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Why do Woman like mean guys? what makes bad good?
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Posted 12/20/12
Why do womqn fall for @$$ holes who some times Cheat on them or Hit them ? who treat them bad with little respect But there drawn to them This is a mysterie, that can boggle ones mind or clear it up, is it simple or more compacted Why do they, give up, pass on, cheat on or treat nice guys bad or treated like a simple friend and even loser..... What would make a @$$ holes not attractive and a nice guy more attractive open your minds and or Hearts be honest men and woman what do you think, why and what is a @$$ hole or nice guy is your personal definition do you think its the same as guys going for mean girls is it mostly looks, or have to do with looks I Dont think that tobe only it for exsample take 2 really hot guys one a @$$ the other a nice guy lets make them twinns who do you pick? are aholes hotter than nice guys in witch being hot made them that way @$$holes OR Nice guys your pick what makes bad good and what makes good bad
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Posted 12/20/12
Because most nice guys are spineless pussies.
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Posted 12/20/12 , edited 12/20/12
So. I think there are a few misconceptions going on here.

FIRST, you assume that people on some level are drawn to jerks (this is weird as nobody would actually say "Hey, I really want to be in an abusive/bad relationship" without being suspect of needing serious mental help).

SECOND, you assume that the "nice guys" that are being overlooked are 1) actually desirable people and 2) are actually being clear about their intentions in a relationship.


In reality, it is not the "meanness" of a person that makes them desirable. It is not the fact that they are likely to cheat or that they are physically abusive. Those relationships, and those people that do those things, are acting cruelly and I think we can generally all agree that they are making mistakes in how they pursue their relationships. In many ways, however, those bad guys are similar to the "good guys" that you are (probably) talking about.

The reason that many of the people who get the girl (or guy, whatever) may seem to be jerks is because of some sort of arrogance in their attitude. Some sort of cockiness. It is, in many cases, that cockiness and self assured-ness that makes them desirable: at the start of a relationship they know what they want, they make it obvious to the person they want and aren't afraid to reach out and grab it.

Nice guys, on the other hand, I am going to assume believe that a relationship must be grounded in friendship. And your partner should, certainly, be one of your best friends and greatest cheerleaders. But, where many nice guys go wrong is by being too timid. Usually (and to a certain extent I am speaking from experience) it is terribly frightening to put yourself out there and face rejection, especially from someone you've created a great friendship with. That fear causes a lack of action, which to your potential loved one is read as a disinterest, not to mention how unattractive (sexually and romantically) a complete coward is. If you (or some good guy in general) wants to be with another person, there is nothing creating a barrier other than some mental construct that is usually completely contrived and unimportant.

So, we can return to your example of the twins. Exactly identical. One is headstrong, kind of boorish, and incredibly selfish but is also incredibly forward and unafraid to put himself out there. The other is incredibly nice and completely loyal, but is either too afraid of rejection to make a move or is "too considerate" of some girl's feelings to be clear about his desires for a relationship with her. The complete jerk brother will make moves romantically while the friend brother won't, and even if the girl knows/likes the nice brother more, she has absolutely no way of knowing that nice guy's feelings for her because he was too stupid to make it clear.

So, the good guys are not being honest about their feelings (unless they finally are, at which point it is confusing because they have seemed to have so little interest for so long) and the bad guys, who we can't know are bad until we get to know them, are straightforward and honest about their attraction to another. The bad guy, who we don't know is actually bad until weeks, months, or years later, makes the girl feel good now, and the good guy who is loyal to a fault and incredibly friendly cannot or will not give the apple of their eye the attention they deserve right now. That is usually the problem.

Not all guys that get girls are bad guys though, so this post was a little overly long for really no reason. Though I do understand where your frustration may be coming from.

Also, sometimes people are just very superficial and won't give others the time of day regardless of how nice or mean they are. Being assertive in pursuing relationships won't make you successful, but it doesn't hurt to be up front about what you want or expect from a person in regards to a relationship. The sooner you make it clear that you want a relationship to be romantic so that you can be accepted or rejected and then move onward, the better.

