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Would you want to know if you were cheated on?
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18 / M / Anywhere in the w...
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Posted 12/25/12
I rather want to know the truth to end the relationship
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20 / M / Finland
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Posted 12/25/12

Spazticus wrote:


Kuriya wrote:

In a way ignorance could be the best option... Yet in a way it could be the worst too. I can't myself decide which option would be better than the other.


In most ways that count (trust being broken, STIs, possible pregnancy, etc.) it's probably better to be aware of the facts, and the sooner the better. Because the longer it goes on without being made known, it can cause the person being cheated on to be hurt far worse, and they might even lose a great deal of self respect. Asking yourself questions like, "Why didn't I see the signs?" and so on after the fact. I can speak from personal experience on this one.


Excellent point! However If there'd be even a slight chance that the truth would never come out I think a thought of being ignorant might feel better. Well of course I have to admit that it's nearly impossible for me to internalize this kind of situation because I've got no personal experience of getting cheated, or as far as I know..

Even though I'm engaged with my girlfriend I cannot say for sure if I'm really just living in that ignorance.. But I rather not waste my wonderful time with her by doubting her. Doubting itself would cause pain for me and for her. So my relationship with her consist of trust and if some bad events (like cheating) come by I've got to deal the pain afterwards and bear it like a man.

And I'm sorry to hear that you've faced such an unpleasant experience.
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35 / M / Northern California
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Posted 12/25/12 , edited 12/25/12

Kuriya wrote:

Excellent point! However If there'd be even a slight chance that the truth would never come out I think a thought of being ignorant might feel better. Well of course I have to admit that it's nearly impossible for me to internalize this kind of situation because I've got no personal experience of getting cheated, or as far as I know..

Even though I'm engaged with my girlfriend I cannot say for sure if I'm really just living in that ignorance.. But I rather not waste my wonderful time with her by doubting her. Doubting itself would cause pain for me and for her. So my relationship with her consist of trust and if some bad events (like cheating) come by I've got to deal the pain afterwards and bear it like a man.

And I'm sorry to hear that you've faced such an unpleasant experience.


I agree with your point about doubt, with a slight twist. A very small amount of doubt in a relationship can be healthy, in my opinion. One shouldn't have faith so unshakeable that they can set themselves up to be abused, fail to think and act for themselves, or in effect become a co-dependent doormat. At the same time, that doubt shouldn't spring up without prior experiences to make a person reasonably wary. Trust issues stemming from previous relationships can preemptively harm the success of future relationships, for example. If they're still to the point where their issues will overshadow and consume future relationships, that person is not ready to move on, and shouldn't rebound with anyone. It'll just make things painful for the other people, and does nothing for their healing process.

Assuming someone is cheating without any evidence (or as it was in my case, being accused of cheating, while I was completely faithful, and she was the one cheating) just doesn't help matters. At worst, the accusation is true, and the relationship can end, or not, as the people involved prefer. At...I won't even use "best" here, the accusation is false, and trust is still broken, because the accusation was still made, and the implication may cast a shadow of doubt and resentment over the remainder of the relationship.

I suppose it also depends on what the doubts are in regard to, as well. If the question is about whether the person is faithful, it's of far greater magnitude than any of the little things, such as if they took care of their share of the cleaning that day, heh.
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24 / F / USA
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Posted 12/26/12
Tell me.
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F / Montana US
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Posted 12/26/12
It is better to know so you can move on and find someone better, preferably before you waste months or years chasing after a person who just was not that interested.
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23 / F
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Posted 12/26/12
Yes, I totally would... i would hate to be the girl getting cheated on looking stupid and so unaware of what my significant other was doing...
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20 / F / United States
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Posted 12/26/12
yes because i was cheated on once
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23 / M / Griffin GA
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Posted 12/26/12
always ask the questions you don't want to know
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28 / F / California
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Posted 12/26/12
The truth will set you free! I'd definitely want to know if my boyfriend was cheating. You honestly can't have a "happy", strong relationship if it's not built on TRUST & honesty. So I'd rather want to know up front and make my decision from there.
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20 / F / Wanderer in Texas
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Posted 12/26/12
I would like to know, I mean I wouldn't want to be living a lie. I never quite understood why someone would stay with their significant other if they're not happy. If you aren't happy, just break up with them. Why cheat? It is going to hurt them even worse.
Sharb8 
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23 / M / Los Angeles / Hun...
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Posted 12/27/12
I would like to know.
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16 / F / shioshishio ♥
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Posted 12/27/12
Of course I'd want to know. Then I'd end the relationship.
o v o
Koyu 
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Posted 12/27/12
I would definitely want to know, and then not long after, odds are I would break up with her. Even though in your example it would never happen again, it would still eat at me forever. Lets just say I didn't care that much that she cheated and we went on being happy. Id be so paranoid afterwards that I would never think about what she does the same way, I just wouldn't be able to trust her.

I wouldn't care if she said she was going to chuckee cheese. First thing that would pop into my head is she's gonna hook up with the mouse in the ball pit. Things just wouldn't be the same.
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34 / M
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Posted 12/27/12

iReflect12 wrote:

Of course I'd want to know. Then I'd end the relationship.
o v o

This logic is the exact reason why they will lie to you. Generally speaking anyone who's willing to tell you the truth without being caught beforehand is someone who genuinely feels guilty and very likely still considers your relationship to be of importance to them. Not saying things will work out but it behooves you to take stock of the entire relationship and have some serious discussion before making a knee jerk reaction. Just flat out giving the cheater the boot when they took a risk in telling you, just makes them regret their decision and in fact makes you a contributor in making someone a bigger douche bag as they WILL lie to someone if it happens again.

If my wife cheated on me and then told me about it, there's of course no way that the relationship would be unmarred and trust issues would of course spring up, but I would definitely base my judgement as to whether to continue to be with her based on more than just a kneejerk absolutest rule that I should call it off based on the transgression alone.

Yeah I'd like my wife to tell me if she cheated on me, but that's because I know that I'd rather take my chances with a relationship thats in a grey area than live in one thats black while being deluded that its white.
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25 / M / UofL; Louisville, KY
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Posted 12/27/12
I'd rather know the truth than play house.
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