kneeling on the couch. Or yelling/ rough housing in the house. For hurting a sibling even if by accident, and so on...

Later on in my life, and also recently, I learned so many things which helped me understand the world better...

I won't bore you with my life story, but I will say this...

I CAN understand most of the situations others have been through...

Thinking of you,

-Emerald Mercy
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I CAN understand most of the situations others have been through...


My life was pretty easy, aside from the whole mother having advanced mysophobia, OCD, anxiety, depression, claustrophobia, etc., and father having anger issues, mostly at this. There was the whole having to do well in whatever I did thing, but that wasn't too hard. Other than that, it was pretty easy.
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minatothegreatjiraiya wrote:


I CAN understand most of the situations others have been through...


My life was pretty easy, aside from the whole mother having advanced mysophobia, OCD, anxiety, depression, claustrophobia, etc., and father having anger issues, mostly at this. There was the whole having to do well in whatever I did thing, but that wasn't too hard. Other than that, it was pretty easy.


:) That was how my life started as well... we probably share many similar situations in life during our childhood... but it was later when things turned sour, and many things happened...

For one, I was born with a heart that was detected to have stopped beating for 8 minutes during birth,,, I was thought to be dead... But later in life, I was raised a Roman Catholic Christian, with many morals and beliefs and "golden rules" of which I used to reflect my behavior upon. I was born in a rather rich, wealthy, and kind and loving home. I was homeschooled until 1st grade, where my Mother fell sick in the hospital, since she... well... tried to harm herself... she was diagnosed shortly after with Bipolar, the second type or version of it... by far the worst one from my understanding. Our lives changed then... I was sent to live with my kind and loving aunt and uncle, so I did not know what happened to my mom. When we visited her in the hospital, the doctors told my father to not let me or my 4 other siblings into the room to see her.

I did my best to tell the doctor I should be able to see her, but his reasoning was that she was in her manic state of mind, and her scars from the depression accident that sent me away were reopened during that time. I thought she was in a car accident, since that is what everyone told me. I was told that she would be ok, so I believed them. I only found out a few years ago what actually happened each time she went to the hospital. I used to feel uncomfortable with her driving me places, since I thought she would be in a car accident again, since she was in the hospital so often. She also speeds a lot when driving, so that also made me believe in the story for quite some time.

During one of her manic episodes, she purchased unnecessary things, and invested foolishly without communicating with my father... most Husbands would have filed for a divorce a long time ago, but he stuck with her, and still is with her. I know the reason he is still with her is because things are finally getting better, and that he is to reserved to make a divorce, especially when my uncle was the only one on his side of the family to get a divorce. He also believes in staying with your partner till death, like in their wedding vows.

Anyway, she spent everything we had, and threw us head long into poverty, couponing, and at one time, food stamps...

We lost the apartments we managed, and soon the money along with it... and we lost being able to keep a good upkeep on the house.

I myself was doing well in school, mainly because I have High functioning autism... which during my childhood caused me to make friends with adults, rather than my peers. I can say that I only had maybe 3 good friends in elementary, and everyone else I thought was trying to do me some kind of harm. I also was very gentlemanly, and was the one and only boy who was kind to girls, and treat them like ladies like my mother had taught me. Of course, the girls thought that since I was a guy, I was evil... so I never was treated similarly. I had many puppy love crushes in elementary... but my family was still having issues. Although the city we lived in had everything for me to succeed easily in life, my parents took me away to move north to a little country town.

It was here that I became who I am today... although I moved back to my hometown, as I am now in my own apartment in college, doing particularly well, although I am worried about my finances... since my mom used my father's retirement money to buy the house of her dreams after we moved out of the house across the road which we paid our uncle rent for. She wasted all the extra funds that was rightfully my father's. To make things worse, the taxes for that year caused me to lose nearly all of the scholarships, since the ones I applied for used my FAFSA to evaluate my financial need, and I missed out on other scholarships since my Mom was manic again, and I had family issues during my junior year, and senior year.

