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I need jokes
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M / i'm there. you kn...
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Posted 11/21/12
what do you have to do to have a space party?
planet.
Posted 11/21/12
Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue!
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18 / M / North Dakota
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Posted 11/21/12

ispy12 wrote:

I know the best knock knock joke...you start it


kmock knock
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28 / Washington..But c...
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Posted 11/21/12
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already told her twice

What do you call a woman with one black eye? A good listener

Yo mamma so fat and black the back of her neck looks like a pack of burnt hot dogs

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17 / F
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Posted 11/21/12
so this boy had a really strict father and a really kind mother. he asked his father to buy him some new underwear and he said no. then he asked his mom and she said yes. when the father saw the new underwear on top of the drawer, he got so angry and ripped it up. the boy asked his father for a cat and he said no, but when he asked his mom, she got one for him. he named it weiner. the dad saw the cat and got so angry he shaved it. when the boy asked his father for a dog, again he said no. the boy asked his mom and she said yes. he got the dog and named him ass after his dad. the dad got so angry he kicked the dog out of the house.
the boy is sitting on the porch looking very depressed when his eigbor came and asked him what was wrong. the boy said "my dad ripped up my underwear, shave my weiner, and kicked my ass out of the house"

in this world, there exists three types of people: the cheerios, the fruit loops, and the donuts. there was a cheerio who was tired of being a cheerio. he worked very hard and the next day, he woke up and he was a fruit loop. he was so proud. soon, he was also tired of living life as a fruit loop. he worked even harder this time and the next day, he was a donut. many people heard of his success and he became famous with his self help book. he was going to a book signing one day and was early so he went to the cafeteria for some water. the water line was so long he gave up and went to the coffee line. the coffee line was very long too so he went to the milk line. the milk line was jam packed and so he angrily went to the juice line. the juice line was the longest line. in all his frustration he noticed something . there was no punch line

yo mama is so fat when she walked across the tv, i missed 3 episodes

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by and opens his trench coat right in front of them.
The first old lady has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, but the third old lady can't reach that far.

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18 / F / Hiatus
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Posted 11/21/12
Knock Knock
Who's there
Banana
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there
Banana
Banana who?
Knock Knock
who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange Who?
Aren't you glad i didn't say ''Banana again?''
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27 / F
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Posted 11/21/12
Three people are being trained as spies for a secret organization and to prove that they can be trusted they are each given a gun and told they have to kill their spouses. One by one they are told to enter a room to shoot and then come out. The first guy goes in, he's there for a while and comes out crying saying he loves his wife too much and couldn't do it. Then the second guy goes in, stays in a bit longer but he as well can't do it and fails the test. The last one is a woman. She enters the room and shots are heard, then everyone is shocked to hear loud noises and screaming and things breaking. When she comes out they ask her what happened and she says,
"the bullets were all blanks, so I had to use my own hands to kill him."


A man and his wife die and go to heaven. He finds out that in heaven you get a mode of transport according to how faithful you were to your wife when you were alive. He is so happy to get an expensive sports car that he drives around laughing at everyone else with cheap cars. He comes across one man with a beat up car and just as he's wondering how many times this guy must have cheated to get that, he sees his own wife rolling around on a broken tricycle.

Q: Why did the feminist cross the road?
A: Why the hell shouldn't she?

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100
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Posted 11/21/12
What did the bee say to the sushi?

WASABEE!! lol
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19 / M
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Posted 12/1/12
Friend: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Me: (Jump out of my seat) Guess what, guess what?!
Friend: (Ecstatically) What what?
Me: ... It's silence. (Sits back down)
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22 / M / Memphis, TN, USA
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Posted 12/1/12
These jokes are hilarious
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23 / F / California
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Posted 12/1/12 , edited 12/1/12
Ok, my joke is gonna sound lame but whatever. I'm a dental assistant so mine are dental jokes....sorry, don't make fun of me >.<

Q:What does the dentist of the month get?
A: A little plaque...

Q: Why does the dentist hate math?
A: Because everyone comes to him with a calculus problem.
(calculus is calcium that hardens on the tooth and super hard to get out)

OMG I'M LAME :/
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22 / M / Memphis, TN, USA
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Posted 12/1/12
LOL
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35 / M / Northern California
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Posted 12/1/12

neeka-desu wrote:

Ok, my joke is gonna sound lame but whatever. I'm a dental assistant so mine are dental jokes....sorry, don't make fun of me >.<

Q:What does the dentist of the month get?
A: A little plaque...

Q: Why does the dentist hate math?
A: Because everyone comes to him with a calculus problem.
(calculus is calcium that hardens on the tooth and super hard to get out)

OMG I'M LAME :/


I laughed (with you, not at you!)
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23 / F / California
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Posted 12/1/12

Spazticus wrote:


neeka-desu wrote:

Ok, my joke is gonna sound lame but whatever. I'm a dental assistant so mine are dental jokes....sorry, don't make fun of me >.<

Q:What does the dentist of the month get?
A: A little plaque...

Q: Why does the dentist hate math?
A: Because everyone comes to him with a calculus problem.
(calculus is calcium that hardens on the tooth and super hard to get out)

OMG I'M LAME :/


I laughed (with you, not at you!)



Thanks :D
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23 / M / Georgia, USA
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Posted 12/1/12
(PROFANE AND TERRIBLE) No dead baby jokes? Time for some crassy shit then:

Why did the dead baby cross the road? ... Because it was stapled to the chicken, you dopey fuck!
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