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Why do girls hold grudges for so long?
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22 / M / Louisiana
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Posted 12/20/12

rima wrote:

I don't think a certain gender holds more grudges then the other. Both genders hold grudges. I think its more of a question what type of personality and life experience a person has that may cause them to hold grudges versus someone else.


I fully agree with you.
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23 / F / Rapture
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Posted 12/20/12

ZeroElectric wrote:


rima wrote:

I don't think a certain gender holds more grudges then the other. Both genders hold grudges. I think its more of a question what type of personality and life experience a person has that may cause them to hold grudges versus someone else.


I fully agree with you.


^ I agree with you both and I'm diggin the triforce, just sayin
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Posted 12/21/12
I really hate when people say it's only girls who do something.. double standard much? When a guy does something, it's okay. But if a girl does the same thing, it's wrong.

Like if a guy sleeps around, everyone thinks he's cool stuff. A girl sleeps around, she's made fun of and called a whore. >_>
Posted 12/21/12
Eh.
I get over it after a month.
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21 / M
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Posted 12/21/12
^^ Go back to the kitchen.

Jk!

Yes, double standards, uhh, hypocrisy, hmm, yeah.
Posted 12/21/12
Not every girl holds a grudge. Definitely not me
kunino 
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21 / M / Somerset, UK
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Posted 12/21/12
It varies hugely by person. Most of the women I know will, far from holding a grudge, get over any petty slights within a few hours at most. Certainly, by the next day all is forgiven (or at least forgotten).
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24 / F / NY
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Posted 12/21/12
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24 / F / NY
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Posted 12/21/12
I am still holding a grudge on two "former" friends - a best friend and a "good" friend. We stopped being friends already for over a year. But one of them really broke my trust and went behind my back. And my "best friend" is so stubborn that she can't understand why she was being a terrible friend to me. And also because of jealously reasons which I can't do anything about since she wasn't willing to be reasonable.

Not I particularly wish anything bad to happen to them - but I'll never be friends with them again.

And once someone I loved betrayed my trust - I could never trust/love them again.

That's just how I am. It's not a "female" thing it's a "Denmi-Sama" phenomenon.
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47 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 12/21/12

xCelestialMoon wrote:

I really hate when people say it's only girls who do something.. double standard much? When a guy does something, it's okay. But if a girl does the same thing, it's wrong.

Like if a guy sleeps around, everyone thinks he's cool stuff. A girl sleeps around, she's made fun of and called a whore. >_>


Unfortunately those double standards cut both ways. Only men cheat, only white males are racist sexist pigs etc.

the whole promiscuity issue is almost a topic in itself and I won't address it here is the the topic is Grudges, not gender inequality.

I think men and women are equally capable of holding grudges but there seem (in the subcultures I've lived in anyway) to be different cultural expectations that unfortunately, most of us live down to.

the expectation in a largely male workplace is that everything is upfront. if you do something behind someone's back you're seen as weasly, cowardly, unmanly. The expectation is that when you have a problem with someone you get in their face about it, They get in yours, fists may even fly, but after it's over it's settled. "here have a beer on me". -- This expectation proves false as often as not but that is the paradigm.

From working 14 years as nurse in a largely female dominated workplace I can tell you that the expected/common behaviour is not as above.

Grudges do get held, allies get sought while the other party isn't looking 'did you hear what so and so said to me? I don't think WE should stand for it'. and when the fight does break out EVERY sin ever commited by either party against the other in the last (god knows how many) years is brought into the argument. (sometimes starting side arguments)

This has been my experience call me sexist. (I don't think I am) if you will.
Call my sample small and poor (I won't argue that, I'm just one person from one culture with a limited set of jobs that I've worked at)

But it remains my experience.

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47 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 12/21/12

Denmi-Sama wrote:

I am still holding a grudge on two "former" friends - a best friend and a "good" friend. We stopped being friends already for over a year. But one of them really broke my trust and went behind my back. And my "best friend" is so stubborn that she can't understand why she was being a terrible friend to me. And also because of jealously reasons which I can't do anything about since she wasn't willing to be reasonable.

Not I particularly wish anything bad to happen to them - but I'll never be friends with them again.

And once someone I loved betrayed my trust - I could never trust/love them again.

That's just how I am. It's not a "female" thing it's a "Denmi-Sama" phenomenon.


