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Why do Woman like mean guys? what makes bad good?
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Posted 12/20/12

savannahbeme wrote:

Most of us accept the love we think we deserve. Plus when we were little, our parents always told us if a boy picks on you or is mean to you, he likes you. I guess that never left some of our minds.





papagolfwhiskey wrote:


savannahbeme wrote:

Most of us accept the love we think we deserve. Plus when we were little, our parents always told us if a boy picks on you or is mean to you, he likes you. I guess that never left some of our minds.


Funny, we were told the same thing about girls.






DeathEater114 wrote:

I suppose because women want to feel protected; and "Bad guys" seem more powerful in that sense.
Women do tend to fall for the dominant men. Men who take charge, but only to a certain extent of course.
Also, I've noticed women fall a lot for "bad guys" because they want to discover another side to him. To see if his "bad boy" personality, is not all there is to him.


vary good, answerd why
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Posted 12/20/12
I cant speak for all women but i have the type of personality where If a guy is passive ill eat them alive and not think twice about it but the type of guys i like are rough and i guess you could say they're but holes but they match my personality and i just wanna take care of them for some reason I think bad guys bring out the maternal instinct in women.
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Posted 12/20/12

SammiexShikari wrote:

I cant speak for all women but i have the type of personality where If a guy is passive ill eat them alive and not think twice about it but the type of guys i like are rough and i guess you could say they're but holes but they match my personality and i just wanna take care of them for some reason I think bad guys bring out the maternal instinct in women.


lol so true though
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Posted 12/20/12

diodrin wrote:

Sweet Dreams are made of these.
Who am I to disagree
I traveled the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused.


Exactly this! Eurythmics had clearly been in the same situation, but as the lyrics also say : Hold your head up, Keep your head up, Moving On

Nothing you or we can do about it, some people will keep trying their luck forever, some will just give up and wait for the right chance if any(like i would)

Being in a relationsship and building on it just isnt something thats highly valued in todays society, i for one know that being clear and assertive gets you somewhere because you try to pursue something, while some do it for just the enjoyment of this, people are hurt and those people who does that are called jerks, but in the end are they really jerks just because they dont share the same level of loyalty or something else that other people have?

Im a nice guy, but i've also been told that i'd become a bore in the relationsship simply because i wanted my own space, didnt do enough for her or the relationsship, and just generally took care of "major issues" like they were nothing (in my mind they really were nothing while she made a huge deal outta it) ofcourse i tried to get her to find a middle ground or something, but in the end because i simply didnt care enough for that issue it was as if i didnt care about her at all. In other words our perceptions of the relationsship was totally different so we broke up simple really

Now you prolly think how does this relate to people leaving nice guys for bad guys? well she ended up dating this total idiot which i knew beforehand aswell, he was fine in some regards but all in all, all he would / could do was do shit and bring presents and shit home trying to fix things, which didnt work because he didnt see the big infringement that he caused, and when she ofcourse wouldnt accept the apology just like that, he ended up the way you describe, now why did he do that? simply because he didnt know what else to do.

He was one of my friends good friends when i got to know him and he had a gf at that time where he simply just began bashing the shit outta her simply because she had done something he didnt agree off and the worst part, it was going to watch a movie with her friends (and there was 1 dude and like 3-4girls), some of my friends thought or knew that this dude had a crush on his gf, so jealousy triggered this one, and he started arguing but as there didnt happen anything she couldnt explain anything. In the end his response was what i so finely described Its a primal instinct in our reptile brains or w/e its called, it has 3 functions which is : Fight, Run or "roll over" / freeze

Assertive people can be nice aswell, dont think they cant

Also personally i've slapped the heck outta mean girls aka bitches, and no i dont do whiteknighting and all that shiz, women want equal rights? they got it, so mean girls for me is just punching bags ^^'

In the end : EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT! Even if you find a nice person to be with, it might become like my example with my ex, we didnt cheat on eachother, we didnt fight all that much ( some ofcourse, you should its healthy LOL ), all in all we had a great time in that period when we were together.