Not that I think you were asking for relationship advice. It is also true for characters in stories, if you pay attention to the details. Often when we have a hero with a love interest he will be too preoccupied with petty things to just do what he needs to do to get her.

tl;dr:

haikinka wrote:

Because most nice guys are spineless pussies.

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Posted 12/20/12 , edited 12/20/12
I'm hardly the person to go to on this topic, but if I had to hazard a guess i'd say it's because a lot of so called "nice guys" aren't nearly as nice as they think they are. A lot of the time guys who think they of themselves as nice guys are only being nice in the hopes of getting something out of it.

While this obviously isn't going to be true for all nice guys from my experience about half the guys who make that claim are only doing it because they think it'll get them a girlfriend/laid. That's not being nice, that's being manipulative.

And yeah, most nice guys expect a woman to fall into their lap and lack the balls to make a move while most dicks are confident and clear in their intent.
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Posted 12/20/12
Also, Pomff is correct about this. Didn't think to mention that part of it in my post until it was already too long.
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100 / M / in the underworld...
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Posted 12/20/12

Pomff wrote:

I'm hardly the person to go to on this topic, but if I had to hazard a guess i'd say it's because a lot of so called "nice guys" aren't nearly as nice as they think they are. A lot of the time guys who think they of themselves as nice guys are only being nice in the hopes of getting something out of it.

While this obviously isn't going to be true for all nice guys from my experience about half the guys who make that claim are only doing it because they think it'll get them a girlfriend/laid. That's not being nice, that's being manipulative.

And yeah, most nice guys expect a woman to fall into their lap and lack the balls to make a move while most dicks are confident and clear in their intent.

am not talking badboys here
you guys are getting the definition of dicks wrong, ahole , uses them some 4 sex and pushes for sex faster, is controlling verbally abusive cases, thinks of them selfs first cheats on lies and says i love you and not mean it hides his feelings even he has some for her that is and dumps her if some thing better comes along. many but not all are attracted to thoughs traits a nice guy tells and shows he cares, he dosnt cheat hes not verbally abusive and wont push sex will wait tell she is ready most guys who who make a declaration that there a nice guy and be a dick them in many some women feel some mean can be to nice, a nice guy will declaration make of how he feels, its true 80% of nice guys are shy but not all. you said that nice guys are not as nice as they claim well then there just a dick in disguise but then he would get the girl.
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38 / M / Utah
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Posted 12/20/12
men are drawn to youth and beauty, women are drawn to wealth and power. Jerks are usually those men who exercise power. Hence they're the ones women are drawn to.
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Posted 12/20/12 , edited 12/20/12

Pwnedxx0r wrote:

So. I think there are a few misconceptions going on here.

FIRST, you assume that people on some level are drawn to jerks (this is weird as nobody would actually say "Hey, I really want to be in an abusive/bad relationship" without being suspect of needing serious mental help).

SECOND, you assume that the "nice guys" that are being overlooked are 1) actually desirable people and 2) are actually being clear about their intentions in a relationship.


In reality, it is not the "meanness" of a person that makes them desirable. It is not the fact that they are likely to cheat or that they are physically abusive. Those relationships, and those people that do those things, are acting cruelly and I think we can generally all agree that they are making mistakes in how they pursue their relationships. In many ways, however, those bad guys are similar to the "good guys" that you are (probably) talking about.

The reason that many of the people who get the girl (or guy, whatever) may seem to be jerks is because of some sort of arrogance in their attitude. Some sort of cockiness. It is, in many cases, that cockiness and self assured-ness that makes them desirable: at the start of a relationship they know what they want, they make it obvious to the person they want and aren't afraid to reach out and grab it.

