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Is it cheating to lead someone on?
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M / Northeast
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Posted 12/24/12

dragonroo wrote:

Sorry if this is a duplicate topic, but I could not find any posts about cheating that were not locked.
I have known this guy for a year and a half. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. At first, he said he wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be something more later down the road. We went on several dates in this time period, but he did not say anything else about changing the status of our relationship. Last night, I found out he has an official girlfriend...from the other woman. It has been going on for two weeks. The worst part is that I had to sit around with him and pretend I was having a good time just minutes after finding out. I confronted him about it today and he confirmed it in a matter-of-fact sort of way. I am devastated, and I feel like he cheated on me.
Is it cheating to lead someone on for a year, than not tell them you are in another relationship?
Please be nice to the people who post.


I'm confused, if you liked him, how come you didn't ask him sooner? I'm reading a year and a half…

Anyway, never know what will happen. Keep your head up!
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26 / F / Canada
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Posted 12/24/12
If he and you were doing a friends thing for a bit and going on dates everyonce in a while but not in a relationship it wouldnt have been considered cheating but since he did get a girlfriend and did not inform you that he is dating someone now and acting like he is still single to hook up with you then Yes I believe he is cheating not only on you but on the other girl who has to deal with this as well what I say is dont hate the girl who was his girlfriend hate the guy for he is the one who did it the poor girl probably didnt know what he was doing either but leave that rat in the dust
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Posted 12/24/12
From the way you explained things, not only did he know how you felt (how else would his girlfriend know how you felt about him unless you told her yourself) but he probably was waiting around for this girl to become available. I can see why you see it as cheating, you had really strong feelings for him. He, unfortunately, obviously was seeing it only as "friends with benefits" so in his eyes he never really cheated. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but if he stated that he wanted to be friends with it escalating to something more serious later down the road, that should have set off bells and whistles warning you he was looking just get laid until someone else came along. I truly am sorry some jackass hurt you like this but you must move on. Besides Karma's a b and if this girl has a reputation she might also have something else ( like the clap or genital warts).
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Posted 12/24/12

dragonroo wrote:

Sorry if this is a duplicate topic, but I could not find any posts about cheating that were not locked.
I have known this guy for a year and a half. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. At first, he said he wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be something more later down the road. We went on several dates in this time period, but he did not say anything else about changing the status of our relationship. Last night, I found out he has an official girlfriend...from the other woman. It has been going on for two weeks. The worst part is that I had to sit around with him and pretend I was having a good time just minutes after finding out. I confronted him about it today and he confirmed it in a matter-of-fact sort of way. I am devastated, and I feel like he cheated on me.
Is it cheating to lead someone on for a year, than not tell them you are in another relationship?
Please be nice to the people who post.


Its not cheating on you but it is vary wrong he was keeping you for a backup girlfriend. It could be cheating on his girlfriend. don't worry about it he is scum your find some one worth your time and worth giving you his time. advice if a guy keeps telling you maybe later you will date to stay friends he plans on keeping you as just friends or a backup girlfriend or friends who sleep together. so just leave him in the dust.
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Posted 12/24/12
No its not cheating when you lead someone on. Its caled being an @sshole.
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35 / M / Northern California
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Posted 12/24/12

Evil00007 wrote:

No its not cheating when you lead someone on. Its caled being an @sshole.


Heh, the two concepts are not mutually exclusive, and there is often overlap between them.
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Posted 12/25/12
I would like to thank the people who have posted so far. Your insight had helped me feel better about the situation. Believe it or not, my local culture would see me as the one at fault because I did not force him to be my boyfriend already (that's Montana for you). I felt like it was my fault, that I did not do enough to make him mine. Your posts helped me see that I have nothing to be regretful about, and I am better for knowing. Thank you.
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Posted 12/25/12

dragonroo wrote:

I would like to thank the people who have posted so far. Your insight had helped me feel better about the situation. Believe it or not, my local culture would see me as the one at fault because I did not force him to be my boyfriend already (that's Montana for you). I felt like it was my fault, that I did not do enough to make him mine. Your posts helped me see that I have nothing to be regretful about, and I am better for knowing. Thank you.


Be glad that you got away when you did. Cheating would be easy for a guy like him.

