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How do you handle breakups?
Posted 12/4/12
i occupy myself with other things until i forget about it
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23 / M / Toronto
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Posted 12/4/12
Think about how I could have worded things better and thought things through more clearly when asking to break up. Than go to bed to be bombarded with thoughts of all my life failings like a vicious jackhammer pounding away at my head.
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20 / M / A suburban town i...
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Posted 12/4/12
With my right hand!! haha jk, I don't have it in me to hit a woman (unless it's some kinky S&M play... but I'm usually the M :(... )
Just accepting what has happened and try not to discredit anything that did happen because it didn't end so happily. I use my friends to help me cheer up. Maybe do a little drinking and try to find something new to replace all the free time.
Posted 12/4/12
I don't see the logic in ''love''. I have experienced love before and all you get is more sadness as a result. The time you spend together might be lovely but you end up in sadness. If you have a good argument then Quote. I love to hear your answer.
Posted 12/4/12
It's pointless to keep it up if it's gonna be a one-sided relationship, nothing good comes from this kind of things imo.
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27 / M
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Posted 12/4/12
Pro guide to breaking up ---->

Step 1: Overanalyze all of your daily actions to get a grasp on exactly what you do each day.
Step 2: Make a list of activities, actions, and desires you have.
Step 3: Compare your list to your daily actions
Step 4: Become the person you want to be

Your own happiness is within you- it's not inside of another person or their actions. Even the happiness you feel from another's actions is just a reaction of your own emotions and thoughts. If you concentrate on yourself, on becoming who you want to be, and on doing and obtaining what you want- you'll attract other people to you through your own awesomeness.

It sounds really cliche but there are MANY MANY fish in the sea. You'd be surprised how many people will care for you, given the chance. If you aren't already happy with someone- that's placing a burden on the other person. Relationships are there to share memories together, not replace something vital that you're lacking.
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21 / F / Germany
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Posted 12/4/12 , edited 12/4/12
I basically delete them from my mind and life. I've been in a situation where the guy wanted to break up with and i still wanted him,i think people who stick around to try to convince their ex to take them back are kinda lame. When its over its over.The worse break up i ever had i think i was 15yrs old and it was my first time ever getting my heartbroken so i was depressed for like a month and i basically pretended it never happened and ignored the guy every time i ran into him
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M / In the middle of...
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Posted 12/4/12


I think you are doing something wrong and I doubt that you actually realizing it yourself. First of all there are these differences you spoke of, figure them out, you can't go to war on his ass blindfolded. But don't fuss too much about it, because he could have lied about it.
Why?
Weeeell, if your profile is true and you are 28, I assume he is not that far from 30 himself. You said that he considered moving in together with you, he might not have said it, but perhaps he even considered starting a family too?
It could be that he simply become insecure about this whole situation, because if you move in with a woman and start a family when you are THAT old, its not like you can just break up and start all over again after couple of years. So maybe, and am saying maybe because this is my best guesswork, he become insecure when he asked himself "Is she really the right one?", that alone might have caused him to distance himself from you in order to figure out his own feelings. You should probe that out, might be worth talking it over with him.

Or maybe there are really these "our differences" that have gotten in the way, who knows? Or maybe there is something entirely different that has caused this whole incident.


At any rate, I am not going to give advice on how to make a guy fall in love with you, after all you made him fall for you once, so do it again! Just please do yourself a favour and don't sit patiently at home waiting for him to call you or something like that. Start doing shit, ANYTHING, take cooking classes if you have to. Just do SOMETHING!
If he calls you and you are in middle of conversation with a friend or just doing shit, its OKAY not to answer. Call him back later or next day, have a nice and friendly conversaton with him, let him know that you still care and miss him by not telling him that directly but by asking questions like... I don't know...
"How have you been?"
"Have you been eating properly?"
"I thought about you when I was there or there and saw this or that."


Anyhow, enough gibberish from me. You, have to stop sitting around and start busting your ass off. You got until February to figure out why he did what he did and make him fall in love with you all over again, if in the process you loose interest for him or find another guy. Make him fall in love with you anyway, just for the heck of it. Payback is a bitch.

