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I need jokes
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19 / F / Tiphares
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Posted 12/3/12
Two blondes walk into a building....

You'd think one of them was paying attention.
Posted 12/3/12
what's brown and sticky?

a st-

SHIT
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22 / M / Memphis, TN, USA
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Posted 12/5/12
These jokes just keep getting funnier
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27 / M / Cleveland,OH,USA
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Posted 12/5/12
A man is about to be executed in ancient rome. they take him to the Colosseum, tie him up and let the lions out to tear him to pieces. Well, he gets away and escapes, and a lion chases him, past the fountain, through some alleys and into a dead end. When he sees he's cornered, the man drops to his knees and says "Lord, make this lion a Christian!!!" so then the lion drops to its knees and says, "Lord, i thank you for this meal of which i am about to partake."
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22 / M / Memphis, TN, USA
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Posted 12/9/12
That last joke idk how that was funny but ok maybe I didnt read it well enough
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22 / F
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Posted 12/9/12
When Jesus comes out of the toilet, what's the first you see??? holy shit.
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18 / M / North Dakota
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Posted 12/9/12
My personal favorites.
Q: Why dont black men play hockey?
A: to much white guys with sticks.

You know you're in america when a pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance.

You know you're to drunk when you hold onto grass to keep from falling off the earth.

blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. When the cops arrive to shoot them the brunette yells ''TORNADO" she runs as the cops look away. The redhead yells ''HURRICANE'' and she runs as the cops look away.
the blonde yells'' FIRE'' and they shoot her.

blonde, brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. one of them sees another island and they decide to swim for it. Brunette tried and got eaten by a shark half way. redhead tried and drowned halway. Blonde tried and once she got halway she got tired, so she swam back.

two kids are sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. One of them is crying so the other says.....
boy 1: ''why are you crying?''
boy 2: ''They have to take a blood sample so they will have to prick my finger with a needle.''
boy 1 ''starts crying even louder than the first boy.''
boy 2:'' why are you crying? ''
boy 1: ''THEY WILL HAVE TO TAKE A URINE SAMPLE!
''

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20 / F / There.
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Posted 12/9/12
I need one as well
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20 / F / San Diego, Califo...
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Posted 12/9/12
A baby seal walks into a club
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20 / F / San Diego, Califo...
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Posted 12/9/12

DetectiveAlex wrote:

I get infinite laughs with this one.

Why did the boy drop his phone?
Because he was hit by a bus.


>Knock Knock

>Who's there?

>Not the boy

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24 / M
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Posted 12/9/12
Once upon a time, there was a rich man pulling along a cart full of treasure. His cart had broken down in the woods, but there came passing a hunter and his dog. The rich man pleaded to the hunter to keep a close eye on his cart, to which the hunter agreed. The rich man went to get a new cart. Meanwhile, the hunter kept watch. Night soon fell, and the hunter grew worried for his elderly mother still at home. So the hunter told the dog to watch the cart while he went home to check on his mother. When the rich man returned, he saw the dog on guard. So he gave the dog a reward for his master, a silver coin, to carry in his mouth. The dog ran all the way home and brought his master the coin. But the hunter flew into a rage. Hunter:" I told you to watch the cart, and what did you do? You stole from it!" So the master killed the dog.
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M
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Posted 12/9/12
Why is six afraid of seven? Because, seven ate nine.

Alternatively: Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven had a bigger dick.
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32 / M / So Cal
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Posted 12/9/12
Two Pollocks are building a house, one notices the other throwing away every other nail. He asks him what he's doing. The other says, "Half of these are pointing in the wrong direction." To which the first Polish man says, "You idiot, those are for the OTHER side of the house."

A Polish man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. In his rage he storms over to the dresser and retrieves a pistol. He points it to his head and his wife starts laughing.
The Pollock says, "Don't laugh bitch, you're next."

In WW2, an American, a Brit and a Polish soldier are trying to avoid a German patrol. They each climb a tree and wait for it to pass. A German soldier tells the others he thought he heard something. So the American makes sounds like a bird. The Brit follows lead and makes sounds like a squirrel. And the Polish soldier says, "Moo"

Two Pollocks are walking down the street. One looks down and says, "Hey look, a dead bird." The other looks up and says, "Where?"
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19 / M
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Posted 12/10/12
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26 / M / Denmark
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Posted 12/10/12 , edited 12/10/12
What's brown and sticky?



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