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How to deal with a friend who ignores you?
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21 / M
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Posted 1/18/13
I've known my friend Matt for about 8 years. We've been friends since my early childhood. Growing up, we always spent a great deal of time hanging out together, making plans regularly, and just having a normal friendship. Things were never a problem. Fast forward to now.

Matt currently doesn't have a job. He's 19, unemployed, doesn't go to school, and essentially stays home and mooches off his parents. He spends most of his time playing video games and doesn't really have an excuse for anything. So the problem is, over the last year or so, he has started to shun me completely.

Basically, he doesn't respond to my text messages anymore. Doesn't respond to phone calls, and overall completely neglects our friendship. Whenever I ask him to hang out, he essentially ignores my texts, and then a few days later, he messages me saying "want to make plans?" and naturally, I always agree. We meet up, hang out and have a good time, and then we part ways, and he goes back to completely ignoring me all over again. It doesn't make any sense. He doesn't have anything going on his life, so obviously he's not "too busy" to return my messages. I seriously don't know what his problem is. When we're together, we have a great time.

Then when we part ways, the pattern begins all over again. It just doesn't make sense to me. He always has his phone on him. He is always texting when I'm around him. I don't think it's fair that I am always willing to give him the time of day, but when I occasionally want to talk to him or make plans, he just completely shuts me out.

Realistically yes, I can drop him as a friend, but I don't really have any other friends besides him, and I value my friendship with him so it would be difficult to drop him. But if he continues to just neglect our friendship like this and shun me, I wonder if I should bother. I am the only real-life friend he has. He doesn't hang out with anybody else, nor does he know anybody else locally. So for him to even shun his only friend, that just makes things even worse. Any advice?
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M / ???????? ?? ?????
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Posted 1/18/13
Hmmm.. That's a difficult one to try and respond to. I've been through such a few times over the years.

All I can say is, to me, friendship is a two way street.. not just something of convenience as seems to be happening.

One thing I could suggest is maybe trying to talk to him about it. Express yourself and how you feel. Sometimes people are oblivious to such.
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33 / M / The Universal Con...
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Posted 1/18/13
Just forget about them! Come on, man! It's not that hard!
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27 / M / Nowhere, MI
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Posted 1/18/13
Throw a brick through his window with a note tied to it demanding more of his time.
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33 / M / The Universal Con...
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Posted 1/18/13
^ LOL. Ha ha ha!
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27 / M / Gotham City
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Posted 1/18/13
Talk to him about it and open up a conversation.

If he still continues to disrespect you after you've talked to him, then ditch him.

You deserve better, and friendship, as has been stated above, is more than just association through convenience. Friends are supposed to be there for each other. It sounds more like he's treating you more like the equivalent of a friendship booty call, whenever he needs you he lets you know but other than that ignores you.
Posted 1/18/13
delete him......from your life ಠ_ಠ
Posted 1/18/13

zerogravity399 wrote:



Tbh, this is hard to respond to but I can relate to what you're experiencing right now. I think your friend is lazy to do so. He may be experiencing personal problems that he didn't want to share to you for now. Perhaps, maybe he's not ready to share it yet. I'm sure he'll share it soon. For now, letting him be is one good option. Wait for him to approach you. I understand how concern you are with him but it will be best if you wait for him. Why not try talk to him about this? I mean if you had the oppurtunity to hang out with him, try to bring this topic on the table.
Posted 1/18/13
It's just a phase, when you let other things take over your life that are essentially forms of escapism... I've played games and not bothered with school while ignoring friends while I had a girlfriend... He just might need more time out with friends. He probably doesn't even notice it's a problem, talk to him about it next time, It can only help you.
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25 / F / Georgia
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Posted 1/18/13

Winterfells wrote:

Talk to him about it and open up a conversation.

If he still continues to disrespect you after you've talked to him, then ditch him.

You deserve better, and friendship, as has been stated above, is more than just association through convenience. Friends are supposed to be there for each other. It sounds more like he's treating you more like the equivalent of a friendship booty call, whenever he needs you he lets you know but other than that ignores you.


↑ This is my answer. No true friend would ignore you until he wants something in my opinion. You can tell him how you feel about the way he's using you by the way.
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F / Urban South
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Posted 1/18/13
Don't be afraid to leave him alone for a while, or to turn him down when you have something better to do than watch him play with his phone. Just occasionally invite him to tag along when you're going to do something fun, and otherwise wait for him to get in contact with you, then decide whether or not it's worth your time to accept his invitation. It's not like he's your boyfriend; it's ok to ditch him sometimes to spend time with more interesting people. Either he'll pull his head out of his ass, or he won't.
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19 / F / Vancouver,British...
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Posted 1/18/13
Awww =(
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24 / M
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Posted 1/18/13
Maybe your friend is ashamed to face you? I've felt like that before, when everybody else that I know is going to school or getting a job and stuff. Whereas I spend all my time doing nothing at all. And maybe it's not that he wants to talk to you, but maybe he REALLY does have something to do other than respond to your text messages.
And now that you guys are out of high school (i'm assuming hopefully you guys are), friendships usually do follow this format. But it's not like you have to stop considering him a friend. It's possible that he just needs some time to work things out.
(Although it's not like i know your exact situation, but since he apparently doesnt have job, maybe he doesn't have the money to go hang out?)
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31 / M / Vancouver BC
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Posted 1/18/13
He sounds depressed, he maybe doesn't want to burden you or maybe he's found a person online he's connected to but brings him down in a way he doesn't realize, or maybe he feels the only thing he should do is distract himself to block out some pain.
If that the case, people dislike being snapped back to harsh reality and will be annoyed by interruptions. Not saying that you are doing anything wrong by trying to get him out and about.

Most people seem to say to discard him, and maybe that's what he seems to want.
But some people, when deeply depressed, they subconsciously sabotage their life. They will be rude, selfish and isolate themselves, and then when their friends abandon them, then they can say to their self, 'see I really am a shitty person, and so are all of the rest.' Which is a test to see if anyone beyond the parents are forgiving and compassionate. A brutal loyalty test.... not consciously done of course.
Maybe..

That's my 2 cents, since I don't know any real details about the situation. Have a complimentary grain of salt.

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19 / M / sleep
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Posted 1/18/13 , edited 1/18/13
Wao! I think you need to confess to your friend in front and ask him directly. Yes, DIRECTLY! this might sound hard, but somethings are more effective when said directly. now i can't really tell you what you need to say directly to him because i believe you are competent enough to know what to say.

Some possible reasons for your friend to take such action may be because of depression and depression sometimes can lead to isolation.

Hopefully this help, if it does not, i am sorry.
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