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Asked someone out then I find out they are asexual.
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Posted 10/5/12

SakiAiza wrote:


crazyfirefly wrote:

To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


I can prove you wrong. My best friend's a guy, and there has never been anything but pure friendship. He has a girlfriend, I'm fine with being with myself, and we are happy that way.


I have a best guy friend as well. However we've been friends since I was eight so I've never seen him as a man. He did ask me out once and I turned him down and our friendship is fine but I know there is still some tension there. Also at the end of the day he's my best guy friend but not my best friend because there are some things I just don't share with him. Men are men and Women are women and that being the case there are just some things that won't work out in that sort of relationship.

Yes yes, the rules of probability tells us that there could be an exception but this isn't a statistic but a quote, that which very much applies to this situation.

In the case of men and women being friends it isn't always the men and women that cause problems but their significant others. A Jealousy of lovers can cause problems and end the friendship as well. How do you know that won't happen in your case? How do you know he's never had feelings for you? You really have no way of knowing so until you can prove that a life long friendship with the opposite sex (who isn't gay and whom you have never had feelings for and who has never had feelings for you) exist I'll stick to Wilde being the authority on the subject. Unless of course you have ESP and in that case I have a few things in my life you could really help me with.

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Posted 10/5/12

solkei wrote:


crazyfirefly wrote:


Anupsis wrote:



Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.


To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


Finally, a girl who believes in this. no longer will i have to feel guilty after one night stands. you have made my day and this is going to be my toast when im at my favorite bar tonight. cheers


LOL this quote is hardly a license for guilt free one night stands but whatever helps you sleep at night.
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Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:


Anupsis wrote:



Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.


To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


I had lots of female close friends.... your argument is invalid
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Posted 10/5/12

shuyi000 wrote:


crazyfirefly wrote:


Anupsis wrote:



Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.


To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


I had lots of female close friends.... your argument is invalid


*shrugs* all I can say is wait and see.
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Posted 10/5/12

shuyi000 wrote:


crazyfirefly wrote:


Anupsis wrote:



Trust me I do know what your saying and I have thought about all of that stuff. I feel like I will be fine as just a friend once I get over it, just gonna take time but we have talked since I asked her and everything at least seems ok between us.


To quote one of my most favorite people in history, "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."


I had lots of female close friends.... your argument is invalid


Agreed. It's easily possible to be just friends with the opposite sex. And it's not just 'friends zone' friends, but someone you feel friendship with only on the platonic level. Honestly I feel bad for those who get stuck in the 'friend zone' when what they really want is more than that. In such a case that person should also seek someone who is capable of reciprocating feelings of romance. I don't think your 'ace' friend should be your only one because you will continue to have these feelings of wanting a romantic interest. This is the first time I've heard of the 'ace' term though. Are you sure she's not just gay?
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Posted 10/5/12 , edited 10/5/12
If you feel you're strong enough to keep at it, then do. But honestly a huge majority of people aren't. Some people say that they're strong enough but when a situation comes, they show their true colours and bail. If you have any sort of doubts, then it is inevitable that it'll collapse at some moment in time; at that time will you be able to be strong and put the effort to put the pieces back together?
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Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:

In the case of men and women being friends it isn't always the men and women that cause problems but their significant others. A Jealousy of lovers can cause problems and end the friendship as well. How do you know that won't happen in your case? How do you know he's never had feelings for you? You really have no way of knowing so until you can prove that a life long friendship with the opposite sex (who isn't gay and whom you have never had feelings for and who has never had feelings for you) exist I'll stick to Wilde being the authority on the subject. Unless of course you have ESP and in that case I have a few things in my life you could really help me with.




Well, thankfully, my best friend's girlfriend is a former classmate of ours and she knws me well enough to know she can trust me. I've always seen Jaime as a friend, and the feeling's mutual because we've TALKED about it.

I don't have ESP, sadly. I only have a bad case of daily déjà vu, but I can't predict per se.
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Posted 10/5/12

SakiAiza wrote:


crazyfirefly wrote:

In the case of men and women being friends it isn't always the men and women that cause problems but their significant others. A Jealousy of lovers can cause problems and end the friendship as well. How do you know that won't happen in your case? How do you know he's never had feelings for you? You really have no way of knowing so until you can prove that a life long friendship with the opposite sex (who isn't gay and whom you have never had feelings for and who has never had feelings for you) exist I'll stick to Wilde being the authority on the subject. Unless of course you have ESP and in that case I have a few things in my life you could really help me with.




Well, thankfully, my best friend's girlfriend is a former classmate of ours and she knws me well enough to know she can trust me. I've always seen Jaime as a friend, and the feeling's mutual because we've TALKED about it.

