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Two-Faced People
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M/F - Michigan
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Posted 9/27/12
Here's a situation:

Say you're at work, or your in college/high school and you have these folk you consider slightly more than acquaintances, but less than actual friends (and yes, not everyone you consider a friend, is actually a friend).

Now say these people treat you ok, they generally aren't mean to you, you don't hear of any nasty rumours they spread about you, and generally tolerate your presence.

And now add into the mix the little hints and signals they drop repeatedly that they really don't want you around and really wish you would stop coming around at all. Such as ignoring you or not acknowledging you when you talk to them, or if you sneeze and they don't say bless you - though they will to everyone else.

What would you do, and how would you handle this?

Would you just ignore it and tell yourself you don't care and hope that eventually you really will not care at some point? You would cause a huge scene and confront them about it? Or..?

Remember, you're not exactly treated like social pariah, but their actions and body language say that you are.
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22 / M / Australia
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Posted 9/27/12
It depends, out of the group of people you're hanging with, are there any you do like and you do find to be a friend, if there are, I suppose I'd ignore the others and just chat to the person I liked. I also find, that if you're ignorant, people try a lot harder to talk to you or get your attention. I do it without realizing most times, I half listen to conversations and people want to talk to me more. Odd.

If you've got no real reason to be there, then perhaps find some friends that you are completely comfortable around. I mean, not everyone is a "Best Friend" or someone you fully trust, but there are still decent people out there that make for enjoyable company.
Posted 9/27/12

kitsuneshoujo wrote:

Here's a situation:

Say you're at work, or your in college/high school and you have these folk you consider slightly more than acquaintances, but less than actual friends (and yes, not everyone you consider a friend, is actually a friend).

Now say these people treat you ok, they generally aren't mean to you, you don't hear of any nasty rumours they spread about you, and generally tolerate your presence.

And now add into the mix the little hints and signals they drop repeatedly that they really don't want you around and really wish you would stop coming around at all. Such as ignoring you or not acknowledging you when you talk to them, or if you sneeze and they don't say bless you - though they will to everyone else.

What would you do, and how would you handle this?

Would you just ignore it and tell yourself you don't care and hope that eventually you really will not care at some point? You would cause a huge scene and confront them about it? Or..?

Remember, you're not exactly treated like social pariah, but their actions and body language say that you are.


Dude for like 6 years I had a pack of "friends" exactly like that. Honestly, ditch them and get some friends that will respect you enough to give you common courtesies. It's never gonna change, even if you confront them about it. They just suck that way. They tolerate you because you may be useful sooner or later. Don't let them use you and throw you away. Cut your losses, find some REAL friends who treat you like a damn equal person first of all and never EVER look back.
Posted 9/27/12

kitsuneshoujo wrote:

Here's a situation:

Say you're at work, or your in college/high school and you have these folk you consider slightly more than acquaintances, but less than actual friends (and yes, not everyone you consider a friend, is actually a friend).

Now say these people treat you ok, they generally aren't mean to you, you don't hear of any nasty rumours they spread about you, and generally tolerate your presence.

And now add into the mix the little hints and signals they drop repeatedly that they really don't want you around and really wish you would stop coming around at all. Such as ignoring you or not acknowledging you when you talk to them, or if you sneeze and they don't say bless you - though they will to everyone else.

What would you do, and how would you handle this?

Would you just ignore it and tell yourself you don't care and hope that eventually you really will not care at some point? You would cause a huge scene and confront them about it? Or..?

Remember, you're not exactly treated like social pariah, but their actions and body language say that you are.


There's a good chance it's just in your head. May want to make sure that's not the case.
Posted 9/27/12
If you enjoy being around them give it a try, if you don't then distance will give them a sign you don't like how they treat you.
Posted 9/27/12
Good question. I think people would be kidding themselves if they said they wouldn't care about a situation like this. Deep down everyone wants to be liked, at least by a single person in their life.

We are not an island...

I would rather not cause a huge scene under any circumstance, but rather try and confront the individuals one by one and ask them what their problem is. When you catch someone alone and off-guard they will hopefully and most likely tell you the truth (at least decent people will). I could imagine them coming up with fast and probably really bad lies about the situation, but I think catching them alone is the way to go.