Also one could argue that some women do it for the danger fact etc etc, im not really sure apart from that women usually dont see males liking them if they only talk naturally without making any comments in any regard or fashion maybe subtly hinting at what they want, women are idiots, men are idiots ^^ Although its for the better, if we were all-knowing it'd be boring

Also SORRY FOR WALL OF TEXT AND NO tl;dr
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Posted 12/20/12
I agree with Pwnedxx0r and especially Pomff. All us "Nice guys" need to do some real introspection. Being a nice guy doesn't put you on some pedestal, or mean the world owes you anything. If you're not nice simply for the sake of being nice, without wanting anything in return, then you're not as nice as you thought. All you've managed to do is perverse generosity and decency for your own goals. Being nice doesn't prevent you from being shit on - all you can hope is that if at least one person is nice, the world is a little better for it.

As for your friend's wife, relationships are tricky things. When things stagnate, the negative aspects of the relationship ferment, people start craving something different, even if it's bad for them. And if it's not dealt with right away, it causes rifts in the relationship that aren't easy to fix. By then, there's usually not much left to fix. So you move on to another adventure. And there's not much to be done to help it, once that candle blows out it won't turn back on. It takes a very special kind of chemistry, and a very gentle balance, for things to last forever.

Why the asshole? Who knows. Maybe because it's so completely different from your friend. Maybe because the asshole's assertiveness was attractive to her. Maybe her father was a dick, and all she saw of relationships was her dickish father and subservient mother, and subconsciously she is trying to emulate the only real example she had as a child. Maybe the dick's great in bed and she's learned and grown bored of all your friend's tricks by now. There are as many reasons for choosing bad partners as there are stars in the sky.

Here's a protip : You'll probably be in more bad relationships than good ones. Also, it doesn't take an abusive partner for an abusive or unhealthy relationship, sometimes the dynamics just don't work out. And people change, so with their fluid nature, good things can rot.

The only thing I can suggest is for your friend to find himself, and learn that he doesn't need anybody else to live. It takes a while to stand on your own feet again, after a bad breakup, but it's the best thing to do. There's no point lingering in despair trying to get her back or understand where things went wrong - There's too much and it's too easy to be overwhelmed. He needs to focus on himself, on making himself strong emotionally again, patching up the holes and, more importantly, live with himself. If he lost touch with friends, now's the time to reconnect with them. Whereas he could depend on one person entirely for his emotional vulnerabilities and social needs, now he'll need to depend on a network of people.
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Posted 12/20/12
"While this obviously isn't going to be true for all nice guys from my experience about half the guys who make that claim are only doing it because they think it'll get them a girlfriend/laid. That's not being nice, that's being manipulative."

While I agree with the first sentence, the second one not so much. How is manipulation bad, if used in a morally positive way. and how is getting a girlfriend/laid a negative thing. Also couldn't a guy, if only interested in getting laid, get sexual release other ways, like strippers or whatever...escorts
Last thing, aren't mean guys the same as nice guys, both want gf/sex, they just go about it differently.
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Posted 12/20/12

pandrasb wrote:

"While this obviously isn't going to be true for all nice guys from my experience about half the guys who make that claim are only doing it because they think it'll get them a girlfriend/laid. That's not being nice, that's being manipulative."

While I agree with the first sentence, the second one not so much. How is manipulation bad, if used in a morally positive way. and how is getting a girlfriend/laid a negative thing. Also couldn't a guy, if only interested in getting laid, get sexual release other ways, like strippers or whatever...escorts
Last thing, aren't mean guys the same as nice guys, both want gf/sex, they just go about it differently.


Healthy relationships are built on trust. Lying before you've even started a relationship is not likely to lead anywhere good. Besides that, it's a slippery slope; if you manipulate someone to start a relationship, what's to say you wont continue? Manipulation is a sign of an emotionally abusive relationship, at which point, congrats, you've become what you were trying to 'protect' the other person from.
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Posted 12/20/12 , edited 12/20/12

sillyriri wrote:


pandrasb wrote:

"While this obviously isn't going to be true for all nice guys from my experience about half the guys who make that claim are only doing it because they think it'll get them a girlfriend/laid. That's not being nice, that's being manipulative."

