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Post Reply Do you find it harder to make friends as an adult?
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Posted 2/1/13

ash_is_2_dust wrote:

I have this same problem. It's ridiculous I know I'm an "adult" I shouldn't be shy and be more out there but it's hard. I find people so intimidating... probably why the only real people I can call friends are the 3 i've met thru the internet first.


Whats so intimidating about people? Youre a person, so you already have that in common with everyone.

I used to be afraid that people would think I was a cornball so I used to keep to my self and never be outgoing but once I stopped worrying about how people would perceive me, I could start up a conversation with just about anyone.
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Posted 2/1/13

CLarose wrote:


ash_is_2_dust wrote:

I have this same problem. It's ridiculous I know I'm an "adult" I shouldn't be shy and be more out there but it's hard. I find people so intimidating... probably why the only real people I can call friends are the 3 i've met thru the internet first.


Whats so intimidating about people? Youre a person, so you already have that in common with everyone.

I used to be afraid that people would think I was a cornball so I used to keep to my self and never be outgoing but once I stopped worrying about how people would perceive me, I could start up a conversation with just about anyone.


people get interested in me for like 2 seconds... and its not because I talk to much..... I can't put a sentence to together as good as my fingers can....
Mr_Ed 
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I rather have 4 quarters than have 100 pennies.
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27 / M / Onmarus
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Posted 2/1/13
When I was in high school I only had 1 friend that really shared common interests with me and my other friends were a group of older people me and my older brother met through a past relationship of his, They told me a was pretty mature for my age because they were all 5 to 8 years older than me but were able to get a long with me . After years we all became the best of friends and I even lived with a few of them for some years, I guess you could say we had developed our own crew.

Well somewhere along the lines I lost all of my friends my age and that I went to school with, most started having kids way too early or got into trouble I didn't want to be involved in. All of my older friends seem to have moved on to other things or really just don't do much, we still hang out every couple of weekends but it seems like they can't get into the newer stuff I try to show them and are always up to the same oild stuff. I guess this is what happens when people get older they, kinda just drift away from each other.

Now I spend most my time alone but I don't mind at all in fact I prefer to have most of my time to myself. I used to walk downtown because it's really close and have a few drinks with a slice of pizza while chatting it up with the regulars around there but the average person never seemed like the kinda person I could talk to about how useless and annoying Sakura from Naruto is or about the newest combo strings in super street fighter lV.

It's true as adults sadly all we do is work and if we're lucky we can have co workers who share similar interests, unfortunately that's not the case for me. Now a days I don't even really try to look for new friends, the way I see it is if by chance I happen to come across someone for whatever reason who I can get a long with very well then we can be friends and if not then so be it, life goes on lol.

Atleast people like us (I hope I can speak for a few others that can relate) have the good ole interwebs to find topics like this so we can share with each other.
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Posted 2/2/13
Yes.

Because as a kid, you don't really judge, you cheerfully play with others without caring about their race or status or anythin else.
When ppl grow up, they hang out with ppl they already know, co-workers and sometimes friends of friends.
But they mingle less and less with new ppl.

When I talk to someone new, seems they are like 'wtf why you talkin to me?'
< . < why not?

I like ppl, i like to make new friends and learn about anything and everything, but I don't feel there are a lot of ppl like that.
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24 / M / Maryland
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Posted 2/2/13
I'd say that it becomes tougher to make true, loyal, deep friendships the farther we go in life. The reason why so many people just keeping around their high school friends is that they all are ussually from the same area and shared the rough expiriencing of growing up togethor. While you may become more different as you age its tough to lose the affection you have for old friends even if they no longer deserve it. You might become totally different people but the time you shared back then will always connect you in some way.

For example my former best friend from late middle school and early high school has become what I consider to be a very immoral person. He gets drunk, does drugs, lies to women and treats them like crap unless he wants sex from them. I might see him once or twice a year these days and I always agree to hang out with him because I'm hoping hes still the fun interesting guy I used to know. Inevitably it always devolves into he wants me to get plastered with him or do drugs and I part ways soon after reminiscing a bit.

We both still care about one another, despite our differences, and if anything we've always had the other's back but we always realize that unless one of us changes radically we'll never fit in each others lives like we used to. But in short I agree it is tough to make friends when you get older as if I and my former best friend met for the first time nowwadays we'd most likely hate each other and think terribly of one another.