I have a hard time knowing my own needs, and I have very sensitive senses. These caused me to forget to eat and drink often enough for a few weeks in a row... and I was very much malnourished and dehydrated. I fell rather sick, and all the muscle mass I gained over the summer building my mom's dream house while being belittled and feeling bullied by my uncle who was paid to build the house was lost. I was anorexic, without a normal eating disorder from the stress of my parent's financial decisions. I became weak, and was unable to move out of bed, and unable to eat or drink. On the second day of not eating at all, and sipping some water, and missing school, which to me was a big deal, since I never missed school without a valid reason. My mother was manic, and said that I MUST go to school, or she would call the police to drag me to school. I thought she was exaggerating, but even if I wanted to, I could not understand why I was too weak and unable to go to school even if I forced myself. My mother thought I was faking, which is bothersome, since I rarely told her lies, and often revealed them to her if I did. I never did anything major to try to disobey her. I did once run away from home, actually, several times, but she only knows of one of those times, which was the furthest I ever got. Though I ran away, I was deluded enough to take my backpack and survival gear both, so that I could live in the wooded area around our house and go to school. I didn't think I would be caught by the teachers, and I thought my Mom would accept that I had left.

Well, my mom DID call the police, and they did arrive. When I heard them come into the house, I sat up with all of the effort I had. I must have looked like I washed up on shore, but shockingly, the police officers both looked at me, and thought I was very sick. My mother also realized she did something bad, since she seemed to be worried they could arrest her and take her back to the mental hospital, since every time she had to go there, she was tied, and forced to go there since she would fight, and resist.

One time, I escorted her with my own hands holding her down in an ambulance while the nurses tried to restrain her. They gave her heavy medications, and thus later we received heavy bills...

Anyway, after the police left, I started having stomach aches, and problems, although in my state of mind with all of the stress, I could not figure out why I was sick, I thought I had a cold or virus. I still did not eat. Eventually my mother opened the door for my uncle, the one I helped build the house. He noticed I wasn't doing well, and did not believe my mother when she said I was faking. At this point, I cannot remember any details other than the gray seat of the cavalier that my uncle was driving to the hospital, and my mother forcing a granola bar into my mouth. I kept blacking out, feeling hot needles around my temples and joints. I eventually stopped feeling pain, and woke up after two IVs, in a hospital gown, which I disliked since I knew that at some point I was stripped I am a rather modest fellow. I do not ever allow anyone to see me without clothes on. I didn't think much about it at the time, because I realized I was hungry... and the nurse brought me a tv dinner, which being a nationally certified safe food handler, a graduate of the pro start culinary program was not something for me to eat normally. After scarfing it down, I slept the night, and was stressed again by the bill I knew my parent's would pay for the overnight stay...

I knew we were in debt, and lots of it... and my father made 20$ an hour, which was barely enough for the seven of us. It was hard... very hard.

Before this though, I guess I should let you know is when I told my parents I would not attend mass at the church anymore. I was one month away from being confirmed in the church, after more than a decade of bible school, catechism. I was a sophomore. In my history class, I learned the terrible things the Roman Catholic church caused in the medieval ages. This made me rethink my own beliefs. I knew I could not go to a church that had such an impure history, with a monopoly of human perception and beliefs, as well as their life.

I couldn't find an answer, but beckoned God if there was an answer. I became a deist for a small amount of time. believing in some type of God. My parents would not tolerate their eldest son not going to mass. I tried explaining, but during the rest of my sophomore year, I was punished. I was a gamer and an anime enthusiast with dreams of living in Japan someday. I finished two animes, Tora dora, and clannad, and started on FLCL, although I stopped watching after the first episode. My parents took away my computer, that I paid for, with the money I earned though my job at the restaurant I apprenticed at, as well as the county within the government which I worked in the finance department. They took all of my computer games, and my xbox. I had no internet privileges, and no tv privileges, although, I cared little about tv. I listened to the radio, but the reception was horrible. I still had my old mp3 player, and I had no cell phone, since I personally did not want one. I saved up all of my money to purchase things I really wanted, rather than a snack hear, a toy there and so on.

