I made a intro to a sotry, please give me some advice and discuss where you want it to go next.
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Posted 11/23/12 , edited 11/23/12
Please keep my thread in the general discussion section .

Squall

The storm barked and howled. Oh, how it burned her skin. The blisters had now frozen. She was afraid to look down, because she could not risk the little strength remaining to perish. She had never considered herself, particularly stubborn or spirited, but this time; she couldn't yield. Her sight blurred slightly for each step she took, and all that she could now observe was a horizon darker than a mid-winter Eve, deeper than a freshly dug grave, and if she strained her vision. There was a slight resemblance of life in the midst of the storm. She by far exceeded her limit, and even so; she kept walking with a resolute determination. No man alive couldn’t help, but to think twice about crossing her path now. It might have been because of the fierce glimmer neither her silhouette, nor the storm could shroud. Perhaps because she had a stillness about her. The kind you would only find deep within the heart of a storm or the sensation overwhelming a mortal on the brink of death.

What kept this women walking? It said, a voice in the storm's head, before he hurled himself at the her. Once again, she shrugged, wavered and continued walking. The storm was envious, because she had something, all the storms wanted. The stillness which only few creatures knew. The storm couldn’t help, but listen and loath that silence and as a wolf bearing its teeth. It came crashing down upon her, but still the women remained standing. The storm grew curious, slowly but steadily. Why would the women not falter? It knew she would die sooner or later, because most humans are fragile creatures. The voice restrained him from using the full extent of his power and his tailwind alone would have been enough to extinct her flame. The storm had been lashing out for days now. He was unmistakably free, but feared most of all being chained. He couldn’t allow this question to confine him, no matter how insignificant it was. “Quickly you have to ask her before she dies." Annoying thought the storm to himself. He made a contorted peculiar gesture in the pursuit of relief; no mortal had ever witnessed before. I must be growing old. During my younger days, something like this wouldn’t bother me, or rouse such anger. I have fought the remorseful Hjoln and slayed ten thousand men. I even made Kings crumble before my will. So why will she not stumble before me? It didn’t take too long before the women started to bemuse him and slowly each stroke he threw grew weaker.



He had never hesitated killing a mortal before. It Boomed inside his head. The voice of his teacher from a time he could not remember. “The laws of nature can’t be ignored." She should have been nothing, but another leaf being swept away on a warm autumn-Eve. Despite that, another voice whispered to him” ask, ask... ask her." The storm twisted and turned until it came to a conclusion. Ahead of the women he started writing in the old language of Tornur. The language very few could write, but every mortal knew. He wrote in it a whisper, because winds knew no other way to convey complex thoughts to mortals.

The women had no feeling in her arms or feet, but it was insignificant to her advancement. The fierce light in her eyes began to dwindle, despite the wind ceasing it savage charges. It might have been the brief feeling of mortality, which collected her thoughts enough to read those words, or perhaps it was faith. We might never know, but as she read those gentle words carrying such tremendous force. She felt her journey was at its end.

“Mortal bow before me and I shall bestow upon you the goal; you so desperately seek.”

His voice was like that of a god and made it ever so much harder to respond, yet she said in a crackling tone.”Oh lord Winter storm; I want this child to grow free like the wind and fierce as a storm. I want him to find the stillness like I have, but he must be strong. I might bow before you. This child, however, must never bow down to anyone. ”Her voice was feeble, yet carried such a conviction that would not be seen again in decades. The words Ignited a restlessness in the storm. The kind of excitement you get as you are about to discover something new. The wind felt as if it was soaring once again through the misty mountain dew peaks of Thordenheim. The same feeling it had gained while it was young. The storm knew that beyond the mist awaited a whole new world for him.

So she bowed, but who did truly win the battle? The storm thought to himself and grew uncomfortably silent, before it started to twitch and shake. It gave of a tremendous pressure in the vicinity. The birds were fleeing, and all kinds of animals escaped in horror and too the animal's astonishment. The wind he exerted came at last out in a soothing breeze. The animals came to a halt and relaxing as it was. Let it gently brush past.

” So this is my loss," and all that now everything that was to be said, had been said between the storm and women.
The breeze filled the women's lunges and gave her the strength to speak one last time to her son. “ Please my child, don’t forget these words. Forgive this storm you are about to become, because you are now his son.”

The storm laughed until the ground shook; trees crackled and the sky split in two. Bars of sunlight shone a tender glow upon the boy's face, cradled in his mother's arms for the last time. The child’s face turned a lukewarm tad red, as he laughed with the storm. He was ignorant of his dying mother, and no one could blame him, because he was innocent as the whitest snow, gentle as the breeze could blow and his laughter was a whisper.

And so began the legend of "Gale The Wind Maker."
Posted 11/23/12
Well somebody hasn't learnt their lesson...
Might be an idea to re-read your work, some mistakes in there.
Could do with more boobs.
Posted 11/23/12
Someone's asking for a ban.

Where I want it to go: http://www.fictionpress.com
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Posted 11/23/12 , edited 11/23/12
checking out fictionpress.

Dying mother cradling her child and boobs... nah!
I think this is suppose to be a heavy moment building up towards something good.

Anyways guess this will be my last post since I don't want to be banned. I wonder if the mods are really that harsh on this matter . I am not really banning to find out" Ahem."
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Posted 11/23/12
We have a fanfiction section reserved for fan-fiction and originals!
Move this thread there. Your asking for the hammer of mods to descend upon you like so much rain.
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Posted 11/23/12
I understand why you WANT it in general discussion, more of an audience, however, the fan fiction thread is there for a reason, for discussing just this, fan fiction.
The more people who post there, the more lively it will become.
Also, that's where your target audience will be, most people in the GD are going to take one look and say "TL;DR"
The people in fan fiction are there specifically for this, for fan fiction. You'll get a much better response, more of an "active" audience.
Perhaps less overall views, but more responses per the views you do get.
And when the mods move your thread 5 times, it should give some hint as to where they want it to go and where it belongs
Posted 11/23/12
It's a good intro.

From reading the story... it seems like this Gale person will become a leader of kings... or conqueror of worlds? Someone who is strong and brave.
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Posted 11/23/12
Does it have extraterrestrial/higher dimensional beings? If so, I will be interested.
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24 / M / Norway
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Posted 11/23/12
Yes it will have everything!!!!
Bjaker 
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Posted 11/23/12


Hey dude!

Please stop posting the same thing multiple times.
Also, please post in the appropriate category.

Adding a note to your account that you're repeatedly not abiding by forum rules.

If you continue to ignore them we'll have to give you a temporary ban.
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