I've made a couple of genuine amazings friendships in my 20s but its certainly harder to do. It requires you to put yourself out there and get rejected a lot and requires a bit of luck but it does happen sometimes. A lot of friendships I see among other college students seem to be friends of convinience, people your friends with because they live where you do or share an activity so its convinient to be friends with them. It reminds me a lot of people who date people they really don't love but simply like them and would rather not be alone till they find something better. Tough to find deeper friendships but I hope that those looking suceed.
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Posted 2/2/13
I have quite a bit of trouble making friends as an adult.

Though I wasn't spectacular at it as a kid either.

I mean, i've made plenty of acquaintances. People I don't mind chatting with now and then about silly stuff but there are very few people I actually care about. It doesn't help that my list of good friends I can actually hang out with is down to a single person. There are others, but they are family or just teenagers.

I'm pretty much a shut-in now adays. I only tend to leave home to go to work or do some shopping. The press of humanity makes my skin crawl and all I want to do is get away from them. The only real exception is when I go to an anime convention, there I usually feel pretty calm and relaxed, at least for a while. By the third day I am exhausted and need to shut down for a while. Yet even at conventions I have a hard time trying to actually make a friend. I will talk to people, but I will never actually try to make a connection with them.

Another issue of mine is that I am horribly attracted to broken souls. The more tragedy and baggage they have the more I want to know them, because happy people just aren't as interesting or something.

-le sigh-

I miss having a role-playing group too. All of my group moved away. >_<
Posted 2/2/13

darkwulfshade wrote:

I have quite a bit of trouble making friends as an adult.

Though I wasn't spectacular at it as a kid either.

I mean, i've made plenty of acquaintances. People I don't mind chatting with now and then about silly stuff but there are very few people I actually care about. It doesn't help that my list of good friends I can actually hang out with is down to a single person. There are others, but they are family or just teenagers.

I'm pretty much a shut-in now adays. I only tend to leave home to go to work or do some shopping. The press of humanity makes my skin crawl and all I want to do is get away from them. The only real exception is when I go to an anime convention, there I usually feel pretty calm and relaxed, at least for a while. By the third day I am exhausted and need to shut down for a while. Yet even at conventions I have a hard time trying to actually make a friend. I will talk to people, but I will never actually try to make a connection with them.

Another issue of mine is that I am horribly attracted to broken souls. The more tragedy and baggage they have the more I want to know them, because happy people just aren't as interesting or something.

-le sigh-

I miss having a role-playing group too. All of my group moved away. >_<


lol this actually sums up my situation pretty good. ^ I've never personally been to a anime convention (which I think would be pretty cool) but here lately I just really don't care about getting closer to people I don't already know from my High School days. I guess it's because when you're in high school there's more of a pressure of 'oh, you gotta get to know people in your class so you don't just sit there awkwardly' or at least that's how it was for me. Now that I'm in college I see getting to know new people as a distraction because I won't ever see them again since we are just taking that one class for that one term. Soooo yeah it is harder in a way because I have no motivation too I guess. In a way you could almost say I had too many years of 'forced' socializing in high school. I'm very happy I met the friends I have now that I knew from high school though. They are my bros.

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Posted 2/2/13

-Vega- wrote:


lordseth23 wrote:


-Vega- wrote:

Don't look for friends. Friends will find you.


How is this possible if you have social anxiety and don't put yourself out there?


I just smoked bunch of weed. Smoking weed cured my social anxiety disorder.



Xanax is the best friend of someone who has anxiety disorder. Trust me, I've had a script since college. I'm not introverted per se, I just am the type to sit back and observe rather than engage. Panic disorder is a real thing and you're doctor will understand....
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Posted 2/2/13 , edited 2/2/13

CLarose wrote:


ash_is_2_dust wrote:

I have this same problem. It's ridiculous I know I'm an "adult" I shouldn't be shy and be more out there but it's hard. I find people so intimidating... probably why the only real people I can call friends are the 3 i've met thru the internet first.


Whats so intimidating about people? Youre a person, so you already have that in common with everyone.

I used to be afraid that people would think I was a cornball so I used to keep to my self and never be outgoing but once I stopped worrying about how people would perceive me, I could start up a conversation with just about anyone.