Eventually, my parents learned although I was not of the same religion as them, that I was not evil, and had no evil intentions. They thought I was confused, and lost. I was in a way, but they thought that this would make it possible to bribe and talk me into going back to church, and confessing my sins. I became an atheist during my Junior year. That is when I went to the hospital, and escorted my mother, by force, to the hospital. I went insane from the stress. I also suffered slightly in school, not getting excellent grades, but getting good grades still.

Here is something no one really knows about me...

I, ever since being a kid, thought that if I did anything wrong, I would go to hell unless I was punished heavily. But, at the same time I was worried about being punished, since that means I did something wrong. I tried killing myself when I was only 9 years old... and again a year later, and another month later... but was not strong enough to be able to do it. Not mentally weak, but rather physically. I did not know how to overdose, or slit my wrist, or such. I did not know any tall buildings I could go to, and I knew of no rivers to drown in. I tried hitting my head with a hammer, running and jumping into walls, and choking myself with a hangar, although I never thought of using a metal coat hanger and hanging myself with it.

Horrible, horrible memories... I now know how lucky I am to still be living...

Even as I got older, as stress, lies, poverty, bullies, and other "evils" haunted me, I still showed an outwardly successful demeanor so others would want to be in my shoes, or be me... Everyone disliked me for some reason, since I was a goody two shoes and a smartypants. I did everything I could that I thought to be right. I was saddened by rejection with girls, although I rejected some since they tried getting me to be intimate with them... I was apparently handsome, and sometimes I was called other flirtatious titles, even being :hot" when I was in make up for drama club I had many girls who liked me, who were very beautiful, but as I got to know them, they tired to get intimate, or they lied to me to make themselves appear better... or other stories. I only ever dated one girl, who had parents who would have shot the first guy she dated to set an example for the others... but instead, he, and his dog who attacked males other than him came to like me, since I was a "good boy". The fog though was supposed to have killed me, and my girlfriend thought I would be bitten, but instead he smelled my hand, and lied down next to me. A very lucky circumstance, since it was our second date.

Eventually, she noticed that through my good looks, and good grades, and good morals and such, that I was not someone who would be like other boys. I was not entertaining, or very flirtatious. My mental disorder caused me to be robotic, and rigid. I could not "make a move". In fact, she took my first kiss after one of our dates. I knew she planned to break up with me, but instead of being all "cool" like other guys, I did not break up with her, but rather, I allowed her to tell me we should separate. I then told her that I knew, and I told her how, and that caused her to blush. I was about to get on the bus, but she grabbed me and gave me one last kiss goodbye.

The age gap between us was partially the reason... I was three years older than her. I was a Junior, while she was a Freshman. I guess, looking back, she liked me also since it is "cool" to have an older significant other, at least when you both are young.

Now, I am 19. And there are many things I left out of this post... but I noticed I am already boring you with the minor details of my life. I won't tell you about my trip across america, or my first crush in elementary who also liked me back, which was a one time event. I also cannot elaborate on the situations I had with my current finances, or anything else.

I will say this last thing... the closest I ever came to dying was when I tried to stab myself through the heart. I was punished in elementary school by a counselor who told me not to participate in a game I played with lots of friends, since another kid complained that he was playing that type of game first, and I stole his idea. Actually, he was my partner, and I joined him to create a special tag game. We got lots of others to join in, but eventually, he did not feel like I should be a co-leader, and I was brought in to the counselor to be told I cannot play that game anymore. I thought I did something really wrong, since my favorite thing in the world was to play with all the other kids, who usually ignored me or disliked me, enjoyed playing with me. It was my little paradise, and it was taken away...

After school, I thought about it, and thought that my life cannot be continued, since I did something so very wrong, thus I should die. I waited until i thought my parents were asleep and went into the kitchen. i looked for our steak knives which i barely earned the privilege to use without my parents holding it for me, and I knocked over a pan lid. I quickly hid in a cabinet, and waited. I thought that all was clear, but my father saw me from his room in a reflection in the glass of the family portrait and came to tell me to hurry off to bed and I might have earned the customary 2 spankings for getting out of bed, which i did seldomly when I wanted to drink some milk, or eat an apple. He saw me, and approached me. I was horrified, now I did something very bad on top of what I already did at school. I dashed towards the cabinets and threw them open. At this point my father wondered if I was hiding something, or doing something. He rushed towards me trying to see what I was up to.

