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Post Reply Staying friends with your ex
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Posted 2/7/13 , edited 2/7/13
Never worked for me but i think is because all my relationships end bad(like i can't see him anymore). Although I have friends who were able to do it.
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21 / F / In My imagination.
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Posted 2/7/13
Nah, doesnt work
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25 / M / Bonne Lake, WA
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Posted 2/7/13
lol so many young people saying it can't work, and older people saying it can.


I think you can if you are able to accept that you just weren't right for eachother without blaming one another for why you weren't.

i suppose I'm saying mature people can
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21 / F / In My imagination.
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Posted 2/7/13

metalsmith wrote:

lol so many young people saying it can't work, and older people saying it can.


I think you can if you are able to accept that you just weren't right for eachother without blaming one another for why you weren't.

i suppose I'm saying mature people can :D


But i've always thought i was mature enough. Can i change my mind and say OH HELL YES WE CAN BE FRIENDS? would that make me look mature?
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Posted 2/7/13
It will work if both parties want it to. It's really that simple.
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25 / M / Bonne Lake, WA
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Posted 2/7/13

choieraebin wrote:


metalsmith wrote:

lol so many young people saying it can't work, and older people saying it can.


I think you can if you are able to accept that you just weren't right for eachother without blaming one another for why you weren't.

i suppose I'm saying mature people can :D


But i've always thought i was mature enough. Can i change my mind and say OH HELL YES WE CAN BE FRIENDS? would that make me look mature? :P


Ofcoarse! after all, it's the internets!

I mean, do you actually believe it? As a personal question you'd ask yourself that is. It really makes little difference whether you agree or not :D

I'm just sayin, if you based a relationship on how great the sex is, you aren't very mature, in my opinion.
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21 / F / In My imagination.
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Posted 2/7/13

metalsmith wrote:


choieraebin wrote:


metalsmith wrote:

lol so many young people saying it can't work, and older people saying it can.


I think you can if you are able to accept that you just weren't right for eachother without blaming one another for why you weren't.

i suppose I'm saying mature people can :D


But i've always thought i was mature enough. Can i change my mind and say OH HELL YES WE CAN BE FRIENDS? would that make me look mature? :P


Ofcoarse! after all, it's the internets!

I mean, do you actually believe it? As a personal question you'd ask yourself that is. It really makes little difference whether you agree or not :D

I'm just sayin, if you based a relationship on how great the sex is, you aren't very mature, in my opinion.


what i believe is, staying with your ex would cause you pain specially if she fell inlove with someone else and you know, when they do the little things you guys used to do and she enjoy it more than she did with you and shit. Make it even worse, if she talked to you about it. Now that is pain because there's no way that you could say that you don't have one bit feelings for her right? I mean, you are with her all the time if you are friends. Its not really about how great the sex is but the fact that it will kill you inside slowly well unless you are heartless and you didnt love her at all then oh well YES we can be friends.
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21 / M / Amegakure
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Posted 2/7/13
No.. You cut them out of your life as you would with a tumor.
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20 / M / Delaware
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Posted 2/7/13
I doubt it's a good thing unless you have a child together or close family ties. Other than that, I wouldn't force it.
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25 / M / Bonne Lake, WA
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Posted 2/7/13

choieraebin wrote:


metalsmith wrote:


choieraebin wrote:


metalsmith wrote:

lol so many young people saying it can't work, and older people saying it can.


I think you can if you are able to accept that you just weren't right for eachother without blaming one another for why you weren't.

i suppose I'm saying mature people can :D


But i've always thought i was mature enough. Can i change my mind and say OH HELL YES WE CAN BE FRIENDS? would that make me look mature? :P


Ofcoarse! after all, it's the internets!

I mean, do you actually believe it? As a personal question you'd ask yourself that is. It really makes little difference whether you agree or not :D

I'm just sayin, if you based a relationship on how great the sex is, you aren't very mature, in my opinion.


what i believe is, staying with your ex would cause you pain specially if she fell inlove with someone else and you know, when they do the little things you guys used to do and she enjoy it more than she did with you and shit. Make it even worse, if she talked to you about it. Now that is pain because there's no way that you could say that you don't have one bit feelings for her right? I mean, you are with her all the time if you are friends. Its not really about how great the sex is but the fact that it will kill you inside slowly well unless you are heartless and you didnt love her at all then oh well YES we can be friends.


