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I need jokes
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28 / M / Seattle
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Posted 12/2/12
whats black, white, and red all over?

2 nuns in a chainsaw fight
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28 / M / Seattle
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Posted 12/2/12
How many trendy kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Oh you haven't heard? pfft..
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F / West
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Posted 12/2/12
okay here is kinda a dirty one.. The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to visit the Statue of Liberty... BA DUM.
Banned
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34 / M / The Void.
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Posted 12/2/12
^ Lame! LOL, but it's funny!.
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26 / M / Eureeka's castle
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Posted 12/2/12
One night in a bar a baretender notices that one paticular man is very drunk and is in no shape to drive home. So he walks up to the man and tells him that he has called a cab to take him home and won't be serving him anymore drinks. The man says to the bartender "Aww come on, just one more drink" The bartender stares at the man for a minute and says " Ok, but you have to earn it..See that big guy over there?, That's the biggest bouncer in the whole place, you have to knock him out, then you have to go down to the basement where you'll find a dog with a loose tooth, you must remove the tooth. Finally you must make love to that drunk woman over there, the fat one" The man agrees..he grabs a beer bottle and knocks it over the bouncer's head knocking him out..he then goes down into the basement, but after 45 minutes the bouncer thinks something must be wrong,.Just then the man comes through the basement door walks up to the bartender and says "ok where's the woman with the loose tooth?"
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21 / M / Florida
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Posted 12/3/12
Whats a low fat Pokemon?
Butterfree
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25 / Behind you
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Posted 12/3/12

Sky_Renzokuken wrote:

whats black, white, and red all over?

2 nuns in a chainsaw fight


I honestly thought you were going to say it's a drive by shooting.
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25 / Behind you
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Posted 12/3/12
So a man walks into a salon and gets shot.
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28 / M / Seattle
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Posted 12/3/12

netdisorder wrote:

So a man walks into a salon and gets shot.


A salon or a saloon? because he got a bad haircut?

Man walks into a bar, says "ouch"

end of joke
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M
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Posted 12/3/12
I get infinite laughs with this one.

Why did the boy drop his phone?
Because he was hit by a bus.
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22 / M / Memphis, TN, USA
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Posted 12/3/12
Lmbo at DetectiveAlex
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36 / M / Carlisle, Pa
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Posted 12/3/12
What the hardest part about eating a vegetable?......The wheelchair.

Why dont blind people skydive?.......It scares the crap out of the dog.

Why doesnt Barbie ever get pregnant?......Ken comes in a different box.

When I die i want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror and pain like the passengers in his car.
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20 / M / A suburban town i...
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Posted 12/3/12
hahahah this guy above me hahaha

What do you get when you nail a baby to a tree?

A dead baby nailed to a tree
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23 / F / Sexual Chocolate
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Posted 12/3/12
I met this girl at a bar last night and it turns out we share a lot of common interests such as My Chemical Romance, or as I like to call it Rohypnol.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Hit her.

Did you hear they're making a new movie about Kurt Cobain? The working title is "Brainless in Seattle".
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16 / M / The Sarlacc Pit
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Posted 12/3/12
So a pirate goes to a bar with the helm to the ship stuffed down his pants. He calls over the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender asks him, "Um, sir, why do you have the helm of the ship in your pants?" To which the pirate replies, "Arrrr, Its drivin' me nuts!"

Best. Pirate joke. Ever.
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