Nice guys, on the other hand, I am going to assume believe that a relationship must be grounded in friendship. And your partner should, certainly, be one of your best friends and greatest cheerleaders. But, where many nice guys go wrong is by being too timid. Usually (and to a certain extent I am speaking from experience) it is terribly frightening to put yourself out there and face rejection, especially from someone you've created a great friendship with. That fear causes a lack of action, which to your potential loved one is read as a disinterest, not to mention how unattractive (sexually and romantically) a complete coward is. If you (or some good guy in general) wants to be with another person, there is nothing creating a barrier other than some mental construct that is usually completely contrived and unimportant.

So, we can return to your example of the twins. Exactly identical. One is headstrong, kind of boorish, and incredibly selfish but is also incredibly forward and unafraid to put himself out there. The other is incredibly nice and completely loyal, but is either too afraid of rejection to make a move or is "too considerate" of some girl's feelings to be clear about his desires for a relationship with her. The complete jerk brother will make moves romantically while the friend brother won't, and even if the girl knows/likes the nice brother more, she has absolutely no way of knowing that nice guy's feelings for her because he was too stupid to make it clear.

So, the good guys are not being honest about their feelings (unless they finally are, at which point it is confusing because they have seemed to have so little interest for so long) and the bad guys, who we can't know are bad until we get to know them, are straightforward and honest about their attraction to another. The bad guy, who we don't know is actually bad until weeks, months, or years later, makes the girl feel good now, and the good guy who is loyal to a fault and incredibly friendly cannot or will not give the apple of their eye the attention they deserve right now. That is usually the problem.

Not all guys that get girls are bad guys though, so this post was a little overly long for really no reason. Though I do understand where your frustration may be coming from.

Also, sometimes people are just very superficial and won't give others the time of day regardless of how nice or mean they are. Being assertive in pursuing relationships won't make you successful, but it doesn't hurt to be up front about what you want or expect from a person in regards to a relationship. The sooner you make it clear that you want a relationship to be romantic so that you can be accepted or rejected and then move onward, the better.

Not that I think you were asking for relationship advice. It is also true for characters in stories, if you pay attention to the details. Often when we have a hero with a love interest he will be too preoccupied with petty things to just do what he needs to do to get her.

tl;dr:

haikinka wrote:

Because most nice guys are spineless pussies.



am not talking so much personality traits rather actions most of what you classed is a bad boy witch can be a nice guy or dick your an intelligent person not all nice guys lack conferdence and not all @ssholes bair confedence, read talking about why are women attracted to men who dont care about them, who ,cheat who use them for sex who are verbally abusive who dont care much for them who is mean to outhers and some cases hit them. I studyed this for years i cant fully say am 1 or the other but for i have cheated on an ex 1 but am never mean, most of my cloae friends are girls some answers were beacuse nice guys well were to nice that it wasn't exsighting that they had too much feelings for them to soft woman claim they want to know a guys feelings but when shown its unattractive. and yes many woman seek out jerks. i think we got badboy and dick mixed up ............................... ................ ...... ....... ---- ----- ---- ----- _____ _____ ---- --- - defeniton of a nice guyhttp://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice%20guy defeniton of a dick http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jerk you right about nice guy mostly and they do want to base it on friendship and not sex
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17 / M / Tórshavn
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Posted 12/20/12
Nice guys finish last.. xD

I don't think that a woman tries to get together with a jerk, I mean who would -.- But I think it might have something to do with confidence, for me, I'm a nice guy, shy, and near to almost none confidence -.- So I wouldn't come up to you and talk to you just out of nowhere, that's probably where the problem lays. Where on the other hand, a guy with confidence and not shy, would have no problem doing that, now I'm not saying that most people with much confidence in themselves are jerks, but those that go overboard and begin to have this massive Ego, that's when they probably start to become jerks.

