"I'm not homophobic, but [some form of "gay people are gross and icky and I don't like them"]."

... I'm pretty sure that falls under "homophobic" no matter how one tries to slice it, except for some reason I keep running into people who think prefacing things with "I'm not X, but [BLATANTLY X COMMENT]" makes them magically not whatever this X trait they're disclaiming is.

I lock my car in the keys lol.

11th grade Biology roll call, the teacher calls my cousins name, i respond, "he moved." She says,"how do you know?" To which I reply," he's my cousin." Her... and. I quote "how's this possible?" I stared at her and blinked.

"Hey guys, the news says the Russians are invading Georgia!"

"How the heck did they get anything to the Atlantic coast?"

"I guess we won't be able to fly jets over the Georgia Dome now."

"The Georgia Dome is domed, they don't fly jets over it!"

"I heard they're going to put a retractable roof on it soon."

"Wait, what about the Russians invading?"

"If they come around to my house, I'll just show them my gun collection."

"So that's their plan. They're going to loot a bunch of middle-class suburban homes so they won't have to have one rifle and three bullets for every ten soldiers."

"Hold on, the news is saying that Georgia is a country in the Middle East."

"A country in the Middle East is being invaded? Stop the presses..."

"So, what's this about a retractable roof?"

LOL. Its amazes me that people are actually that dumb.

"I thought résumé was resume in french"

Two girls in my old class told a guy to go and push me while I was standing right beside them hearing everything they said

"I'm going to kill you until the day you die"

"I hear you're sensitive about being eaten"

This is the stupidest thing I ever heard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JkwZUk3Kng

"I'm gone with the wind Fabulous."

Female- " but im on my period "
Male- " ur butts not on its period "

That's like this : http://www.snopes.com/crime/cops/burger.asp although this one might not be true (as it mentions, 911 generally tries to ditch such calls asap to keep the lines open)

Once said to me : "What does it look like I'm doing, you retard? I'm setting my hand on fire!"

Coworker (same one, currently on maternity leave) :

"But what if I don't want to bend over!"

"What's half of two?"

"Ewww, I don't like stiff Dickies"

And I work currently at a pizza parlor. Customer highlights include :

*Customer walks along the counter, salad bar, goes into the bathroom, and even into the video poker room, comes out and asks "Where's your buffet?" - "We don't have one".

"What specials do you have?" "Our only special right now is Giant pepperonis for $15.99" "What about your $10 special?" "We don't have one. as I said, our only special right now is the pepperoni for $15.99"

Even had one guy insist we price match Pizza Hut's $10 pizzas once. Despite the fact it was like asking a upscale burger place like Red Robin to price match BK or McDonalds.

I was at the Dollar Store once and I actually heard another costumer ask an employee," how much is this?" Really?
If I was that employee I would have said,"for you, it's $5"

Maybe they were hoping for 3/$1?



That's better than my experience with a customer freaking out over bogoFree mushrooms ringing up at full price and not half off. After all, Buy one Get one free means they're half off, right?

Five minutes of my life (and the cashier's) that we never got back...

,,Usa is in Europe right?''