I don't have ESP, sadly. I only have a bad case of daily déjà vu, but I can't predict per se.


Well hopefully when you get a significant other they'll be as understanding. No ESP? Shame I guess my eternal quest continues.
Posted 10/5/12
happened to me, but I didnt give a fuck.
I'll love whoever I want to love regardless of sexual orientations.

we ended up together...
(we're done tho... long story)
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Posted 10/5/12

crazyfirefly wrote:

Well hopefully when you get a significant other they'll be as understanding. No ESP? Shame I guess my eternal quest continues.


As I mentioned, I'm an ace (that is, I'm asexual). And on top of that, I'm also arromantic. Meaning that I enjoy having friends, but I don't need nor want a significant other. And yes, people. It happens. I've had boyfriends, yes. I've already done it, yes. Do I need noth of those things? No.

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Posted 10/5/12

SakiAiza wrote:


crazyfirefly wrote:

Well hopefully when you get a significant other they'll be as understanding. No ESP? Shame I guess my eternal quest continues.


As I mentioned, I'm an ace (that is, I'm asexual). And on top of that, I'm also arromantic. Meaning that I enjoy having friends, but I don't need nor want a significant other. And yes, people. It happens. I've had boyfriends, yes. I've already done it, yes. Do I need noth of those things? No.



See I didn't know what an ace was that being said whatever I say after this you might find offensive but I'm a blunt person and this kinda thing happens a lot.

If your an "ace" then that would kinda put you under the same category as a gay guy. I mean your a woman but your not a woman in this relationship because the chance of you being in a sexual relationship with any man is zero. (since you said you tried it and you don't need/want any of those things.) I'm pretty sure Wilde didn't utter that quote to include asexuals.
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Posted 10/5/12
I don't mind it. If I found it offensive, it'd be because of my own immaturity.

Wilde (did mean Oscar Wilde?) didn't include aces because back then people didn't particularly care, and everyone was pushed into getting married. Nowadays, in the 21st century, aces are gaining slight notoriety, but it's due to the fact that people still have trouble accepting there's people who don't feel the need to be with someone. Also, comparing me to a gay guy doesn't make much sense, because I don't like men, nor women. You could say I'm the total opposite of a bi person. My guy friends treat me as a guy, but that's because of my laid-back, tomboyish way of being, but when they start talking smack about women, I speak up. Besides, even though I complain about it at times, I am proud of being a woman. I just happen to not have attraction towards anyone, making me more of a neutral being. That's why I kinda attract guys, girls and people in between, but they know I'm there as a friend. No more, no less.
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Posted 10/5/12

CarboKill wrote:

I always thought that asexuality only affected sexual urges, not romantic feelings.


I've read somewhere that their lack of interest in sex can make an asexual's partner feel that they don't find them attractive, which creates some insecurities in the partner. Or, something like that.
Posted 10/5/12 , edited 10/5/12
It's possible...if you can handle it.

I mean, two people of the opposite sex can have that closeness of friendship without sexual tensions involve.
It is really happening may it be not often times now in the Western countries but here in Asia still a lot.
Man and Woman just friends close even best of friends no sexual feelings involve just like the closeness of brother and sister.

In a relationship, where in your in love specially if your a guy, i think it is quite hard to be not physically able to express your feelings like holding hands, to having a kiss and so forth. On the other hand, to a lady it depends upon her. Some are quite comfortable of being intimate to her guy even if they are not married yet. Clearly depends on your morals, family and your belief may it be religion or self spiritual guide. Some still preserve that to their right guy. The one who take the vow of marriage not just as a aw requirement but to a law of higher being sealed in a force called true love.

Nowadays, my students, my employee, my subordinates and my friends have a different ideas or thoughts on this and clearly with their on set of different experiences maybe it be on their own, articles that they read, movies that they watch or even their own set of friends as well.

So far in general, When a man is in love with a woman...there's a thin line separating just LOVE or PURE LOVE and LOve with Physical urges. SADLY most of the guys now...LOVe is more than that feeling it is some what a 60 percent of CAN I HAVE AN intimate ACTION with you.




In the end, it is clearly UP TO YOU. NOT the advise you part take and not the ideas you have but the feelings you feel inside for her the woman you love that is which you defined ASEXUAL.


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25 / F / Georgia
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Posted 10/5/12
I still believe people mean celibate. It does mean restraining from sex also. Asexual mainly refers to plants and bacteria since they have sex organs.

You can always value what you two have, being close friends or talk to her and say you're not looking for sex (if that's your true intention for wanting to date her) just to be in a relationship with her. Not every couple engages in sexual activities. That's all that popped into my head yo.
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