While I agree with the first sentence, the second one not so much. How is manipulation bad, if used in a morally positive way. and how is getting a girlfriend/laid a negative thing. Also couldn't a guy, if only interested in getting laid, get sexual release other ways, like strippers or whatever...escorts
Last thing, aren't mean guys the same as nice guys, both want gf/sex, they just go about it differently.


Healthy relationships are built on trust. Lying before you've even started a relationship is not likely to lead anywhere good. Besides that, it's a slippery slope; if you manipulate someone to start a relationship, what's to say you wont continue? Manipulation is a sign of an emotionally abusive relationship, at which point, congrats, you've become what you were trying to 'protect' the other person from.


I agree with you there, trust builds good relationships, so I take it back, manipulation is bad

However... everything else stands and the way that a nice guy goes about getting a girlfriend or sex is not negative, just unassertive
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Posted 12/20/12
They don't. Not the smart ones anyway.
Crunchyroll Community Manager
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24 / F / San Francisco
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Posted 12/20/12
I guess I like "mean" guys because I'm so damn mean myself.

I mean, 90% of guys will let a woman walk all over them (especially an intimidating woman) and that is NOT attractive. Most woman just want to meet someone who can handle them ?

I don't know.

Tsundere is love. And tsundere boys are hard to come by <3
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Posted 12/20/12
It's pretty simple..it's because of maternal instinct. We think that we would be the ones to change him because we're somehow special. It's irrational but it's mostly the way it is in my opinion anyway.
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Posted 12/20/12

darkangel09rose wrote:

mhibicke wrote:
Getting into an abusive relationship is easy (they start out nice); getting out can be more difficult, especially for a woman who believes she deserves to be treated badly or confuses being monopolized with being loved. Abusers will stalk their women, threaten her friends and family, make a scene at her work or make her chronically late so that she can't keep a job, take and hide her money, and wage disinformation campaigns about what an incompetent person she is.

But aren't you ten years too old to be asking this question? Aren't you really asking why this girl who allows herself to be abused won't choose you? I can tell you why - it's because you have no respect for her. Sure, she may have no respect for herself and gotten herself involved with an abusive guy, but he probably isn't always terrorizing her. Unless her child is being held hostage in his basement, she could leave him if she wanted to badly enough. What makes you so special that you can decide what she does with her life? You're really just looking down your nose at her.

...people seam to look down on good guys in anime world good guy wins...
...you top half solved what i wonderd and liked it bottom half not so much

Sorry, I had to edit your response a bit to isolate the statements to which I wanted to reply, and because I was getting a headache. I've left my earlier post in for context.

1) Sadly, life isn't like anime. In real life the most persistent guy usually wins. Also, looks, money, and bedroom skills can go a long way towards making up for a terrible personality.

2) Nice guys are universally appreciated in all cultures. However, nearly every guy considers himself to be a "good guy", but that doesn't mean that anyone else sees him that way. Truly good people are rarely surprised by the actions of the people around them because good people pay attention to what others are experiencing. Think of it like driving - everyone thinks that they are an above-average driver, and most people think that everyone else in traffic is driving like a jerk. But a truly good driver pays attention to the cars around him/her and can predict the flow of traffic, and this is actually an uncommon quality.

3) Sorry you didn't like the second part of my response, but it's the part that you should pay the most attention to. Even if you aren't trying to convince an abuse victim to leave her abuser and go out with you, she is not accountable to you for her life decisions. When you ask, "why don't you leave that a-hole?" you're really asking, "what's wrong with you, stupid?" If you care about someone who is being abused and want to help her, then give her a safe place to run to when she is ready to leave and tell her that she doesn't have the right to complain about what an a-hole he is until she really leaves him for good. She will evaluate her options and make decisions based upon what is important to her, which might be very different from what is important to you, but still her call.
mipegg 
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Posted 12/20/12

darkangel09rose wrote:


mipegg wrote:

Alot of 'nice guys' act overtly nice around a girl, its way too obvious and is totally off putting when they act in a specific way. Its obvious when someone isnt being themselves, especially if they're in some way nervous (like chatting to someone you like). Its all about practice and just relaxing, everyone has that friend of the opposite sex they've had forever, you can just chat with them about anything and be yourself. Imagine you're talking with them and just relax. Its the only way, and that goes for both sexes too





sillyriri wrote:

There are some really good posts in this thread, so I wont reiterate what's already been said, but I have something to add.

