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Asked someone out then I find out they are asexual.
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27 / M
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Posted 10/5/12
So like the title says I asked a girl out who then told me she is asexual. It looks like we will end up really good friends. I know this is a bad place to probably ask for advice but I figured why not. I am mainly worried I will not be able to get over my feelings and that I end up not being able to be around her because I cannot handle it. Any advice?
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18 / M / Stoke, England
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Posted 10/5/12
I always thought that asexuality only affected sexual urges, not romantic feelings.
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27 / M
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Posted 10/5/12
Apparently it affects both for some of them.
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Posted 10/5/12
She probably lied.
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23 / F / United States
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Posted 10/5/12
I hate to be captain obvious here but...how do you know she wasn't just telling you that so she could turn you down? I mean I can honestly say I've never encountered anyone to who is asexual but also just because she's asexual doesn't mean she's not sexually aroused by anything....(Inanimate objects, animals, it's been known to happen before.) So I think what you need to ask yourself is 1) If this person is attracted to non-human things are you prepared to have to compete with something like that and 2) though she might be "asexual" I can safely draw the conclusion that you are not so how could you even have a romantic relationship with someone without sex? Yeah yeah don't give me that crap that sex doesn't matter to you because it does to some degree even if you don't realize it. As a healthy young male I just don't see how it could be mentally or physically healthy to be in a relationship with someone who is "asexual."
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18 / M / Cloud Nine
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Posted 10/5/12
You're suffering from one-itis
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28 / F / Lost
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Posted 10/5/12
As an ace, I can tell you that to us, emotional closeness (and an occasional hug) are more important than the horizontal boogie-woogie. We're not with someone for how he or she looks, but for how that person is regarding their personality, smarts and outlook on life. The fact that she's not into having sex doesn't mean you can't have a nice relationship.

You mentioned you may end up as really good friends. Strive for that, and don't close up on the idea of something else happening, but never push her into something. Women HATE it (whether they're straight, gay, bi or aces) when a guy tris to push them into something they don't want. So hear the advice of an ace: Enjoy her company, and give her enough space. You'll see it's worth it.
Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:

I hate to be captain obvious here but...how do you know she wasn't just telling you that so she could turn you down? I mean I can honestly say I've never encountered anyone to who is asexual but also just because she's asexual doesn't mean she's not sexually aroused by anything....(Inanimate objects, animals, it's been known to happen before.) So I think what you need to ask yourself is 1) If this person is attracted to non-human things are you prepared to have to compete with something like that and 2) though she might be "asexual" I can safely draw the conclusion that you are not so how could you even have a romantic relationship with someone without sex? Yeah yeah don't give me that crap that sex doesn't matter to you because it does to some degree even if you don't realize it. As a healthy young male I just don't see how it could be mentally or physically healthy to be in a relationship with someone who is "asexual."


I'm with her mam she saids it all.
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24 / F / Overlord's Castle
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Posted 10/5/12

Anupsis wrote:

So like the title says I asked a girl out who then told me she is asexual. It looks like we will end up really good friends. I know this is a bad place to probably ask for advice but I figured why not. I am mainly worried I will not be able to get over my feelings and that I end up not being able to be around her because I cannot handle it. Any advice?


Don't you mean homosexual? Asexual means that she can get pregnant without anybody fertilizing her eggs. In other words she reproduces by making clones of herself. Pretty sure that humans cant do that unless you were referring to a non-human female species.
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27 / M
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Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:

I hate to be captain obvious here but...how do you know she wasn't just telling you that so she could turn you down? I mean I can honestly say I've never encountered anyone to who is asexual but also just because she's asexual doesn't mean she's not sexually aroused by anything....(Inanimate objects, animals, it's been known to happen before.) So I think what you need to ask yourself is 1) If this person is attracted to non-human things are you prepared to have to compete with something like that and 2) though she might be "asexual" I can safely draw the conclusion that you are not so how could you even have a romantic relationship with someone without sex? Yeah yeah don't give me that crap that sex doesn't matter to you because it does to some degree even if you don't realize it. As a healthy young male I just don't see how it could be mentally or physically healthy to be in a relationship with someone who is "asexual."


Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.
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Posted 10/5/12

Kira0309 wrote:


Anupsis wrote:

So like the title says I asked a girl out who then told me she is asexual. It looks like we will end up really good friends. I know this is a bad place to probably ask for advice but I figured why not. I am mainly worried I will not be able to get over my feelings and that I end up not being able to be around her because I cannot handle it. Any advice?


Don't you mean homosexual? Asexual means that she can get pregnant without anybody fertilizing her eggs. In other words she reproduces by making clones of herself. Pretty sure that humans cant do that unless you were referring to a non-human female species.


Same word with slightly different meanings. Search Wikipedia to know the difference
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23 / F / United States
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Posted 10/5/12

Anupsis wrote:



Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.


To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
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28 / F / Lost
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Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:

To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


I can prove you wrong. My best friend's a guy, and there has never been anything but pure friendship. He has a girlfriend, I'm fine with being with myself, and we are happy that way.
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24 / F / Overlord's Castle
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Posted 10/5/12 , edited 10/5/12

Anupsis wrote:


Kira0309 wrote:


Anupsis wrote:

So like the title says I asked a girl out who then told me she is asexual. It looks like we will end up really good friends. I know this is a bad place to probably ask for advice but I figured why not. I am mainly worried I will not be able to get over my feelings and that I end up not being able to be around her because I cannot handle it. Any advice?


Don't you mean homosexual? Asexual means that she can get pregnant without anybody fertilizing her eggs. In other words she reproduces by making clones of herself. Pretty sure that humans cant do that unless you were referring to a non-human female species.


Same word with slightly different meanings. Search Wikipedia to know the difference :)


Just cause its on the internet doesn't mean its true LMAO
solkei 
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24 / M / Bronx,NY
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Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:


Anupsis wrote:



Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.


To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


Finally, a girl who believes in this. no longer will i have to feel guilty after one night stands. you have made my day and this is going to be my toast when im at my favorite bar tonight. cheers
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