I happen to be a bit old fashioned and do consider leading a girl on as a form of cheating.
I have never done that and never will. Its part of my personal value system. I do know how it feels.
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22 / F / CA
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Posted 12/25/12
He must be crazy not to ask you out!
He just needs to grow up. I'm sure that you're a very BEAUTIFUL person.
Any guy would fall head over heels for you. Fighting~

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Posted 5/26/13
Spring forum cleaning! To keep the forums neat and tidy we only keep 6 months worth of threads since its May 26, 2013 [5/26/13] we will keep only keep posts open from December 26, 2012 [12/26/12]. Please feel free to recreate any thread closed, as long as someone else didn't open another similar one before you.
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Posted 5/26/13

dragonroo wrote:

Sorry if this is a duplicate topic, but I could not find any posts about cheating that were not locked.
I have known this guy for a year and a half. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. At first, he said he wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be something more later down the road. We went on several dates in this time period, but he did not say anything else about changing the status of our relationship. Last night, I found out he has an official girlfriend...from the other woman. It has been going on for two weeks. The worst part is that I had to sit around with him and pretend I was having a good time just minutes after finding out. I confronted him about it today and he confirmed it in a matter-of-fact sort of way. I am devastated, and I feel like he cheated on me.
Is it cheating to lead someone on for a year, than not tell them you are in another relationship?
Please be nice to the people who post.



Technically not cheating but a very serious dick move for a guy (or girl) to pull. He's playing the field and I know that if he's doing this to you, he'll be doing it to others as well. This "official" woman needs to let him go before she's used in this very manner too.

He's a huge red flag and you're better off without this git.
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21 / M
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Posted 5/26/13
Hmmm. This sorta thing happened to me.I'm the boring type of guy who thinks b4 he acts unconsciously. I didin't notice at first. But let's say I also openly make it clear that I don't look for a relationship.So in the end I caught the person for trying to make me jealous.

I won't call it cheating. But it's far from honorable imo.
Never been in a relationship. So let's just say I can sympathize
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33 / F / North Pole
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Posted 5/26/13
you've got played : ( Sry sweets
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32 / M / US
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Posted 5/26/13 , edited 5/26/13
Dating is dating. It is all fair game until one of you declares loyalty.

He TOLD YOU that he wanted to be friends, maybe more later. He never said otherwise. He seems like he was telling you the truth the whole time. You weren't hurt because he was cruel to you, you were hurt because you expected more.

I was always taught that casual dating was just that -- casual. It used to be, back in the day, that "going steady" was a big deal. Being exclusive usually meant a courtship was potentially leading to marriage. Nowadays teeny-boppers go on two dates and call it "cheating" when one looks a different direction. That isn't cheating on the part of the casual dater, it is possessiveness on the part of the clingy ones. Serial monogamy is not monogamy.

My grandfather always said, "You've gotta try em all to find out which ones you really like." That is what dating is for. Being friendly, hanging out, or even a few dates do NOT make a person "yours" and when they go elsewhere it is not cheating. That is dating. That is experiencing life so that when the time comes you will know with whom you do want to settle down. This difference in attitude is part of the reason that divorce rates are so high. People used to date around and find a good match, not just go out, get married, and get divorced if it didn't work.

So stop complaining. He told you the truth from day one. YOU assumed things, YOU wanted more than was offered and now YOU are hurting because of YOUR possessiveness. Grow up.
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24 / M / United States
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Posted 5/26/13

dragonroo wrote:

Sorry if this is a duplicate topic, but I could not find any posts about cheating that were not locked.
I have known this guy for a year and a half. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. At first, he said he wanted to be friends, but he wanted to be something more later down the road. We went on several dates in this time period, but he did not say anything else about changing the status of our relationship. Last night, I found out he has an official girlfriend...from the other woman. It has been going on for two weeks. The worst part is that I had to sit around with him and pretend I was having a good time just minutes after finding out. I confronted him about it today and he confirmed it in a matter-of-fact sort of way. I am devastated, and I feel like he cheated on me.
Is it cheating to lead someone on for a year, than not tell them you are in another relationship?
Please be nice to the people who post.


It happened to me as too after I was in a relationship with that person for a year and a half. It hurt for a long time so I can understand.
I'm sorry that you also had to experience something like that
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