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Spreading the Hate
Posted 9/27/12

Catz1297 wrote:

I don't know about you guys, but I have (shamefully) made some of my bestfriends by bonding with them while hating on someone else (I'm a bitch, I KNOW, but we had reasons).

But it's true people do stand together when hating on someone or something and thus, if done on a bigger scale, groups are made, things are done and all to express their hate. I mean, think about War. There is the initial uh, stimulus, propaganda from the government, and even if the mass does not agree with a war, there are always powerful individuals who take charge and get enough support to start a war. And if people are willing to fight to the death, they obviously believe in what they do. And when the war is over, the mass is happy and yay it's all fine and dandy.


I could totally go all philosophical right now, but I believe it has more to do with society than with human nature and all that good stuff.

My point is, that why do people do this? I do this, I'm just many of you people have (although you may not want to admit it or maybe you haven't noticed).


I used to be like this for a LONG LONG TIME. Then I realized it kept me alone and always watching my back because I had no loyalties to anyone because I'd find something to hate about them. So I stopped hating on people for as much as I possibly could. When you try to see the good in someone provided they aren't a morally bankrupt individual you start to make more friends. Hell more than half the friends I have today I never would have been friends with 7-8 years ago when I was a lonely, angry, hateful spit fu**. Try less hate and more hope; you might be surprised with the results.
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Posted 9/27/12
because capitalism is REALLY REALLY EVIL!
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26 / M / Madison, Wisconsin
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Posted 9/27/12
This is actually a very involved topic and so it can't be easily broken down. You would have to be more specific in the question. It sounds like you are asking why disliking a person or group makes people bond but I don't want to presume to speak for you. If that is your question then there are lot of different reasons ranging from simply having something in common with another to group dynamics and mob mentality. I feel like xShigenarix already wrote in depth about this and did a good job so I don't feel the need to repeat any of the arguments.

Regardless of why it happens it seems like a waste of time and energy. For me at least all the meaningful relationships I have in my life have been cultivated on commonalities like similar taste in hobbies and entertainment to love. Focusing energy and time on differences and dislikes seems like wasted resources.

Posted 9/27/12
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Posted 9/27/12
It's way easier to bond with someone if you share a common dislike for someone else. It's always easier to 'hate' people and bring them down rather than 'love' and raise them up.
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Posted 9/27/12
Strange, I didn't become friends with someone because we shared a mutual hatred for another person.

Actually, I became good friends with this guy from middle school onwards because we had a crush on the same girl. It just felt nice to have someone else to confide in who could understand how you were feeling towards a particular girl.
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Posted 9/27/12
the ultimate truth is that hate doesnt exist without love and vice versa
Posted 9/27/12 , edited 9/27/12

korean1993 wrote:

the ultimate truth is that hate doesnt exist without love and vice versa


According to my Psych 101 class from 9 years ago: hate cannot exist without a foundation of FEAR. Love can exist purely on it's own. But I'm no shrink, just figured I'd share that.



"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, HATE... leads to suffering... I sense much fear in you." -Yoda Episode 1
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Posted 9/27/12

DangerousYams wrote:


Catz1297 wrote:

I don't know about you guys, but I have (shamefully) made some of my bestfriends by bonding with them while hating on someone else (I'm a bitch, I KNOW, but we had reasons).

But it's true people do stand together when hating on someone or something and thus, if done on a bigger scale, groups are made, things are done and all to express their hate. I mean, think about War. There is the initial uh, stimulus, propaganda from the government, and even if the mass does not agree with a war, there are always powerful individuals who take charge and get enough support to start a war. And if people are willing to fight to the death, they obviously believe in what they do. And when the war is over, the mass is happy and yay it's all fine and dandy.


I could totally go all philosophical right now, but I believe it has more to do with society than with human nature and all that good stuff.

My point is, that why do people do this? I do this, I'm just many of you people have (although you may not want to admit it or maybe you haven't noticed).


I used to be like this for a LONG LONG TIME. Then I realized it kept me alone and always watching my back because I had no loyalties to anyone because I'd find something to hate about them. So I stopped hating on people for as much as I possibly could. When you try to see the good in someone provided they aren't a morally bankrupt individual you start to make more friends. Hell more than half the friends I have today I never would have been friends with 7-8 years ago when I was a lonely, angry, hateful spit fu**. Try less hate and more hope; you might be surprised with the results.


ahaha... I don't go as far as that... yea I do find something I hate about everyone... but my motive is because they did something that harmed ME or hurt me in any shape or form. I'm not a judgmental bitch. And lol I've never really been so low as to have no friends before... well other than my awkward elementary school times... but that was only cause I was the only asian.