But that's just my opinion, I'm not a person that study's humans. xD
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Posted 12/20/12


Do you really need a rainbow of colors to post? :|
Not to mention all the "@$$" etc -.-



Not gonna bother reading yours, instead I read some wonderful replies and have the gist of it without giving myself a headache and can agree with almost all of the posts. You seem incredibly pissed that someone picked someone else instead of you, which seems like you were intent that you were "entitled" to them.
It's their choice, the fact that you're pissed enough to make 2 different threads about it shows that you're farrrrrrr too upset by it.
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Posted 12/20/12
part of it is culture. Men are always expected to make the first move.
but the game is all about confidence and playing the odds. ask enough girls and one will eventually say yes.
other than that, yeah what everyone else said.
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 12/20/12
Another stereotypical statement. Have you actually tallied up everyone's relationship and then figure out who's a bad guy that's been treating their girlfriend badly?

How do you know if these supposedly "bad guys" aren't just bad in your opinion, but they're good in the eyes of the woman?

What if these bad guys are actually nice on the inside but they're just mean on the outside?

Personally, I prefer someone who shows their true colours rather than someone who pretends to be nice in front of others but is really twisted inside.
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21 / M / Florida
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Posted 12/20/12 , edited 12/20/12
As a self-proclaimed "Nice Guy" I can see what you're talking about. But you're assuming too many things (With WAY too many colors). Not all guys who are getting girls are mean/badass/jerks...they just have more confidence. I believe that most women find confidence attractive (correct me if I'm wrong ladies), and nice guys like myself are too shy to display that sort of confidence, especially to strangers. The only line I could possibly come up with on the spot (from my nerves destroying my brain at that point in time and producing a total blank) is one of the cheesiest lines ever invented "How much does a polar bear weight? ...Enough to break the ice" and damn, that sort of cheesiness is definitely not something most women are looking for lol.

But overall, most the people before me are right. I believe it's a matter of confidence, and not all confident people turn to jerks (some do, but most don't).

Plus, if any of those guys are like me, they're most likely push-overs and the rugs of civilization. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's certainly not a good thing either.Me personally? I take pride in the fact that I'm a naturally nice person (I'm not trying to flatter myself, I really am a nice person), but it also means that we get the end of the rope when it comes to many things.
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Posted 12/20/12

MikiSayaka wrote:



Do you really need a rainbow of colors to post? :|
Not to mention all the "@$$" etc -.-



Not gonna bother reading yours, instead I read some wonderful replies and have the gist of it without giving myself a headache and can agree with almost all of the posts. You seem incredibly pissed that someone picked someone else instead of you, which seems like you were intent that you were "entitled" to them.
It's their choice, the fact that you're pissed enough to make 2 different threads about it shows that you're farrrrrrr too upset by it.


Lol you got that wrong because you didnt read the post, its a question to seek wisdom. Why do girls pick men who use them 4 sex, my friends are classified as nice guys me sort of but my best friends wife left him for a dick and thats why i wonder. you should of read the post before you judged or jumped to conclusions I would not be mad if some one picked me over some one else that means its not ment to be and would be there loss what i wanted to know is why woman choice guys who treat them bad, use them for sex and controling over the one who treats her right dosnt just want sex
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Posted 12/20/12

darkangel09rose wrote:


MikiSayaka wrote:



Do you really need a rainbow of colors to post? :|
Not to mention all the "@$$" etc -.-



Not gonna bother reading yours, instead I read some wonderful replies and have the gist of it without giving myself a headache and can agree with almost all of the posts. You seem incredibly pissed that someone picked someone else instead of you, which seems like you were intent that you were "entitled" to them.
It's their choice, the fact that you're pissed enough to make 2 different threads about it shows that you're farrrrrrr too upset by it.


Lol you got that wrong because you didnt read the post, its a question to seek wisdom. Why do girls pick men who use them 4 sex, my friends are classified as nice guys me sort of but my best friends wife left him for a dick and thats why i wonder. you should of read the post before you judged or jumped to conclusions I would not be mad if some one picked me over some one else that means its not ment to be and would be there loss what i wanted to know is why woman choice guys who treat them bad, use them for sex and controling over the one who treats her right dosnt just want sex


Well, most of the other posts still got that nailed.
Confidence & assertion right off the bat.
It's why I'm still single, I lack both. I know and understand this, and accept it. I just suck at it. :)
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