Woman love confident guys who know what they want, same goes for the guys. They like a confident woman who is difficult to get, especially the guys who are good with woman.

P.S.

“Three months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you that if you really loved someone, you’d let them go. But now I look at you, and I dreamed about somebody I loved, and I see that I’ve been wrong. If you really love someone, wwe, I think you have to take them back.” ~ Jodi Picoult
wwe
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30 / F / where all my drea...
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Posted 12/4/12 , edited 12/4/12





Thanks for your advice and just fyi he younger then me he 23, but anyway I will keep going on with life, will go to work, hangout with friends and so on. As for the reasons why he wanted to breakup was 1) he said our living habits are not the same as in he goes to gym a lot 2-3 times a week after work and workout for a few hrs and is heather then me and I dont go to the gym. 2) I sometimes have spelling grammar issues where sometimes my spelling is not right or I have typos and he has a pet peeve with spelling, he big on spelling. 3) He dont see anyway of looking past our differences where he like to try to work on it even thought we do have lot of other stuff in common. We both like the same movies, music, games, tv shows, food guess thats not enough for him to work on it. We never had any fights before we was always happy as far as I could tell but after the last time we saw each other he said he could tell would not work out and he dont think he would have the Love feelings for me anymore. I did try my best to tell him we are only human and we all have our flaws but no matter how hard I try, it did not seem to help. He did say he does still care for me and still want to be friends and we are still talking with each other. He still wants to see me again maybe like you said I can make him fall in love again.
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24 / M / Miami, Florida
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Posted 12/4/12 , edited 12/4/12

wwe wrote:






Thanks for your advice and just fyi he younger then me he 23, but anyway I will keep going on with life, will go to work, hangout with friends and so on. As for the reasons why he wanted to breakup was 1) he said our living habits are not the same as in he goes to gym a lot 2-3 times a week after work and workout for a few hrs and is heather then me and I dont go to the gym. 2) I sometimes have spelling grammar issues where sometimes my spelling is not right or I have typos and he has a pet peeve with spelling, he big on spelling. 3) He dont see anyway of looking past our differences where he like to try to work on it even thought we do have lot of other stuff in common. We both like the same movies, music, games, tv shows, food guess thats not enough for him to work on it. We never had any fights before we was always happy as far as I could tell but after the last time we saw each other he said he could tell would not work out and he dont think he would have the Love feelings for me anymore. I did try my best to tell him we are only human and we all have our flaws but no matter how hard I try, it did not seem to help. He did say he does still care for me and still want to be friends and we are still talking with each other. He still wants to see me again maybe like you said I can make him fall in love again.


These reasons your ex has given you are far the most dumbest reasons to break up with you. If he was really in love with you why would he even care about how you write or go to the gym? You do your thing and he does his, why do I feel like he wants you to be some little Mary sue? Even then the grammar issue can be fix, does he really have to break up with you over something so dumb? I would love to meet your ex to see how much of a English Scholar he is, and then see if his spelling and grammar is worthy of Jessica Alba or Megan Fox. If anything you should be the one angry with him, this loser isn't worth your time and I highly suggest you don't get back with this idiot. Guys like him frustrate me, they don't appreciate what they have until years later.


wwe
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30 / F / where all my drea...
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Posted 12/4/12




I do agree with you on how dumb it is, even i think he being to picky with it I even try to talk to him about it and even told him we are only human and we all have our flaws but nothing I said or did, did not help at all guess he just could not handle someone as different as me it seems like he wants someone to match him thats the same as him. I dont get why, I mean everything we been though I thought by now he could look past my flaws but guess he could not. I even try to tell him how I looked past his flaws and even if they might bother me I would never breakup with you just like that I would keep going to work on it. I not really sure on all why he broke up with me there might be more to his reason on why and he just not saying why. The only thing I dont get is all the time we was dating he never said anything to me about any of this any of my flaws and how I am, that bother him. If he did I could of work more on them and help make it work. He just kept it all to him self until now, until he could not handle it no more. He said he did that b/c he wanted to see if he could make it work but at the end he could not. Right now I just need time to heal before I can move on. All this time I thought we where happy and had something I really thought he did care a lot for me, I am still confused on what really happen and what could of made him think like this and just give up on me like that. Idk something still dont feel right like there more to this story. Like you said this is a dumb reason to breakup and I never seen anyone breakup with someone over small stuff like this. He never seem to be the picky person before so why now?.
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24 / M / Miami, Florida
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Posted 12/4/12

wwe wrote:





I do agree with you on how dumb it is, even i think he being to picky with it I even try to talk to him about it and even told him we are only human and we all have our flaws but nothing I said or did, did not help at all guess he just could not handle someone as different as me it seems like he wants someone to match him thats the same as him. I dont get why, I mean everything we been though I thought by now he could look past my flaws but guess he could not. I even try to tell him how I looked past his flaws and even if they might bother me I would never breakup with you just like that I would keep going to work on it. I not really sure on all why he broke up with me there might be more to his reason on why and he just not saying why. The only thing I dont get is all the time we was dating he never said anything to me about any of this any of my flaws and how I am, that bother him. If he did I could of work more on them and help make it work. He just kept it all to him self until now, until he could not handle it no more. He said he did that b/c he wanted to see if he could make it work but at the end he could not. Right now I just need time to heal before I can move on. All this time I thought we where happy and had something I really thought he did care a lot for me, I am still confused on what really happen and what could of made him think like this and just give up on me like that. Idk something still dont feel right like there more to this story. Like you said this is a dumb reason to breakup and I never seen anyone breakup with someone over small stuff like this. He never seem to be the picky person before so why now?.


I already got the feeling that his reasons for break up didn't make up the entire painting on the wall, there has to be more then just that. If I had to guess I think he met another women, probably at the gym, and he's just looking for reasons to break up with you so he could be with said person. But just to make things clear, none of this is your fault and you should never blame yourself for not being his little Mary Sue. Mary sues don't exist, every single girl has flaws the same way guys have flaws. You need to keep your head up, this loser will eventually get whats coming to him and one day a girl will break up with him over the same dumb reasons. If he wasn't like this before then obviously something or someone is on his mind that you don't know about, it all sounds fishy to me.
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24 / M / Campbell, Ohio
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Posted 12/5/12
It honestly depends on how bad the breakup is. I mean if me and her were together less then 3 months, I won't cry a tear, albeit I've had a few exceptions...

Now if I'm really digging said girl and she drops me like I'm hot, I'd be fighting to get her back. If she don't, I either accept that it won't be and move on.

Or...

I go down a dark path that nearly every girl who's fucked me over has sent me down. The one who got away, Mandy ... we dated for 15 months LD whole time. I'm in Ohio, She's in Connecticut. That's 9 hours. Anyway ... we break up December of '10. No talk till about a month ago. I ask her was any of our relationship real, she said no and that our love was fake and I wasted my time on her. That there nearly made me want to kill myself.

Then, to top that off ... the girl I was seeing .... In under 2 months...

Cheated on me, Lied to my face, manipulated me, played me for a fool, pawned her kids off on me, toyed with both my heart and emotions and had the audacity to leave me for an ex who is worse then I am. I'm a decent guy, she left me for DIRTY WHITE TRASH.

Those two events combined nearly had me wanting to die. But in all reality, if it wasn't for my best friend, Angela, who is a member of this site, I'd be dead. So honestly, it depends on what the girl did to me. But I've never wanted to off myself so bad as that night.

But really ... I just either fight for her back or suck it up like a man and move on...

Sorry about the life story...
wwe
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30 / F / where all my drea...
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Posted 12/5/12



Yeah agree well one thing I should at least know the full truth on why so I can fully move on. So what I did was I told him how I feel and it seems dumb reason he giving me and I want to know the real reason and the full story. If he answers the same from before then I will just leave it as it is and forget but if I do get the full truth out of him I will update on what happen.
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24 / M / Miami, Florida
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Posted 12/5/12

wwe wrote:




Yeah agree well one thing I should at least know the full truth on why so I can fully move on. So what I did was I told him how I feel and it seems dumb reason he giving me and I want to know the real reason and the full story. If he answers the same from before then I will just leave it as it is and forget but if I do get the full truth out of him I will update on what happen.


The most important thing is never show him weakness. Stand your ground and try to see if you can see through his bullshit lies
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