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Post Reply Do you find it harder to make friends as an adult?
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25 / F
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Posted 11/28/12
So, I have a few really good friends, but I've known them since high school. I've noticed that meeting people as an adult is really difficult and I wonder if a lot of other people struggle with this too or am I just doing it wrong I've thought about it a lot and I guess since, as an adult, pretty much all you do is go to work, it's pretty hard to meet people you can make a real connection with.

How do you guys meet people? Or do you struggle like I do?
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26 / Jolly ol' Blighty
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Posted 11/28/12
These days I have found my social group consists of the five people in my DnD group, non of whom I've known much longer than the groups founding.

And I hardly know these people on a personal level, only as the group and any general chit chat that emerges, usualy about games or anime or stuff.

So yeah, I struggle to make freinds. I just don't like going out doing what most people do to socialise. (I don't drink and I dislike noise.)
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21 / F / ireland
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Posted 11/28/12 , edited 10/21/14
I found it hard enough as a child.

I only imagine it gets harder as an adult when you have less time for socialising and hobbies, and most people would have settled with friends from before and reluctant to make anymore. Then you have your friends emigrating and whatever else.

Then when you hit old age, your friends start dying off..
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26 / M
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Posted 11/28/12
I struggle as well.

As we grow up, the commonalities we have with strangers (similar preferences in TV shows, video games, food, toys, etc.) no longer seem to be enough to motivate us to get to know them. It seems that we value more the familiarity of those we already have bonds with, despite their apparent differences from us.

I think that having even just a few good friends you've known for a long time is a very good thing. They're like family. You can rely on them when it comes to difficult and personal things.

For me, making friends as an adult takes more time than I've ever needed in the past. The days pass by, you've talked about many things, hung out at a myriad of places but still you feel as if you don't really know them, let alone trust them in the same way you trust your old friends.

My only suggestion would be to just give it time.
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23 / M / Denmark
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Posted 11/28/12
Hmm, in a way yeah, cuz i used to smoke weed a shitton, then i quit and i had already more or less discarded all my old friends, then when i quit weed i stopped talking to all the other people ^^

Then i tried to go out and make new friends, how'd that go? Well lets just say i completely lost faith in humanity LOL

It wasn't really hard, the hard part was truely liking them, idk if they liked me or what not, but i guess not since i didnt really like them ^^'
MrOhNo 
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26 / M / Philly Suburbs
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Posted 11/28/12
The amount of friends you have varies over your life. In the town that I grew up in there were hundreds of kids that all grew up together, and knew each other. I talk to maybe three people from my town still. As a young adult I have maybe five goods friends. As hard as it is for most people to realize, at some point most of your old friends will start holding you back. And most of them won't like when you choose progress and success over maintaining those relationships. Those friends are usually not worth keeping if they can't be motivated to make progress in theri own lives by seeing others be successful around them.

The only advice I have for meeting new people would be to be polite. People aren't going to initiate conversations with people that act aggressively.

I don't think it gets harder to make friends when you are older. It's that you as an individual need more substance from the interpersonal relationships you develop than others. That's why you have a small group of close friends instead of a large group of acquaintances.

Your friends start "dying off" long before you hit old age. I recently started repairing a friendship with someone I haven't talked with in years. The reason we got together to talk about things was because we had lost an important person in our lives the week before. My point is that you can never know what situations will bring people in and out of your life. It's up to you to make the decision to initiate some form of contact with another person. When you make the decision to do so you'll find that most people will eagerly respond to you.

On a lighter note, I'll be your friend if you really need one.
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F
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Posted 11/28/12
yes i find it really hard to make friends. I tend to move around a lot so that doesnt help the situation much. Also, I'm horrible with making conversation and with keeping a conversation going v.v annnnnnd so on...
But i'm always up for making some friends either online or in real life
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34 / M / The Void.
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Posted 11/28/12
No.
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29 / M / Staffordshire, UK
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Posted 11/28/12
It's pretty much the same in my boat, 'cept I've not had friends since college. they all seemed to drift away and I find it increasingly hard to become interested in the 'popular' culture. Its extremely rare to find RL peeps with the same or similar interest as myself. But I've become so used to being on my own now I've pretty much given up the ghost. If the chance to make a friend turns up I never turn it down. And as stated above politeness is always a priority.
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M / U.S.
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Posted 11/28/12
I think everyone sort of have this kind of problem. Once you leave high school you do not have as many chances to meet someone with the same interests and you get to see them everyday of your life. As an adult it takes alot more effort to meet people and then to keep the relationship going.

Being an adult is tough!
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25 / F / Georgia
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Posted 11/28/12
It was a lot more difficult when I was a child. Since I'm a little more sociable, communicating and making 'friends' is not as bad as it was when I was younger.
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26 / F / Newfane, NY
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Posted 11/28/12
Yes, I don't really keep in contact with the few people I knew in high school. I also rarely set out to find friends...I usually come across boyfriends and that's an entirely different story. From personal experience, people rare want to be your 'friend' though. They usually want something more. Most girls I come across don't like me, so having girls as friends is usually out of the question.
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23 / M
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Posted 11/28/12
yes, it's extremely hard, especially here in America. People in class rooms don't socialize like they used to, and with the crime that happens in this world I can't say I really blame them. It kinda sucks though, it's like considered creepy if you randomly message someone on facebook or walk up to someone irl just to talk. I really don't understand that.
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32 / M / US
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Posted 11/28/12 , edited 11/28/12
I find it a lot easier to make friends as an adult.

In school there is a sort of forced socializing. In the real world, no one makes you sit next to the new kid or tells you where to eat lunch, so you actually have to say hello. No teacher will make you go around the room and introduce yourself at the bar. There are also no social cliques that you HAVE to spend time with.

A reasonable and well mannered adult will introduce himself when encountering others. It is good manners. This can open a lot of doors.

There are bars, nightclubs, coffee shops, clubs, sports, leagues, museums, all sorts of things that a person can visit as an adult that they could not as children. Places that you have an interest in will likely draw like-minded people, which is very different from childhood where school puts you in a room full of kids from all over town. In that way, it is a lot easier to make conversation and connect with people because you are more likely to have common interests. There is also a lot less anxiety because there are no expectations -- you never have to see that person again if you dislike eachother. As a kid, you're stuck going where you're told.

You don't have to ask permission as an adult. There is no, "can I spend the night?" or "can I go out with so-and-so Saturday?" It is a lot easier to keep in touch with people when you have the power to call, write, or come and go as you please.

Plus as an adult you gain different priorities. You grow a thicker skin. When you have to pay the bills you don't worry so much about whether so-and-so from accounting likes you; it doesn't matter anymore so long as it doesn't hurt your paycheck. You don't like me? So what? That translates to more confidence and more open interactions with others.

Here is a tip: I used to think it was horribly unfair that life was more about who you knew rather than what you knew. Then I discovered that socializing was a technical skill just like being able to read. It is a necessary, everyday skill. You can be the most brilliant scientist in the world and it won't matter if you can't tell people about your discoveries. You can be the worlds greatest architect but if you can't strike a deal with a contractor you'll never build a thing. Practice socializing often! As an adult, you have far more to offer and far less to lose.
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21 / M
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Posted 11/28/12
Nope I prefer to have adult friends anyway the conversations are more interesting, and the humor isn't always PG too.
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