The trick is that it's not about you and how you feel, at least not for them. If you are happy when your friends are happy, there is no reason you can't listen to the same things that you said would be painful and be happy about them. You always need time to heal up after something, and if it still hurts, you haven't really healed up.

Maybe I'm fortunate in that I know that I love my friends as well as anyone in that sense. It may take some time, but it's possible to be friends with a person, as long as you can stop thinking of them as someone that used to be yours, and thinking of it as a loss. Again, this is terrifically hard to do, and generally is a good sign of maturity.

That's not to say that you SHOULD be friends with all your previous significant others.
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21 / F / In My imagination.
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Posted 2/8/13


Friends are different. You cant call a girl that sucked your lollipop and had sex with you atleast three times a day a friend after a break up because seriously that is real wrong. Think about it, if you are fine with it, what if the girl herself is a sick bitch? like she would be jealous of that girl you know, she would do whatever she could to make you jealous she may even haunt you in your dreams and turn them into nightmares and shit females usually do even if they are not sick in the head at some point they can be. It will be painful for her i bet.
"OMG IM MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN HER UH WTF"

and I think now, everyone is mature its just depends on how you feel towards that ex. Uh i'm so mature
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23 / M / Maryland
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Posted 2/8/13
Generally I think its a terrible idea to stay friends with anyone you were in a long term relationship with(like 5 or 6 months plus), If you casually date someone for a couple months its more likely to be less awkward later. I know if I'm interested in a girl and shes getting texts or hanging out with her ex of insert years that someone is clearly not over things whether they let on or not. I know I'd feel insecure as hell if my gf went to a longeterm ex with her problems cause they're like "best friends". Basically its hard for me to feel like a girl is committed to me if shes keeping around a guy she was with for years longer than she has been with me. I think I'd feel bad for me and the ex as I'd feel like one of us was just being kept around as a backup while she tested out something new or old.

I'll add that I've never seen friends with exes work out before unless they both hangout in the same social sircle and it was very casual. If it was serious then generally one finds a new social circle and keeps their closest friends from the old one.
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28 / M
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Posted 2/8/13
RUN AWAY!!!!!!
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24 / M / san jose, Ca
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Posted 2/8/13
it has to depend on the situation. if you and your ex broke up on bad terms then yea it would be a bad idea. It just depends on who it is, if its an ex that you have feelings for but still want to talk to them, then that is a bad idea. Basically people are fooling themselves thinking that them and their ex's might one day reconnect or something. Its really hard to just go back to friends its never simple. Also it's ruining any chances of finding some one else since they might still have lingering feelings. In my case, i had to stop talking to most girls cause of the fact of how many guy friends they had and how many ex's they still talked to also there were more then a few ex's in there. Most girls think its normal to have more guy friends then female friends but to "us" guys it says whole lot more about the person in not in a good way.
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Posted 2/8/13

BearSol wrote:

Are you separating via cheating or bigotry? Not understanding why you can be friends before not after. They're the same person, just tired of being in a relationship with you or vice versa. Get over yourself.

I once dated a girl off an on for 3 years, broke up, got back together a couple times, but always stayed friends. Why? The same reason we hooked up. We enjoyed each other's company. It's only awkward if you make it that way.



Dakaiya wrote:

I recently broke up with my ex, but we are still friends right now ._.
I guess us being friends for over two years before we started dating kinda helps at that, but Honestly we both figure ourselves mature enough to understand why our relationship failed, understand we aren't getting back together, and figure theres nothing wrong with being just friends.



BlissfulKitsune wrote:

I say from personal experience that it only works out well when you both were friends before dating, breakup on mutual terms, the person who wanted to break up done decides to want to keep being friends and keep talking.


We seem to be getting somewhere with this. I think it's totally possible.

I'm friends with my ex. She's dating a close friend of mine. My friends came over last weekend to play halo and watch movies. Both of them came. We all had fun. Maybe a little awkwardness, but no hostile feelings of any kind.

I think that it depends on what kind of relationship you have. Is it simply sexual/eros/romance/ren'ai or does it involve "friendship" as well. Do you "love" them as oppose to "infatuation" or "lust." The A - A form of love when viewed with TA (transactional analysis). If you're friends with the person you're dating then if you break up with that person them it's very easy, maybe even natural, for the two of you to stay friends. Unless you did horrible things to each other that will make even friends break up.
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