I found no knifes in the drawers, since they were stored out of reach during that time. But there was two in the sink, which I grabbed. My father, confused, did not know how to approach me... he was probably thinking "What is my 10 year old son doing with that steak knife?" I then switched the blade to face towards me, and put my left hand on my chest to find where my heart was, so that I could die faster... and my dad realized what I was up to. He grabbed me, and held my arm away from my chest as I stabbed at it. I cried out in pain, and my mother came and was told by my father to keep the kids away, which she obeyed. She might not know about this, but my father knew... although I think he long forgot... In anger, I tried choking myself that night, locked in my room, with all of my toys and "dangerous" stuff taken out of it. I must have made the neighbors anxious, but surprisingly, no one called the police, which is odd, considering the neighborhood we lived in. My siblings still do not know of this.

Now, I am in college, and titled as agnostic, although I title myself as being "lost", but explaining that is another 10 page essay. I always wanted to be an inventor, or rather, someone who creates now things after coming up with the ideas for them. Many things I thought of was created later on as I grew older, and I thought my scribbles in my notebook was copied by someone using my ideas as their own. Such ideas caused me great sadness...

I now maintain what I consider the ultimate neutrality.

I rank AMVs as a hobby. I still play games, and watch anime... now on my 600th hour of anime watched... I also write poetry, which have become favorites for many people... and I create recipes, and cook for people. Italian and Japanese cuisine are my favorites. I also play tennis, as it is the only sport I am good at. I also compose music, both classical and modernist technical pieces. I have a small sample of my music posted on Grooveshark. I now also talk with people, and during such talks, I often become very philosophical.

I had many different friends, and in highschool, my middle school bullies became among them... I had a few emo friends, one killed himself. I also had many other friends, who hated one another, but liked me... some were liberals, and other conservatives. Some were Lutherans, or Christian, or atheist, and so on...

I had friends who were intellectuals, and others with learning disabilities. I had partying friends, and serious about school friends. I had friends who were abused, or raped... and others who never had a problem in their life. One of my best friends was the valedictorian of our school, and my other was... not nearly there. I had people in my life who looked up to me, when I graduated... I did not walk in with my class like my friends and peers. Instead, I played my Trombone in the band as they walked by, joining them in the seats after we played Pomp and Circumstance. My parents forced me to have a graduation party, against my will, I attended it though...

I saw many more friends, who had other lives, that did not match what I knew. They had deep emotional talks with me, and I learned more about this world through their perspective.

I had every friend. From a murderer and a gang member, to modern day saints and role models. I knew so many people, and knew so much in the sciences and the arts. I gained a special perspective of this world... but I know, it is far from complete...

I would like to keep posting on this thread, since it allows me to talk with people... and help them... or advise them... or argue with them, to help them later on when they are confronted in life. I am an ambiguous entity of the internet...

I often talk on sites like Omegle, and I have have had many people want to meet me simply because of my virtues and beliefs and philosophies in life. Once, I got a ranting, angry, suicidal, and cursing girl to think about her life in a new perspective... and she broke down, and thanked me for calming her down, and helping her reassess her life. The chat was cut short as my internet died... but the last phrase she said is that she loves me, for everything I did. I shudder to think that she may have become upset after the chat died, since she asked for my number, which I did not have... though I was planning to send her an e-mail.

Now, I will go to sleep, it is very late...

I can talk with anyone who wishes to listen, and I also will listen to everything that anyone wished to say...

Whether you hate me, or like me... I cannot care at this point... Through my life, I lost many of my motives, and passions other than the ones I still hold dear.

I cannot give you an emotional response to anything, especially since I cannot feel such emotions directly. I know someone is happy when they smile, but I cannot sense that they are happy directly. I feel no happiness from one who is happy, and similarly, I cannot feel the sadness of someone who is sad. I will be quiet in either case, and listen. I cannot laugh full heartily, but casually and forced. I cannot earnestly cry any longer... but I can force a tear to make myself feel like I am normal, or that I needed to vent. When I am angry, I crumple up my thoughts and go to sleep, to torture myself in nightmares I bring upon myself.