If it was me I would be extremely frustrated about it. But if this group of people genuinly didn't like me for whatever reason, I would conclude that it would be time to find other people to hang around with, no matter how much it would pain me to be disliked. I'd rather be alone and deal with things myself than being around a group of people with really bad vibes towards me.
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34 / M / ICQ: 114629959
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Posted 9/27/12
There are many people on this blue ball.. don't waste your time with people that only see a little more than a picture on the wall in you.
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Posted 9/27/12
Avoid them, if they seek your attention then stop avoiding them. Simple, right?
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Posted 9/27/12
Return the treatment and in most cases make it worse. I understand that two wrongs don't make a right but dammit if I'm gonna' go down without a fight lol
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M/F - Michigan
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Posted 9/27/12 , edited 9/27/12

karmacide
There's a good chance it's just in your head. May want to make sure that's not the case.


I've been around people long enough that I can read the signs and can interpret body language.

---

Mentioning coming up with fast lies made me think of a funny happening a week or so ago, we had to go to the animal shelter to do exams and stuff on the cats and I asked one of these fake-friends if I could ride with her (and two others that were going with her), and her response was: "My boyfriend wouldnt like that." I think she realized how stupid that really sounded because she blushed bright red and almost ran off. I just thought that was hilarious, if a bit annoying, because she regularly takes the only other guy in the class with her.

I could only think, I would honestly believe you if you weren't going everywhere with him.


I've been treated like this since I was in middle-school, so it's nothing new to me, and I think I would be caught off-guard if people started wanting to be friends with me, and hung around me (as opposed to me hanging around them). I'd wonder if I won the lottery and didn't know about it. lol
Posted 9/27/12

Do NOT feel obligated to explain further, but just wanted to know if you have any idea, any at all why you've been treated like this since middle-school? Is there a good reason for it?

If not then I would strongly suggest that you take DangerousYams advise and search for people who will actually like you for you. As he said, they will probably just continue to be assholes no matter what you do.
Posted 9/27/12

kitsuneshoujo wrote:


karmacide
There's a good chance it's just in your head. May want to make sure that's not the case.


I've been around people long enough that I can read the signs and can interpret body language.

---

Mentioning coming up with fast lies made me think of a funny happening a week or so ago, we had to go to the animal shelter to do exams and stuff on the cats and I asked one of these fake-friends if I could ride with her (and two others that were going with her), and her response was: "My boyfriend wouldnt like that." I think she realized how stupid that really sounded because she blushed bright red and almost ran off. I just thought that was hilarious, if a bit annoying, because she regularly takes the only other guy in the class with her.

I could only think, I would honestly believe you if you weren't going everywhere with him.


I've been treated like this since I was in middle-school, so it's nothing new to me, and I think I would be caught off-guard if people started wanting to be friends with me, and hung around me (as opposed to me hanging around them). I'd wonder if I won the lottery and didn't know about it. lol


I'm not saying you're wrong, just that people with low self-esteem, ex someone who has felt like an outsider since middle school, would be likely to overreact to little things like that. Just something to keep in mind. I don't know a thing about you, so maybe it doesn't apply. Maybe you just smell bad or something, I don't know.
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M/F - Michigan
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Posted 9/27/12
I think its just people being pricks and generally mean. I am not an obnoxious person, I don't smell funny, I don't make creepy comments, stare at girls for long periods of time or any other psycho-stalker mannerisms. I'm not terribly ugly, though I often wonder if I am since girls just aren't attracted to me...

I actually do have *some* friends, so it's not like I am a social reject or anything.

So its always baffled me why I get treated like this...
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22 / M / Australia
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Posted 9/27/12
You seem a little down on yourself. That may make it easier for people to feel superior to you. And I think it's safe to say that a lot of women like confidence.
Posted 9/27/12

kitsuneshoujo wrote:

I think its just people being pricks and generally mean. I am not an obnoxious person, I don't smell funny, I don't make creepy comments, stare at girls for long periods of time or any other psycho-stalker mannerisms. I'm not terribly ugly, though I often wonder if I am since girls just aren't attracted to me...

I actually do have *some* friends, so it's not like I am a social reject or anything.

So its always baffled me why I get treated like this...


Maybe you should start walking around like you just don't give a FU** What's more, are you being assertive? or just generally acting like a pushover? People can sense weakness man. Like blood in the water. Be loud, be heard, be obnoxious, be aggressive. If it doesn't gain you new friends at the least the punks that treat you like crap might not treat you like crap as much anymore when they sense or notice the new alpha that woke up inside you.

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