The truth is, alot of guys see any guy who is dating the girl they like as an asshole, regardless of his actual personality. There's this constant comparison going on, of "If I was with her, I wouldn't make mistakes like that" when, really, there's no way that's a sure thing. Girls do exactly the same thing, just replace 'asshole' with 'bitch'.





-Vega- wrote:

Because many women have been brainwashed by the media to like assholes.


you guys are vary right I agree its the same for both genders-- and sillyññ- agree guys can judge a guy cause he has the girl he wants as an mean guy but what if that guy is cheating bregging about it hitting them in so the woman was the 1 who told you about it then they say they wished the bf to be more like them this all is a double edged sword for nice guys can beome mean, jerks can beco me nice- mipegg what about the guys who are truly nice not a fake or poser witch makes a jerk look good and a nice guy look bad- Your right about your post just wondering about the truely nice guys not fakers - VEGA you right it plays a big role i agree i believe it dos short wisdom filled answer


Honestly? There are no truely perfectly nice people, the flaws in people is what makes them approachable. Watch 'Say I love you' here, the guy character in that initially seems perfect in every way and it makes him seem very non human and difficult to understand. Once his problems are kinda shown it becomes much easier to understand him has a character. The same is true of people
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Posted 12/20/12

mhibicke wrote:


darkangel09rose wrote:

mhibicke wrote:
Getting into an abusive relationship is easy (they start out nice); getting out can be more difficult, especially for a woman who believes she deserves to be treated badly or confuses being monopolized with being loved. Abusers will stalk their women, threaten her friends and family, make a scene at her work or make her chronically late so that she can't keep a job, take and hide her money, and wage disinformation campaigns about what an incompetent person she is.

But aren't you ten years too old to be asking this question? Aren't you really asking why this girl who allows herself to be abused won't choose you? I can tell you why - it's because you have no respect for her. Sure, she may have no respect for herself and gotten herself involved with an abusive guy, but he probably isn't always terrorizing her. Unless her child is being held hostage in his basement, she could leave him if she wanted to badly enough. What makes you so special that you can decide what she does with her life? You're really just looking down your nose at her.

...people seam to look down on good guys in anime world good guy wins...
...you top half solved what i wonderd and liked it bottom half not so much

Sorry, I had to edit your response a bit to isolate the statements to which I wanted to reply, and because I was getting a headache. I've left my earlier post in for context.

1) Sadly, life isn't like anime. In real life the most persistent guy usually wins. Also, looks, money, and bedroom skills can go a long way towards making up for a terrible personality.

2) Nice guys are universally appreciated in all cultures. However, nearly every guy considers himself to be a "good guy", but that doesn't mean that anyone else sees him that way. Truly good people are rarely surprised by the actions of the people around them because good people pay attention to what others are experiencing. Think of it like driving - everyone thinks that they are an above-average driver, and most people think that everyone else in traffic is driving like a jerk. But a truly good driver pays attention to the cars around him/her and can predict the flow of traffic, and this is actually an uncommon quality.

3) Sorry you didn't like the second part of my response, but it's the part that you should pay the most attention to. Even if you aren't trying to convince an abuse victim to leave her abuser and go out with you, she is not accountable to you for her life decisions. When you ask, "why don't you leave that a-hole?" you're really asking, "what's wrong with you, stupid?" If you care about someone who is being abused and want to help her, then give her a safe place to run to when she is ready to leave and tell her that she doesn't have the right to complain about what an a-hole he is until she really leaves him for good. She will evaluate her options and make decisions based upon what is important to her, which might be very different from what is important to you, but still her call.

your right, i guys time is a factor with a safe place at the end of the road is she needs one what do you think about if reversed the a guy picking a mean girl and a girl dosnt understand why it happens that way too
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Posted 12/20/12
Cheating is a no-no, but hitting? "LET'S DANCE!".

Maybe it's just me, but I like a guy that fights back and doesn't allow me to trample him.

I'm not attracted to pansies.

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