If anyone, anyone wants to talk, send me a message. If we talk enough, I have shared my skype with people...and still do.

There are some people who messaged me already, and I thank you. It means a lot, rather... it means something which should mean a lot to me... but I know it is a lot, but cannot discern how much. I said too much at this point...

Send me a private message, I share nothing when you ask me to share nothing... and I respect anything you believe in, and anything you have done in your life... I cannot see too many other unknown possibilities other than what I already experienced, or learned much about.

If you wish to make a statement about what I said, whether you agree, or disagree... post it, so we can discuss such things...

I guess... this is my ambition... my drive to do well in college and life... so I can talk with people across the world.

Anyway, some things are still the same...

Sincerely... I am...

Thinking of you,

-Emerald Mercy


































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There are similarities, with some stark differences. My young life is mostly not remembered. In high school, I would get people acting like they know me, but I felt I didn't meet them before. Some of my earliest memories is making myself sick, so that I could distract my fighting parents. They're my parents, so I wanted them to be together forever.

The savings were getting low, so it was time my mother got a job. Loving her, and wanting to be with her, I requested a substitute teacher job. I only ever really got her to sub for one period in Gym class for one day.

She had that job for 7 or 8 years. During this time, we had quite the invasion of ants, leading to my father spraying poison in some areas in the house, particularly note this one wall called "the wall".
Now, it is important to know my mother had germophobia and OCD. It wasn't too bad, and even though she kind of caused me to get it too, an argument could be made to say that mine was worse than hers. I grew out of most of it, but mother, she just got worse and worse. It ended up being terribly bad, and we (father and I) were afraid to do almost anything, for we might do it "wrong" and my mother might have an anxiety attack. No matter how much I urged her to, she constantly and adamantly refused to go to any sort of therapy.

In her germophobia/OCD, it is important to note that she would develop a fear of any type of poison, and she was always terribly weary of cold sores/fever blisters. Any kind of thing near or on your lip would make her worry incessantly. It all got incredibly worse when, at school, she noticed one girl who had a fever blister wiping it and putting the cloth "everywhere". She became worried at school, thinking all the children and places in school were disgustingly "contaminated". Then, it spread to other things, such as the ant poison we had sprayed years ago. She couldn't pass by the wall without getting extremely stressed out. Whenever she passed by a place she considered contaminated, she would have to clean herself and wiper herself, and she did this so much, I believe she started doing it just out of habit in her morning routine.

Apparently, when I was about 7, my father had this "phone affair". That is, he would call and talk to another woman a lot. That isn't too bad, but he apparently would lose his love for mother whenever this happened. It happened again when I was 14. There was talk of divorce before my mother found out, and I tried to exorcise whatever demons might be in him (I would learn later that this was a waste of time; you'll find out why later on). They would make up, though they drove each other crazy. They would argue a lot. And I mean a lot.

I have a sister whom is about five years older than me. We never spoke to each other about it, but we both developed the fear that the upstairs was haunted, and that downstairs was safe. I stopped sleeping in my bed, and started sleeping on a sofa in the living room. My father had to sleep in my room one night because mother felt his sheets were contaminated, and she hadn't gotten around to washing them yet (she wouldn't let anyone else wash laundry, which she considered contaminating. She would eventually only do one batch a day.) He heard the woody toy (from toy story) I had go off for some reason, then heard a little kid's voice go "This is my favorite toy." It was creepy in that house, which used to be a grocery store that my grandmother worked at, but we didn't really mind it, and got used to it.

My mother had finally had enough with the poison and stress, etc., and we were to move. Because of her germophobia/OCD, almost purely due to this, we'd get someone to build a new house (because used ones might be contaminated).

I'd be moving away from the school district I always went to. It's not like I had friends, but I did have some closer classmates. Being asexual, I didn't really understand some things. I tried to fall for girls because it's not normal to have so little sexual drive. I realize now that I just wanted someone to spend time with, a friend.

