My SAO fanfic
51432 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Seattle,Washington
Offline
Posted 11/25/12
just want to know your thoughts on what i have so far.

Told in first person setting, 10 years the SAO series.


My name is Alldi, or at least that’s what I go by here in the Virtual reality MMO, or VRMMO Sword Art Online II SAO II for short. Ten years ago the original SAO caused a huge commotion, the players all got locked inside the game and if they were killed in game, well bye bye to their life in the real world. The creators of SAO II fixed that problem and ensured that that would never happen; also the game format is much different. There is no restrictions on what weapons your character uses, and the number of weapons you can use are based on what’s called “Magic Capacity” MC for short. SAO II also has a larger world then SAO and Alfheim Online. The world is so vast that there are over 100 guilds in place and more are being formed daily. Guilds also fight for territory, rewards, rank, and more members. Most importantly the main story of SAO II, world conquest! That’s right the main point of the guild system is to take control of each territory, that’s what makes it so much fun no guild can hold control over every single territory, SAO II is built up of over 70 territories and is still growing.



let me know what ya think. Once i get the entire first chapter up Ill post it. thanks guys!
49596 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / F / Tiphares
Offline
Posted 12/8/12

jakattck726 wrote:

just want to know your thoughts on what i have so far.

Told in first person setting, 10 years the SAO series.


My name is Alldi, or at least that’s what I go by here in the Virtual reality MMO, or VRMMO Sword Art Online II SAO II for short. Ten years ago the original SAO caused a huge commotion, the players all got locked inside the game and if they were killed in game, well bye bye to their life in the real world. The creators of SAO II fixed that problem and ensured that that would never happen; also the game format is much different. There is no restrictions on what weapons your character uses, and the number of weapons you can use are based on what’s called “Magic Capacity” MC for short. SAO II also has a larger world then SAO and Alfheim Online. The world is so vast that there are over 100 guilds in place and more are being formed daily. Guilds also fight for territory, rewards, rank, and more members. Most importantly the main story of SAO II, world conquest! That’s right the main point of the guild system is to take control of each territory, that’s what makes it so much fun no guild can hold control over every single territory, SAO II is built up of over 70 territories and is still growing.



let me know what ya think. Once i get the entire first chapter up Ill post it. thanks guys!


More description.

187 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
15 / F / California - some...
Offline
Posted 3/26/13
The sentences are really really long. o: Edit a bit maybe?
33188 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M
Offline
Posted 3/31/13 , edited 3/31/13
This was a post for quite a while ago. Is there more story up? Anyway...

Sounds like it's kind of just a recap of the original story told by some kid who's really excited about a new game. I think I read enough of that on forums and game reviews on the 'net. So, are you making a new story with new characters, or are you just making new parameters for a new game? The story is more about the characters than it is the game, you know? Your priorities are switched and the details reflect that. Make it the other way around in order to capture the audience. We don't relate to video games - we relate to the people playing them.

If this takes place ten years after the original story, how can I tell that by reading the story itself? It's much more interesting if you can work that kind of thing into the story instead of just telling us in a blurb before it all starts. It's more natural and fluid that way. Then again, a lot of stories do have an intro describing the universe - I've always that was the lazy way out, though. Also, why should I bother listening to this character any longer? What's special about him? I'm not hooked, not interested yet.

Make me interested. Hook me.

(Pretend I'm a fish and that I like deep, interesting, meaningful stories that I can relate to - then use that as fishing bait.)

(Now I'm hungry for sushi. Hmmm...)
49596 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / F / Tiphares
Offline
Posted 4/14/13

SonikuRaharu wrote:

This was a post for quite a while ago. Is there more story up? Anyway...

Sounds like it's kind of just a recap of the original story told by some kid who's really excited about a new game. I think I read enough of that on forums and game reviews on the 'net. So, are you making a new story with new characters, or are you just making new parameters for a new game? The story is more about the characters than it is the game, you know? Your priorities are switched and the details reflect that. Make it the other way around in order to capture the audience. We don't relate to video games - we relate to the people playing them.

If this takes place ten years after the original story, how can I tell that by reading the story itself? It's much more interesting if you can work that kind of thing into the story instead of just telling us in a blurb before it all starts. It's more natural and fluid that way. Then again, a lot of stories do have an intro describing the universe - I've always that was the lazy way out, though. Also, why should I bother listening to this character any longer? What's special about him? I'm not hooked, not interested yet.

Make me interested. Hook me.

(Pretend I'm a fish and that I like deep, interesting, meaningful stories that I can relate to - then use that as fishing bait.)

(Now I'm hungry for sushi. Hmmm...)


He probably abandoned it.
Sailor Candy Moderator
165745 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25
Offline
Posted 10/21/13
Closed due to inactivity. It's been over 6 months and no new posts
You must be logged in to post.