Original story im working on.
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Posted 10/5/12 , edited 10/5/12
Very rough and summarized, id like to have it turned into a manga one day if i didn't suck at writing, but more realistically im going to be working on making it a series of novels. My dream is to one day have it published. But here is a rough outline of the setting and just a taste of the world that it takes place in. Im a new writer, so id just like to get a little feedback is all, positive or negative.

Also im a little new to the crunchyroll forums, so first of all Hello! And second of all, if this is the wrong sub forum for something like this, i apologize, please tell me where to move it and ill do so ASAP, but i felt like this looked like the most appropriate sub-forum for it.

"Year 2246, north american district 47, located near the former America/Mexico border.

All the major Continents and Countries have been split up into separate nations, and within the nations, further split up into sections called districts.

Children live with their families until age 16, when they are split by the government into a district depending on their value to society. It is however, highly unlikely for children in higher numbered districts to be moved at all.
The higher the district, the wealthier it is and the better the class of life is. 47, where the story begins being considered very low (out of 50 for north america)

All 7 major continents (North america, South america, Antarctica, Europe, Africa, Asia and Australia) have a different government controlling them. Each government is not ruled by a group of political officials but by
a single person referred to as "Captains". There is something similar to the UN referred to as "the circle" it is comprised of all 7 captains as well as an additional 8th member, who's identity is unknown to anyone but the 7 captains, but
is referred to by commoners as "The Superior" to those that know of his existence at all. When or where the circle meets and how it converses is unknown.

Each captain (as well as the superior) has a weapon referred to as a "Blyth". These differ in terms of appearance and ability but there is believed to be only 8 in existence. The origin of these weapons is unknown at first but
discovered later in the plot. They are actually man made weapons capable of far more than any conventional (even nuclear) weapons were ever capable of. They were designed and given to the captains originally to create a distorted
sense of world peace. Making each country fearful of the others and tentative to attack. There has not been a war in nearly 200 years at the start of the first book.

Military does still exist though, each country has a district 0, this district is reserved only for military forces and the captain of the nation. Commoners refer to the military and all of its branches as "The Judgement" .

Every nation, which effectively means pretty much the entire planet is contained in a big dome, there is an artificial sky under each one, complete even with artificial weather patterns and a heat source. The small patches that are
left uncovered are barren, dry and unlivable for any extended periods of time to a normal person this is due to global warming and the complete depletion of the ozone layer, solar radiation levels here are off the charts. They are
inhabitants to mutated creatures referred to as "Defilers". These creatures are the number one reason military forces still exist. They attack humanity constantly and are trying to get inside the domes that humanity resides in.
Occasionally there will be an attack and the military will be dispatched to take care of it, however when this happens, the whole surrounding area must be purged. Meaning all buildings burned, ground excavated and all
residents exterminated. These are a tragedy when they happen, but are inevitable according to the captains and the judgement.

The judgement, fight with weapons called gears. These operate differently from person to person, some can manifest nearly every kind of weapon, others are good for more magic based attacks. Each gear is identical, but the person
changes how it operates, they also give heightened physical and mental abilities, but the degree depends on the aptitude of the wielder. The final ability is they also purge radiation, allowing anyone with a gear to enter the outside
world and leave the dome to battle "Defilers". However, only military forces picked by one of the nations captains him/herself are presented with gears, they are mass produced, but once bound to a person, if the gear is destroyed, the wielder
also dies. Physically, a gear looks like a bracelet, however it covers the entire forearm and has a slick metal design, the design can differ slightly from person to person after it is bound and evolves as the wielder masters it more and more.

Television and radio no longer exist. The only way people get information about other districts, nations or pretty much anything are through a group of individuals who travel between districts known as "Moderators". The reason for
the existence of these people is so the leader of each individual nation can dictate the flow of information between its people, to keep secrets, stop possible riots or revolutions and all sorts of things.

Once every 5 years (not to the day) however, there is a celebration. It happens on the same day across every nation and is called "The Festival". It is where the captain of each nation will pick a district within their own nation at random to host the festival.
All the members of the district it is selected in get to attend, and a select few from each other district get to attend as well, however the lower numbered districts usually don't have members
who get to attend at all. The reason that the festival even exists or why it happens is unknown to anyone except for the circle and the superior. The start of the story takes place 3 days before the festival, where it will
be announced that district 47 will be host to the north american festival this year. The main character "Grayson"' birthday falls on the same day as the festival this year. However, he was originally supposed to be transferred to district 27
(considered a huge achievement among most people in district 47 which is already practically a slum, who usually barely get moved up at all, most stay there or are even dropped further) but events that happen at the festival end up
getting him transferred to district 0 instead, and becoming part of the judgement."

I have much much more to share, if anyone is at all interested ill even post more. But just wanted to give a little taste of the universe its set in, just to see what people think of the overall concept and idea.

Thanks all!!

P.S Sorry that the spacing is a little weird, i copied this over from word and i don't know what happened
Posted 10/5/12
If this is an original of yours don't post it to fan fiction section.



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Posted 10/5/12
Yeah, i addressed that at the beginning, im a little new to the forums and didnt know exactly what sub forum i should post it too, if a moderator could move it for me, id be appreciative.

Thanks for the feedback, im very proud of specifically the opening 3 chapters of the story actually!
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Posted 10/12/12
I have a burgeoning manuscript I would love to get some feed back on. My dream is for it to be turned into a serialized manga.
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Posted 3/14/13
So, my advice, and my opinion alone:

The above is what's called backstory. It's your world, and the concept of your world. But where's the story? Your character "Grayson" doesn't even show up until the last paragraph.

In a novel, people are looking for characters, story, and conflict. What you have above is backstory, and it's a great one to build from, but without the first 3 elements, your reader isn't going to stick around long enough to care about your backstory.

But this is not to discourage you - far from it. You have the world. Now you need the characters, the conflict and the story. Characters = Story. Thus, write characters.

Good luck.
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Posted 3/22/13

mykall78 wrote:

So, my advice, and my opinion alone:

The above is what's called backstory. It's your world, and the concept of your world. But where's the story? Your character "Grayson" doesn't even show up until the last paragraph.

In a novel, people are looking for characters, story, and conflict. What you have above is backstory, and it's a great one to build from, but without the first 3 elements, your reader isn't going to stick around long enough to care about your backstory.

But this is not to discourage you - far from it. You have the world. Now you need the characters, the conflict and the story. Characters = Story. Thus, write characters.

Good luck. :)


This, to an extent.
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Posted 10/1/13
Closed due to inactivity. It's been over half a year and no new posts.
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