On the topic of God, though I consider the word "God" to be too lowly to be used for Him, I suppose I am what some might call a theist. I try to empathize with Him, though I am only human. Imagine a void. Imagine you are there, feeling nothing, seeing nothing. You may not even know you're alive. It might take you a while, but you think. You create some parts of creation. You realize you know everything that is going on, and recognize yourself. You may even take some form. You love your creations, and wish to form some sort of relationship with them. But, as time goes on, more and more people begin to proclaim you don't exist while also saying things which would imply they hate you terribly, and say if they met you they would curse you out, in hate. People turn from your words, from your love. They turn on you, but you still go on and love them, and always love them.

I feel I know many things about the Heavenly Father, such as how demons have hardly any power left, and even those that think they are using his power, aren't. His favorite color, so I'm told, is blue, and His favorite type of music, so I'm told, is punk rock, especially Japanese. After I learned that, I tried to get into Japanese punk rock, but I just couldn't. I tired, though.

I've felt that my emotions have been receding for years. It feels that now the only emotion I have is happiness, but knowing only that, is kind of like feeling nothing after a while.
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Nope, and I don't care if people are so long as they don't try and force their views on me.
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Yes, but I would not enforce it on others if they do not wish to change. The only time that I would try to spread the Word is when we go to places that wish to follow one or learn more about it.
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minatothegreatjiraiya

I see... your mother reminds me of mine somewhat, at least when she was manic. She would drive us insane...

One time, she told everyone to get out of bed at midnight. She was mad at me since I "Played to many games" and also was not going to church. She get my 2 brothers, and 2 sisters out of be, around the table. She brought everyone to the table, by force, as if we were at a court, and I was the defendant. She insisted on dimming the lights, and seconds later, turning them all the way up, and then to nothing, and back to bright. My siblings, terrified walked and snuck back into their rooms, one by one as my father and I and my sister a year younger than me stayed.

Mom said she was angry since Pebbles, our puppy, was run over a few days ago. She loved that puppy, for no good reason. That puppy caused so much strife in our family, and caused do much trouble, and damaged so many things, I was hoping to get her fenced in or something. But my mother tried to train her, by giving her snacks every day, for tasks that she was already doing, so that it would be "easier" for the puppy to "learn". She said sit when the puppy sat, and lie down as the puppy was already on her belly. She grew rather fat, and never obeyed simple commands. She knew no boundaries, so one day, when my brother crossed the highway, he heard a small bark, and turned around to see on the other side, cinnamon followed him, and was dead, with her intestines out. It horrified him, since he is probably the most sensitive out of us five kids.

M mom buried the puppy herself, and tried to make the puppy look like it died peacefully. She blamed me for the puppy's death since I despised the puppy since she always attacked my favorite cat. Raz-Ma-Taz is a cat I care for so much, that I even wrote an electronic song named after him. Which, was my first song I wrote, titled "Raz-Ma-Taz", which is on grooveshark. Since I "despised" the puppy, my mom got the entire family to acknowledge that I wished the puppy to die. They thought I was the black sheep of the family because one of our dogs died, and since I was not a dog person myself.

Now, the night my mom went manic, going back to the story... she had us mess with the lights, shouting, more! Less! A Little Less (When it was off already..." Repeatedly... on, off, on, off... and everyone was terrified, and my father was cold still, trying to get out of the picture from my mother to get a phone to call the hospital. I, knew that basil (Fresh) can stimulate the senses of both taste and smell and touch... and I tried making sounds so that all of the stimulus would confuse her, and calm her down for a bit... which it did, kinda...

I then made a tomato basil salad, but before I could make the balsamic vinaigrette, she was already putting her hand in the bowl, and eating all of the tomatoes.. which every last one was eaten. Reminded me of a little kid picking out all of the marshmallows of lucky charms. She yelled at me again, and now my siblings knew that I wasn't a demon to kill the puppy. Now they knew that it was a fabrication of my mother's mind... and not her fault, but rather a circumstantial fault.

After we got her to calm down for the night, we slept...

