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Is it cheating to lead someone on?
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F / Montana US
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Posted 12/24/12
Sorry if this is a duplicate topic, but I could not find any posts about cheating that were not locked.
I have known this guy for a year and a half. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. At first, he said he wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be something more later down the road. We went on several dates in this time period, but he did not say anything else about changing the status of our relationship. Last night, I found out he has an official girlfriend...from the other woman. It has been going on for two weeks. The worst part is that I had to sit around with him and pretend I was having a good time just minutes after finding out. I confronted him about it today and he confirmed it in a matter-of-fact sort of way. I am devastated, and I feel like he cheated on me.
Is it cheating to lead someone on for a year, than not tell them you are in another relationship?
Please be nice to the people who post.
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20 / F / West Coast
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Posted 12/24/12
I wouldn't categorize it as cheating.
But. That is a pretty dick move. I'm sorry that's happened to you.
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Posted 12/24/12

VintageVengeance wrote:

I wouldn't categorize it as cheating.
But. That is a pretty dick move. I'm sorry that's happened to you.


Agreed
Posted 12/24/12 , edited 12/24/12
You've been getting to know this guy for a year and two weeks ago he got an official girlfriend?

I don't consider that as cheating on you. You may as well have been considering not making him your boyfriend while someone else is also wooing you. I'd say he was being smart but since you found out 2 weeks later and for those two weeks he continued being chummy with you, he has gotten used to using you.

Don't confront him, you'll only get an answer like, "was i supposed to tell you?" Clearly he doesn't, as far as you're concerned, you are the friend and not someone he can boast about his new girlfriend to.

Let it go and get to know other guys.
GreatS 
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Posted 12/24/12
You're probably going to hate this advice, but if you guys are in a good relationship as friends, just tell him exactly how you feel and let him decide what he wants to do with it. If not, than at least try to show him you don't like it... guys tend to do pretty stupid things sometimes without even realizing... we tend to do some really stupid stuff quite often .
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100 / F / Ozone
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Posted 12/24/12
Right-not cheating,but he took advantage of your friendship and feelings for him,and was not honest in the fact that he was not seriously pursuing his relationship with you.It could be he just happened to meet someone who really struck him.However it was totally cowardly and inconsiderate to let you find out in the manner you did.If he couldn't be a good friend ,he won't cut it as a boyfriend.Just don't feel sorry for him if he comes to cry on your shoulder.It appears you were the only one who knew how to act like a friend.
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29 / M / england
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Posted 12/24/12

VintageVengeance wrote:

I wouldn't categorize it as cheating.
But. That is a pretty dick move. I'm sorry that's happened to you.


I'll have to agree with that. I mean if he did see you as just a friend then I'm sure he would have told you about this girl before she became his girlfriend or at the very least when she did. Sorry things turned out like that.
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25 / M / Sydney, Australia
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Posted 12/24/12
It sounds to me like he's a player... or he didn't feel that way for you.
-Paul- 
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Posted 12/24/12
So he was flirting with you the past 2 weeks? Or were you just Friends after your last date? Cause im guessing he felt friend zoned and then he doesn't really have to tell you who hes talking to. Unless you guys became super best friends and it was a jerk move that he didn't tell you about this girl he was talking to.. otherwise im sorry it didnt work out. Also are you her friend to, why did she come to you and tell you?
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24 / M / Norway
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Posted 12/24/12
Unless your Facebook status displays "In a relationship", it doesn't count as cheating.
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20 / M
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Posted 12/24/12 , edited 12/24/12

dragonroo wrote:

Sorry if this is a duplicate topic, but I could not find any posts about cheating that were not locked.
I have known this guy for a year and a half. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. At first, he said he wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be something more later down the road. We went on several dates in this time period, but he did not say anything else about changing the status of our relationship. Last night, I found out he has an official girlfriend...from the other woman. It has been going on for two weeks. The worst part is that I had to sit around with him and pretend I was having a good time just minutes after finding out. I confronted him about it today and he confirmed it in a matter-of-fact sort of way. I am devastated, and I feel like he cheated on me.
Is it cheating to lead someone on for a year, than not tell them you are in another relationship?
Please be nice to the people who post.


This has to be up to you. He might not see anything wrong with it, but it clearly hurt you. It's that simple. What you want to do with it is the real question.
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65 / M
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Posted 12/24/12 , edited 12/24/12
I don't know man...if it took 1 year and half and no progress then I don't really consider it cheating. You guys aren't even GF/BF at that stage but it is a dick move on his part though. lol

I'd say he's being smart, kinda like how girls monkey ranch from guys to guys.
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F / Montana US
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Posted 12/24/12

-Paul- wrote:

So he was flirting with you the past 2 weeks? Or were you just Friends after your last date? Cause im guessing he felt friend zoned and then he doesn't really have to tell you who hes talking to. Unless you guys became super best friends and it was a jerk move that he didn't tell you about this girl he was talking to.. otherwise im sorry it didnt work out. Also are you her friend to, why did she come to you and tell you?


He was flirting with me until two weeks ago. Now he is mostly ignoring me, except for the night that she told me. See, he works at this bar. It was really slow, so he texted me to come out. He ignored me for the whole night while I had to talk and drink with his girlfriend ( a fact I did not know until an hour after getting there). Yes, I do know this girl. She has a reputation for...well, you know. She came to me because she knew how I felt about him and that I did not know.
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35 / M / Northern California
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Posted 12/24/12 , edited 12/24/12
The way you describe it makes it sound like you moved into friends with benefits territory with him, rather than into a committed relationship.

I'm not remotely trying to justify his actions - I still think what he did was a dick move. My speculation: In his head, that might be where he thought you two were, and that it was allowed for him to consider pursuing someone else. Regardless of his reason(s) it's a dick move to not be upfront about it, and cowardly to (for lack of better phrasing) "expect" for you to not find out somehow.

EDIT: Oh, I see that he did want you to find out, but he chose a really low class way to do it. He had her tell you, instead of doing it himself.
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33 / M / Texas
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Posted 12/24/12
Nope that's just fun. Also it's called college. Sorry to say but people are assholes.
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