I think there's a difference, perhaps a fine one, between holding a grudge, and refusing to be fooled twice.

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24 / F / NY
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Posted 12/21/12

papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Denmi-Sama wrote:

I am still holding a grudge on two "former" friends - a best friend and a "good" friend. We stopped being friends already for over a year. But one of them really broke my trust and went behind my back. And my "best friend" is so stubborn that she can't understand why she was being a terrible friend to me. And also because of jealously reasons which I can't do anything about since she wasn't willing to be reasonable.

Not I particularly wish anything bad to happen to them - but I'll never be friends with them again.

And once someone I loved betrayed my trust - I could never trust/love them again.

That's just how I am. It's not a "female" thing it's a "Denmi-Sama" phenomenon.


I think there's a difference, perhaps a fine one, between holding a grudge, and refusing to be fooled twice.



Well, how would you define grudge?

I mean I resent them still. I could have easily forgive and forget and even still be friends with one of them (lol never the "good" friend). But I'm choosing not to associate myself to them. And even now I'm still hurt by what they did to me.

But in cases of little things - I generally just forget. I don't like to stay mad at people especially if they're not worth my time anyway.
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47 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 12/21/12

Denmi-Sama wrote:


papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Denmi-Sama wrote:

I am still holding a grudge on two "former" friends - a best friend and a "good" friend. We stopped being friends already for over a year. But one of them really broke my trust and went behind my back. And my "best friend" is so stubborn that she can't understand why she was being a terrible friend to me. And also because of jealously reasons which I can't do anything about since she wasn't willing to be reasonable.

Not I particularly wish anything bad to happen to them - but I'll never be friends with them again.

And once someone I loved betrayed my trust - I could never trust/love them again.

That's just how I am. It's not a "female" thing it's a "Denmi-Sama" phenomenon.


I think there's a difference, perhaps a fine one, between holding a grudge, and refusing to be fooled twice.



Well, how would you define grudge?

I mean I resent them still. I could have easily forgive and forget and even still be friends with one of them (lol never the "good" friend). But I'm choosing not to associate myself to them. And even now I'm still hurt by what they did to me.

But in cases of little things - I generally just forget. I don't like to stay mad at people especially if they're not worth my time anyway.


I don't really call that grudge. For me a grudge is a constant seething resentment of a person for a sin (or catalogue of sins) that have never been forgiven and certainly not forgotten. Or at least it is behaviour consistent with that sort of feeling.

If your reaction is to more or less wish them happy life FAR from your own. Then I'd hardly call that a grudge.

Being unwilling to be betrayed twice, or to deal with someone's shit when they've proven they're not worth your time is not a grudge.


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24 / F / NY
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Posted 12/21/12

papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Denmi-Sama wrote:


papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Denmi-Sama wrote:

I am still holding a grudge on two "former" friends - a best friend and a "good" friend. We stopped being friends already for over a year. But one of them really broke my trust and went behind my back. And my "best friend" is so stubborn that she can't understand why she was being a terrible friend to me. And also because of jealously reasons which I can't do anything about since she wasn't willing to be reasonable.

Not I particularly wish anything bad to happen to them - but I'll never be friends with them again.

And once someone I loved betrayed my trust - I could never trust/love them again.

That's just how I am. It's not a "female" thing it's a "Denmi-Sama" phenomenon.


I think there's a difference, perhaps a fine one, between holding a grudge, and refusing to be fooled twice.



Well, how would you define grudge?

I mean I resent them still. I could have easily forgive and forget and even still be friends with one of them (lol never the "good" friend). But I'm choosing not to associate myself to them. And even now I'm still hurt by what they did to me.

But in cases of little things - I generally just forget. I don't like to stay mad at people especially if they're not worth my time anyway.


I don't really call that grudge. For me a grudge is a constant seething resentment of a person for a sin (or catalogue of sins) that have never been forgiven and certainly not forgotten. Or at least it is behaviour consistent with that sort of feeling.

If your reaction is to more or less wish them happy life FAR from your own. Then I'd hardly call that a grudge.

Being unwilling to be betrayed twice, or to deal with someone's shit when they've proven they're not worth your time is not a grudge.




LOL I don't wish them a happy life. I just don't wish for anything BAD.

Well then okay - apparently I don't hold grudges.

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Posted 12/21/12
i have too of a bad memory to hold grudges =D
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