Some people have panic/anxiety disorder. It's just really hard for them to deal with social situations. Sometimes you just need to man up. Other times you may need some Xanax or a cocktail. Depends on the person and how their brain is wired, Never judge a stranger cause you don't no shit about that cat.... Also not giving a shit what other people think is more effective than any chemical assistance unless you really do have a medical condition....
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Posted 2/2/13

moneygrip3030 wrote:


CLarose wrote:


ash_is_2_dust wrote:

I have this same problem. It's ridiculous I know I'm an "adult" I shouldn't be shy and be more out there but it's hard. I find people so intimidating... probably why the only real people I can call friends are the 3 i've met thru the internet first.


Whats so intimidating about people? Youre a person, so you already have that in common with everyone.

I used to be afraid that people would think I was a cornball so I used to keep to my self and never be outgoing but once I stopped worrying about how people would perceive me, I could start up a conversation with just about anyone.


Some people have panic/anxiety disorder. It's just really hard for them to deal with social situations. Sometimes you just need to man up. Other times you may need some Xanax or a cocktail. Depends on the person and how their brain is wired, Never judge a stranger cause you don't no shit about that cat.... Also not giving a shit what other people think is more effective than any chemical assistance unless you really do have a medical condition....


Yea, I used to have panic attacks in large groups of people. Liquor fixed that right up, though.
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Posted 2/2/13 , edited 2/2/13

CLarose wrote:


moneygrip3030 wrote:


CLarose wrote:


ash_is_2_dust wrote:

I have this same problem. It's ridiculous I know I'm an "adult" I shouldn't be shy and be more out there but it's hard. I find people so intimidating... probably why the only real people I can call friends are the 3 i've met thru the internet first.


Whats so intimidating about people? Youre a person, so you already have that in common with everyone.

I used to be afraid that people would think I was a cornball so I used to keep to my self and never be outgoing but once I stopped worrying about how people would perceive me, I could start up a conversation with just about anyone.


Some people have panic/anxiety disorder. It's just really hard for them to deal with social situations. Sometimes you just need to man up. Other times you may need some Xanax or a cocktail. Depends on the person and how their brain is wired, Never judge a stranger cause you don't no shit about that cat.... Also not giving a shit what other people think is more effective than any chemical assistance unless you really do have a medical condition....


Yea, I used to have panic attacks in large groups of people. Liquor fixed that right up, though.


Word. That'll definitely help
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Posted 2/2/13
These days I find it difficult to keep friends, because they just want to go out and party, I'm not really into the whole party/club scene. I made a few friends from my old job, but since I got laid off I don't see them that much. I only talk to some people by emails and texting. I don't mind though, I go out for coffee and lunch every now and then with some old friends, it's just the fact that people do draft a part and have their own thing going on. Oh well such is life!
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Posted 2/2/13

Kahoko_- wrote:

These days I find it difficult to keep friends, because they just want to go out and party, I'm not really into the whole party/club scene. I made a few friends from my old job, but since I got laid off I don't see them that much. I only talk to some people by emails and texting. I don't mind though, I go out for coffee and lunch every now and then with some old friends, it's just the fact that people do draft a part and have their own thing going on. Oh well such is life!


Your true friends will always be just a phone call or e-mail away no matter how long it's been since you last talked to them. I got laid off in 2009 and I didn't talk to hardly anyone I was so "blah" about everything. But when I reached out again after my funk most of my friends totally understood all we're all good now. A real friend won't give you grief if you don't call them every week... That's just my experience BTW
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Posted 2/2/13

moneygrip3030 wrote:


Kahoko_- wrote:

These days I find it difficult to keep friends, because they just want to go out and party, I'm not really into the whole party/club scene. I made a few friends from my old job, but since I got laid off I don't see them that much. I only talk to some people by emails and texting. I don't mind though, I go out for coffee and lunch every now and then with some old friends, it's just the fact that people do draft a part and have their own thing going on. Oh well such is life!


Your true friends will always be just a phone call or e-mail away no matter how long it's been since you last talked to them. I got laid off in 2009 and I didn't talk to hardly anyone I was so "blah" about everything. But when I reached out again after my funk most of my friends totally understood all we're all good now. A real friend won't give you grief if you don't call them every week... That's just my experience BTW


Mhm! I have my one best friend, we never see each other because we live in different cities, we rarely ever talk, but whenever either of us go to visit one another it doesn't seem like time has past at all. I've known her since middle school. It's great, though I wish we could see each other more. \:
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