And haha I don't think I'll change since I'm pretty sure I'm doing nothing wrong But thanks though.
Posted 9/27/12
I've honestly never done it and probably never will. Sounds like a waste of energy to hate on one person. I can see if there was a reason, yet when it comes to girls there usually isn't.

Unfortunatly, I've happen to find myself on the other end of that hate, so I would never inflict it upon another person unless there was actually a reason to do so.
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Posted 9/28/12
Oh man, does everyone think I'm a pure hater and all that stuff? I've just made SOMMEE friends... and no, they don't talk behind my back, cause we're together constantly. We have common hate for people who have just terrible personalities. I'm not saying all we do is talk about what we hate in that person/thing... but it just STARTED with...
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18 / M / Stoke, England
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Posted 9/28/12
I'm such a good person, people make friends with each other because they all have the same hatred for me! I don't mind, it means I've helped lonely, awkward people find some homies.
Posted 9/28/12
2 of my friends are fighting and I want them to make up so I made them talk to each other.
but then I ended up adding oil to the fire ==''

I guess I couldn't help it?
Posted 9/28/12 , edited 9/28/12

Catz1297 wrote:

Oh man, does everyone think I'm a pure hater and all that stuff? I've just made SOMMEE friends... and no, they don't talk behind my back, cause we're together constantly. We have common hate for people who have just terrible personalities. I'm not saying all we do is talk about what we hate in that person/thing... but it just STARTED with...


It comes off that way. I'm not saying I'm perfect (reference earlier post) but seriously, hate is so loaded in day to day talk and more so on the interwebz. So, an entire thread about getting friends because some other ass wronged you and you all hated them back and thus grew bonds because of a centralized enemy just reads negatively. Everyone is going to assume regardless of content or intention on the original post that you want to STOP hating or that declaring you hate so openly is wrong.
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Posted 9/28/12 , edited 9/28/12

Catz1297 wrote:

Oh man, does everyone think I'm a pure hater and all that stuff? I've just made SOMMEE friends... and no, they don't talk behind my back, cause we're together constantly. We have common hate for people who have just terrible personalities. I'm not saying all we do is talk about what we hate in that person/thing... but it just STARTED with...


I have not seen anyone judging you or calling you names in the thread so I'm not sure why you are so defensive. Most people agreed that there is a reason why bonds develop over differences, they just don't value the connections made that way.

Also there are reasons people may misconstrue your intentions. For one, you start the post with:


Catz1297 wrote:

I don't know about you guys, but I have (shamefully) made some of my bestfriends by bonding with them while hating on someone else (I'm a bitch, I KNOW, but we had reasons).....

I could totally go all philosophical right now, but I believe it has more to do with society than with human nature and all that good stuff.

My point is, that why do people do this? I do this, I'm just many of you people have (although you may not want to admit it or maybe you haven't noticed).


From this it seems like you recognize that bonding over disliking someone is probably not good (because you say it is shameful) and you ask why people do it.

People then respond to the reasons WHY it happens (your actual question) and comment their opinions as to the value. Then you respond with


Catz1297
And haha I don't think I'll change since I'm pretty sure I'm doing nothing wrong But thanks though.


Which is the opposite sentiment from your original post and makes it seem like what you really wanted was for people to show up and say that they believe the same thing as you so you don't have to feel bad. Again, no one is singling you out as a bad person. Multiple people said they have done the same thing or understand why it happens. The difference is they seem to not be okay with it.

Other things,

Catz1297
Oh man, does everyone think I'm a pure hater and all that stuff? I've just made SOMMEE friends... and no, they don't talk behind my back, cause we're together constantly.


Here you start out defensive. Then you try to placate by saying you only made "SOMMEE" friends that way. Then you defend an allegation (that I didn't see anyone make) with an illogical conclusion. Here again it seems you feel persecuted or judged which is something that I didn't feel like people were doing in the thread.

Finally there is one part that bothers me,

Catz1297
We have common hate for people who have just terrible personalities. I'm not saying all we do is talk about what we hate in that person/thing... but it just STARTED with..


Hate is a strong word that describes a strong emotion. I'm not saying you don't feel this depth of emotion for a lot of people but to me it seems rather intense. I don't know if maybe it is just a regional difference in language or something but for me personally there are very few people that I HATE. There are many people I dislike but I can't really hate people I don't know.

Also, for you to say "We have common hate for people who have just terrible personalities" (emphasis mine) is awfully judgmental. Once again I could understand if you said you dislike their personalities or that they don't mesh well with you, but to apply a blanket statement saying that their personalities are bad seems...conceited.
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