Things got worse from there, as she yelled at my aunt who was trying to help out our family, and brought both of my aunts to tears. I had a doctor appointment at the city, so my mom drove me down there. I cried out for help since I thought my Mom would tear our family apart... and she used her new android, which she thought she got for free, since it is a free phone with a 7 year contract, but she got it anyways, even though we were in debt. I drove the car soon, since she was not driving well, and it took lots of talking to coax her out of driving. When we got to a market place, she saw the post on my facebook, and yelled at me, and ranted... My head was turned by her, and I didn't see a concrete barrier... which I then lightly brushed with the car. This stimulus, made her very upset at first, but then she became quiet, and calm. She was back to normal, and she forgave me about the dent on the door of the elantra, and apologized for yelling at me. It was my first time hitting anything while driving, and it was a dramatic experience for me... since I like having perfect records, like never cursing, which I still maintain. After a few days, she got back into the habit of yelling at everyone who was trying to help her, and made our family seem like psychos. My teachers pitied me, but did not help me in any way, since that is the regulations on teacher/ student interactions.

I once again tried harming myself, thinking that I cannot study at home, or study elsewhere without my mom doing something dramatic to force me home. She threatened my belongings and my future... and I couldn't do anything. I felt helpless. This led up to the point where I escorted my mother to the hospital, and the point where I myself ended up in the hospital. When she is manic, it hurts us... but when she is depressed, she harms herself... unconsciously, even when she sleeps, she sleep walks and attempts to harm herself.

She goes to sleep, like usual, and when I wake up, my extended family shows up, and tells me she is not doing well, but she is in the hospital. Not a normal hospital, but always, always the "Mental hospital... which is her worst nightmare. She is illogical when she is manic, and depressed, and sad, and unconscious and without energy or motive when depressed.

Sounds like you dealt with the same situation... although, your father sounds more assertive than my own... but either way, you are one to understand... thank you for listening to this.

By the way, did you want to further explain the demons you believe in?

And also, about how old are you? So that I can get your story into a better context, since it sounds like you are a younger teenager.

In any case, I hope you have things turn for the better...

Thinking of you,

-Emerald Mercy
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I don't believe in religion, but I know how important it is to other people. Everything needs something to believe in. For some people it's themselves, their friends, their family, or God.
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Posted 9/8/13

By the way, did you want to further explain the demons you believe in?

And also, about how old are you? So that I can get your story into a better context, since it sounds like you are a younger teenager.

In any case, I hope you have things turn for the better...

Thinking of you,

-Emerald Mercy


The demons I believe in are, well, basically Biblical. Satan gathered about a third of the Heavenly Father's angels, and he tried to overthrow the Father by betting that His righteousness would not allow for Him to reconcile His creations to Himself, and that destroying all the defection would ruin the wholeness and integrity of Creation. However, now those demons are pretty powerless, and can't really do too much, other than persuade and deceive. In regards to my age, I am a younger teenager, of fifteen years. I hope your life goes well.
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Someone who likes anime, being religious, or at least Christian? *rolls on floor laughing*

Hahahahaha...that's a good one.

I used to be, but then anime made me realize I'm gay. And being gay and Mormon don't mix. Also other reasons.
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I am a Christian. The things I have seen and felt in my church are enough to convince me that God is real. I have prayed for and witnessed miracle healing take place right in front of me. Out of all the places I go to, church makes me feel most welcome. There is genuine love there, and I don't feel like I need to be on guard around my church family. Security is something I value highly, so if church can give me that, I have no reason to run from it.
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22 / M / Cookie Land
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Atheist.

Waaaaaaaaay to pessimistic, I guess.
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Posted 9/9/13

minatothegreatjiraiya wrote:
The demons I believe in are, well, basically Biblical. Satan gathered about a third of the Heavenly Father's angels, and he tried to overthrow the Father by betting that His righteousness would not allow for Him to reconcile His creations to Himself, and that destroying all the defection would ruin the wholeness and integrity of Creation. However, now those demons are pretty powerless, and can't really do too much, other than persuade and deceive. In regards to my age, I am a younger teenager, of fifteen years. I hope your life goes well.


That makes me think of the Prophecy movies with Christopher Walken. I love him as Gabriel.
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I believe in god, I've been to church and learnt some things but to be honest it's just the god I believe in, I find scientific explanations to be believable aswell
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